yearning for blackpink now that i hear their songs 5+ years ago (hope not got me feeling nostalgic wtf bro) imma work on something i've been thinking 'bout lately, anyway someone tell YG to fix its management or else i'm burning the place down and take everyone to therapy
you don't even realize you've accidentally posted one of the hardest soft-launch-adjacent boyfriend photos known to mankind until your notifications start looking like they're under attack because it's just a candid after the world cup final, confetti still stuck in his hair, his jersey wrinkled from 90+ minutes of war, and he's standing next to you with that stupidly bright grin while biting down on his gold medal like every athlete before him, except he's looking at you instead of the camera because the photographer said, "look over here!" and he heard your laugh instead.
you're standing beside him looking equally exhausted, your own hand still wrapped around his because you grabbed him the second the whistle blew and apparently never let go, and the funniest part is that the picture doesn't even scream "we're trying to be a couple." it more so gives "we forgot there were cameras because we've been celebrating together for the last 15 minutes.”
every guy looking at the story immediately notices three things in order: he's handsome, he won the world cup, and the first person he looked at wasn't the trophy or the crowd... it was you.
the caption makes it even worse because it's so confident without trying too hard: "crush em 🥇"
every football edit account is reposting it because the picture radiates the exact energy of, "yeah, we won. what about it?" and every guy is sitting there wondering why one tiny two-word caption feels like psychological warfare.
itoshi rin – “merry-go-round of life” by joe hisaishi
your story isn't glamorous whatsoever, which makes it infinitely more devastating because you're sitting on the floor in oversized pajamas, completely folded into your plush blanket with your legs crossed like you're eight years old again, absolutely locked into howl's moving castle playing across the TV as your eyes follow howl gracefully walking across the screen like your life depends on it.
what you don't know is that rin quietly picked up his phone halfway through the movie because he looked over at you for what was supposed to be one second and accidentally spent an embarrassing amount of time just... staring.
the picture he takes is painfully domestic. you're looking upward at the television, completely unaware. rin is sitting directly behind you, one knee bent, his chin resting against your shoulder like that's simply where it belongs, his face tilted slightly toward your neck, and – against every law of nature – there's the smallest smile on his face.
i’m talking about that microscopic little smile people have to zoom in three times to confirm they're actually seeing. the smile reserved exclusively for someone who has absolutely no idea they're being looked at like they're the ending credits to a peaceful life.
the comments from your friends immediately become:
"IS THAT... RIN SMILING????" "HELLO????" "he looks like he wants to crawl inside your skin (respectfully)."
every guy who watches your story suddenly remembers they've never looked at anyone like that before and quietly exits instagram.
your caption absolutely buries them: "i was distracted by howl, but rin was distracted by something else."
rin pretends he hates that caption. but he totally saves the story before it expires.
itoshi sae – “cariño” by the marias
everybody expects your first story after spain wins the champions league to be a picture of sae lifting the trophy with his teammates. instead, it's you. because the first thing sae did after receiving the trophy wasn't lift it toward the cameras. it was walk over to you.
he wordlessly placed the entire world cup trophy into your hands despite it weighing way more than you expected, and the exact moment you made the most surprised face imaginable because of how heavy it actually was… he leaned over and kissed your cheek.
the photographer captured the exact frame where your eyes went wide, your mouth opened in complete surprise, one hand nearly slipping off the trophy because your brain temporarily stopped functioning, while sae looked entirely unfazed by the fact that he'd just hijacked every camera in the stadium.
he isn't even smiling. he's just looking at you like kissing you after becoming world champion was the most logical next step.
the trophy becomes the second thing everyone notices. the first thing everyone notices is that the coldest footballer alive apparently becomes casually affectionate around exactly one person.
your caption? "i almost dropped the trophy because of him 😭😭”
every sports page reposts it. every comment section becomes:
"he gave HER the trophy????" “i'd retire immediately if i lost the champions league and saw this on my feed." “everything i pray for god gives to sae itoshi and doubles it ”
nagi seishiro – “there’s no other” by felly
it's literally just an elevator mirror selfie. that's it. plain lighting in four boring walls. except nagi decided to flex one arm for absolutely no reason whatsoever after coming back from the gym, and instead of standing normally beside him like any reasonable girlfriend… you're hanging off his flexed bicep with both arms wrapped around it like a tiny koala.
your feet aren't even touching the floor anymore. you're fully committed, dangling, smiling like your life is wonderful.
on the other hand, nagi looks completely expressionless in the mirror as if carrying your entire body weight with one arm requires approximately zero effort.
