I've recently made the decision to diversify my writing a little and commit to spending this summer writing a novel. Over on Twitter, some people were kind enough to encourage that process and say I should publish and update similar as how I do for fanfic, and that they'd read along.
If anyone here is interested in following my original works, you can subscribe to my Substack, here.
Today, I shared the first chapter of my novel, here:
Below is the first draft of the first chapter of my work in progress novel "Lavender." It follows two couples that spend a week at a cottage
No pressure at all! Just thought I'd share and I appreciate anyone who checks it out.
This is going to be a very similar premise to my fic 'august' just in a different setting and with different characters.
hi everyone! i originally typed this up in response to an ask, but it ended up being so ridiculously long i had to make a separate post.
in case this reaches people outside of the heated rivalry fandom, i want to say that this list is first and foremost intended as an assist for fic writers and hollanov fans who are looking to make their writing more culturally/linguistically accurate for ilya. this will be tagged with hr fandom tags to reach that audience specifically.
disclaimer: although i am half-russian, a native russian speaker who grew up in russia and have a degree in both russian and english linguistics, please keep in mind that this is MY linguistic experience and MY linguistic interpretation of the words in this list. this is not in any way intended to be serious academic analysis. other natives might disagree on the semantics and use of the words featured, but if this happens to be the case, i ask you to express your disagreement kindly and respectfully so that we can have a civil discussion. additionally, i do not care about the dictionary and what academic linguistic spaces have to say. i am a linguist that firmly rejects the rigidity of language and base my interpretation on active, living use from speakers of various ages and from various russian-speaking regions. i do not care what is correct, i care about how people actually speak.
apologies if the notes on certain words are a bit scattered, this took me forever. anyone is free to ask further questions in the comments.
the words featured are in russian alphabetical order. there will be transliterations, but no phonetic transcriptions because i find people don’t care much for those.
булочка (bulochka) = little bun/pastry. used to express how cute/adorable someone is. ex: ‘он такая булочка!’ (on takaya bulochka) = 'he’s such a little bun!' sometimes used in conjunction with the adjective 'сладкая' (sladkaya), which is fem. for sweet. this might just be my impression, but i feel like this word is used online more often than in real life, although i have heard some people refer to their partners as such. not strictly romantic, can be used by friends or family.
бусинка (businka) = little bead (?). this one is hard to give a literal translation for. etymologically, it is the affectionate form of the word 'бусина' (busina), which refers to an individual bead on a necklace (usually pearl necklace). semantically, this word is used to refer to someone who is sweet/cute/adorable. because of its association with jewellery, it can also imply that the person you are describing is precious in some way. possibly applicable to romantic partners, but i have mostly heard this used by women to refer to young women (daughter, sister, relative).
дорогой (dorogoy) = dear/darling. pretty self explanatory. the other meaning of this word is ‘expensive’, which creates the additional connotation that the person you are using it on is very important/precious to you. mostly used between romantic partners, but there are contextually determined exceptions that i don’t feel the need to get into here.
детка (detka) = baby. regarded as the direct translation of the english word. this is how it’s translated in song lyrics, for example. has a slightly sexual connotation. mostly used in a playful/unserious manner. usually only applicable to women, but because this word is not often used seriously in romantic relationships, i will not examine the social implications of that lol.
душа моя (dusha moya) = my soul. note that the first-person possessive pronoun comes after the noun. doing the reverse is not grammatically incorrect, but i find this sounds more natural. honestly this is more than a little old-fashioned, and an expression you might hear in period pieces, but i find it so beautiful and romantic that I decided to include it. not exclusively romantic, like most russian petnames. possible to hear from family or a very close friend, but romantic use is more common in this case, i’d say.
драгоценный (dragotsennyi) = precious. etymologically refers to jewels and metals. rarely used on its own, usually with a first-person possessive pronoun (moy). in this case, i would place it before, though, because it is an adjective. also more than a little old-fashioned, but i, personally, like to use it when i’m trying to play up how important someone is to me. i perceive this word as exclusively romantic.
