I’m beginning to believe that I may be asexual. I’m married with two kids because I wanted children. I have sex with my husband because he wants, not because I want it. I want the relationship, I find my husband attractive, I find others (male and female, which is probably why I mistook myself for bisexual when I was younger) attractive. I'm not really sure what to do. I don't want to ruin my marriage. I thought about opening our marriage, but I've afraid he'd find someone else emotionally.
I really feel like I’m a little out of my depth on this one, but you’ve waited this long for an answer, so let’s see what I’ve got.
I think you should talk to your husband at the very least about the situation with having sex. If it’s not something you want, you shouldn’t have to have it. You don’t owe him sex. And without talking to him, you won’t be sure if perhaps he can get by with just masturbating. Or perhaps you two could reach an agreement with however much sex you are willing to have, if any at all.
But generally, it’s not fair to you to have to do something you really don’t want to just to keep a partner. You deserve better, so you should talk to him. It’s possible (and hopefully what will really happen) that he values your happiness over his libido and would be alright without sex.
And if you don’t want an open relationship, don’t even put it on the table.
-Kiowa
