You don’t even need to see it to know. They don’t like to wear suits with the goggles on.
A big ramble under the cut on their thoughts about having been a soldat and their opinions of other dissented ones.
For a while after dissenting they would still view themselves as a soldat, but when they join SQ and their life is clearly now not a part of the aahw anymore they would see themselves as an ex soldat. They still based their idea of themselves around the position of a soldat that they once had because it was all they knew and had to go off of all their life. This mentality changes once they learn about their defective programming and realize they never really were actually a “proper” soldat and it was just a title in intended purpose but never what they really were. However, if they were asked about what they were in the past before SQ they would still answer that they were a soldat even if they do not identify with being one anymore. It was something that was a part of them and impacted them greatly so they wouldn't deny it.
This is where in scenarios like SB getting distressed while wearing suits or getting reminded of other soldat things, the distressing part of it for them would be more about being reminded of their time in the aahw and the experiences they had there as a whole rather than just the reminder they were a soldat. While SBs past as a soldat is integral to what made that time so awful, it isn't the sole reasoning as to why those reminders and familiarities would be so terrible. For example, wearing a suit, covering one eye and knowing it looks like how they looked in the past is upsetting due to thoughts questioning if they have truly moved on from the time where they looked like that as a soldat and other issues with their identity, as well as it being a reminder of the circumstances that came with that time. Rather than it being solely a reminder of, “oh no :( I was a soldat once :’( “.
While they initially don't have partially negative views on other aahw members (this grows later when they learn more about what crueler things can happen in other facilities outside their own old rather tame one), they would feel distaste and genuinely negative feelings about other soldats/ dissenters in general in scenarios where one of them had similar experiences to SB in life but got a better outcome in the end. It's a bitter bit of jealousy and disdain that becomes stronger the more similar someone is to them. For example, a soldat dissenter would get more of a side glance from them compared to an agent dissenter. If that dissented soldat had a perfect experience where things barely went wrong for them, then SB would be quite a bit more upset with them then. Never forget that SB is a bit of a hater.
I have revamped my SB references for artfight! They have shifted a lot over a year and I am still terribly endeared to them.
I rewrote their lengthy lore summary under the cut for those interested! You can also see tags #oc information and #oc art for more instances of them
Important context going forward: I Imagine SQ is a much larger group than just Sanford, Deimos, Doc, and occasionally Hank. There are a lot of other dissenters that join as Fellows and perform small missions and tasks (like what we saw in Dedmos/arena mode etc.) that have nothing to do with the main cast.
Shitboy (clone code: SBTV493) is a faulty soldat clone made in an incredibly poorly maintained and forgotten AAHW facility. Their facility was extremely far away from other AAHW buildings and barely supplied or given any attention by the rest of the agency, or even the other factions of Nevada. This made it a place that never had a single sighting of Hank or any combat. The poor quality equipment and low monitoring of the facility led to SB accidentally being made wrong. Clones set for soldat programming were sent in too soon after engineer programming had finished, and it resulted in SBs programming being an odd mishmash of both types instead of being a proper soldat or engineer. Nobody (including SB) knows this happened, so they are still assigned to be a soldat and expected to properly perform as one. SBs faulty programming leads to them lacking much of the strong aggression that soldats are supposed to have as well as the expected soldat physical skills. SB is incredibly lucky to have been created in a facility that never had to engage in any fights, otherwise they would have been easily killed in combat or “fired” for poor performance. This all leads to them being a very poor soldat that finds great difficulty completing expected tasks and struggles to fit in with their peers. They become generally disliked overall. Despite being treated kind of awfully and not really fitting into any part of the AAHW, they would still never consciously think about dissenting. They dislike it there, but it’s all they know.
However, once an agent has a failed dissent attempt and is “dealt with”, tensions become incredibly high in their facility. It slowly culminates in another agent becoming fed up with it all and loudly discussing dissenting, which leads to a big facility wide brawl. SB could only flounder around the scuffle unsure of what to do, until a stray bullet hit them right in the soldat optic and wounded them badly. Caught up in the pain and the panic of the situation, the only thing they could think of doing was just running away while everyone else was distracted fighting one another. The fact they ran away and abandoned the facility only hits them once they are already much too far away to go back without consequences, and they have to quickly accept the fact they have essentially just dissented. And that they are now very wounded and missing an eye.
