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It’s the sixth year anniversary of this blog!!! 🎂
I would like to thank all the people who follow this blog and enjoy my stories. I want to contribute as long as I can to this fandom with my writing!
I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH. ❤️ ❤️ ❤️
Give you a chance [The Conclusion].
PART I
Pairing : Okasian x Jonghyun = Okajjong [if you don’t know who Okasian is click these 1 2 3 4 5 ]
Genre : Blooming relationship ; k-pop/k-hip hop crossover
Summary : Music was their bridge to one another, but is that it?
Word count : 8 500 words ~
Notes : The Cohort is their hip hop crew (not all members are mentioned). Jjong is blonde in this.
Jonghyun ran a hand through his hair as he stopped at the front door. He closed his eyes briefly, trying to regain his composure, but the action wasn't of much help. He was feeling terribly nervous and he knew it'd just get worse when he'd step inside. He was almost tempted to turn around and leave, but he hadn't made it all this way only to bail out now. He pushed the door which was already slightly opened and walked inside before pushing it back into its initial position. The hall was full of people and noise. Everyone had a red plastic cup in their hands, obviously full of alcohol, and drunk smiles on their faces. Or maybe they were just high. Probably both.
The blonde greeted numerous people, some he didn't know, some he had talked to once or twice, before he found a more familiar face.
« Hey, Jjong. Long time no see, » Zion T said before a thin smile stretched his lips.
Jonghyun returned the smile. « Glad to see you here. »
« Well you know I thought I'd stop being so antisocial and join the party, but to be honest, there are already so many people here that I don't think my absence would've made much of a difference, » the other noted.
Same here. « Yeah, Jiyong sure has lots of friends, » Jonghyun uttered as he once more gave a look around.
A frank laugh left the older one's lips. « Not really, » he exposed. « More like his friends have lots of friends. »
« Hey, Jjong! » the one that went by the name of Crush exclaimed as he stopped in front of them.
« Didn't know you'd be here, how's it going? » the brunette asked.
« I'm good, » Jonghyun replied with a genuine smile. He was glad there were people he could make conversation with.
« Come on, I'll show you where the drinks are, » Crush said as he lead the way.
They both followed him towards the back and they soon entered the kitchen where tons of different bottles were put on display. Jonghyun's eyes instantly found the rum. He certainly wasn't a drinker, but he did love the taste of rum. He walked to the counter and took one of the plastic cups before opening the small bottle and pouring himself some of the brownish liquid. He took a sip. A sigh of contentment left his lips.
« Well, well, didn't know you were a rum guy, » Zion T remarked with a chuckle.
« I only drink it on rare occasions, but I do love it, » Jonghyun replied.
« Aahh, you're full of surprises, » Crush said with a smile.
« Yeah never thought you'd collab with Jiyong, » Zion T added. « It was truly great by the way. »
« Yeah, amazing, » Crush echoed.
Jonghyun smiled widely. All the articles and fans' comments were all coming back to him at once. The reception had been great. To get such approval from everyone, especially his close friends, meant a lot to him. « Thank you, guys. »
He then looked into his cup as he was seized by other thoughts. Yes, their collaboration had been really great, but in the end, it had been just that, a collaboration between two artists. All those moments where they had shared parts of themselves or hung out after a performance, which had happened every single time, apparently didn't mean anything anymore. He hadn't heard from the other ever since the last goodbye stage, except for a few days ago, when the latter had invited him to his album release party. He had almost wanted to decline and move on with his life, but he owed him that much after all he had done for him. Jiyong had taken part to every stage and talked positively about him whenever he got interviewed. Plus, he had promised to give him a free album. He was grateful for all that generosity, but he did wonder why things seemed to have changed between them. He knew he was also to blame for the lack of communication, but he did feel like the other had installed that distance.
He took a big sip of his drink and let the warmth of it glide down his throat. Steps were suddenly heard down the stairs which had him and the others present in the room look that way. He suddenly saw Palo Alto and Keith, before his eyes found Jiyong who was following closely behind. Cheering and howling sounds were made as they all saw the latter stop in front of them. People started to gather before the trio, the brunette accordingly standing in the middle. Jonghyun watched his friends get closer too, but he deliberately stayed in his spot. He wasn't so ready to face him yet.
« Thank you all for coming here, » Okasian uttered with a shy smile. « It means a lot. »
« It's the least we can do to repay you for your hard work, bro, » Brian Chase, who wasn't that far from the blonde, loudly said.
« Yeah your album is doooope, » another guy yelled as he raised his cup.
