osaoi - hurt/comfort (2230 words)
>> dialogue prompt: “despite what you think, i am completely capable of taking care of myself!”
tooru doesn’t get it. it’s not as if he’s never been with someone before (even though he’s not sure that those times can be qualified as relationships since they were mostly just friends with benefits situations). he doesn’t really have any dating experience and he’s never been in love with anyone before so he doesn’t really have any situations to use as comparison; but still, something about his current relationship ticks him off.
he’s used to doing things himself, he’s never needed anybody's help. he knows how to cook, how to clean, how to do taxes, and every other thing that one needs to do during their life.
but ever since he’s with osamu, the latter almost always does everything for him. well, he’s a chef, so the cooking part was expected, but everything else wasn’t – not that tooru expected him to not know how to do anything but cooking of course.
he’s always known that osamu is a capable man and that he doesn’t seem to need anyone else either. but that’s precisely where it becomes a problem. what if this was a bad idea? they’ve been friends for a very long time before they decided to get together – what if they shouldn’t have? what if they should have stayed friends?
tooru is sure he likes the other – more than likes, if he’s being honest with himself – but what if they just don’t click? maybe they are compatible as friends but not as lovers. maybe they’re too independent to be able to work well together.
he hasn’t said anything to osamu about how he feels because he doesn’t want to make the other feel bad, it isn’t his goal at all. but because of that, he’s just been bottling up all his negative emotions, and he knows that it isn’t ideal either.
he knows osamu is doing this because he likes doing so, it’s been evident from the beginning that osamu’s main love language is act of service – among others – so he should feel grateful. and he is; he swears he is.
but somehow he can’t help but doubt himself as well. what if osamu does this because he doesn’t think i can? it’s always at night that those thoughts occupy his mind, and he can never shut them up.
he is used to people thinking he can’t do something, and he’s always proved them wrong. but this is different. this is not just people, it’s osamu. his boyfriend. he doesn’t want his boyfriend to think he's an incompetent – especially since it’s not true.
but again, he doesn’t voice any of his thoughts. he guesses that he just needs time to adjust to this new relationship status. it’s his longest relationship ever – even though they’ve been together for only six months – so maybe he just doesn’t know how to act when being in a relationship and osamu is just being normal? maybe he is the one acting weird? he hadn’t thought of that before. osamu does have more experience than him in the dating field after all, so maybe tooru should just get used to it.
—
he didn’t get used to it. and, as expected, everything he’s bottled up since the beginning of their relationship finally explodes.
it’s friday night and they’re both tired from their week but they still decide to spend the evening and night together as usual. they don’t live together yet since their relationship is still somewhat recent, but they always spend the weekend together at one of their apartments in order to recharge from their past week and prepare for the start of a new one.
today hasn’t been great. tooru has been in a bad mood ever since he woke up and he can’t really explain why. he doesn’t know what is wrong but he still feels wrong. he’s been irritable during the whole day, he just needs to relax. he just wants to enjoy his friday evening with his boyfriend, they could cuddle on the couch while watching a movie and that would be perfect. but before that he wants a bath, he thinks it’ll be good to help him relax.
“hi babes,” osamu greets him as tooru enters his apartment.
“hi,” he replies before kissing his boyfriend softly.
“are ya hungry? i was about to start makin’ dinner.”
“yeah but i’m exhausted so i’ll take a bath first. i won’t be long though so you can still cook while i’m in the bathroom don’t worry.” he smiles as he starts to make his way to the bathroom.
osamu stops him by grabbing his wrist. “are ya okay?” he asks, his brows furrowed in concern.
“yeah don’t worry. i’m just tired.”
he can still see worry in osamu’s eyes but the latter doesn’t add anything else to it. “okay. let me prepare the bath for you.” he announces as he walks past tooru to make his way to the bathroom.
“i can do it.”
“that’s fine, let me.”
“samu. i can do it.”
maybe he used a harder tone than he thought, because osamu stops in his tracks to look at him weirdly. and that’s just the last straw, he doesn’t know why it happens now and especially over something that stupid, but he can’t stop himself before the words are out of his mouth.
“despite what you think, i am completely capable of taking care of myself!” he snaps.
osamu seems taken aback by his sudden outburst. he’s looking at tooru wide-eyed and with confusion written all over his face. but there’s something else too.
even though osamu is very good at hiding his emotions when he wants to, tooru has been able to learn how to read the other thanks to all the time they’ve spent together. and he’s sure that osamu is hurt right now. hurt because of him.
“tooru–”
he doesn’t let him finish his sentence before he rushes to the bathroom and locks himself in. once he’s sat in his bath, he cries silently.
he knows he shouldn’t have snapped at osamu who was just being nice. tooru is tired and osamu just wanted to run him a bath, there’s literally nothing wrong with that situation.
he knows he’s entirely at fault for what just happened and that osamu didn’t deserve that reaction. he knows he shouldn’t have taken his irritability on his boyfriend.
he knows all of this.
and he knows he hurt him. that’s probably the worst thing. osamu’s confused and hurtful expression is still imprinted on his eyes, he can’t unsee it. he should have acted intelligently and just told osamu that he wasn’t in the mood to talk – he’s pretty sure that the latter would have understood and let it go. or on the contrary he could have told osamu that they need to talk, because he knew that he’d eventually snap if they don’t.
well he did snap; and it happened in the worst way possible. he doesn’t know how to make it better without hurting osamu even more.
