#oddly calm

[goatsandgangsters]

well. it is going to be some time before I am willing to speak to my mother again.

I spent about 18 hours crafting the most meticulous, diplomatic, low-blame, I-statements, level-headed, "I feel hurt by this specific thing" resolution-oriented message that I could possible put together

and my mom's response was. worse than I possibly could have imagined her capable of saying to me. not even my anxiety could have conceived of a response that bad.

and, yknow, it's good to realize. she actually is so allergic to acknowledging my feelings that when I express them as carefully as I can, she'd rather whip out things I said as an 11-year-old and send me miles of texts listing out all these things she thinks I did wrong over the entire course of my life dating back to when I was a child

and it's disappointing, but I feel an odd sense of calm about it

she's dying and if this is the type of relationship she wants to have with me for the rest of her days, then we can have that

I was trying to have a relationship where we spoke about things more openly and where I voiced my feelings instead of ignoring them. but she's demonstrated that she doesn't want that, so we just won't have that. if there's nothing I can say that will make her hear me, then at least I no longer have to try to be heard

I will speak to her again, inevitably. I will still go down to visit. but she broke something, and I just won't be open with her anymore. and that's her loss.

[ratticatti]

SPEARS YOU GOTTA FIND RITA I THINK SOMEONE SNAPPED HER OUT OF IT SHES CALLING FOR YOU

I know. I’ll be there soon.

- G. Spears

[ratticatti]

agent spears, she needs you

i am sending you the coordinates for where there was just a massive spike in chaos energy, she can probably be found there… good luck

🐭

I’m on my way.

- G. Spears

[rebelsaurus29]

When you're dressed up for an interview and you see yourself in the mirror and think, yeah, I look good.

[cuethenoise]

When you have drinks with someone who causes all parts of your psyche sit down round table style and assess every fucking part about you. And stranger still...you arent even freaked out.

[vivre-sans-passion-est-mour-blog]

i feel really at peace with where im at rn, i have a C in chemistry and my life is no where near where i want it to be, but i cant stop smiling when i think about where i could be ten, fifteen, twenty years from now. Whether im single with my cat finishing a degree, or a history teacher able to come home to my wife and kids. I cant wait to leave behind this stage of my life, the one that has been ravaged by mental illness, monetary struggles, family woes, and sleepless nights. Struggle will never cease, just change. Im ready from change for better and worse. 

[subliminalpink]

I love thunderstorms

There is something oddly calming about sitting near a window as a storm crawls in. The clouds swell over the sun. You start to notice the yellow tint of fluorescent lighting filling the room while the world darkens outside. Everything goes still and even the silence has an electric charge to it. Then a low rumble of thunder breaks the silence and lightning flickers. That’s my favorite moment in a storm. There’s something seriously cathartic about the first rumble of thunder, and the raindrops to begin to fall right after. It’s like the world is carrying the same tension that I carry in my shoulders and in that moment, we both let  some of it go.

[but-then-you-say-my-name]

My legs are trembling, I'm both emotionally and physically exhausted but I can't will sleep.