the funniest part is that one of your shoes is visibly swinging in midair because you started laughing halfway through taking the picture.
every guy who sees it immediately starts calculating whether they, too, could casually hold their girlfriend off the ground with one arm. the answer is no.
nagi doesn't even notice why the story goes viral. he just says, “did people like your outfit or something? i mean those sweatpants were really cute…"
your caption makes it infinitely worse: "my favorite jungle gym."
nagi reposts it with absolutely no additional text. because, in his mind… it’s accurate.
mikage reo – “chicken on tree screaming”
nobody has context. nobody needs context. the picture alone tells the entire story.
reo is caught perfectly mid-fall after you planted the most disrespectful little kick directly into the back of his calves while he was walking ahead of you, his knees buckling just enough for his expensive balance to completely betray him as one designer sneaker leaves the ground and both arms instinctively shoot forward to catch himself.
you're standing one meter behind him absolutely crying with laughter because you managed to catch the exact frame where he realized he'd been attacked by the love of his life in broad daylight.
what makes it even funnier is that the picture was obviously taken using burst mode because every swipe after that is just reo slowly recovering while pointing at you in fake betrayal.
he wasn't hurt. but his pride absolutely was.
every single one of his teammates replies with variations of:
"LMAOOOOOOOO." "deserved.” "she finally humbled you bro."
reo immediately reposts it saying, "this is domestic terrorism."
your original caption, however, completely steals the show: "i make his knees weak 😍"
every guy reading it physically has to put their phone down because you've turned playful assault into the cutest couple post of the week.
reo complains for exactly five minutes before secretly making the burst photos his favorites because, in his words, "it's nice knowing i'm the reason you laugh like that."
bachira meguru – “cooking mama” song
this entire situation starts because bachira decides that walking is "too much work" after training, spots you sitting on the couch scrolling through your phone, and without asking a single question, simply walks over, turns around, and plops his entire body weight directly onto you like you're a human beanbag.
except he doesn't sit next to you. he sits ON you completely – legs folded, elbows on his knees, humming to himself.
you're underneath him making the most dramatic face imaginable because this grown professional footballer somehow weighs approximately one million pounds despite looking like he lives exclusively on monster energy and bad decisions.
"megs."
"hm?"
"i'm… literally dying…"
"no, you're not."
"my ancestors can… see me..."
"tell them i said hi."
your friend walks into the living room, immediately starts laughing instead of helping, pulls out their phone, and snaps the picture before either of you can react.
the final image is criminal. bachira is smiling so brightly he practically has cartoon sparkles around him while completely unaware (or maybe fully aware) of the fact that your face is visibly squished into the couch cushions underneath him, one arm sticking out dramatically like you're reaching toward heaven for salvation.
every single reply is some variation of:
"GET UP???" "FREE HER." “i think you’re suffocating her…"
your caption? "this FATASS."
bachira's only response is sending you seventeen crying emojis before sitting on you again out of spite.
shidou ryusei – “careless whisper” by george michael
you thought making dinner together would be romantic, genuinely, like a domestic diaries dream come true. candles? maybe. music? matching aprons? no.
instead, you're approximately 12 seconds away from calling the fire department. because shidou caused an ordinary pan to erupt into a genuinely concerning wall of flames that's reaching so high it almost kisses the range hood, and rather than reacting like a normal human being… shidou is loving every second of it.
your mutual friend had volunteered to take cute candid pictures of the two of you cooking together, expecting wholesome domestic content. what they actually captured belongs in a museum.
you're clutching the spatula with both hands while leaning as far away from the stove as physically possible, eyes wide, mouth open, visibly screaming something along the lines of, "RYUSEI, WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'LET IT COOK'?"
shidou is standing beside you grinning like the world's biggest menace, tongue sticking out, one hand on his hip while the other confidently points at the inferno as if he personally invented fire. "LOOK AT THAT FLAME!"
"THAT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN!"
"IT LOOKS AWESOME!"
"WE'RE GOING TO DIE!"
"BUT WE'LL DIE FLAVORFUL."
that's the picture your friend sends you afterward. somehow… it's adorable. people can't decide whether they're witnessing relationship goals or an insurance claim.
your caption perfectly summarizes the relationship. "he said dinner was gonna be fire. should've asked him to elaborate."
shidou reposts it with: "worth it btw."
the smoke detector can actually be heard in the background of the next story.
karasu tabito – “DEVOTION” by justin bieber
everyone assumes something horrible must've happened because the picture is just you clocking karasu across the face with a fluffy pillow at full force while feathers are literally exploding into the air like an action movie.
the timing is so perfect that karasu's head has already started turning from the impact, one eye squeezed shut, mouth still half-open because he didn't even get to finish whatever sentence got him into this situation.
the funniest part is that he isn't defending himself. because deep down… he knows he earned it.
five seconds before the picture was taken, he'd looked you dead in the eyes with the most insufferable smirk imaginable and said something so unbelievably sarcastic that your soul temporarily left your body.
