#ofiouchos;

[olivierperrier]

{ @astrotechne​ offered romantic freckle kisses. LISTEN AS YOU READ }

❝Tell me how all this, and love too, will ruin us. These, our bodies, possessed by light. Tell me we'll never get used to it.❞ - Richard Siken: Crush

The sun is going down and lighting up the bookstore in gorgeous hues of red and gold, gilding the edges of every book and shelf. Music spins out of a record as two figures sway on the rug in the center of the store. Ofiouchos’ blueprints to renovate the children’s section of the store are abandoned on their desk in the corner, and hidden underneath them a surprise for Ollie: a new coffee bar to replace the rickety setup that Ollie routinely burns himself on. Olivier’s re-shelving and dusting has paused as well in favor of their slow dance.

For once, Olivier’s proper look has been relaxed,  button-down shed in the corner from the warmth of the store leaving him in a simple, soft t-shirt. Scars lay just a layer underneath the white cotton, still not on shown to his lover but close enough to exist. It is a testament to how safe Ollie feels with Ofiouchos; drunk tonight on happiness and honeyed moments instead of pain with lazy fingers caressing any skin they touched. Fingers are tangled in Ofiouchos’ own as they slowly waltz and the constellation’s lovely eyes roam down the curve of Ollie’s neck, sight flicking to the smattering of freckles revealed trailing down skin and arms usually hidden behind the armor of clothes. Ofiouchos draws out Ollie’s arm and starting at his wrist, begins to press kisses to each dark and numerous natural mark along pale skin. Ollie opens his eyes, a blush creeping up his cheeks as he realizes what Ofiouchos is doing. 

❝They’re like sssstars… you can connect them to make a conssstellation.❞

The murmur is warm and joyful, mouth pressed soft to Olivier’s ear before dipping to his neck and eliciting a shiver at the feeling of lips pressed there too. Oliviers arm tightens around Ofiouchos waist to hold them closer as lips finally connect with lips, fingers carding gently through their red hair and resting on the back of their neck to keep them there: swaying in time to a record that ended playing music minutes ago. 

❝I’ve got all the stars I need right here.❞ Olivier quietly replies, head coming to rest against Ofiouchos’ chest, fingers entangled once again to dance together. There is a swell of happiness within he is sure will eclipse his heart whole. Surely, this is where they both belong; dancing in silence as the world fades in a ball of fire. The peace is enough to endure lifetimes.

[olivierperrier]

{ @astrotechne​ requested a hand to hold }

“A man takes his sadness down to the river and throws it in the river                     but then he’s still left with the river. A man takes his sadness and throws it away                                                                         but then he’s still left with his hands.”   -Richard Siken: Crush

LISTEN

The two of them have wandered off course yet again today; an activity they have been more prone to do on their walks since their kiss under the moon. today’s air is different - it isn’t just olivier running from his demons today. there is a shake in Ofiouchos’ hands, a limp in their doggedly stubborn steps before ollie’s coaxing gets them to sit. they are in a shady end of the park, the grass is long here and the only sounds are the trees rustling and the river cutting through a couple feet away from them making its silver path through the grass. the sunlight sways in between the dark shade like honeycomb rattled about. a tight line of tension runs through Ofichous that pulls at an ache in olivier, the serpent’s expression pained and a thousand miles away as they stare out over the glittering water. they look as if they are hunched alone at the end of the world for a moment.

a hand reaches out and olivier’s touch is gentle but unyielding as he has moved to sit behind Ofiouchos, probing sore muscles in attempt to untie all the internal knots stringing up his insides. his legs stretch on either side, and despite the lack of mass it is as olivier is protecting Ofiouchos from the rest of the world. olivier knows how hard it it to relax walls you’ve had up for so long, the difficulty of diving into an old wound to clean it before the festering pain hurts someone else, the agony of coming to grips with forgiveness. it is a long journey. so olivier doesn’t ask if the pain is physical or emotional as Ofiouchos’ chest catches, simply wipes away the tears without requesting the reason of their release. olivier’s own troubled head turns to rest between Ofiouchos’ shoulder blades to hear the steady beat of their heart in assurance they will be okay, will  be okay, will be okay in the end. but that is not now, and that is alright.