—
after god knows how much time, he finally gets out of his bath and almost scares himself when he sees his reflection in the mirror. his eyes are way too red for the excuse of just being tired to be believable, so he hopes the excuse of the shampoo in the eyes will be enough. he doesn’t want to worry osamu even more.
once he’s comfortable in his sweats and (osamu’s) large shirt, he goes out of the bathroom and is immediately hit by the delicious smell of osamu’s cooking. he sheepishly makes his way to the kitchen and feels a little ping at his heart when he sees that osamu dressed the table entirely for them two.
he didn’t expect osamu to wait for him. he thought the grey-haired man would be mad at him, that he would have already eaten when tooru took his bath. ‘you don’t deserve him’ rings loudly in his head.
none of them talk as they sit down and start eating. the atmosphere has never been as heavy and uncomfortable as it is now. when he can no longer bear the awkward silence, he clears his throat before apologizing.
“i’m sor–”
he doesn’t have time to finish before osamu interrupts him. “i never once thought that you’re not capable of taking care of yourself.”
what?
“i… i don’t understand why you said that. i get that i made you mad, but i don’t understand how. please tell me and i promise i’ll stop.” he almost pleads and it breaks tooru’s heart.
how can osamu say that when tooru is clearly the one at fault? he can’t believe he managed to get such a sweet boyfriend. he decides that osamu deserves nothing but raw honesty, so tooru decides to just pour his heart out and see where it leads them.
“please stop,” he reaches forward and puts his hand on osamu’s. he sighs in relief internally when the other doesn’t push him away. “i’m sorry. i shouldn’t have snapped at you when you were just trying to be nice.”
“i–”
“samu, please let me speak.” he interrupts him but still using a soft tone. osamu makes a gesture as if to say that he’s locking his mouth and tooru almost snorts fondly at the action before remembering their current conversation.
he takes a deep breath before locking eyes with the grey-haired man across from him. “you know this is my first real relationship, right?” osamu just nods in response, tooru keeps going. “i know this isn’t an excuse but i guess i’m just not used to having someone do everything for me? you– you do everything, samu. everything.” he winces at the end of his sentence, hoping that he doesn’t irritate osamu, but the other man just tilts his head on the side like a puppy, looking at him expectantly as if waiting for him to continue with his explanation; so he does. “you cook – not that i’m complaining, your food is a blessing – you do the dishes, you clean not only yours but also my apartment, you run my baths, you do everything, samu.” he repeats, insisting, in an attempt for osamu to maybe understand his perspective.
osamu is frowning when tooru studies his face. he closes his eyes to gather his thoughts before opening his mouth again. “i– ugh god why is this so complicated to explain. all my life i’ve been doing everything by myself, and ever since we’re together i don’t do anything anymore. i– i guess i kinda thought you do everything because you think i can’t do it.”
upon hearing that, osamu finally interrupts him. “that’s not why. i never thought that, tooru. you forget that we’ve been friends for a long time before getting together, i know how you used to do everything by yourself. i just thought that maybe you’d like it if, for once, someone would do those things for you.” a blush appears on his face as he looks away sheepishly. “i guess i was wrong. i’m sorry if you felt as if i was suffocating you.”
osamu said that last part so quietly and shyly that tooru feels tears gathering behind his eyes. he quickly closes his eyes again in an attempt to avoid crying.
“no! please don’t say that!” he exclaims. “that’s not what i meant, i promise. i don’t find you suffocating. oh my god i’m so sorry!” he rambles.
osamu raises his head to look him in the eyes as if to see if he’s telling the truth or not. tooru can’t see anything except the unshed tears in his boyfriend’s eyes. he never wants to see this sight again.
“i guess i’d just like for us to share the chores, you know? or even do some together. like… i know i’m no competition to a chef like you, but i like cooking. and i’d like it if we could maybe cook together sometimes?” he asks timidly as he feels his face heating up.
osamu, on the other hand, seems to completely lighten up at that. “you’d really like that?” he asks excitedly, stars in his eyes.
tooru can’t help the fond laugh that escapes his mouth. “yeah. yeah i’d like that a lot.” he replies, smiling fondly. and then, just for good measure, he adds with a more serious tone. “i’m sorry again, samu.”
the grey-haired man just smiles at him and squeezes his hand before releasing it to get up. he makes his way to the other side of the table where tooru is sitting and opens his arms. tooru wastes no time and immediately launches himself in his boyfriend’s embrace.
he feels osamu kissing his temple and he sighs happily, tightening his grip around the other man’s middle as he smiles in his neck.
“i love you, samu.” he realizes then that it’s the first time he’s said it aloud, but he can’t even find it in himself to be embarrassed. it felt so natural to say.
he feels osamu’s smile against his head. “i love ya too.” he says before kissing his temple once again.
they stay like that for some time, just hugging in the kitchen.
“i guess it’s good we had that conversation today,” osamu breaks the silence with a somewhat smug tone. “now we can move in together without any worries.”
tooru chokes on air.
// end.
