#noxrambles

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Needing to get some vent stuff out and wanted to blab into the buzzing void called here-

Out of all the problems the world and my life has the silly thing that has been eating at me and my self worth the most is the fact that lads- I am just. Not. Horny. I'm not horny enough to think of wild illustrations, I don't crave situations (even in a kink sense) that would help me do my job. Why bother joining a merch company when all they want is for a product that will make someone thirsty and I'm sittin here like 'Can't X and Y just be cute together?' When I built my 'brand' on what I have and yet I have so much story and plot that is feels unrelated despite me knowing it's not and I know the end game and sdhjfg- That's not to say I DON'T have ideas and I DON'T have 'horny/kinky/NSFW' ideas and plans to come. I just... don't have it in me to dish that stuff out on the daily... or weekly or even monthly all the time... I'm not the cool asexual that doesn't have sex themselves but 'knows everything' and is 'dirty minded' and etc. etc. etc.... I'm just a very normie, sex-repulsed, horny-lacking asexual who has a real hard time understanding social norms and wtf horny even is. So I'm just trying my best and thinkin real hard to do something unique with hints of those fun fattie moments because I do weirdly love the community and the aspects of everyone and everything in it. Just fuckin DANG is the imposter syndrome strong tonight.

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I've gotten my posts up so regularly for the last 5 years that any time I don't post before 3pm EST I get multiple anon messages asking if I'm ok . _ . All is well ya'll, the posts will always come!

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Are you sending in dinner any time soon, or??

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Bro the ai shit leaking into every facet of our lives is going to drive me insane. Insta-block if you generate anything, insta-block if you reblog that slop. Don't care if it's art, IRL people, videos, fuck all of it.

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How are so many people unapologetically able to just... spill their soul and guts about themselves and their mind and body while also posting their work and art and passions?

Idk why but it always felt like it was something I had to separate- maybe that's just my multiple phobias talking asfghfdg maybe I'll open up one day idk but it seems unnecessary and silly and yet...

Dang, I'm so proud and jealous and excited for people who just wear their whole identity on their sleeves, go fuckin you! /gen You people are amazing~

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When I see fuckin a/i ass food pics and people just rebloggin it around can you be more blind Dx People using the same images in their banners and stuff. I want to block you but I also am 90% sure you can't tell and it makes me MAD AND SAD.

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I'm curious, what appeals to you about feederism and fat fetish as an asexual person? Before finding out you're asexual, I assumed that fetish content would do nothing for an asexual person, and now I want to understand how that works for you. Because I can't imagine feeling an enjoyment for this type of art separate from my own sexual feelings.

To be clear, I do believe you about your identity. I'm not questioning you to challenge you or argue or anything, I just want to understand how this works.

SO many asexuals are in this community my dude. And so many people are in this community that don't feel sexual about it. For example, Finn, one of my main characters, feels nothing sexual towards his own gaining journey. He wants to be big, soft, chubby, enjoy good food and all that for the sake of feeling comfortable in his own skin.

I'm the same, I have zero sexual attraction to... anyone or anything. That doesn't mean I can't enjoy those same thoughts and experiences I stated above for Finn. But I know everyone, like you, isn't like that. Which is why a lot of the characters will be used to explore the other feelings and aspects I've heard from others, seen, etc. related to gaining, feedism, body acceptance- even fatphobia and the abusive side that the community is trying to rise above. I want to cover it all through the lens of the story I created.

[tastescomics]

Personal Update

This is not comic/posting/etc news! But for those of you that have been worried about me, asking me things, trying to talk to me over the last few months, I hope this clears some stuff up. I will not be going into deeper detail than what is written below. ___________________

I haven't been as active as I have wanted, I've been getting by, getting art and projects done, but my head hasn't really been here. Not for my friends or readers, not as much as I would like. I've been through a lot in the last 8-9 months. I have been gaslit and told things opposite of what I thought were true of people that were close to me. I lost trust I had with another, I lost any feelings of safety or security I would have for myself and my husband. Maybe I was foolish to put my life in the hands of someone else's. But I was told it would be safe. How wrong that was. For months I've had anxiety attacks, breakdowns, blackouts. And while that's normal for me, happening a few times DAILY isn't. All because someone decided to live in their own reality instead of the one that was real and true. All because of their white lies that piled up so high they couldn't see that they had friends and love and care. All those feelings are gone. I can't be around someone who destroys good in their and others lives. I haven't shared this until now because I don't like mixing life and work. You don't need or want to hear of my daily struggles. That, and I have been stalked online by them despite everyone agreeing to keep a distance after the fallout between us occurred. If they hated me, wanted me to leave, wanted me to die, then why are they still following me? Listening to me? Stalking my sites and private accounts and listening to me as they creep quietly down the halls of our home? Now that I have finally moved apartments, no longer living with them, and have the chance to breathe, I'm just a bit less scared to say it all. And if 'THEY' see this? Then that continues to prove my point that they don't know what reality they are in. Between using their friends and making fake accounts to hunt me down to see what I am saying and posting, it's getting tiring and ridiculous... I won't be 100% for a while, I'm still not, this message was originally written for private supporters a month ago and I'm still struggling. It's why I haven't spoken much to my friends and followers and supporters beyond comments for appearances. But I promise to keep working for you all. You are the reason I have purpose in myself. These stories and characters and connections between us gives me so much life. And despite all that's been happening, I love and thank you all. ✦ Nox