I have no idea if you've already heard this song, but which OC would you associate with this song?
I definitely associate this with Evelyn. (BTW I'm writing this while listening to the song so I think that you should listen to it while you read it but you don't have to but I think it might fit? work better? idk just I think it works better with the song)
She has been through so much. Lots of pain and suffering. She always hides how she really feels. and she wakes up some nights from nightmares or night terrors being unable to fall asleep again. She lost her best friend and the only piece of family that actually cared about her and the only piece of family she knew. She can't let go of her past because it has brought her so much of her trauma that she still carries to this day so it's impossible for her to try and forget about it.
When she realized she had feeling for Price she got incredibly upset and broke down in tears and anger. She could not love someone again. She vowed never to love anyone again. She can't take that chance.
She deals with so much already and can't deal with love aswell. Yes there might be a chance that it might work but there is to much of a risk that it won't. She has never said anything to anyone of what she has seen and gone through. And Rose isn't here anymore so she can't even tell beloved sister how she feels. Rose can't comfort her when she is hurt or scared.
She is afraid and scared. She is scared of what will happen if she shows him her true colours. Scared what he will think of her. Scared that he will judge her for hiding. Judge her of hiding her identity. Of hiding her true self.
The lyrics: "What do you want me to say? My heart is choked and my head hangs low. But I guess you feel like I don't care, 'Cause I said nothing" and "What do you want me to do? Tell you how I feel or just let you go? I fucked it up and everything's my fault, 'Cause I said nothing" resonates with Evelyn very strongly since Price wants to know why she is avoiding him and she just wants to tell him everything but she can't.
more lyrics that resonate with her: "Phone lights up, it's late at night, It's just you telling me I'm dead inside" Her awake at night after a nightmare and being unable to fall back asleep and laying in bed or being awake on her phone. OR Her being awake at night after a nightmare and being unable to fall back asleep and she gets a call from Price she declines the first call, she doesn't have time to talk with him. He calls her again and again, then he leaves her a voicemail. She decides to listen to it: "Alpha it's John.. We need to talk. Can we meet at the park? - end of voice-mail. She finds it strange that he uses his name. but nonetheless she gets up puts on her more casual clothes and grabs her mask and hoodie and goes to meet him.
more lyrics: "Wish I could say how much it hurt, I open my mouth, but it don't work." could be a continuation of of the previous scenario and/or it's her wanting to tell him how she feels but she can't. She can't she made a promise to Rose. She will never love again she promised her this, she vowed that she will never do it again.
"I built these walls that I'm living in, Now I can't breathe and they're caving in, Found this dark place on my own, Now I'm living here all alone" Evelyn and all of her barriers. She feels like she can't breathe (metaphorically) with everything that she is feeling. it's overwhelming. She has been alone for 18 years. She hasn't had a friend in 18 years. She hasn't had a partner in 18 years. She hasn't trusted someone in 18 years. It's overwhelming for her to think about.
"Talk about being afraid, Thinking to myself, it was my mistake" It was her mistake for loving Dominic. Her fault her getting hurt. Her fault that Rose died. Her fault she got Rose killed. She is making a mistake loving John. It's her fault for feeling this way.
She has locked herself away from everyone. She has locked her heart away from everyone. She is scared and confused of what she is feeling. When she realizes that she loves him she breaks down. she hated herself for falling for him. She hates herself for letting this happen. She beats herself over it. She just cries and cries and cries. She cries herself to sleep at her home. The only place where she can truly be herself without being looked at by anyone.
haha this got very long and resonates very deeply with Alpha for me. as I said before she is scared and afraid of what will happen if she acts on those feelings, tells him how she feels, tell him that she loves him.
anyway if this made you cry I didn't mean to it's just that Alpha and her story is just Angst™ and is very sad and full of emotion.
and thank you for the ask! I probably wrote this for a while hour! it's 3:10 am and I should sleep but I will now constantly be thinking of Evelyn and John (it feels weird calling him John and not Price) and how she feels. AND NOT TO MENTION HOW HE FEELS.
bro is confused af. Alpha my man! wait Alpha isn't a man? Alpha is a woman? is Alpha Alpha's name? why does she hide? why is she so quiet? why has she been avoiding me after I saw her face? maybe she's avoiding be because I saw her face
