Name | Ocelot x Reader
Idea: She wants to know his name.
Flashbacks are in italics : Example
Thoughts are italics in quotes : ‘Example’
Wordcount: 2742
Name
‘ I want to know your name…
I want to say it like we're close …
Ah...No...
Not just that...
No...
I want to be closer than that…
Above all else, I want to be trusted by you…’
As her eyes fell over the man, she felt her heart race, beating with an unsteady pace as she watched his strands of long, silky silver blow with the warm wind.
Batting her eyes quickly, she tore her gaze from his face, falling down to his gloved hand instead, silently placing her own next to his, right there, on the same chilled raining.
‘ I want to... But how can I? ‘ She grimaced, visually showing her internal discomfort as her brows creased, her lips pressed together into a tight, straight line that strained them.
Her wistful thinking did nothing but further her into distress that she knew would eventually morph into misery if she wasn’t careful.
Her little finger gave a small twitch, inching closer to his hand, the thought of it falling over his exiting her greatly, but of course, she stopped herself, deciding to hold onto the cool metal instead.
She held it sternly, her hand balled tightly as she lived through the cowardice decision with disdain,
‘ How can I?
How can I move closer to you when I still don't know you like I should?’ she asked herself, wanting to ask him instead, yet, lacking all the will it took.
‘ Why do I just want to give you everything?
Much more...
Why do you take? But never give?
Am I just not worthy of it? Is that it? Do you just not trust me enough?
I wish you’d tell me.’
She went on, having asked herself the questions over and over again, silently reciting the lines as though practice was all she needed, and one day she’d have what it took to question him.
“ I...” she started, barely breathing out the single word, feeling the words knot up in her throat right off the bat.
To her dismay, they were all jumbled there, afraid to pass through and be set free to be heard.
‘What can I even say to you?’ She wondered, notably downhearted.
It had all become so hard, and perhaps it was her fault, because all in all, he had no reason to tell her anything, and she sure as hell had no reason falling for a man she truly didn't even know to begin with.
‘ He didn't force me to fall in love with him,’ She thought dejectedly, remembering the fact.
She then stammered to say his name, or at least, the false alias he let everyone know, causing her to grow even more sullen as she uttered the address.
Just then, she felt a hand fall over hers, and with caresses of a gentle thumb, her wound-up hand lost its tense grip of the railing. Slowly, she eased, the warmth of his palm crawling all the way up her body, melting every bit of her tensed muscles.
‘ Sometimes I think I’m the problem,’ she told herself with light amusement, ‘But then you touch me so freely...And you always treat me so...’
She trailed off, her eyes peeking over to him, landing on his smile which gently touched the features of his handsome face,
‘ Differently.’ She determined.
‘So differently, that I dare to feel entitled to so much more,’ She added, while, in that very moment, she wanted to huddle closer to him.
He began to say her name, but was unable to finish as she withdrew,
“I have to go!” she said hurriedly, shaking her head as she backed away, her hand slipping right from under his, immediately being cradled close to her chest where she could feel her heart’s unsteady pounding.
“ Hey, hold on there…" He murmured in a soft, mellow voice, “ what's with that face?” He said stopping her, going as far as to take hold of her wrist, pulling her back to him as soon as he took a grasp of her.
Shocked beyond reason, her eyes rounded as wide as they could go, a short gasp leaving her as she soon found herself standing right before the man.
Her heart thudded loudly within her rib cage, the anxious muscle jumpstarted by the intense strength of his observant, icy orbs as they captured hers, holding them hostage upon the first connected glance.
She could feel her face scathing, burning hot to such a degree that she could only imagine it was practically glowing red, steaming like a dish straight out of the oven.
“- You've been actin’ real strange lately,” he commented, notable concern weaved within his observational remark, “Is something bothering you?” He continued on, his thumb's pad gently circling over the underside of her wrist where he’d yet to let her go.
The action was meant to soothe her, coax her into opening up to him more, but it had the contrary effect:
It furthered her already persistent feeling of distress.
“Care to tell me?” He asked her, his voice still painfully soft and sweetened as a gentle smile was worn on display.
Shaking her head, she refused to let herself open, “No...” she said weakly, tugging to free herself.
“So please, just let me go,” she pleaded him with the same notable shakiness and unease.
‘You make my mind blank, and my heart race so much...it’s impractical.
You make me act irrational, and everything you do gives me reason...
