Tonight I realized something: I’m learning to be nicer to myself.
I had a horrible balance night. I couldn’t get my ass to engage for the life of me. So my balance point was nowhere in sight. We did mainly wall strengthening drills, so my shoulders are a little beat. A year ago I would have felt and expressed at least a moderate amount of self resentment while talking to my coach afterwards. I would have had a lot of regret for having an unproductive night.
Instead I said “my balance was shit today, but that’s fine. I’ll just make sure to do my basic drills tomorrow night. And they may be shit again. But it’s fine. It’ll come back”.
And for once I didn’t feel that self loathing that I normally get when I fuck up. I feel good. I worked my ass off on the earlier classes and did a crazy amount of back and shoulder conditioning. I’m probably tired and I did a run of my routine last night. Not to mention, my clavicle is acting up a smidge. I’m definitely pushing a lot of training hours this week, so I can’t expect every evening to be magical or have a break through. Some evenings will feel like a regression. And it will come back eventually. I had fun in class and I feel like I worked, even if I didn’t have anything to show for it. Life and training are about the journey and I’m going to get the most enjoyment out of them as possible.
Handstands are about falling and getting back up immediately. Because you have to fall a fuck ton of times to get better and even when you’re good enough to perform, you’ll still fall. It’s on the individual to get back up and keep trying.
I stg my coach’s chill nature is rubbing off on me. I’m okay with this; I can always do with less anxiety