olivier is surprised at the request, but it is granted immediately. his hand finds Ofi’s and warm fingers whorl over skin comfortingly. olivier aches to take away Ofiouchos’s pain the same way they do when they hold olivier in the throes of fear, cup his heart in their hands with a near desperate note asking it to breathe and slow down before their lover explodes before their eyes with the shame and terror. so he holds Ofiouchos’s hand, other arm around their waist cradling them fiercely to his smaller frame and ear pressed still to their spine as if he can lend what little of backbone he has to them to hold them up, give them strength. his own heart beats in mismatch time: not alone not alone not alone, anymore anymore anymore.

THEY SIT LIKE THIS A LONG TIME.

[olivierperrier]

👫 with Ofi owo

{ @astrotechne Sent a 👫 for four headcanons I have about our muse’s relationship }

1. Ofiouchos is the only one who has made Olivier laugh so hard he snorted. It is a wicked wicked talent that he mustn't abuse, but it is very cute. Olivier thinks Ofi is the funniest person he knows.

2. Ofi is also they only one who can touch Olivier during his panic attacks without making him flinch. Ofiouchos has gotten good at seeing the warnings of  oncoming attacks and tries their best to guide Olivier to a safe place where they can try and calm him down. Because of this, Ofiouchos is the first person Olivier has cried in front of since his adoptive mom passed away - but he hasn’t told Ofi. 

3.Ofiouchos melts at Olivier’s surprise that they’ve remembered a small detail or something he likes, because he’s surprised and so delighted every time. It takes so little to keep Ollie happy that they’d almost be sad if it wasn’t so sweet to see Ollie tear up when they bring him flowers at work. When Ofi realizes Ollie hasn’t realized they’ve been going on dates because he’s never been on a real date before - oh boy. Ofi wants to pull out all the stops and make the most romantic date ever except Olivier immediately becomes anxious at the idea until Ofiouchos swears he’ll be safe the whole time.

4.Olivier doesn’t know the whole story of Ofiouchos and what they’ve done in the past. He’s never asked and since Ofiouchos has not yet pressed Olivier to talk of his abuse, he never will. Olivier will never be convinced that Ofi doesn’t deserve forgiveness - particularly from themself. In his mind, the past is best left there forever. So Olivier goes out of his way all the time to remind Ofi how lovable and handsome they are, and of all the good things they do every day in hopes to remind them they are more than what they’ve done.

[olivierperrier]

{ @astrotechne​​ offers ◈  from Ofiouchos: a first kiss is a miracle of its own }

  IT’S LATE:

and the grass beneath them is cold and wet with dew as the two figures stretch out under a yawning inky sky. olivier is drunk - these days ofiouchos has always seemed to show up at his door the nights just before it gets bad to coax him out; out of hiding and into the great, quiet world of darkness and winking city lights that illuminate murmuring patches of life after all reason had gone to bed. today had been stressful for olivier and he’d already gotten three or four glasses in when ofiouchos had come to save him from himself. olivier didn’t know how they knew when to be there, but he finds himself longing for these walks even before he has touched the bottle.

the sky above them was crystal clear, cool air rustling the dark trees around them. Looking up, olivier caught sight of the cloudless velveteen void and was overcome with the urge to sit and stargaze. he’s HAPPY, olivier can genuinely say that he is happy as ofiouchos comes to lay next to him in the damp chilly grass. ollie lets out a bubbling laugh at nothing, allowing his world to tilt and spin pleasantly when eyes close to savor the feeling of freedom. their legs are pressed side to side, an ankle casually overlapping as if to tie them together in a delicious shiver of trust. olivier isn’t sure who pressed against who first for warmth, but gosh he can already feel his drunken heat seeping to the serpent next to him despite how quickly sobering the chill is. with no barriers of heart and hesitation, olivier edges closer to keep his friend warm. it is what ofiouchos would do for him, surely, and there is a simple joy in looking after one another.