ёжик (yozhik) = little hedgehog. my childhood nickname. there are multiple animal-derived petnames in russian, and they are often attributed based on a person’s similarities to a given animal. used commonly by family, friends and romantic partners alike. i’m including this one because i think it suits shane beautifully.
золотой (zolotoy) = golden/precious. 'золото' (zoloto) is gold, therefore 'zolotoy' is, effectively ‘made of gold’. a more serviceable translation would be ‘precious’. the semantic use in this case is the same as in english. i wouldn’t say this word is exactly old-fashioned, but i’ve mostly heard this being used as a term of endearment from older women towards children. it is still possible to encounter in romantic contexts. i don’t think this is used much amongst young people nowadays, but i really like it, so here, it’s included.
золотце (zolotse) = little golden/precious one. basically the noun form of the previous word. i mostly hear this used to refer to children, but there are other possibilities, and i personally think it can be turned romantic.
зай/зая/зайка/зайчик (zay/zaya/zayka/zaychik) = bunny/little bunny. all of these are variations of the same word, with 'zay' and 'zaya' being shortened forms. one of the most common petnames in use. both platonic (among friends) and romantic. i’d also like to add that 'zay' and 'zaya' are platonic terms of endearment primarily used by women to refer to other women. because of that, sometimes the words ‘zay’ and ‘zaya’ are looked down upon, but i hear it so often i find it important to affirm that there’s nothing wrong with them at all, and dismissing them is a product of misogyny. men also use these words, but only to refer to a romantic interest.
зайчонок (zaichonok) = little bunny. just another common form of the previous word. this one is more strictly romantic, in my opinion.
котёнок (kotenok) = little kitten. exclusively romantic. i don’t know if everyone would agree on this, but because this is one of the most common petnames used in romantic relationships, i feel like it immediately implies a desire/expectation for romantic commitment. when i see this being used by ilya in hollanov fanfic im always like huh he’s so in love isn’t he…
крольчонок (krol’chonok) = little bunny. just a variation. comes from the word 'кролик' (krolik), which is rabbit, rather than bunny. i get the impression this one is a lot more rare than 'zaychik' and its variants.
крошка/кроха (kroshka/kroha) = baby/little one. i hear this mostly in straight relationships which is why it kinda gives me a bad vibe, but i decided to include it just for the sake of it. 'kroshka' can come across as cringe, especially to younger people, so i wouldn’t personally recommend to use this. just know it exists.
любимый (lyubimy) = beloved. i am immensely satisfied whenever i see this used for hollanov, because it is by far the best word for romantic partners. not only is it beautiful, but it also implies deep commitment to the person you’re saying it to. very very common in use. i would say it’s a bit strange to use this word for pre-relationship hollanov, because you will likely only say it when you’re officially a couple. even if you’re trying to show that ilya is already gone for shane, this word is so intimate i would advise to pick a different petname for such scenarios.
лапочка/лапушка/лапуля (lapochka/lapushka/lapulya) = doesn’t have a literal translation, but the closest thing is sweethear or cutie. refers to someone who is sweet/cute/adorable/pretty/charming. i use this word a lot when trying to express that i find someone to be charming or endearing. semantically, this word is most comparable to the use of ‘cutie’ in english.
любовь моя (lyubov’ moya) = my love. comes across as a little dramatic, but i think it would work well for ilya specifically. sounds best with the first-person possessive pronoun following the noun.
милый (milyi) = sweetheart. used interchangeably with darling (дорогой) and beloved (любимый).
малыш (malysh) = baby. unlike 'detka', this is actually commonly used in romantic relationships. i mostly hear this amongst younger people, therefore some might say it has a childish connotation (like a word used exclusively in teenage relationships), but i don’t necessarily agree. it’s also gender neutral.
маленький (malen’kyi) = little one. works best with possessive pronouns, in both positions. i hear this used most often when trying to offer comfort to a partner, like after a long day, for example. can also be used to refer to a child.
мышонок (myshonok) = little mouse.
