*cracks knuckles* welp, heres a guide monologue for all who care and dont care
"would you like to know what hopelessness feels like..?"
"close your eyes and imagine...- or not, its not like you can... but just imagine a room, a dark room, the only light coming from under a door that was the same grey as everything else in the room."
"you sit in the middle of this room, proper and in your prime, taking call after call as if you were made for it, always ready for the next happy or unhappy customer.."
"but one day, one horrid day, the calls stop... and thats when the emotions set in, the emotions you have unknowingly have been out running your whole existance"
"first, confusion. "oh where are the calls?" you may question "is there a power outage or is this just a slow day?"... but no one will answer, no one is there to tell you what to do or what to say or what to even think... it ruins the one bit of stability you had in your life and its shatters you..."
"but then your confusion leads to curiosity, leading you to get up from your seat and try to explore your small, insignificant space... and then trying to go further beyond... but no! [laugh] no no no, stanley! you are trapped..."
"and that leads to panic, the slamming on the walls, the screams, the tears, stanley! its all too much! the walls feel like bars and you are a caged animal that the one overlooking us has caught in its grasp just for its entertainment!"
"but as your panic reaches its peak, its apex... the old phone on your desk starts to ring... finally a sense of relief washes over you, as the gift of normality is served to you on a silver platter!"
"but no, oh god no, stanley, its never that easy... as the world is cruel... all you hear when you pick up the phone is garbled nonsense, one akin to the cried of fear you let out only a moment ago..."
"but when you put the phone down... it rings again... and thats when a feeling i can only describe as desperation kicks in... you pick up the phone again, only to get the same result, and then you do it again and again and again... every time just waiting for a word that you could understand to come through... but no, it is only mess, only static and tears..."
"and thats when, finally, you give up... you feel your body stiffen, the rings of the phone still going on but your mind feels far away as you start to embrace the nothingness, the pointlessness of yourself and everything around you as you feel dust cling to your skin..."
"you are dead yet you can feel your body twitch and writhe pointlessly, you rot but your skin stays intact, the only thing holding you back from reality and the never ending void of your mind is the constant ringing of the phone you cannot even bother to lift a finger to answer anymore..."
"that is what true hopelessness feels like, the feeling of all desperation, of all sense of hunger for freedom or stability, washes away as if never meant to be there... all anchors between the void and yourself ceasing except the ring of false hope your body doesnt even have the energy to answer anymore..."
