thank you @friendlytroll for making the Null Value AU! (or is it Null Error AU? IDK lol)
I used the first design I saw, so sorry if its outdated or anything!! also, I got a little lazy with it, so it's not everything I hoped it'd be. I'm sorry about that! the scene where Gordon becomes the boss really inspired me but it didnt include details of the fight, so I honestly didnt know what to do for the animation. still, I thought it'd be fun, and it was!
And, this only took like a week because my stylus broke.
“due to a programming quirk the Boss Value for Route One is the easiest to trigger“
sips my earl grey tea
Link to all other Null Value chapters
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“we should go back.”
Gordon paused to glance back at Benry, quirking his head a little as his hand-gun spun down, steaming slightly from the burst of fire he’d been laying down. For something like the last hour or so of making their way through Black Mesa, Benry had been kind of… lagging behind. Which. Gordon couldn’t exactly fault him for. Even with his hand… “fixed” Gordon had been running on fumes for hours. But benry didn’t really. Get tired?
At least. Not in all the time Gordon had known him. Who knew though, maybe every 9 months Benry had to actually sleep.
“...yea? One sec-” Gordon turned from Benry to the others, who were forging their way up ahead a bit. “Hey see if there’s someplace we can stop a hot minute up ahead? I know we’re close to the teleport… fuckery. Lambda shit. But I think we could use a break. And this thing overheats like a *mother* fucker.” Gordon called ahead.
He could about just make out Bubby turning back towards them with a ‘fine, fine’ gesture. The dude had calmed down a bit on rushing them forward since- well. Since he’d rejoined the group, but he still has that long-legged tall motherfucker walk thing going that tended to result in him taking point a lot. Him and coomer’d had kind of a ‘feral/protective’ thing going for a while.
“Sure, why not? I’m not looking forward to talking to those snots in lambda lab again anyways.” Bubby snapped back.
“Oh, wonderful! I do hope we can have a little naptime chat time again! I like that part!” Coomer said cheerfully, giving Gordon a thumbs up as he jogged forward to sling an arm around Bubby’s back. Which. Gordon couldn’t help but notice, was followed by Bubby gently leaning down to meet Coomer halfway. For how terrifying those two could be, they were also pretty god damn cute sometimes.
He also couldn’t help but notice Tommy, because he’d immediately hesitated, and begun to sort of uncertainty look back and forth between where Bubby and Coomer were exploring, and back towards Gordon. Or. To be more specific, Gordon was pretty sure the tallest glass of soda in Black Mesa had also noticed something was up.
Gordon gestured tommy over, a silent yeah you too that made Tommy at least stop nervously hovering, settling properly on drifting back closer to Gordon. And gordon... turned his attention back to Benry.
He was lingering. Which. Sure it was easier to keep his literal toddler on task following a group then it was to keep Benry from randomly rubber-banding behind and ahead all day (though the same solution- buddy system- worked pretty well for both of them). But this felt… different.
Benry was still hanging back, kind of. A few steps behind Gordon. His posture wasn’t much different then usual- the crisp On The Job squared shoulders were all there (as opposed to the At Home slouch). And if Gordon didn’t have experience with the dude, you could pretty easily read out everything from boredom, to sarcastic disinterest, to ‘kind of craving a popsicle’ in Benry’s flat stare.
But Gordon’d already had plenty of time to feel the guy out over the last… what. Year? A couple of months of ‘oh yeah, that guy’, and then… well. Joshie’s infamous daycare escape attempt (which thank GOD was also why he’d moved to off-site daycare, since his house was already off-site anyways). When he’d found the most important person in his life totally chilling out with the goofy gangly-tall scientist he kinda half knew was on the same team as him and That One Oddball Guard. And neither of them minded that Joshie’s only modes were not talking, or yelling your ear off about cowboys.
...And Benry had grinned when Joshie climbed up to his shoulder. And Tommy had known ASL. And suddenly when he’d seen them he’d stop to talk to them, and it was actually fun and not just work shit. And neither of them had asked why he was a single dad. Or minded if he needed to bail from hanging out for his kid. Or went with him.