"ya look… acceptable."
WHACK.
"... aight… fair enough… i deserved that."
your friend, instead of intervening like a responsible adult, nearly drops their phone from laughing before managing to capture the exact moment justice was served.
everyone immediately starts replying:
"WHAT DID HE SAY." "HE DESERVED THAT." "CONTEXT???"
karasu refuses to provide context. he knows the mystery somehow makes him look guiltier. and also, he’d rather keep some things private, too, as they’re more special that way.
but your caption? "he opened his mouth."
yeah… explanation unnecessary.
kaiser michael – “the shining” by the neighbourhood
it was supposed to be one of those breathtakingly romantic pictures you'd frame someday – a field overflowing with wildflowers stretching across the horizon, golden hour, soft sunlight, cinematic breeze. everything was literally perfect. except the weather decided it personally hated michael kaiser.
the wind absolutely adores you. your hair lifts beautifully around your face like you're starring in the final scene of an award-winning romance film, the flowers swaying gently around your ankles while you look effortlessly majestic.
then there's kaiser. his expensive hairstyle is experiencing total structural collapse. blue-tipped blond strands keep slapping him directly across the face. one piece ends up in his mouth. he's squinting so aggressively against the wind that he accidentally looks annoyed instead of handsome.
you're standing beside him looking like a literal renaissance painting, mogging him.
he sees the picture afterward. "delete it."
"no."
"i look ridiculous."
"i look ethereal."
"... exactly."
he still secretly saves it because despite looking like mother nature personally jumped him… you're smiling at him. and that's enough.
the caption absolutely twists the knife: "one of us got the disney princess treatment 🌼"
everyone already knows which one.
kaiser pretends to hate the post. then quietly makes it his lock screen because it's his favorite picture of you. he just crops himself out.
ness alexis – “gangnam style” by PSY
the two of you stumble across a tiny café with no sign, no social media, and approximately four tables outside, deciding that places like this always have either the greatest drinks imaginable or the absolute worst beverages ever conceived. naturally, you both order something neither of you can pronounce.
your first sip? incredible. your entire face lights up immediately, eyes widening as you excitedly shove your drink toward ness insisting, "oh my gosh, taste this."
he trusts you. poor decision. the exact moment he takes a sip, every muscle in his face begins filing for resignation. his nose wrinkles. one eye closes. his eyebrows knit together. his lips purse into the tiniest offended pout.
he's trying so desperately to be polite because the owner is literally watching from inside… but his face has already betrayed him.
you're sitting across from him absolutely beaming because your drink tastes like heaven while trying (and failing) not to laugh at the tiny crisis unfolding across the table.
a friend walking past recognizes the two of you, quietly snaps the picture through the café window, and sends it later.
it's one of your favorite pictures ever. ness's little sour expression is painfully adorable. he looks like an angry kitten that accidentally licked a lemon. you tell him that.
he sighs. “i'm never trusting your recommendations in drinks again."
10 minutes later, he's stealing sips from your cup anyway.
your caption? "he's so dramatic."
ness immediately messages you. "i did NOT make that face."
you send the picture back.
typing… typing… "... okay maybe i did."
chigiri hyoma – “bad thing (bunny hop)” by ariana grande
everyone thinks it's going to be some breathtakingly aesthetic couple photo because, let's be honest, it's the two of you. the lighting is perfect, the background is pretty and chigiri manages to look like he walked straight out of a luxury skincare campaign without even trying.
except… neither of you is looking at the camera. you're looking at each other.
specifically, you're giving him the most unimpressed side-eye imaginable because he'd spent the last 20 minutes deliberately poking your cheek every time you tried to take a nice picture.
"stop moving."
poke.
"hyoma."
poke.
"i swear to–”
"your angry face is cute."