нежный (nezhnyi) = soft/gentle one. works best with possessive pronouns, but nowadays, people also use it as a stand-alone compliment. because of this semantic shift, it can also mean things like beautiful, gorgeous, etc. in this context, can be used platonically. for example, one of my best friends calls me ‘нежная конфетка’ (nezhnaya konfetka), which is soft/gentle/pretty little candy. now, normally, this wouldn’t work, but with the current semantic shift, it does. in romantic contexts, i find it to be very intimate. describes your partner as someone infinitely tender.
пупсик (pupsik) = little one/baby. oof this one is hard to explain. the word ‘пупс’ (pups) usually refers to newborn baby dolls (im sorry, i have no idea what they’re called in english), but can also designate an actual living baby. 'pupsik' is the affectionate form of said word. i would say that semantically, this describes someone who is either adorable like a baby, or pretty like a doll, or both. sometimes used in romantic relationships, but i’ve heard many people find it embarrassing. personally, i find the word can be playful, and often use it when talking about someone i am attracted to. because the grammatical gender of the word is masculine, i mostly use it towards men, but it’s not impossible to use it to refer to a woman.
рыбка (rybka) = little fish. a little old-fashioned, i mostly hear this from older women towards children. one of my grandmothers used to call me this, often with a possessive pronoun (рыбка моя = my little fish).
радость моя (radost’ moya) = my joy. some natives might say this is old-fashioned and overly dramatic and to be fair, it is, but i actually don’t care. it works well to express when you feel deeply committed and attached to someone. not exclusively romantic, can be used by family and very close friends.
родной (rodnoy) = my blood/my home/my own. this really doesn’t have an english equivalent, unfortunately, so the best thing to do would be to explain it semantically. this word designates someone you feel such kinship and closeness with they’ve become part of you — your blood, your family, someone that your heart calls to. this can be used for family, but the meaning is especially powerful when referring to friends or a romantic partner — by using this word, you’re indicating to the person that they’re an incredibly important part of you and you are intrinsically linked. kind of like soulmates? fairly common in use, especially in committed romantic relationships.
сладкий (sladkiy) = sweet/sweetheart. i mentioned this adjective at the beginning of the list, but it can also function as a stand-alone petname, both with and without possessive pronouns. has slightly flirtatious undertones and refers to someone you find deeply attractive.
солнце/солнышко (solntse/solnyshko) = sun/little sun. one of the most common petnames in use, with ‘solnyshko’ being the affectionate form of ‘solntse’. can be used by anyone: friends, family, romantic partners. i use ‘solntse’ or ‘solnyshko’ to refer to almost all of my close friends, it’s a pretty general term of endearment. because ‘solntse’ doesn’t necessarily imply romantic commitment, like ‘lyubimyi’ does, for instance, i think this is the best petname to use for early hollanov. some people might disagree, but this is just how i see it. ‘solnyshko’ is a little more emotionally intimate, and also often used by mothers to refer to their children.
умница/умничка (umnitsa/umnichka) = smart one. very common in use, but very hard to translate/adapt into english. you would usually say this to a patner/friend/family member after they’ve successfully accomplished a task or after a day of hard work. something like ‘good job’, but expressed in a single word.
мой хороший (moy horoshyi) = my good one/my darling. very general term of endearment. can be used without the possessive pronoun when talking about someone who isn’t present or when giving a compliment (to a celebrity, for example). honestly, it can mean anything: pretty, attractive, smart, charming, etc. really depends on the context and who you’re talking to/about. in romantic contexts, i often hear this used with the interjection ‘ути’ (ooti), which is kind of like the english ‘aww’. can be used to comfort.
чудо (chudo) = miracle. works best with possessive pronouns or in sentences like ‘ты моё чудо’ (ty moe chudo = you’re my miracle). doesn’t have to be exclusively romantic, can be used to express gratitude similarly to how we use ‘you’re an angel’ in english. in romantic contexts, i find it can be very intimate.
there you go! this list is not exhaustive by far, i simply included words that i have heard used around me or words that i personally use.
For my 118th trick... here are chapters 1 & 2 out of 12 for this Evan Buckley & the Coma-Verse of Madness sequel. Updates weekly :)
Summary:
Four years after a coma that sent Buck on a multi-versal quest leaving him with a renewed purpose and desire to live, Buck once again finds himself in mortal peril when he and Bobby are caught in yet another lightning-related accident.
