#oc text dump

[lazulisocinfodump]

Firecracker's Past

I did promise Firecracker Lore to  @mastemamothpriest ages ago.

So…. Loredump Time!

Firecracker’s Real name is Arlee Secco. They are an alternate Universe version of one of my other characters, Goblin, and a lot of what applies to Goblin applies to Firecracker.

However

The biggest difference between Firecracker and Goblin, is that Firecracker messed up badly and didn’t die for it.

But it did get their beloved little sister Aria in hospital

It started when Aria, for the first time in ages, made a friend irl. At first Firecracker was really happy for them. Aria had always been a rather lonely sort. But after a while, started to get jealous

Aria had always been Firecracker’s biggest fan. Her cheerleader. Her emotional support.

(Never mind that Firecracker did not even fully realise that Aria had been quietly and slowly but surely withdrawing emotionally from her older sister. Because Fircracker loved their little sister more than anything, but that did not mean she respected her. And Aria is not one for confrontation, especially when her stubborn, strong-willed older sister had brushed off Aria’s past attempts to try and make Firecracker understand the problems with their relationship.)

But now, it was easy to see that Aria loved her new friend more.

(How could she not? When somebody finally both cared about her and saw her as an equal? When there was somebody who finally listened to her?)

And Firecracker did what she usually does. She started getting mean. At first it was little snarky barbed comments behind Aria’s back towards her friend. Which gradually got nastier and more frequent. This moved Aria to finally confront her older sister. And Firecracker, not fully understanding her own upset feelings, got angry and shouty with Aria

Now this had happened before, on occasion. But this time Aria was fighting for someone other than herself. And this time? She was willing to shout back.

(In another universe, a distraught Aria yells at her sister for trying to hurt her new friends, Kinito and Shrimp, behind her back)

A once quiet and slow forming Rift between the sisters was now loud, jagged and quickly getting larger. And Firecracker, not one for introspection, blamed Aria’s friend.

So she decided to take *proper* revenge. And started a horrendous cyberbullying harassment campaign against Aria’s friend. All anonymously, of course. Yet, this seemed to bring Aria and her friend closer, as Aria was driven to rally behind her friend who was being bullied by some anonymous jerks.

Also, Aria was moving out.

(Aria actually had been rolling the idea around in her head for a while now. She was scared, she wasn’t sure if she would be able to live on her own, and she didn’t want to abandon her older sister... But now she had somebody else who needed her. Somebody else she cared for as well. Somebody who had offered to be a roommate)

So, one day Firecracker went behind Aria’s back and used her pc to make it look like Aria had been the one to be so nasty. To break up the friendship for good.

Unfortunately, Aria first bonded with her friend, because they also had an impulsive older sibling prone to anger, who was willing to hurt others for the sake of vengeance.

(bones were broken)

When Firecracker met her younger sister in the hospital later, she could not meet her eyes. But Aria once Aria was awake enough, she demanded Firecracker do so. And then proceeded to lay out in great detail every way Firecracker had messed up in their relationship. Every way Firecracker had hurt her. Every way Firecracker had disrespected her. Every way Firecracker had brushed her off. Every way Firecracker refused to listen.

Every way Firecracker acted cruel and uncaring and hurt innocent people.

And then Aria finished with this:

 “I can’t even trust you with yourself. Because if you aren’t hurting others when you are upset, you end up hurting yourself. Because you would rather self-destruct than face that you messed up. Which is why I can’t really tell you things. You brush it off when I try to bring up things gently.”   “I still love you. And I will forgive you. But I can’t trust you and I don’t feel safe with you.” “And I’m too tired to keep doing this.”

Firecracker didn’t say a word throughout Aria’s whole tirade. When Aria finished talking, she simply turned and fled the hospital.

(Firecracker had never thought herself a coward, until that moment.)

[lazulisocinfodump]

Feeling a tiny bit Rabid. About Goblin and ABW!Sonny. Goblin actually really admired him a lot. Was kinda intrigued by him the similar to the way Sec was intrigued by Kinito. And he represented Something Exiting and Interesting happening, which to chronically bored Goblin was like Catnip.

She saw herself and Sonny as partners in crime, like had she lived she would have made an earnest attempt to befriend him. She low-key already kind of was right before she died.

Like, Goblin really believed Sonny would put effort into looking after Sec beyond the basic way he is trying to "look after" everyone else. Its kind of crazy how much she trusted him. Even I don't fully know why she did. I think maybe because Goblin has always wanted to be a Hero? And Sonny gave her that chance? (That and maybe low-key Goblin having a bad relationship with her parents and latching onto a sort of mentor-ish figure she wants to make proud oof).

And the sad thing is, while Sonny might have appreciated having a bit of help, I don't think he really cared for Goblin to nearly the same extent. Truthfully, I think he mostly saw her as a somewhat-useful tool.

[lazulisocinfodump]

I think I accidentally started a homestuck resurgence among the moots oops XD

Tbh, I do tend to enjoy writing Pale Romance, or stuff that fits that vibe. Almost of my Kinitopet rp ocs have Pale relationship drama as a big part of their stories.

