“Please don’t make me socialize.” Not as Simple Sans and Alphys, perhaps?
skdjfhsdjhfg I’m sorry I couldn’t take this seriously I spent the whole time chortling while writing this.
When Alphys comes to him with wide eyes and a hopeful grin, phone clutched between her fingers in a way that suggests with fair certainty she’s either sitting on an e-vite, or trying to plan some sort of event, Sans sighs, long and low, and prays for the mercy of a convenient sentient slime (again) to derail this conversation before it can begin.
“So I was thinking—“
“Please don’t make me socialize.” He says, cutting her off before she can get going, and clutching his book close to his chest as if she might snatch it from him and force him to move.
Alphys pouts pointedly, crossing her arms. “Y-You didn’t even know what I was going to say!”
“You’re going to try and get me to do some ‘fun activity’ outside of the labs.” Sans deadpans, looking up to her from where he’s sitting and offering his equivalent of raising an eyebrow. “Not interested. Besides, the less time I spend in Undyne’s enlightened company, the better.”
“Undyne isn’t even coming to this.” Alphys says, rolling her eyes. “She has guard practice. Why do you think I’m asking you?”
“Oh, so I’m the backup option.” Sans snorts, flipping a page. “Lovely.”
“Sans!”
He groans loudly, flopping backwards and raising his book above his head. “I don’t want to go to a party, or to a book club meeting, or to the mall. I want to work.”
“It’s a movie.” Alphys grumbles, hands on her hips and glaring down at him. “And you can’t just live your life down here working twenty-four seven. It’s not healthy, you’re becoming like Gaster.” She blinks, and then raises a hand to her mouth to stifle a chuckle. “Oh my— Like father, like son.”
“Gaster’s not my father.” Sans says, checking the number of pages left in the chapter idly.
“Keep telling yourself that.”
“Oh my God.” He gives up, dropping his book and sitting up to stare at Alphys with imploring eyes. “What do you want?”
“For you to go to the movies with me!”
“Take someone else!”
“I don’t—“ Alphys huffs, flushing and ducking her head. “I don’t have anyone else to take, okay? I’ve only got you and Undyne, really, and she can’t come and— And I’ve already bought the tickets!” Sans blinks, staring with wide eyes, and Alphys looks away, fidgeting and clearly uncomfortable with the confession she just offered.
Despite himself, Sans softens, rolling his eyes but giving into the inevitable. “Alright fine.”
Alphys perks up instantly, looking to him with a hopeful expression. “Really?”
“Yeah, yeah.” He mumbles, recollecting his book and glaring at it. “But in exchange you’ve got to stop giving me shit about my supposed lack of a social life, got it?”
“…You have literally no friends though.”
“I have Wind!”
“Wind doesn’t count.”
“…I have Grillby!”
“He also doesn’t count.” Alphys says, and Sans prays for death.
“Why?”
“Because he’s clearly in love with you. It’s different.” She nods to herself. “I’ve read many romance mangas. I know these things, Sans, and—”
Sans screeches, grabbing a pillow off the couch and wrapping it around his head. “Lalala! I’m not listening!”
Alphys’s cackles carry her down the hall as she leaves, movie tickets in hand.