"oh you're about to see a cuter one."
the photographer catches the exact second where you've finally turned your head to glare at him. chigiri is already looking back. and despite wearing the exact same mildly smug expression he always has… there's the tiniest smile hiding at the corner of his mouth because he knows you're not actually mad.
it's the kind of look that says, you annoy me… but i like you anyway.
every girl comments about how pretty chigiri is.
every guy comments about how they wish someone looked at them with that much fond exasperation.
your caption says everything: "he's lucky he's pretty."
chigiri immediately reposts it: "still your favorite."
ugh he's right.
barou shoei – “otsukare summer” by HALCALI
barou has spent years cultivating the most intimidating public image possible – a terrifying and untouchable king with an aura so overwhelming defenders start reconsidering their career choices.
and then you discover snapchat filters. specifically… the one that gives someone gigantic glossy anime eyes, rosy cheeks, fluttering eyelashes, and tiny sparkly cat ears.
he only let you take one picture because you promised that nobody else would ever see it. you technically keep your promise. because it's only on your close friends story. which, unfortunately for him… includes half the blue lock facility.
the picture itself is absolutely catastrophic. barou is sitting there with the most aggressively serious expression imaginable while sporting giant sparkling eyes and pink blush that makes him look like a magical girl who's about to transform. the contrast makes it 10x funnier.
he doesn't even know how filters work. "why's my face like that?"
"because you're pretty."
"delete it."
"no."
"i'm serious."
"so is the filter."
your caption? "barou, barou-kyun!! 🩷"
barou finds out approximately four minutes later because his teammates refuse to stop laughing.
your phone receives exactly one message: "you're cleaning the entire house."
yukimiya kenyu – “juicy” by doja cat
this picture genuinely looks suspicious out of context, which is exactly why you posted it. yukimiya is standing, hands tucked into his pockets, back facing the camera while he casually turns his head over his shoulder. he looks like he's posing for the cover of a magazine, naturally. because that's just what yukimiya does by existing.
you're crouched behind him, one hand planted directly on his ass. your eyes are comically wide. your mouth is hanging open in fake disbelief. you're staring at your own hand like you've just unearthed an ancient archaeological treasure. the friend taking the picture is laughing so hard the image is almost blurry.
yukimiya sighs. "are you done?"
"i'm conducting scientific research."
"on what?"
"cake.”
"... in the public server?”
people online cannot decide whether to laugh or mind their business. nobody chooses the second option.
your caption? "archaeologists finally found it."
yukimiya comments: "please stop documenting your discoveries."
you heart the comment.
iglesias bunny – “pony” by ginuwine
bunny insisted the bunny café would be "healing." throughout the entire ride there, he kept saying things like: "it's impossible to have a bad day around rabbits."
five minutes later… karma arrives. he's sitting at one of the low wooden tables with the fluffiest white bunny imaginable cradled carefully in both hands, smiling so brightly you can practically see sunshine radiating off him.
then… the bunny shits. directly into his palm.
for exactly two seconds… there's silence. then bunny absolutely loses it. he starts laughing so hard his shoulders shake. his ears turn bright red. his face follows. tears are literally forming in the corners of his eyes because he cannot stop laughing at the sheer disrespect of the situation.
"IT PICKED ME."
"IT DID."
"WHY ME?"
"YOU LOOKED TRUSTWORTHY."
"I AM THE CHOSEN ONE!!"
instead of helping, you take the picture. the final photo is adorable. bunny is doubled over laughing with the world's tiniest rabbit still sitting comfortably in his hands like absolutely nothing happened, even though the evidence remains.
your caption: "bf got blessed with shit i’m crine 😭”
bunny reposts it immediately with: "i've never been more honored."
hugo vivian – “la mentira” by luis miguel
hugo is physically one of the most intimidating footballers on the planet. he’s built like he was assembled in a laboratory – shoulders the width of a doorway and arms that could probably lift an entire refrigerator without warming up. it makes you wonder what he ate growing up to be so big.
and yet… he becomes the neediest man alive the second you jokingly threaten to leave without him.
"bye."
"..."
"i'm serious."
"..."
you take exactly three steps away. then something grabs your leg. you look down. there's hugo, crouched on the floor, both enormous arms wrapped dramatically around your right leg like it's the last life raft on earth.
he's looking up at you with the most exaggerated pout you've ever seen. his eyebrows are knitted together. his lower lip is sticking out. he looks like someone just told him sci-fi films don’t exist anymore.
the funniest part? you purposely angle the camera so only your legs are visible. the entire focus is hugo clinging to you for dear life.
"vivi. people are watching."
"good."
"stand up."
"carry me."
"you're six-foot-something."
"and?"
every reply immediately says the same thing: "THAT MAN IS WHIPPED."
yes. yes he is.
your caption is the finisher: "ignore him. he does this."
I saw that you responded to my tall reader request, yippee!! If you haven't gotten too far, could you possibly include Hugo and/or Bunny? I should've specified, but it's not a problem if you don't! Thank you for replying 🙂↕️
Ofc 🫡 I will upload the big everything part 2 post first and then your req!
please anything smutty with teddy 😭 and you can make the theme whatever you like ❤️
Teddy knight x fem!reader.
