Discover Top Posts Tagged with #ohio shit

I def did not just have skyline and vernors

it is so hard to pack for ohio from may to august. i could be looking at anywhere from 2 to 6 weeks of cold weather. so how many sweatshirts do i need. how many flannels. it’s a fucking mystery.

#ohio shit

The Ohio State University Gothic

You are surrounded by a hoard of scarlet and grey. They move slowly, their blank eyes stare unfocused, toward the Shoe. What will happen to them there? Why are you the only one immune to its calls? They are all gone when you wake up in the morning, but they will be back next Saturday.

Hell Is Real, the billboard tells you as you drive into campus. You know hell is real. It exists among the corn.

The Wexner Center. The Wexner Medical Center. The Wexner University. The United States of Wexner. You watch in horror as this mysterious Wexner takes over the world. The Wex used to mean something, but you can’t remember what. Every building is The Wex now.

The South Oval is under construction. The North Dorms are under construction. You have never seen campus without the maze of fences. Over time they surround you. There is no escape.

It is sixty degrees, but students lay in bathing suits on the grass. Oval Beach, they tell you, but you know it is a lie. There is no water. There is no sun. There are only bodies sprawled out on the grass.

What is Mad Mex? The food is Mexican. The decorations are Caribbean. A break in time and space exists at Mad Mex. They lure you in with cheap margaritas, and you don’t ask questions.

You jump in Mirror Lake. The lake swallows you whole. You have become an offering to the football team. When they drain the lake, all they will find are your flip flops.

The university buys property north of Lane Ave. The university buys property east of High St. The university buys property south of 8th Ave. It devours the city like a tumor.

What did you think of The Game, they ask. You smile. You know we won. We always win. What did you think of The Game? You smile. You are afraid of what will happen if they find out you didn’t watch The Game.

Your recitations are taught by TAs. Your emails are answered by TAs. Your exams are graded by TAs. Maybe your professor was murdered by TAs. You have not heard from him since the beginning of class.

A canyon surrounds the Towers. Beyond the canyon lies a moat guarded by a dragon. When someone tells you they live in the Towers, you know that they understand pain.

You go to the eleventh floor of Thompson. You can see the entire campus. You find your apartment. Later you press the button for the elevator, but it never comes. You have seen too much.

Take lots of classes with the same professor, they tell you, but you’ve never heard of any of the professors on the schedule. You schedule five classes with professors you don’t know. You look for them next semester, but you’ve never heard of any of the professors on the schedule. You schedule classes with five professors you don’t know. When they say goodbye on the last day of class, you know it is forever.

The squirrels are not afraid of you. You are not afraid of them yet, but you know they will one day outnumber you.

Red tape covers the M’s on every sign on campus. You don’t know who put it there. You know there must be a lot of people involved, but no one knows who any of them are. No one knows anyone who knows. They are shadows who emerge once a year to cover the M’s on every sign on campus with red tape.

THE Ohio State University, they remind you. The only people who press this on you do not go to OSU. No one knows why “The” is important, but they expect you to. Someone somewhere must have fought a war over “The,” but everyone has forgotten.

#i know this is an old meme #but it's one of my favorites #ohio state #osu #ohio shit