It gives me Hope...
Too much of it...’
At her request, there was a certain hardening to his eyes that made her heart still, knowing there wasn’t a chance he’d let her slip away so easily, especially not now that he seemed determined to uncover the truth,
“(f/n),” he said firmly, “What’s going on with you?” he pressed on.
Her face then contorted into a slight sneer, her two hands balled tightly with frustration,
“Why do I have to tell you?” She grumbled, her (e/c) colored eyes strayed far to the side, not planning to look at him as she uttered the words.
‘Maybe I’m overacting...
Maybe I’m taking this all out of proportion...’ She contemplated,
‘But shouldn’t I at the very least know something about you? Shouldn’t I be able to know the man I spend every day with...
Above all things, shouldn’t I at least be able to call you by your actual name?
Even if it’s in private, away from everyone else in the world...’
She compromised,
‘ I trust you.
In fact, I tell you everything.
So , is it too much to ask for you to give something in return? Or is it not my place to want such a thing?’ she wondered. ‘And if not, shouldn’t I be able to hold onto something that you can’t touch, especially if you’re one not to share?
Shouldn’t I find my distance?
...Eventually, wouldn’t I have to say goodbye to you?’ She thought with sadness.
There was bitterness laced within her tone, one he wasn't accustomed to, and taken back, he opened his eyes wide at her notable disdain, surprised the normally sweet girl had such spite, directed at him none the less.
His hold loosened, his hand falling to the side as his shoulders slightly slumped,
“(f/n)…” he started softly as he felt a pang in his chest, and with that little prick to his heart, he felt it grow heavier than usual, making his breathing feel somewhat lagged.
“ Why should you get to know everything about me?” She asked him, “How is it fair you get to … when I don't even know your damn name? “ She questioned him,
“... when you refuse to tell me anything about you!” She sniffled, a glossy sheet coating her lovely (e/c) eyes.
- And it was then that he could see just what burdened her, realization falling upon him in a way that made him feel stupid.
“I see…” he murmured, “Is that it then?” He questioned her with a small, dry chuckle, because, to him, it was inevitable.
“ Alright then, but I have a question for you too,” he said with a shine to his eyes, something that glittered with playfulness muddied with smugness.
“Why do you care so much, hmm?” He asked her, absolutely living for the immediate blush that bloomed over her face, “I’d be willing to tell you who I really am, only if you can tell me why you need these answers, ”
“You...You answer me first,” she said huffing, staring up at him, trying to downplay her fluster by holding her wavering glare.
“I suppose I could go first,” he started teasingly, “ But only if you can keep a secret,” he said giving her a playful wink.
Nodding enthusiastically, she agreed, watching as he came close to her, his mouth just an inch from her ear,
“You have to promise me you’ll only utter the name with me...swear to me that when we’re together, alone, It’s the only thing you’ll call me,” he said while in the close proximity.
Nodding, she swallowed down hard, waiting for his response, “I will. I promise,” She breathed.
“Adam. Only you can call me Adam. You can repeat the name as many times you want, but just in my presence (f/n), “ He told her, seeing the little shiver that struck her.
Nearing her more, he continued to speak,
“And to make certain that no one else hears, let’s make sure to always stay this close,” He advised her, holding back a snicker when he heard a little peep escape her,
“O-Of course...” She said soon after.
“Now... tell me why is it so important to you?” He muttered lowly, his fingers at her hairline, slowly grazing over her to clear away her bangs, parting them to get a better view of her glowing face.
“I just wanted to know,” She answered shyly, not knowing how to really tell him, or even if she should tell him just how she feels.
“You’re a terrible liar,” he mused, lifting up her chin, and by doing so directly looking into her (e/c) colored eyes.
“But I suppose that is what I deserve for being so vague with you, all while in turn, you give me everything.” He said with fondness, appreciating her willingness for him.
“There are many...many things you can’t know. “ He revealed to her, the statement making her nod with understanding,
‘I figured,‘ She told herself with dejection.
“ - For your sake.” He then added, the admittance causing her to look up at him with glowing eyes, taken back,
‘To keep me safe...?’ She repeated, slowly realizing that perhaps he wasn’t all that selfish, having more reasons to keep quiet.
‘He just wants to keep me safe,’ She thought to herself.
“But,” he said while brushing his lips over hers, “ But there are other things I can share with you,” He said while kissed her, both his hands pressed at the sides of her head, pouring every bit of himself into the single smooch.