ofiouchos is talking to ollie about the STARS, voice low and wonderful in the way it always is. a hand gestures animatedly to the sky as they rattle through names and stories filled with intimate detail. olivier has been looking at the bright winking diamonds up there and he SWEARS he’s been trying to follow along - but his gaze keeps sliding to the orator beside him. this close, ollie can not only hear but FEEL the soft vibrations of ofi’s words birthed to the world.  the brief touch of their ribcage expanding on every breath in and somehow missing it in the moments they exhale with a pattern ollie can’t help but savor and be lost in. yellow eyes are alight with knowledge and a certain bittersweet joy mixed with guilt as they roam the sky map reflecting its greatness and olivier is suddenly overwhelmed with a wave of feelings he can’t quite place they come so intensely. there are no thoughts as his head drops onto ofiouchos’ shoulder, nose pressed to their neck for a moment as emotions roll through olivier and his brain struggles to catch up. recognition comes belatedly as deep breaths pull in the scent he’s come to know so well that calms and centers the book-keeper all at once. 

GRATITUDE for every time ofiouchos has showed up whether asked or not, their willingness to simply be there. ollie is aware how difficult he can be, how messy and awful the aftermath of being is around him. It is a toll few ollie has been willing to let see, let alone attempt to shoulder. for most his life, olivier has been so very alone. where there once was a gaping maw now stands ofiouchos, steadfast and stubborn. CARE because olivier knows the utter alienation of separating from your family with violence, even without either of them having to go into detail about their pasts. Their pain is of the same root; that type of worn pain (like the bloody gap of a missing tooth) is revisited time and time again even without wishing to, and the question accompanying is one of if they deserved it. To witness the pain in another, to reach out a hand and know there is empathy and not sympathy, it is enough to see how to wish for healing. AFFECTION too; for every time the serpent constellation laughs, how quick their clever words come and with such grace, how their smile is like a lemon slice and eyes that hold as much mischief as they do kindness, their fingers and how their grasp is so gentle and how just thinking of their rasping warmth causes olivier’s heart to skip through ragged undergrowth - oh what is this feeling that comes with every breath welling up like the ocean’s pull within his chest-

             oh. 

                                 LOVE.

the final realization, affection grown wild to something beautiful, has stopped olivier’s breath all together for a moment. ofiouchos had stopped speaking at the feeling of olivier’s head on their shoulder buried against them, perhaps with concern - but there is no need to worry. ollie is still with them, still drinking in every terrifying moment of joy. in the silence, olivier manages to roll his head back up and look to meet those mesmerizing eyes; eyes that are looking right into his own and pinning him to this earth’s green grass as they hurtle through space. had ofiouchos’ fingers been tangled with olivier’s this whole time? when had he become so accustomed to their weight laced with his own? olivier was hyper aware now of every point of contact, every molecule of air between the two of them as if prey caught in a moment to decide whether or not to run. every thought in his head was wiped away by how beautiful in the starlight ofiouchos looked, how they were still looking at him with a question poised on half parted lips. ofi’s question would never be asked, or if it was ollie didn’t hear it as the rush of heartbeat in olivier’s head had become too much to bear so he leaned in and

        KISSED OFIOUCHOS.