They all copied his move and started cheering again. Jonghyun still didn't budge. He hadn't even heard the album yet. And he was holding on to his resentment despite knowing how petty he was. He didn't quite know why he was feeling that way, but he couldn't help it.
He turned his head towards the patio door nearby and walked to it. With a swift push, he opened it and stepped out to get some fresh air. He inhaled deeply, already feeling a little bit better. He let his arms rest on the railing as he looked over to the little group of people who were at the other end of the yard. It was a chilly evening and he was glad he was wearing a hoodie right now. He continued to slowly sip on his rum, trying to just stay in the moment, worry-free.
He slightly jumped when he heard the door being pushed behind him, a few minutes later. He didn't look back, thinking it was probably more people he didn't know who just wanted to have some fun outside. So when a hand grabbed his shoulder, he was totally unprepared causing him to almost jump out of his skin.
« What the hell? » he yelled as part of his drink spilled over his hand. He looked to his side and couldn't help his surprise when he saw who it was. The big brown eyes he hadn't seen in a while were staring right at him.
« Woah, didn't mean to scare you, » Okasian said as his way of apologizing. He took out a napkin from one of his pockets and handed it to the blonde.
Jonghyun took it and wiped his hand clean after setting his drink on the table behind them.
« Thank you, » he then said as he picked up his cup again.
« Smells like rum, » Okasian observed as he leaned closer to the cup. He cocked an eyebrow. « Were you lying when you said you weren't a drinker? »
« No, it's true. It's just... I like to have rum once in a while, calms me down... » Jonghyun admitted as he averted his gaze.
« Something stressing you out tonight? » Okasian asked, still looking right at him.
Jonghyun bit his lip. The thought of suddenly running away crossed his mind, but he knew how ridiculous that'd be. He had a wonderful opportunity to confront the other and he couldn't blow it.
« Maybe... » He wanted to see how the other would react first.
« Does it have something to do with me? » Okasian dared to ask before leaning on the railing.
Jonghyun's eyes widened. Was he that transparent? « What makes you think that? » he inquired, trying his best to keep his tone neutral.
« Well I haven't really gotten any news from you these last few weeks and I saw you leave just now as everyone was cheering, » the older one pointed out.
« I haven't gotten news from you either, » Jonghyun threw back, a little irritated.
Okasian nodded, his gaze falling further down. « I mean... I don't know... I kinda felt awkward texting you after your promotions were over, » he admitted in a low voice.
Jonghyun froze. He hadn't expected the other to feel this way too. He had really thought he was alone in this. « Me too, actually... » he finally said as he looked at him.
Their eyes locked.
« So you were mad at me for not keeping in touch? » Okasian observed with a playful smile.
Jonghyun felt his face get hot. Damn alcohol. « I wasn't mad, » he denied.
Okasian laughed. « Good to know. »
They shared silence for a few seconds, both looking ahead as the tension between them subsided.
« I have your copy of the album upstairs, » the brunette indicated as he straightened.
« Oh, cool, » Jonghyun awkwardly acknowledged. « Do you want to give it to me now or...? »
« Not necessarily. Feels good to get some fresh air, » he replied.
« Yeah... » Jonghyun also straightened, detaching himself from the railing. A thin smile stretched his lips.
« Are you going to leave me drinking alone? » he bantered.
Okasian blinked at him. « Um... no... »
Jonghyun laughed. « Well go get yourself a drink, I'll wait for you here. »
Okasian smiled. « Okay... do you want a refill? »
The blonde took a few seconds to think before handing his cup over. « Why not? »
He watched as the brunette stepped back inside. A sigh instantly left his lips as he stood alone. He was glad the awkwardness was out of the way. He didn't like how much that had all affected him, but right now, he finally felt like his mind was lighter. He could only hope it would stay that way.
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Jonghyun was bobbing his head as the last track of the album started. This one was his favorite. He leaned back against his chair as he closed his eyes. The song was a little more upbeat which he gladly welcomed after having gone through slower beats and darker lyrics. This one was filled with hope and new beginnings and for some reason, he always felt like the rapper was speaking to him as he said Believe! Even though the path is frightening. Believe! Even though the frowns around you are paralyzing. Contentment stretched out his lips into a wide smile every time he heard those words again until the rapper said them one last time before silence followed.
Jonghyun took off his headphones and sighed. There was always a certain sadness that filled him whenever he finished listening to a good album. For half an hour or so he was engulfed in a wonderful world so coming back to reality was always a hard thing. He took out the disk from his laptop and put it back into its case. He couldn’t help but look at Okasian’s face on the cover; there was something hypnotizing about his eyes on it. The dark orbs were filled with depth that he’d probably be too scared to dive into if he had the opportunity.