Tw:smut,p in v,semi public sex,condensending(slightly)
Synopsis:You and teddy have sex after a match in the showers🙈.
I literally loved this request sm I started working on it the minut I saw it lolll 😭I've only written smut like 2 or 3 times so srry if it's kinda bad😭😭also I sincerely hope that whoever retested this is fem...💔
Maybe it was because you were ovulating,or maybe it was days you two had spent seperated from each other,but ypu could've swore teddy never looked this good befor.
Why was is now of all moments that he appeared to be more muscular,handsom and those hands-ugh he was just perfect.
A familiar warmth spread across from you,making you squeeze your tights.
You completely forgot about the match-there was something much more important than that right now and it was your teddy.
All you needed right now was for him to come and fuck you properly.
As the match finally ended in England's favor,it became even more difficult to walk or focus properly since all you could think about right now was the aching warmth between your legs and how good your teddy would fuck you when you two finally were gonna be alone.
Walking away from the strands felt like 100miles walk,given how wet you were and how week your knees were,you still managed(somehow)to get the changing rooms where you know teddy would be.
You carefully open the door and take a peak,and gladly for you,he was alone,so you got in and closed the door behind you.
"What are you doing here?"
"I just couldn't resist-you looked so hot during the match I couldn't wait for us to get back to the hotel!"
Teddy looked around,making sure no one was here,when he became sure he turned to you.
You were finally able to take a clear look at his abs and muscles and you felt like your mouth was watering-compelty forgetting about the fact that anyone could come in any second.
"It's to risky doing it here,let's just go to the showers that way no one will see us."
"Could you please carry me there?"you looked at him with your eyes fluttering your lashes at him.he sighed in annoyance but still crouched down signaling for you to get on his back.
When you got on,you started smothering his back with kisses,he was still ll sweaty and warm all perfect for you.
He took you the showers befor putting you down and beginning to remove his shorts,you could see he was already half hard,his bulge beginning to poke out of his calveins.
You completely forgot about yourself for a moment,and only came back to reality when you heard his voice.
"Am I gonna have to undress you or what?"
"Oh right-sorry"
You removed your clothes now left in nothing,Bunny pushed your clothes away to hide them befor lining himself with you ad you put your arms around his neck for support.
Hid dick was long,well shaved,his tip being a beautiful shade of pink that looked absolutely like the perfect model for a dildo.
It was so long he didn't even need to put the whole thing in to make come.
He carefully slided it in,using your wetness,and his pre cum as lubricant,the feeling of it stretching you out making you moan.
You hated and loved how calm he looked while your face has took every single expression you could think of.
"Stay quiete or else they'll hear us"
He began thrusting into you,his pace gradually quickening as the room was filled with the sound of your bodies slapping against each other.
"You like it when I fuck you like that?"
His tone couldn't be more condensendind but damn the masochist in you loved it.
"Mhmm"you nodes desperatly trying not to let a moan out.
"Anwser me with words or I stop."
"Y-yes!yes I like it!"
"Yes what?"
"Yes daddy!ngh-"
He quickened his pace as he sqeezed on the bulge down your abdomen earning a serie of whimpers from you,making you see stars.
"Teddy I'm close-ngh please!I wanna come!"
Just as you both were close,you heard someone come in-teddy picked up his boxers and shoved them in your mouth to prevent your moans from being heard,and lifted your legs off the ground wrapping them around his waste and turning the shower head on to muffle the wet flaps of your skins.
"Teddy!are you in here?"one of his teammates called.
"Obviously,why?"
"Coach wanted to talk to you about something he was looking for you like crazy."
"Alright I'll talk to him later."
While Teddy sounded absolutely normal you were a wet mess clinging to him,then you finally reached your high your back arched off the wall and a muffled moan escaped.
Teddy followed soon after,spilling his seed deep inside of you,feeling you up to the brim,finally letting a groan escape.
"I'll bring you some clothes you just stay here and don't make a sound I'll sneak you out from the window,alright?"
All you could do was nod,still to wrecked to think properly.
Yoichi isagi! Is the type of guy to love laying on his partner. On their chest, on their stomach and especially on their thighs. He's the type of man to want to be physically on top of you, sleeping with no gaps between you two. While he loves laying on his partner's chest, if it's offered, he will 100% pick to sleep on their thighs. There is something so perfect about cuddling, with his head on your thighs and his phone in his hand while his partner plays with his hair.