lips pressed soft and insistent and for a moment olivier is terrified at his own bravery. ofiouchos is so warm against him now, they must feel how his heart is pounding rabbit fast in his chest until lips press back to match. it’s tentative and slow but burning like a star succumbing to supernova. olivier is utterly lost and found all at once; their lips still pressed and parting now to surrender all the words unsaid into the mouth and lungs for the one meant to hear them. when they pull away olivier can’t bring himself to fully go. their foreheads press together with joy and awe of each other co-mingling in the quiet of the night, soon broken by olivier’s delighted laugh escaping his trembling body. the serpent is blushing deeply and olivier’s joy at the sight is fiercely tender. his fingers trace the line of jaw to ofiouchos’ chin and he pulls them in again for another taste of honeyed affection, and again until the kiss is broken by smiles irrepressible. the moon hangs above like a brilliant silver dollar causing the  surrounding stars to be brighter than before and olivier swears he can hear a cooing as ofiouchos pulls him in close.

[olivierperrier]

«On the edge of the Universe and back. Endure and survive.» - From Ofi!

{ @astrotechne and the last of us have arrived }

❝that sounds.......very b...b..b..b-big. a-and lonely. ❞

      ENDURE and SURVIVE? ollie had done that before.         it wasn’t fun. and the universe was a concept that           the book-keep could hardly truly comprehend.

he couldn’t begin to IMAGINE the things ofiouchos had endured.

❝ d...d...d...d-don’t you you w-want to LIVE instead of s..s..s...survive?❞

     it was a question asked of olivier at therapy when he was young       that had haunted him ever since he had heard it. he thought      he knew the right answer - but was there even a POSSIBILITY?                            COULD IT EVEN BE DONE?                  ofiouchos may have done wrong, but ollie firmly felt  there was more to the serpent than they ever had considered themself to be.          worth did not resonate from others, but the inner self.            A LESSON WORTH LEARNING FOR THEM BOTH.

 oceanic gaze looked to ofiouchos filled with the strength of tenderness as well      as painful yearning to fix that feeling of having to shoulder a world alone.           he KNOWS that feeling too well - but ofiouchos’ world is much                           LARGER than olivier’s ever will be.       ( does enduring ever really stop? does the universe really have an edge?)

 he hesitates for a moment, realizing that perhaps he’s gone too far.   his intensity shrinks away for a moment and the light in his eyes flickers.     olivier;s hand flutters to reach out. pauses. reaches out anyway.         then -                    ❝ l-let's g..g..go out. the f-f-flower shop, m-maybe....?❞

[olivierperrier]

{ @astrotechne​ is unfailingly sweet; Ofiouchos says  ❝ You don’t have to talk, we can just sit together. ❞ }

he honestly had been frightened to see them again, after his breakdown the thunderstorm, ollie had had a pit in his stomach about Ofioúchos. they had sat with him while he shook, heart exploding despite the downers, vomiting in fear, passing out---               NO, ollie had thought he’d never see Ofioúchos again.

but here they are, sitting on the patio with two teas already waiting as they do every wednesday amongst the zinnias, self-inserting to ollie’s weekly routine as smoothly as time itself. their smile is like a  lemon slice: bright and paradoxically sweet as ollie sits across from them as this has become the usual part of life somehow and he had hardly noticed until he thought it would be taken away.

    bruised fingers wrap around the steaming mug       (jasmine and honey; Ofioúchos really did know his routine-)    and ollie opens his mouth to explain himself where    he couldn’t before only to close it. where to begin?     taking a breath to try again, Ofiouchos is a step ahead            (AS ALWAYS), ❝ -You don’t have to talk, we can just sssit together. ❞

   ollie ducks his head in gratitude, feeling almost guilty for his willingness    to comply with the kindness offered instead of insisting on pulling out his    excuses and apologies as if he were yanking out his own teeth to hand    to Ofiouchos.  it isn’t that ollie doesn’t want to tell them, except that it is that    ollie doesn’t want to tell them because he feels like his past pollutes    everything like an oil spill. this one friend is the one who might deserve    to know and yet ollie feels like it would kill him if the knowledge changed    the way Ofioúchos looked at him or treated him or talked to him. he doesn’t    want this to change even though the cat is already out of the bag: he’s broken.