A knock on the door had him raising his head. « Yes? »
The knob turned and in came Kibum. « Wow, glad to see that you’re alive! » he exclaimed as he looked him up and down.
Jonghyun snorted. Couldn’t he be left alone for a couple of hours? They barely had any time to themselves these days.
« Yes, I’m alive and well. What can I do for you? »« he instantly asked as he wanted to minimize the conversation time.
Kibum closed the door behind him and took seat on Jonghyun’s bed, action that had the latter frowning.
« What were you doing just now? » the brunette asked instead of answering the previous question.
Jonghyun’s brows furrowed even more. « I was listening to music, » he simply answered, knowing very well that wouldn’t satisfy the other’s curiosity.
And he was right. « What artist? » The younger one immediately inquired.
« Okasian, » the blonde nonchalantly answered.
It was Kibum’s turn to snort. « The guy’s alright, but he’s not that good. »
Jonghyun felt anger rise inside of him. « I didn’t ask for your opinion, » he retorted.
Kibum stared at him for a while silently. « Well, well, well… clearly I don’t hear what you’re hearing, » he finally stated.
« Have you even listened to his music? » Jonghyun asked as he crossed his arms.
« Well I heard some of it since you kept blasting his songs in your room, » the brunette indicated in his defense.
« I think you should give him another chance, » Jonghyun advised as he handed him the disk he had placed nearby.
Kibum took it and gave it a look. « Gosh… he just looks so weird, » he observed as he scrunched up his nose.
Jonghyun chuckled. « Well, he can be awkward, I’ll give you that. »
Kibum looked at his friend again. « So you two are friends now or what? »
The blonde looked away. He still wasn’t sure what he could call the other. « I guess… »
« You can be so unconfident sometimes, Jjong, » the younger one pointed out with a little laugh. « I’m not blind and you’re not good at hiding things. You never used to text that much and nowadays you’re always answering messages ».
Jonghyun felt his mouth turn dry. He had nothing to hide, but it did feel like someone had just discovered a secret that he’d been trying to keep. Secret which was their constant bickering back and forth over this and that ever since the other’s album launching party. They were never really serious when disagreeing, but it did bring them to know each other better. It was also their only communication right now since he had started touring in Japan again with SHINee. It had been three weeks now since they had last seen each other and even though he couldn't yet admit it to himself, he missed the other.
« You do know I have other friends right? » Jonghyun conveniently reminded.
A snide smile stretched on the younger one's lips. « Yeah, yeah, I know. »
Jonghyun frowned again. Before he could come up with a clever comeback, his phone buzzed against his bureau. He gave it a quick look before looking at his friend again.
« Go ahead, text your heart away. I'll let you be now, » Kibum said in a still mocking manner.
He got up with the disk in hand and left the room, closing the door behind himself as he did so.
Jonghyun immediately took his phone and looked at the new text message he had just received. It was no surprise to him to see whose name it was.
Can I call you? he rapidly read. He couldn't help the smile that lit his face. They rarely talked on the phone; in fact, it had happened just once over the last few weeks. He lost no time to give out his answer.
Yes.
It was only a few seconds after he hit the send button that his phone's screen lit again, showing that he had an incoming call.
« Hello? » he answered.
« Hey, » Okasian softly said. « I hope I'm not bothering you or anything, » he immediately added.
« No, no, I've got some free time right now, » Jonghyun reassured as he leaned back more comfortably in his chair.
« Okay, cool... »
Jonghyun waited, but all he got for answer was an awkward silence. « Um... was there a specific reason you were calling? » he asked to get the conversation going.
« Well... » Okasian paused to clear his throat. « When are you getting back again? »
« In 2 weeks, » the blonde immediately answered. « Well actually, I'll be coming back to Seoul in the meantime but it won't be for a full day, » he specified.
« Ah, I see, » Okasian uttered with a clear tinge of disappointment in his voice.
Jonghyun's eyebrow cocked at his tone. « Why? »
« It's nothing important... well I mean, I just wanted to try out something, » the older one vaguely answered.
« And what is that? » Jonghyun inquired.
« I want to see how your voice would sound on one of my tracks. »
The words had been said rapidly, but Jonghyun caught them all. His mouth dropped open with surprise before he had enough mind to shut it.
« Oh... you wrote a new track? »
« Nah... it's one of the tracks on the album. The last one, » the brunette informed.