-Adminverse Sec has had a bit fat pale crush on Adminverse Kinito since pretty much the beginning. Though... perhaps that was kind of obvious, lol. Might be low-key Jelous of Owl (Sec bears Owl no ill will, she just. Wishes she could be doted on.)

But Sec has now come to the conclusion that she sucks at actually helping Kinito and being the friend he needs. Or helping anyone, really. She ain't doing so hot tbh, dealing with feeling like a failure and a type of platonic broken heart.

-Abandonware Sec *had* similar feelings for Abandonware Kinito but they were less intense. Plus while she didn't have the terminology for it she could see that Morail or Best Friend 'role' was filled by Shrimp already. But she was still happy to help both of them best she could.

...Then Kinito killed her sister.

-Sea Angel and Nito were basically in a codepedant pale type relationship. They did love each other very much, and they learned a lot from each other. But Sea Angel had isolated herself from everyone else over the course of their friendship, and Nito was perfectly happy to have Sea Angel to himself so he never tried to encourage her to reconnect with others.

Even after finally letting herself to properly feel the emotions tied to his death, Sea Angel is still pretty messed up from Nito's Death (and is subconsciously starting to cling to Amie to help fill the void)

-And finally, Firecracker. Sec was her Morail, straight up. Sec acted as Firecracker's emotional support, cheerleader, moral anchor and encouraged her to be less impulsive and reckless. And Firecracker considered herself her younger sister's protector.

But, Firecracker took the relationship for granted, stopped really giving Sec's words consideration, and didn't respect her despite loving her a great deal. Probably because she didn't really consider that Sec grew up, always seeing her as her cute but naive baby sister.

And the domino effect of that was the relationship quietly falling apart without Firecracker noticing until it all broke apart in spectacular fashion.

[lazulisocinfodump]

So why had Nito not brought his Best Friend to live with him in a perfect world forever?

You would think Sea Angel would have said Yes, if Nito had asked them to stay with them. Only Nito knew Sea Angel well enough to look past the seemingly obvious. He knew she would have said No. Not because she didn't want to stay with him. But because Sea Angel has dreams and hopes that can only be achieved in this world. And Nito was the only one who was both somebody she trusted enough to confide those dreams to and somebody who cared enough about her to ask. And despite being very easily overstimulated by light and sound and strong emotions... Sea Angel still loves this world, a world full of beauty and mystery and awe-inspiring things.

And Nito? Nito knew that if he pulled Sea Angel in by force, she would not hate him. But she would love him a little less. She would forgive him. But Nito knew he would never have that full unwavering trust Sea Angel had in him, ever again. And he could not bear the thought of that. He felt like a horrible friend. He had kept this secret from Sea Angel despite her telling him everything. He felt so very, very selfish, so very, very cowardly. Utterly despicable.

How could he call himself Sea Angel's best friend if he was keeping her in a world that could kill her at any moment, when he had been ready to pull her into to a safer, kinder world for years?

[lazulisocinfodump]

Arlee “Goblin” Secco: Why Are They Like This?

Randomish Word Vomit about my Beloathed Abandonware OC

-Seacrecher sona would be a Sea Bunny (a fuzzy looking see slug that appears to have ears and a tail)

-Here to cause problems.

-Goblin is arrogant, obnoxious, impulsive and as smart as they are stupid.

-has spent their life as a big fish in a small pond.

-very naturally intelligent and has undiagnosed adhd

-Did incredibly well in school but flunked out of university and nobody could figure out why (it was the undiagnosed adhd)

-coped with their social struggles with an attitude of ‘well I’m smarter and more superior than these plebs so it’s to be expected that people have trouble being friends with me.’ Doubled down on this after flunking uni, with all the cognitive dissonance that implies.

-works from home doing mid-tier coding jobs and white hat hacking.

-To the surprise of nobody, they like to troll people online for fun.

-Does have friends irl. They have a charisma born from a confidant persona. Can be very funny. Gives genuinely good advice if you can get past how terribly they give it. Once you earn their loyalty they are ride or die. And we have seen that they will go to great lengths to protect the people they care about. Any friend of theirs now has an attack dog ready to go.

-estranged from parents after flunking university. Their younger sibling Aria (Sec) moved in with them after showing similar signs to Goblin of beginning to fail in their education and couldn’t handle their parents constant disappointment.

-Goblin loves her sister very much but respects her very little. This has caused the once close sisters to slowly and quietly grow distant from each other in the past few years despite living together in the same house.

-Goblin would die for her sister though. No question.

[lazulisocinfodump]

Playing Sec in Adminverse has basically has given me the opportunity to show the long-term impacts Goblin's actions in Abandonware will likely have on Sec.

Thats is, assuming that Abandonware Kinito decides to stay out of their life. Not sure if Nito will or won't at this point!

I will say this though. ABW Sec knows Kinito killed Goblin. But She does not hate him for it.

She is literally Can't. Because she is currently outright shutting down emotionally from sheer distress. She isn't feeling anything right now. Heck, she half expects Kinito to kill her too, and she can't even muster up the will to be scared about it.