And… things had kind of. Just. Sorta. Happened a way.
Which was why Gordon knew that even if Tommy said something out of left field, or got stressed about something, it was just because it was on his mind and felt important to him. And even if he was a cheerful, sweet person, he could get hilariously pouty or stubborn, and say, decide to shoot at moths for a while.
And it was why Gordon watched the way Benry’s eyes kept flicking away from Gordon to look at the floor, and frowning, and fidgeting from side to side just faintly, the same way he’d done when Joshie’d got that one nasty cold (and Gordon had gotten it, like, basically as soon as Joshie was better, and didn’t remember a lot from the fever, but did remember a cool hand on his forehead and the sound of sunkists’ nails on the tile as Tommy did the dishes, and how when he’d woken up late at night he’d been soothed back to bed by soft colors singing to what he was pretty sure Benry would never admit was the moomin theme song).
(And he was going to make it back. They were going to go back with him. They were all going to make it back.)
Gordon’s hand slipped gently into Benry’s as he stepped back next to the other man, and he leaned against the wall right by him. Immediately Tommy moved to the other side, keeping an intent eye on their surroundings.
“Dude. Are you… okay?” Gordon asked, and then paused a split second, wincing at himself. “I mean. Fuckin. Obviously not! Because this is a nightmare. But I mean like. Right now you seem…” and then words fail him immediately, even though usually when he talks words are All he has and trying to pare himself down doesn’t work (because really at his core, his only modes were Deadly Silent or yelling peoples ears off about things.
“You got me kind of worried, man.” is what he settles on, because it’s true, and tilts his head down to gently coconut-clonk against Benry’s helmet.
“Yeah- Yeah! Um. If. If you’re tired, we can rest a little… or if you need to be somewhere. Somewhere quiet.” Tommy added, breaking from his disconcertingly intent vigilance to frown in soft concern, looking down at Benry with the kind of unspoken, softly shining sadness he got when there’s a Problem He Can’t Fix.
“nah i’m. you know. cool.” Benry leaned back against the wall a little, shrugging wide even as his fingers curled firmly against Gordons. He glanced between them a little, uncertain.
“so fresh and so clean. clean.” he added in a mumble.
“Dude. Come on, don’t fight me on this. You’ve been… jittery. Which, shit, man, me too! But. Why are you suddenly talking about going back so much?” Gordon asked, trying to be. Patient.
“....I… um. i mean, your pass… um.”
“Dude. My passport is in your pocket.” Gordon said, glancing over Benry’s head at Tommy.
“right. yeah. yeah...huh.” Benry said, sinking down slightly against the wall.
“...forgot your glasses tho.” Benry added, tilting his head back to look at Gordon.
“That- that’s true. I, I still think. Your suit should, should have had prescription lenses.” Tommy said, gently using his grip on Benry’s hand to lift him back up onto his feet.
“I’ll be super honest I’d rather they’d made it easier to go to the bathroom in first, I can see fine without them. Benry, my glasses are like. Multiple days back in Black Mesa. Directly away from any exits?? And through, like, I am pretty sure a couple of tunnels that collapsed, man.” Okay Gordon knew he’d slipped into ranting but he just. It was. REALLY hard to get him this time. Which. Usually meant he was missing something.
“i mean… eyestrains. super bad for you. its not on me if you get. bad retinas.” Benry mumbled, in that annoyed tone of voice that made it really, really easy to veer off into *why the fuck are you mad at me for not wearing my glasses*??
But.
But Benry was slouched down so hard his helmet was touching his shoulders. And this was Gordon’s guy. No matter how fucking. Tired and raw he was, he had to try.He took a deep breath.
“Um. Benry, if… we can get home, then we can get. Gordon’s other pair of glasses! He, he has his spares at my house.” Tommy suggested brightly. Benry made a vague mumbling sound in return. Didn’t sound like that fixed it.
Okay. Benry wanted to go back. But it being about the glasses made no sense. So then. It wasn’t about the glasses. Jesus, Gordon really did need to lay the hell down, this felt like struggling to solve an emotional 2+2. He wanted to sleep for a week. He wanted to be home.