After poorly patching themselves up and trying to hide the evidence of them being from the AAHW, something not achievable with their unique blood color and evident wounds, they wander the wastes and drift between the sparse communities. Nobody disturbs them due to them being clearly caught up in some agency mess. Unbeknownst to them however, their very poorly hidden identity was picked up on by SQ scouts. Dissented soldats are a rare thing, so they became a target of interest for hire into a Fellow position and tabs were kept on them. Eventually, a Fellow does approach them and describes the situation detailing how evident their dissenter status seems, and telling them there's an organization that can help and make use of them. SB is terribly conflicted and still unable to come to terms with the fact that they did dissent, and coldly brushes the offer off. The Fellow tells them to reconsider, and leaves them alone with a new pile of thoughts to sift through. They want help, they know they are in a bad state, but they just cannot bring themselves to fully come to terms with their circumstances.
During their time wandering the Nevadan wastes trying to stay alive and unnoticed by the AAHW, SB would take refuge in random abandoned buildings. This had been going well enough for them until one day they unknowingly chose a building someone else already taken claim to. This person attacks SB while they are sleeping, and leaves SB with a new head injury. The other person is not left in such a state. SB had never been in any combat encounter in their life besides their initial fleeing of their facility, and had been left on edge ever since then. Incredibly latent instincts, remnants of whatever programming did get established but never utilized that only come out in life of death scenarios combine with this tension, and reduce the person to more mush than grunt. SBs first kill is entirely unpleasant for them, and they wish to never, ever be in a situation like it ever again. This experience along with a new wound they know they have no way of poorly taking care of this time, is the push needed to make them finally recognize that the way they have been living is unsustainable and will surely lead to their own death. Driven by this terror and the feeling that they just can't keep it up anymore, they go to SQ.
The way their optic had been damaged in their dissent resulted in damages beyond the capabilities of typical SQ medics so they are handed over to the only person with lots of hand on experience tampering with soldat gear, Doc. He only did this task as it was a new experience to cut into a soldat that wasn’t already dead, and because SB seemed like they had useful potential as a dissented soldat. SB unfortunately takes this as something to be very grateful for and begins to respect Doc.
SB is settled in and given tasks to find out what their job in SQ will be as a Fellow. Much to others frustration, they refuse to take up any combat focused jobs, which Doc eventually calls SB in to discuss. During this talk, Doc mentions how he discovered that SB has uniquely odd programming and SB is very confused. Once it's elaborated on they realize that they never even really were a “Real Soldat”. This serves as a second blow to their psyche and identity as the pieces fall into place as to why they experienced life the way they did in the AAHW. Pushing this to the back of their mind, they mostly try not to dwell on it. In the end they are assigned to help to plan and direct minor missions and are rather good at it due to the traits they did manage to receive from their mix of engineer and soldat programming.
Despite not fully feeling like they belong in SQ due to their accidental dissent, life stagnates uneventfully but overall Okay for SB. This promptly ends once they find out that SQ sometimes works with Hank J Wimbleton. This is when their half programmed mangled soldat aggression finally rears its head for the first time in their life at full force, and they cannot even stand the idea of Hank possibly being in the same building as them. During this time their respect for Doc plummets, especially after they are denied any explanation for Hank's involvement with the group. This gets to be such a problem that their loyalty to SQ gets called into question and they are given an ultimatum from Doc. Learn to deal with the issue and accept how things are run, or be removed from SQ. Their usefulness is the only thing stopping them from being removed outright, as it would be an unnecessary waste of talent to do so. It’s normal to still not like Hank after dissenting, but their behavior begins to affect their work so badly they almost become a concern for sabotage.
This does not go over well with SB and serves as the final blow to set them into an incredibly long overdue identity crisis. Many things all compound themselves at once on them and cloud extreme doubt on every aspect of themself. The way they never truly dissented intentionally, how they never even were a proper member of the AAHW in the first place with their purpose for existing being flawed from the start, and not wanting to leave SQ but being unable to stand their current circumstances in it. The most troubling part to them is being unable to tell if their hate for Hank is even their own real feelings or just an effect from being made by the AAHW, which starts to unravel into further doubt of every trait and feeling they have. SB thought they knew who they were and that turned out to be a lie, and it's only spiraled out ever further since. All while this occurs internally, they have the outside pressure of needing to “get over” their behavior because being removed from SQ would mean being sent out to the wastes again, and they know, and Doc knows, that this would lead to their death.
It takes a lot of time and grueling long introspection, but they eventually figure out how to manage things and are able to remain at SQ. There is still a great distaste for Hank, and a new bitterness towards Doc as well, but it is something they can manage. Aaaand I love them yaayy haha yaayy.