Jonghyun's face lit up with joy. « Oh my god... »
« Is that a good Oh my god? » Okasian verified with a little laugh.
« Yes, totally. It's my favorite track, » Jonghyun immediately said.
« Oh really? Well that's a good thing then. »
« How's my voice going to fit in though? » the blonde questioned as he gave the idea a little thought.
« I've already started modifying the track. It's longer now and I slowed the pace so you could sing a bridge or something, » Okasian explained.
Jonghyun smiled. « Why me? »
He heard a quick cough on the other end. « Well you know... I like your voice and I don't know... I just thought it'd be nice on that track, » the other shyly expressed.
Jonghyun's smile grew wider. « That means a lot. It'll be a pleasure for me to start working on it when I get back. »
« Thank you, » Okasian said with relief.
Another awkward silence followed, but this time the brunette was the one to break it.
« I won't keep you any longer. I've got a few errands to run anyways, » he quickly outlined.
« Oh, okay. Talk to you soon then? » Jonghyun verified despite knowing the answer.
« Yes, for sure, » Okasian acknowledged. « Bye, Jjong. »
« Bye, Jiyong, » Jonghyun then uttered before he heard the other hang up.
He let out a deep breath and closed his eyes again. He was happy beyond words that the other wanted to collaborate with him again. He couldn't quite comprehend everything that he was feeling, but one thing he was sure of was that he didn't want their relationship to just be something temporary.
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________
« How was it? » Jonghyun asked after taking a deep breath.
« It was perfect, » Okasian replied with a warm smile.
Jonghyun instantly returned it. Ever since they had talked on the phone about collaborating again, he had been so excited to get back to Seoul. He had lost no time to get things going when he had returned, meeting up with the other several times to arrange the lyrics and experiment with his part. It had been weeks now since they had been working on it and this time it did feel like everything was falling into place. It finally felt right.
« You really gave it your all, » Okasian added as the blonde made his way to the chair in front of him.
Jonghyun smiled again. He did feel that way too. He had completely lost himself to the music just now, singing with every fiber of his being. This song spoke to him on so many levels and he had been dying to do it justice.
« I'm really glad you think so. I still can't believe you wanted me on that track, » Jonghyun noted.
Okasian let out a little chuckle as he rubbed the back of his neck. « To be honest, I'm still surprised that crossed my mind... it just popped up in my head and I couldn't stop thinking about it afterwards. »
« Well you've really come a long way. You didn't want to collaborate with an idol and now you've done it twice, » Jonghyun teased with a laugh of his own.
The brunette snorted. « To my defense, I'm only collaborating with you and to be fair, I can admit that you're more than a mere idol. You're an artist. »
Jonghyun's eyes widened at those words. He was utterly surprised. « You really mean that? »
« Yeah, I mean your album was truly amazing and I'm not just saying that because I was a part of it, it was just really deep and creative, » the older one fervently added.
The blonde was at a loss for words. He just kept blinking at the other as if he was looking at an alien.
« What? » Okasian asked with a knowing smile.
« It's just... I... Thank you. » There was so much going on in the younger one's head, but he couldn't say more.
« Just tellin' the truth, » Okasian lightly dismissed to not feel uncomfortable.
There was a sudden knock on the door which made them both look the same way.
« Yeah? » the older one loudly uttered.
The knob turned and in came Keith. He gave a quick look to Jonghyun before turning to his best friend.
« Yo, the guys are going down to that burger joint, wanna come? » the other blonde asked before taking a sip from his can.
Okasian remained silent for a few seconds. « Nah, man. You can go, » he indicated.
« Are you sure? » the other insisted.
« Yeah, I got a couple more things to discuss with Jjong so I can't, » the brunette informed categorically.
The one in question didn't know what to make of it. All he knew was that Keith didn't seem to like him very much; he hadn't even greeted him just now. And that had happened a couple of times before too when he'd been at their studio.
« Fine. See ya, » Keith sharply said before closing the door again.
« Do we really have things to discuss? » Jonghyun immediately inquired afterwards.
Okasian softly laughed. « To be honest, I didn't really want to hang out with them right now. Sometimes being around them can be... draining... » he tried to explain.
Jonghyun nodded. « Yeah I see what you mean. That can happen when you hang out a lot with the same people. Sometimes I just really need a break from my fellow members. »
« Exactly. I'd rather spend more time with you instead, » the brunette admitted.
Jonghyun felt his face heat up. The more they hung out together, the more the other seemed to get more and more forward. He was an open person, but he wasn't so used to have other people be so open with him.