 THEY MAKE HIM BELIEVE HIS LIFE IS ACTUALLY DIFFERENT NOW.

          so ollie sips his tea and lets it almost burn, savoring the icarus           taste. Ofioúchos allowed ollie’s weakness without needing explanation.           mortal fingertips barely graze ones steeped in cosmos allowing           warmth to flow between them and AGAIN instead of pulling away            ollie allows the touch to stay. it goes against his very nature to stay,            rabbit-heart always running to stay safe, always hiding to stay unknown-

       yet here, in their own bubble of eden, the two beings are safe.          amongst fragrant flowers and the silence of compassion             THERE IS NO NEED TO BE ALONE ANY LONGER.

  olivier’s hand moves closer to rest on top of Ofioúchos’ in a way that says      every apology and gratitude at once, an offering of reciprocity,                                             a homecoming.

[olivierperrier]

{ @astrotechne​ sends us a forehead kiss, curtesy of Ofioúchos }

“Something's not right about what I'm doing but I'm still doing it-- living in the worst parts, ruining myself. My inner life is a sheet of black glass. If I fell through the floor I would keep falling. The enormity of my desire disgusts me.” -Richard Siken

        IT’S GETTING BAD AGAIN -  an empty bottle of what used to be red wine stands next to its half full twin brother by the time ollie has had the willpower to call Ofioúchos, and even then he only breathes into the phone when a familiar voice on the other side asks ‘hello?’ and the word drips with concern. he hangs up before he can hear Ofiouchos utter his name, afraid for a moment to hear it said. ollie doesn’t know why he can’t speak to the only one he wants to see - the only one who could possibly understand - there is a restlessness within ollie’s self he isn’t sure he could ever tame. anxiety takes the form of bloody creatures in his torso with sharp nails and gnawing teeth that wear away from the inside of his ribcage and making a nest from the bone shavings they make. ollie expects any moment to see his chest split open like a bloody flower, his own hands ripping out organs and bones to desperately claw at the scurrying entities and SCRAPE them out so he can find peace in being hollow. but that isn’t how this works and it never has been. so he shakes out one, two blue pills from an orange bottle he despises and washes them down with more deep red as if he can drown the scrabbling animals in him and make them choke on the pills and finally give him peace PLEASE.     a knock hits his door just before a wine dark sky breaks to thunderstorm.     Ofioúchos finds ollie swaying in the doorframe with eyes as dark as bruises     and wineglass held so tight in trembling hand it could shatter. thunder booms     in the sky above the serpent constellation and rabbit-hearted mortal.     ollie to flinches so hard it hurts and black spots threaten his vison. Ofioúchos     speaks and ollie can’t hear them, ears rushed with static as he stumbles back     to let them in. why does he do that? no one has been there before when     needed no one cared and yet here they are before him,             creating stars in the black abyss where before there was only                                        ALONE.    thunder splits above them again and the wineglass shatters on the floor;     dropped as ollie brought his hands to cover his ears. there is no sense    of should or should not any longer as the xanax and alcohol numb life                and his sense of burning shame to a dull roar. gentle hands pulls the stumbling bookkeeper away from the mess and to safety and olivier wants to shatter himself at the act of tenderness he doesn’t deserve. ollie pulls his hands away for a minute and the apartment pitches and spins  threatening to pull ollie under until Ofioúchos draws ollie into their orbit once more. They smell of fire and ozone and juniper as they bend close and press a kiss olivier’s forehead - a gesture of protection. the action is soft, hand cupping ollie’s face up and just for a moment there is enough safety to take a rattling breath in before the next crack appears in the sky. instead of shattering, olivier melts into being’s starry comfort and curls fingers to grasp them closer for the first time in his life instead of pushing away. 

            the whole universe turns into a ringing in his ears centered at the lips of a                                                                 constellation.