She didn’t have time to be surprised, instead, falling into him more, immediately melting in his hands,
“Adam…” she sweetly breathed in between the press, drunk on the passionate mash, her hands needily fisting his tawny-colored shirt.
“Already?” He mused, a deep, chuckle resonating from him as he watched her be taken so much by him, all in response to a single kiss.
‘Here, and now?’ He mused.
With large, wondrous eyes she gazed at him, truly wanting to know,
“ Is it wrong?” She airily questioned him.
Was it wrong to already want more?
Was it wrong to be closer to him?
- Close enough for their skin to press against each other in a way that in the future, she would only remember being with him, and no one else.
‘What if, the only thing I want to make sure stays with me, is you?’
“Adam...I'll always be bare for you,” she said as she fisted her button-up shirt, giving it a rough pull to its right side, “I always have been,” she added with shame that quickly subsided.
Immediately, the blouse opened up, it’s little, clear buttons tearing off from their sewed spots, providing him a clear view of her heaved chest clothed only with a thin, cotton bra.
" Whenever you touch me...I feel warm." She confessed, letting him know that even the little brush ups they had left her yearning. “It’s been too long since I first discovered...” she then trailed off before swallowing thickly,
" I feel it here …" she said softly as her hand fell down to her wildly thudding heart, “Always here,” she expressed with certainty, facing him with an open heart,
"...and here…" she continued, gliding it down to her abdomen, "Here I feel warm, and nervous …I feel all the butterflies go wild." She said with a small, giggle while seeing him entranced by her, his eyes stuck to her moving hand.
" And then here… I feel warm here too…" she said whilst it traveled down further, right above a private, little spot that was still fully clothed.
“Especially now,” She informed him. “I was so ashamed before, but if you feel the same way about me, then, isn’t it right?” She questioned him.
" Do you feel too, Adam?" She said with a heavy breath, her hands then pressed against his chest, slowly dipping down as she peered up at him,
“Do I make you feel warm too?” She then asked him, still glancing at him, her hands falling down lower, running over his hardened length, while all the while she audaciously looked up to him,
“Adam?” she said again, her voice soft and low, holding a light husk to it.
“ What are you really asking me ?” He said softly.
She seemed to think long and hard, her lips pressed together before she shook her head, " Do you love me?" She asked him, clear as day to where he could make no mistake on what he'd heard, and there could be no misunderstanding.
Why hold back?
Why waste time?
‘Please just tell me,’
“My warmth… it's because of love. It is love. For some reason, it’s always been. " she explained. “Somehow, I ended up falling in love with a man whose identity was a mystery.
- A man who I knew essentially nothing about.” she confessed. “I've felt so stupid... Like such a fool for doing so, but I couldn't help it,” She added.
“ You told me there are things you can tell me, and this...This is something I should know,
So can you answer me? Can you tell me...Do you love me?” She asked pleadingly, wanting to know, much more, desperate to hear the truth.
“ Your awfully bold,” he said while amused, “I guess I’m just finding this side of you,” he added. “ Shame on me for assuming I knew everything about you, “ He added with a short mutter.
“I guess there are some things you have been keeping from me,” He told her with the same enjoyment.
‘ And all this time I thought I was the only one to hold back. I assumed I would have had to have been patient with you,
but you’re the one touching me…
Tempting me… going as far as to say you love me before I even had the chance to show you,’ he went on.
“You're putting me to shame sweetheart,” he chuckled, lips aimed, soon falling over her sweet lips, soon willing to claim every patch of skin.
“There are a lot of things I can’t tell you,” he told her again, “ And there isn’t much I can do to change that,” he revealed to her,
“ but it’s because I feel the same way, because I also love you,” he told her.
“I have, and if it hasn’t been obvious to you before, I’ll make sure you don’t doubt it now or later.” He guaranteed her.
‘By just knowing my name I’m at a disadvantage,’ He thought while pressing his forehead to hers,
‘But I can’t help but trust you, enough to love you,
enough to give you one of my secrets,’
“- Of course I do.” He told her, for once, giving his heart a voice.
‘If we share the same feeling, then somehow, in some way,
It’s right as it should be.’ She mused, her arms wrapped around him as he pulled her into the vacant room near them.
OPP I FORGOT THEY WERE OUTSIDE.
Good lord she did that outside LOL.
BAD (F/N) !!!!!