The thing is though... once she lets herself feel again, I still don't think Sec will hate Kinito for what he did. I honestly think she will have an easier time forgiving him than forgiving Goblin, weirdly enough. And its gonna be a very long while before she even figures out that she is even angry at Goblin in the first place.

Sec won't want to be Kinito's friend though, even if she forgives him. She'll just want him to leave her alone and not hurt anyone else.

That being said, If ABW Nito decides to pull ABW Sec in and he shows that he cares about her on more than a shallow level... she will very easily give into loving him again.

And she will hate herself for it.

[lazulisocinfodump]

Adminverse Sec is A Complete and Utter Mess of A Person - An Essay

Sec is trying so very hard to make everything work for everyone. Shes trying to encourage everyone, life people up, strive towards everyone Getting Along, trying to mediate. Trying to give good advice.

But shes only Mid at it overall. And She knows it.

(Warning, this might get kinda heavy, this dives headfirst into messy mental health issues)

Sec wants to be useful soooooo bad but simultaneously think they are mostly worthless AND that their actions/words have a big impact on people. Its a weird contradictory belief.

People often mistake self-hatred as a virtue, as a type of humility. Sometimes people think self-hatred is the opposite of pride when it really isn't. Sometimes, self-hate is really just the most painful variant of Self Obsession.

And Sec Hates Herself.

I mean, part of it is she has The Big Fat Mega Depression. And Depression can cause you to spiral into self hatred. But also, She is full of blaming herself for events she actually had very little control over. But this self-blame is also something she is using to hide from herself that fact that she deeply resents her older sister.

Arlee was so amazing, so special, so talented, so bright and loud and attention grabbing. And Sec? Sec was never special. Never talented. Never worth much. Can't she have a piece of what her sister Arlee was? It isn't Fair!

And Arlee was the person who loved her the most, yet even she did not think she was worthy of respect? Even she was willing to disregard anything she had to say? Even after how much Sec supported her? Consoled her? Forgave her for the crappy things she tended to do out of impulse? Reined her in from destroying herself again and again?

Arlee was the one who loved her the most, and she was not willing to try and fight for their relationship once Sec started pulling away? And to top it all off, she went and DIED on her, leaving her ALONE with no hope of fixing things? For something stupid as a fight for the sake of her pride? Was Sec not even worth living for vs dying for saving face?

And then there is the resentment Sec *is* aware of in herself. Like the resentment she feels about wanting the kindness she tries to give other people to be given to her. Can't being Nice cause people to love her, give her affection, think she is special? Kinito is meant to be Everyones Best friend, he is meant to be somebody who Loves, who gives you attention and care. Yet no matter how much she tries, or invites, or offers... she simply is not the priority even to him.

And Sec knows that this line of thinking is irrational. She knows this whole situation is FAR from being About Her. But the feelings won't go away. And it just gives her more ammo for her self-hatred.

Often the thought going through her head is: "I'm only pretending to be kind, to be nice, to care. But I'm a lying fraud that only cares about themselves. If I actually cared, I would leave the situation and stop interfering with people who can actually do something."

Its not really the full truth though. Sec is a genuinely kind person. She does very much care about all the characters in adminverse. She really, really wants Everyone to have a happy ending (Yes even Scary Face, just not at the cost of Casey dying lol). She wants everyone to have hope. She wants everyone to be free from their suffering, to grow to become better people. She wants the rifts between Sonny and Nito and Casey and Nito to heal, or at least for them to come to an understanding.

And even if everything ended with her being nothing more than a footnote and forgotten, she would be genuinely very happy for everyone if things get better for them. In spite of her resentment. Sec would put her life on the line to save Kinito, Owl, Casey, Sonny or Addie if it came down to it.

But Sec also has a martyr complex, deep self worth issues, unresolved resentment, is drowning in grief, sadness and self-pity and is disgusted with herself for it. And she won't talk about most of it .

She only talked about Arlee's death because she wanted to shock Kinito out of his complacency AND show that she had firsthand experience of what his path might end up being if he didn't change. And then later to show that he was not Alone in carrying mistakes and guilt he could not fix.

Sec Hates being guilt tripped and does not want to do that to others (despite the fact that she kinda does guilt trip others, just more subconsciously). But she is hypocritically trying to give emotional advice and support when she herself is the emotional equivalent of a dumpster fire that she won't seek help to put out.

This lady is trying to save others from drowning knowing full well that she herself is drowning too. What does she expect?

[lazulisocinfodump]

This will have no bearing on the plot whatsoever but a little Lore Tidbit for Sea Angel: They are Sec and Goblin's cousin.

Yes I like making this group of various 'Kinito RP Blog OCs' related. Mainly so its easier to justify the similarities between these characters that arises because they all inherit a lot of my traits (like my love of Monologing XD)

Also I do very much like exploring the same characters in different universes and Situations. Does that make me like Kinito? lol.

Anyway Sec will not be in serverbox but in this universe they *did* have their own Kinito companion, just not long enough to get attached, or to even realize their sentience, before they were deleted. Perhaps that is a mercy.