#oi bucket

[marquisdehockey]

Next time there’s a lockout because Bettman et al. have decided to throw another tantrum, I hope the NHLPA just sort of goes “well alrighty” and sets out to prove that the NHL needs the players more than the players need the NHL

What I mean is that they hire a few camera people and do things like:

Trying to play Sports That Are Not Hockey on ice. Personally I think Auston Matthews would be very entertaining at ice baseball

Buying a literal punch bowl and calling it the “Steve Cup” or something

Short reality-TV episodes following the lives of Tyler Seguin’s dogs

Roller hockey

Underwater hockey

Players launching a public health campaign about the importance of dental care

A Hockey with the Stars type show where they try to make hockey teams with celebrities who do not know how to skate

Going to the Olympics

Lots of PK Subban style charity stuff. In fact, just lots of PK Subban. He doesn’t need hockey to have fans

Helping out with other union disputes. Just. News articles about fast-food worker strikes in Pittsburgh and there’s Evgeni Malkin and Marc-Andre Fleury holding up signs

Zdeno Chara could get a job retrieving things off high shelves or something

Disney on Ice

[spacepunkstevie]

Heaven and that Other Thing

Chapter 15/15: James Buchanan, Democratic (1857)

It’s!!!!!! Finished!!!!!!! I can’t believe how long it took but it’s actually done!!!!!!!

By SpacePunkStevie

M/M, rated: E, words: 123,089, James “Bucky” Barnes/Steve Rogers

Summary:

‘What are Sam and Nat asking you about all the time?’

‘Nothing.’

‘You look shifty, Steve. Be honest. Do you have a secret girlfriend? You can tell me if you do.’

Steve put a hand on each of Clint’s shoulders and looked him in the eye, ‘I definitely do not have a secret girlfriend.’ he told him, honestly.

Bucky Barnes is the owner of a cat sanctuary in Brooklyn, an ordinary guy by the Avengers’ low standards, and a growing problem for America’s favourite captain. Steve Rogers is publicly straight, endlessly bored, and has a habit of not fully thinking through his decisions when Bucky is around.

Chapter 15 can be read here

The whole fic can be read here

[marquisdehockey]

More about Kent Parson’s absolute hatred of Patrick Kane: that time they were both invited to test out NHL 17 on xbox and all Kent did was fight Kane. He didn’t even try to play properly

Kane: “We’re on the same team! I didn’t even know you could do that!”

Parse: *Comes out of the penalty box with his gloves already off and heads straight for Kane’s character*

[marquisdehockey]

Did I ever tell y’all that I got bored one day and thought AU where Jack is a literal prince as a joke and then completely failed to let go of the concept

Turns out it’s not easy to invent a royal family. Of Canada. Living in Quebec. With the last name “Zimmermann”. I basically had to reinvent Canada’s entire history and constitution just for a stupid joke and now I’ve accidentally got this extremely detailed alternate universe with centuries of history and genealogies of old Canadian families, and absolutely nothing to do with it

Some features:

Jack is the last in the Zimmermann line. Since no one actually knows who comes next, no one is very sure what will happen if anything goes wrong

There’s a centuries-long dispute between the Armistead and Chevalier families

There was an aborted constitutional crisis when Jack overdosed where everyone in politics panicked for a few days

Early in a relationship, Jack has to have an awkward “I know this is too early but I need to know if you’ll want kids because... Canada” conversation

He’s still known as the Hockey Prince because he insists on playing professional hockey even though he’s a prince, Jack, what are you doing?

Inviting his friends to the palace this is hilarious to me

Kent “I’ve fucked a prince but I can’t tell anyone” Parson

Bitty cannot believe anything about his life

“Shits you have to wear pants in the palace”

T a t e r

Everyone is just a little bit hesitant to check him too hard. Partly because he’s a prince and partly because his long-suffering security guards are watching and also are possibly armed

As a result of a minor tiff with the English royal family that included some world-class mocking on the part of then-Queen Joséphine, the Zimmermanns own all Canadian geese in Canada

“They can beat your swans in any fight” said Joséphine, probably

They also own all the Canadian geese in the US, as part of a minor clause in some treaty or another, which was inserted after a few friendly drinks. No one has done anything about it since so it’s technically still law

There’s a long tradition of the Zimmermanns issuing a formal apology to anyone attacked by a Canadian goose

There’s been a rumour for as long as anyone can remember that the Zimmermanns are secretly vampires or witches or werewolves, etcetera, depending on the variant you hear. They have never commented on this rumour

[spacepunkstevie]

Tony “king of accountability” Stark: Attempted Murder and Other Adventures

(Disclaimer: I’m from New Zealand so the law I study will be similar, but not the same, as US law)

Tony trying to kill Bucky:

Attempt to murder:

(1) Every one who attempts murder is liable to imprisonment for a term not exceeding 14 years.

Murder defined:

Culpable homicide is murder in each of the following cases:

(a) If the offender means to cause the death of the person killed

I was gonna go into detail about intention being the highest form of mens rea and Tony fitting the classification of direct intention pretty easily when he tried to kill Bucky but, actually, this bit is pretty clear

Tony fighting Steve in order to kill Bucky:

Assault:

Assault means the act of intentionally applying or attempting to apply force to the person of another, directly or indirectly...

Aggravated assault:

(1) Everyone is liable to imprisonment for a term not exceeding 3 years who assaults any other person with intent-

(a) To commit or facilitate the commission of any [imprisonable offence]

Assault with weapon:

(1) Every one is liable to imprisonment for a term not exceeding 5 years who,-

(a) In assaulting any person, uses any thing as a weapon

Basically, the Iron Man suit constitutes a weapon and the assault is aggravated because he committed it while trying to murder Bucky. Also note: there are higher sentences for causing injury.

Tony’s bullshit “defense”:

Provocation as a defense is repealed because every decent human being on the planet is against the idea that murder can be downgraded to manslaughter if the murderer blames the victim.

Also, basically, provocation is bullshit and doesn’t even apply because Bucky is innocent, and Tony knew he was

Tl;dr: Tony did all of this for selfish reasons and still managed to escape consequences of any sort and I’m an angry law student who doesn’t know when to shut up

[spacepunkstevie]

Now no one will know I’m Superman

ie I got new glasses and now I look like either a nerd or a hipster (I’m probably both tbh)

also I’ve had a lot of caffeine so it’s really hard to take selfies without my hands shaking