It’s Vero, I’m still here no worries... but I HAD to take some personal time due to some health issues. I’m ok now, but in the past months I had to go through some medical examinations and finally through surgery.
I just wasn’t in the mood for social medias and fandom dramas... I tried at first (it all started at the beginning of August) but in the end I realized I needed to step away from Twitter and be with my family and loved ones for support. Luckily all turned out well and a lot less serious than it had seemed at first, but I got really scared and worried in those first weeks.
I’m fully recovered now, that’s why I’ve decided to open Tumblr and say hi to my DEfamily... I haven’t forgotten you or Delena. I just had to give priority to my health and my recovery.
In the meantime, while I was sitting at home post-surgery I decided to give another chance to studying Spanish. I had started at university but then I had abandoned it because I didn’t like it very much. LoL
Maybe it’s because I really needed a distraction, or to put my mind fully into something, but it turns out I now L-O-V-E Spanish, I’m almost addicted! XD
I’ve started following a radio program which is called “Nadie Sabe Nada” with Berto Romero and Andreu Buenafuente - I absolutely adore them, I can’t stop laughing, and every time I learn new words and expressions.
Mostly, though, I’ve fallen madly in love with the Spanish spoken in Argentina. I love the accent, the use of ‘vos’ and I’m intrigued by the different use of some words - which is also true for every Spanish-speaking country anyway. My, Spanish is SO rich and fascinating! Anyway, because of this I’ve also started following some Argentinian youtubers and some Argentinian novelas. Ok, a couple of these are like... for very young people... like from Disney Channel (LMAO *hides* XD), but that makes them easier to understand since they have very little to no slang, no swear-words, no vulgar expressions, etc... and I know close to nothing about that so when I watch the “adult” novela (Por Amarte Así) I spend half the time looking up expressions, idioms, words, etc, some of which are specifically used in Argentina and/or in Buenos Aires... which is intriguing and interesting for the language part, but a little annoying ‘cause I have to pause every few minutes in order to understand what the heck is being said. LoL
So, that’s what I’ve been doing these past few months, apart from getting surgery. I don’t know if or when I’ll start tweeting like I used to, it tends to get addicting too when I do. I guess I’ll see. For now I just wanted to tell you all I’m good and just taking some personal time.
Sending hugs and good vibes to ALL of you, dear friends.
Tweet you guys soon!
Vero ;)
Hi guys!
I know I’ve been MIA for over half a year now and I feel like I’ve failed all of you, and like I’ve failed #Delena. The thing is... I tried, but I just couldn’t talk myself into re-joining the social-media life for a long while.
It all started with a much needed summer break from the constant Twitter fan drama, like the one I took in 2015 too. Originally I had plans to come back in late September, but then I got an offer for a temporary job - that I desperately needed - which however forced me to practically live out of town Monday to Friday without any decent internet connection (except for my not always reliable 3G). So I decided that it was just better to give up social media for a while and focus on the job, and to spend the weekends at home seeing friends or just relaxing.
Since my job ended around mid December, I then said to myself that I could finally reconnect to Twitter and #DEfamily during the holidays... but I just kept putting it off for some reason.
The reason being, while I longed to reunite with #DEfamily, I also dreaded the idea of being sucked back into the fandom drama.
It was the main reason why I ever ended up needing the summer breaks, in the first place. And after having had to keep away from Twitter for a much longer time than I had expected to, I eventually realized that the endless drama had started to take a toll on my health - both physical and psychological.
I love #Delena so deeply, with such passion and emotion, that having to face the fandom drama every single day (not to mention the idiotic wars with Bamorons, good lord...) was making me cranky. I was always nervous, in a bad mood, having trouble sleeping and often having Twitter-related nightmares, on top of it. Wanna talk about the nightmares where I had godawful fights with a certain actor who tuned against #Delena after supporting it for what, 4/5 years? (fakefakefake) Yeah, and those were the worst, because I always woke up literally trembling with anger. Heck, if I had had someone sleeping with me, I’m quite sure they would’ve heard me yelling in my sleep. So I didn’t get enough sleep, and the little sleep I managed to get was basically useless since I couldn’t actually rest. You get the picture, the situation was just NOT GOOD for my health. Hence the summer break, which then turned into a longer break because of work... which in the end turned out to be good for me because it clearly allowed me to de-stress and to put some much needed distance between myself and the fandom drama.
And that’s why I just couldn’t bring myself to open Twitter during holidays, or after, like I had planned at first. All I could think of (or feared?) was getting sucked back into the drama and going back to feeling cranky and sleeping badly when I had finally regained some balance and some peace of mind.
I hope you can understand my reasons for staying away so long, and I hope you can forgive me for practically “abandoning ship”, at least when it comes to my online presence and my being an active shipper. My love for #Delena is as strong as ever, but I had to put first some love for myself, this time.
I also didn’t find out about S8 being the last season (finally) until the Xmas holidays. Since I couldn’t be on Twitter I decided that it was best NOT to keep track of TrashVD news, in order to avoid ANY potential reason to be nervous or angry. After finding out the good news, I proceeded to read the summaries of the episodes, to at least have an idea of what preposterous stuff JP & co were coming up with for the final season. I’m never ever watching this sh*t, that’s all I’ve got to say. LoL
So now it’s happening.