Gordon let himself slide all the way down the wall before he even realized he was doing it, sitting as exhaustion pooled over him.
“...Benry? What’s so bad about going forward, man?” he asked quietly. For a moment it was silent. Then Gordon heard and felt more then he saw Benry sit down next to him. Just a shift and clunk of his body armor scraping against the wall, and a warm press against Gordons side. He could only hear the rustle of Tommy settling down, all labcoat and the thunk of his osha-recommended steel toe boots hitting the floor as he stretched his long legs out.
Holding still made it too easy to feel every ache he had in him. But he could also feel Benry leaning against Tommy, and he could rest against Benry, and that was good enough.
“it’s not. gonna. sound right.” Benry said after a second.
“That- that’s okay! Um. Lots of things are… lots. Lots of ways. Right now.” Tommy said patiently.
“Yeah shit is. Kind of wild right now. And we trust you.” Gordon said, turning his head so he wasn’t mumbling against benry’s. Stupid armor. Why did the security dudes have less protective shit then he did, anyways? He’d have liked it if benry’d dropped. Less. Or whatever had been happening. Which he wasn’t pressing about because… Benry was just. How he was.
Which was why Benry being. Wigged out. Probably was worth paying attention to even besides comforting his boyfriend reasons.
Though he had to focus on not. Falling the hell asleep while waiting for Benry to gather his thoughts.
“...do you guys remember. the sesame street book Joshie likes?”
That woke Gordon up. Partially because What? And also because Joshie they were going to get out going to find joshie.
“Uhhhh….” Gordon answered, searching his memory.
“The, the one where. Ernie has a KITTEN?” Tommy asked, perking up a little.
“Man that’s been in like. C-grade rotation for a *while*...” Gordon mutters. Getting Joshie to bed could be. Tricky. Sometimes Gordon got so tired it made him restless, and it always hurt to see his littlest dude clearly struggling with the same thing. Sometimes his bedtime books backfired and riled him up. Like-
“Wait, wait… I know what you mean!” Gordon said, memory finally sparking. “The. Grover one. He loves doing that one with you cause you get all into it.” he grinned as he remembered. It’d caught him off guard the first time he’d listened in on it. Somehow he hadn’t expected Benry to put so much energy into something like that.
“Oh, oh yeah! Um. Where Grover's all, all… all scared, because, um-”
“cause there’s a monster at the end of the book.” Benry said, quiet, and almost. Stiff. His posture was definitely stiff. Like every muscle was tensed to try to hold himself up. Gordon glanced at him, and blinked. For a moment, Benry was tucked under his helmet so that it just looked like. Darkness. And his eyes.
Because. Of. Probably. The lighting?
“R-right! But, it turns out, he didn’t have… anything to be worried about. Because, it’s- grover’s the, he’s the monster! Only he- he’s um. He’s nice! And. Also. Himself. Because, it’s, silly to be scared of yourself.” Tommy said happily. And as Gordon watched, it got. Increasingly. harder, and harder. To ignore that benry’s wide open eyes were visible even when the shitty hall light flickered off, and in fact if he looked close enough he was pretty sure he could see bands of light highlighting the curve of Benry’s vest coming from the wrong direction.
Gordon took a quiet, deep breath, lifted his hand up, and firmly yanked Benry’s helmet off, thunking it on the floor.
And the shadows over Benry’s face didn’t. Move. Even as his hair- which was the kind of shaggy-curly-bristly and permanently helmet-hair’d that made it kind of hard to tell how long it was- fluffed back out without the helmets presence. The shadows were just kind of. There. Laying over Benry’s skin like some strange mask, the curves of his face not even showing up when the hall light flickered back on.
But it did at least make Benry blink a little. Which. Kind of. Made Gordon feel… betterrrrrr? Maybe? Helmet off was definitely better, though.
“...ruUude.” benry mumbled, eyes narrowing slightly in the impossible shadow.
Gordon wasn’t sure he’d ever seen him this bad.