OR: the direct sequel (not spin-off) to Evan Buckley & the Coma-Verse of Madness
Snippet:
Buck knows, or at least he suspects, that there could be other universes where he has died. Where he took a bullet otherwise for Eddie. Where his life led him down different, more tragic paths. He suspects that there are universes, probably, where all the different people he loves have died. He’s seen some of them. He just can’t be sure whether those were real or a figment of a comatose brain.
What he doesn’t know, what he couldn’t know, is that in the majority of universes, he isn’t dead. He survives impossible things. In the majority of universes, death refuses him, again and again.
2o for witch!Eddie omfg I wanna finish before Halloween I will do it
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Buck follows, always.
“Hey, what does that mean?” Eddie tucks his hands under his arms, squeezing himself to feel pressure. He bows his head, desperate to avoid Buck’s eyes. He could never resist him, especially when his eyes stared into his soul.
He swipes at his eyes, tears still flooding his eyes.
“Buck, please. I can’t tell you.”
“You can tell me anything, I promise.” Buck’s hands come to his shoulders, thumbs stroking his skin under his shirt. His resolve cracks. Shatters under the watchful gaze of his best friend. He’s unable to put himself together before the truth comes tumbling out of his mouth.
“When you were struck by lightning–” He hears Buck suck in a sharp breath and tighten his grip on Eddie’s shoulders. “When you were struck by lightning, I tried to bring you back to life.”
He still can’t look at Buck in his eyes, heart clenching in his chest.
“I know, Eddie. Hen told me you did CPR.”
He shakes his head, sharp and fast. “No, before you came down from the ladder. I tried to restart your heart from the ground.
i have so so busy this past month I have had literally zero time to write, but im hoping to finish my witch eddie fic before halloween so im working hard on it!
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14 for witch eddie
Buck’s face shatters, his eyebrows deeply furrowed. Eddie jumps as Buck tugs him into a tight hug, tucking his face into Eddie’s neck. They sit there for a few seconds before Buck pulls away, holding his shoulders with a tight grip. This thumb rests on Eddie’s pulse, stroking the skin by his collar.
“Nothing about you is wrong, Eddie.” Eddie crumples into him, resting his head against his chest, sturdy and warm. “You fix me every day.”
He shakes his head, bracing as a hand comes and rests in his hair.
“I couldn’t– I couldn’t fix you when you needed me to. I wasn’t strong enough.” The words slip out of him like water. “I’m so sorry, Buck.”
He feels a hand on his chin, lifting his eyes to meet blue ones. There’s a puzzled look on his face, not quite piecing together the story Eddie is telling him. Eddie stands to escape the question he knows is coming.
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20 for maddie and buck
Maddie is 17 years old when she asks her parents for custody of her younger brother. He is 8 years old and her favorite person in the whole world. He loves Spider-Man and Legos. He’s lost a few baby teeth and Maddie always leaves him a few dollars under his pillow. Her manager at the research lab she works at after school will let him sit with her when his parents can’t pick him up.
She’s been doing detailed research for about a year now, about Pennsylvania custody laws and sibling adoptions. The law isn’t clear when it comes to parents who are still alive, but she has to ask. The earlier she plants the idea in their heads, the better chance she has to convince them over the next year before she turns 18.
She printed out documents from the public library for them, essays on child development and emotional abuse. Papers on sibling adoption and guardianship. She watches as her father flips through the stack of information with a frown on his face. Her mother has a hand over her mouth and tears in her eyes.
“What is this, Maddie? We aren’t giving you custody of your brother.” Her father bites out at her.
Your brother. Never Evan. They can’t even say his name.
“I’m asking you to think about it. You don’t have to decide right now, but think about it. If you relinquish legal and physical custody of him to me when I turn 18, I can take him with me to college. Enroll him in school wherever I end up.”
Her heart is racing in her chest, sweat pooling on her palms. She feels sick to her stomach.