March 10, 2017 marks the end of an era.
(FunFact: it also marks "Buffy the Vampire Slayer”’s 20th birthday, which is the reason for my celebratory icon)
A day I’ve (we’ve?) been waiting for since April 6, 2015... which is the day TrashVD ended FOR ME. And for many others.
I’m sorry I haven’t been by your side for these past months of our fight for #Delena. There hasn’t been a single day I haven’t thought of you, or wondered what amazing Twitter project you were doing (hello Jas), what beautiful trends you were having (hey Bella)... oh, giving up trending was definitely the hardest part. But it had to be done, for my own good. I was in too deep, caring too much and hurting too much. I had to take a few steps back and regain control on my emotions and my life.
Now I’m debating on whether to log back in and wait for the series finale with you guys... maybe even try a live watch & live tweet after almost 2 years since the last time I did it. I don’t know, I’m tempted but I’m also scared.
Mostly scared that you don’t want me back, and I guess I couldn’t entirely blame you after being gone so long. But also scared that JP’s gonna let us down again. I don’t know, I always expect the worst from that woman and I’m not really relieved by the fact that KW co-wrote the episode... also the fact that they showed the #DelenaReunion hug in the promo is giving me some sort of anxiety. Are they just desperately trying to woo as many viewers as they can for the big(?) finale or should I expect some evil twist that ends up separating them (and screwing us over), AGAIN? LoL
This is what has been on my mind in the past two weeks and once again I decided NOT to log in to Twitter because I know by experience that my now mild anxiety would’ve grown exponentially reading about other people’s thoughts, fears and tweets. I know because it happened all the time! LoL
Are you still reading? Woah, thank you for taking the time. ♥
I didn’t mean to write this much when I opened tumblr, and if you’ve read through all my rantings this far, then it means you’re a true friend and I send you all my love and a bear hug! ♥
So, tweet you tomorrow? Maybe.
I hope you’ll be there if I decide for it.
PS: I didn’t check for errors and/or typos, sorry if you found any!
Love, Vero ♥
{ I’ve Been Thinking Of You All The While }
It's hard for me to share memories from my past. It's even harder for me to trust.
People think that because I lost my family young I never knew what real love was, but I did. And it was ripped away from me.
I still feel that pain like it was yesterday.
So I push people away.
[ ~ Emily Thorne, Revenge ]
...it's kind of scary when you're watching a TV show and all of a sudden one of the characters starts talking about you.
The thing about disappointment is that it usually comes from the people for whom you were ready to put your hand in the fire.
People who you trusted, people who you believed in, people who you looked up to.
So much that when disappointment strucks you’re not ready for the blow. You find yourself bewildered, struggling with the reality of what just hit you. You find it hard to believe, you refuse to believe.. in a way disappointment works a lot like grief.
First there’s denial. You refuse to see what's actually happening, you push it away, pretend it's not real... hoping it'll go away.
Then there's anger, fueled by the feeling of betrayal. And along with anger come the questions for which you have no answer: Why? Why did it have to happen?
Bargaining follows. You wish you could do anything to change what went wrong, but you can't... and that's what gives way to the next stage.
Depression. The feeling of deep sadness and that nothing's worth anymore, that it never was. That it was all for nothing.
Until finally acceptance takes over. Because in the end there's really nothing you can do to change what happened or to wash away the sting of betrayal and disappointment. You can't change it, you can't fight it.
The only thing you can do is leave it all behind and move on.
Is it easy? NO. It's never easy.
And it always leaves a deep scar that time cannot heal nor erase.
There is NO healing from disappointment, there is NO coming back. Once that someone has betrayed your trust, there's no way to bring it back the way it were before... there will always be that stain, that feeling of "what if they disappoint me again?".
The thing about disappointment is that once it strikes, things are doomed to never be the same again... no matter how hard you wish for them to be.
The person you used to know is forever gone, replaced by the one who let you down so badly when you'd give the world for them...
...so thank you for what you've given to me during these years, but this is where our paths part ways. THIS is me entering the stage of acceptance and moving on. Goodbye bae.
In the next few days (until Saturday) I'll be paying homage to some fictional characters I love above any other - especially to one of them and the actor who portrayed him... who sadly died prematurely.
I know it's not TVD-related, but it's a Mexican telenovela that I watched as a child & re-watched several times as a grown-up & it has a very special place in my heart, so... be patient.
How is it that I'm getting more notes from Stalklenas than from fellow DErs or Damon fans? I mean seriously, aside from being annoying it's a bit unsettling tbh... :S
I'd rather get 2 notes from fellow fans than 20 from braindead haters who do nothing but waste my time.
So these past days I've been going through ALL my +500 posts trying to put some kind of order & logic into my tags.
I'm not 100% done yet, but I'm getting there!
I've also created a few pages where I'm organizing said tags.
My work on pages is still pretty much WIP, I'll be updating them in the upcoming days. They're listed on the right side at the top, written in CAPS with a bullet beside them.
The links below them are direct links to some tags that are yet to be categorized.
Last but not least, I'm currently going through my +300 likes 'cause I want to clean it up a little, so most of those posts are being moved into my Drafts list to be reblogged later.
That's all... thank you for the love & support you've shown me throughout 2013 and here's to a new year on Tumblr. ;)