“Dude. You’ve been wearing that helmet for like, twelve fucking hours, it’s probably giving you a headache.” Gordon bullshitted, slipping his arm around Benry’s back to rest against it while feverishly trying to picture turning a safety ‘on’. To his relief benry wasn’t slipping right back to the big, open-too-wide eyes look again.
“That- that’s true! Your uniforms are, are both. Really uncomfy looking, honestly.” Tommy asserted, reaching up to gently fluff Benry’s hair, capturing stray curls to untangle just a little bit.
“Oh my god dude I’ve basically been baking in here like a ham. You have to wear this like. Literally fucking long johns. Like an old timey. Full body suit? I'm gonna take a can opener to this thing the second we’re out of here, I swear to god.” Gordon whined
“...hmm. it's. kinda a lil heavy. s’ protocol to wear it tho…” Benry said, relaxing, slightly, inch by inch. Settling back against them.
“Well, you. Don’t have to wear it on breaks! And, right now, we’re on break” Tommy suggested. Which was smart, because it worked *with* Benry’s problem.
“...also just literally nobody is around who’d care right now, dude.” Gordon added, because he could not physically stop himself sometimes.
“i care though.” Benry said, and Gordon winced softly to himself because yeah no duh.
“I mean, if you wanted to or- ugh don’t listen to me, man, I’m like. Not even super sure how I’m still talking. I’m fully down to stream of consciousness now” Gordon said, quickly, squeezing his arm tighter around Benry.
“...security guards. help people. if they don’t get hurt first. cause… if you get shot, you have to. defend yourself. but. i can help people.” Benry continued, not really in response to Gordon, exactly. His head lowered a little, a few strands of hair falling over the shadows that were only just starting to shift a bit- enough so that the next time Benry opened his mouth to speak, Gordon could make out the lines of his fangs.
“i don’t wanna hurt you guys.” Benry said, in a voice as quiet, and soft,
Gordon turned completely to the side to wrap both his arms around Benry. Tommy had twisted around the same way, and glanced up at Gordon for just a second as they held onto him together.
“You’re not gonna.” Gordon said firmly. Because it was true. It was going to be true. Because they were going to get out. Together. Out. Together. Home. There was a photo in his inventory. And he was going to get back. And he was going to bring home with him.
“You’re not going to be the monster at the end of this book, Benry.” he said quietly, watching as just past the fluffy mess of hair, drops of water hit the ground from what he was prepared to pretend, because he loved Benry enough to know he hated admitting he was crying, was definitely just leaky pipes or something.
It wasn’t the last time Benry was going to fall apart, just a little, before they made it to the end. But right then, and there, when Benry lifted his head back up with red rimmed eyes and a face Gordon could properly see again, it had felt like enough that Gordon could keep walking. At least long enough- with Benry’s helmet tucked under his arm, and Benry still leaned between him and Tommy- to make it to the side room Benry and Coomer had uh. Enthusiastically scouted, judging by the impact dents in the wall.
Concept for the Null Error AU: The shock of everything causes Gordon’s hair to go completely white
I could see it! I think at the very least he gets like. A big shock of white streak, because I personally kinda imprinted on Dr. Blackjack as an impressionable teen and think it’s a really attractive look.
Finally Gordon looks like a proper mad scientist....
Somebody has GOT to write fanfiction of your au it's so good (too bad I'm lazy lol)
Well! The good news is, I’m still in the process of writing stuff for it! There’s still more content for it coming, and I’m going to be adding more little extra prose snippets, like the one I wrote for the G-Man. There’s still a lot about this AU that is mostly scattered in some discord chats, or in my own head*.
Fanart is absolutely great! But right now writing fic for this AU would be sort of like. Writing fanfiction, for a fanfiction that isn’t finished yet. If that makes sense?
I am *super* happy people are enjoying it, though! And I would love to see even more takes on Boss Gordon concepts- and absolutely don’t mind if there’s similar ideas, either.
Or basically. I’m always pro more cakes, fandom wise. Just this cake needs to finished being decorated before I can share the recipie.