“Maddie, you have your whole life ahead of you. Don’t throw it away for him.”
I am currently trying to get through my very short collection of fics I'm working on and would love some motivation!
So, in my ask box, send any number of emoji and I'll write you sentences. Currently I'll max out at 350 words and each emoji is 2 sentences ish. So 3 emojis would be 6 sentences etc.
🐈⬛ Witch!Eddie finding a black cat and magic as a metaphor
📍 A Maddie and Buck story that brings them around the country
Thats all I got for now, I'm really hoping to get a big chunk of these done this week!!
Not that I needed a new project, but here we go... I sometimes get comments about characterization in my fics or I see debate on the TL and it peaks my formerly academic curisosity, so I decided on a little episode-by-episode character analysis project.
For every episode of 9-1-1 (taking as long as I need to because there are many for as long as I have steam) I will do a character-based episode breakdown, recording everything we learn about the characters plus possible interpretations.
There will be a Google doc that breaks it down per episode:
Hello! Welcome to my 9-1-1 Character Guide. The purpose for this is to have an easy place for creators to search and reference character det
A spreadsheet that compiles everything:
And then I did a goofy little discussion for episode one, and I plan on doing it for the rest, too:
I have no idea when or if this will ever be complete, but I needed to exercise it from my soul. Hopefully you find it interesting!
Finishing out these asks with Cal bc of course. 26 for you my dear
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Evan’s cries are mellowing out, more scared than actually injured. His little hand has a grip on Maddie’s hair, twisting it as he hiccups. The pain of him tugging on her scalp makes her alert, on edge to their mother’s biting words.
“You know he’s not supposed to be riding that bike. You should’ve been more responsible, Maddie.” The words cut deep. Maddie has been responsible for Evan since he was born.
7 pounds, 7 ounces. A perfect baby with a pink birthmark above his eye. Maddie and Daniel would kiss it over and over again, the perfect target for their lips. He would giggle as they took turns, telling him he was a perfect, angel baby. Daniel would say that God sent him Evan, a brother, because he knew that he needed someone to play with when he beat cancer.
They never played together outside of the hospital.
“Mom, it was an accident. Just let me clean off his knees.”
“Fine. Don’t make a mess.” Her whole life is a mess. She leaves the room, leaving Maddie alone with Evan. As soon as their mom is gone, he goes still in her arms, little body sagging like he was a puppet with its strings cut.
“I’m sorry, Maddie.” His voice is shaky, like he’s been holding his breath for two minutes. Maddie wouldn’t have blamed him. She kisses the side of his head, rocking him back and forth like she did when he was much younger.
“Don’t you worry, Evan.” She sets him down on the table, watching as he fidgets with his fingers, picking at the skin around his nails. “Like I said. Accidents happen.”
If she puts him down, will she ever pick him back up?
Their mom is at the kitchen table and sees them walk inside. Her face pinches into a tight frown. Evan is still crying in her lap, face tucked into her neck, salty tears wetting her collar.
“Oh, Maddie. What did he do?” She tuts as Maddie rubs his back, soothing him as he cries. He tightens his grip on her shirt when she moves to set him down.
“He fell off his bike.” Their mother stands up and goes to grab him from her arms. Evan cries out, squeezing her waist with his legs. Maddie shakes her head at her mother, holding him tighter and tighter. She wants to tuck him in between her rib cage to keep him safe, to make sure no harm will come to him.
Her mother looks at the two of them, Maddie and Evan, and twists her face into something akin to a snarl.
thank you for your intrigue :) 10 for maddie and buck
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Rot would eat at the roots of her brother, of the tree inside of her.
She has another brother that they don’t talk about. Daniel James Buckley. He loved when the leaves changed colors in the fall. So does Evan Michael Buckley.
Maddie is 15 and Evan is 6 when he tells her that he wishes she were his mom.
His bright blue eyes shine with tears after he falls off his bike, knee scraped and palms red from catching himself. She pulls him into her chest, his head resting next to her heart and the tree. She rocks him gently before kissing his forehead and carries him inside. He’s getting too big for this, but she can’t seem to stop.