« Aaah, that's nice... » Jonghyun awkwardly voiced.
Okasian let out another laugh. « I just made things weird now, didn't I? »
« No, no, no, » Jonghyun instantly said. « It's just that you keep saying surprising things lately and I'm not used to it, » he then explained.
« I know... I rarely am that way... It's weird, » the brunette shared.
The words of Kibum suddenly came back to the younger one's mind causing him to chuckle.
« What? » Okasian inquired.
« What you just said... it just reminded me that Kibum said you looked weird, » Jonghyun filled in.
The older one frowned. « What's that supposed to mean? »
Jonghyun laughed some more. « I don't think it means anything actually... I think he was a bit jealous that we've been communicating so much lately. »
« Oh, really? » Okasian's expression hardened briefly before it softened. « Well sorry not sorry. »
« I mean I see the guy almost every day so there's really nothing to be jealous about, » Jonghyun continued with a shake of the head.
« Exactly. I don't get it... »
« Boys will be boys, » Jonghyun said before bursting out into laughter.
Okasian cocked an eyebrow. « Um... what? »
« It's one of our songs... I don't know it just came to my mind... » Jonghyun explained, feeling a little embarrassed by his lame joke.
Okasian shook his head as he smiled. « I guess I get it, » he said as he tried not to laugh at his friend.
Jonghyun crossed his arms as he pouted. « At least you're nice enough not to make fun of me. »
« Another unusual thing... you're lucky, » the brunette said with a half smile.
« I guess, » Jonghyun acknowledged as his face lit up with a grin.
They locked eyes for a few seconds not saying a word. Jonghyun coughed as he felt the other's intense gaze on him. « So when are you going to release this? » he asked as he pointed towards the laptop's screen.
« As soon as possible, » Okasian answered. He looked at his screen and saved the recording again just to make sure.
« Cool... » Jonghyun looked away, rubbing his arm for comfort. « Well I think I'll get going now... » he announced shyly.
« Oh, you've got something to do? » Okasian inquired.
« Um, not really... I just thought I'd let you to your stuff, » Jonghyun replied in the same tone.
« Well it's not like I'm really busy right now... »
« Oh... are you saying you want me to stay? » the blonde verified, unsure.
Okasian coughed. « Well only if you want to... »
« Alright, » Jonghyun accepted. « What do you want to do? »
The older one searched his mind. « Well do you want to go to my crib? »
Jonghyun's mouth fell open. He was beyond surprised. « Um well... okay... »
Okasian got up swiftly. « Okay, let's go! »
The blonde got up too. His heart rate had radically quickened and his hands were now sweaty. One question kept repeating in his mind as he followed the other. Why am I so nervous?
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________
« So yeah, that's my apartment, » Okasian indicated before he let himself fall onto the couch in his living room. « Make yourself comfortable, » he added as he gestured towards the armchair that was in front of him.
Jonghyun settled into it as he gave the living room a look. The quick tour he just had made him feel good because that was just another part of the other's life that he was getting to see, but at the same time he felt like an intruder. He still wasn't sure why he was here, but now that he was, he just wanted to be as comfortable as possible.
« It's a nice apartment, » he noted with a smile.
« It's not much to be honest, but it's just enough for me, » the older one replied.
« So you live alone here? » Jonghyun guessed.
« Yeah... my girlfriend used to live here too before, but she left when we broke up, » Okasian shared in a soft voice.
Jonghyun's eyes widened for a split second. « Oh... » He didn't know what made him surprised, the fact that the other had a girlfriend or that he was sharing that kind of information with him.
« You don't need to answer but... was it recent? » he dared to satiate his curiosity.
« The break-up? » Okasian verified.
Jonghyun answered with a nod.
« Yeah it's been a few months now... It just wasn't meant to be... »
Jonghyun could feel the pain that was underlying those words. Whatever had happened between them still left a wound on the other's heart.
« Sorry, I shouldn't have asked that, » he immediately apologized.
« No, no, it's fine. In fact, I've never really talked about it before so it's good that I can now, » the brunette reassured.
« Oh, okay... » Jonghyun still felt uneasy. He didn't know why but that piece of information he had just acquired on the other bothered him.
« Who broke up? » he went on despite himself.
Okasian chuckled. « She did... I didn't treat her right so I kinda saw it coming... »
« What do you mean? » Jonghyun knew he shouldn't keep at it, but he wanted to know more.
« Well... I never understood what she was doing with me in the first place so I guess my insecurities got the best of me... » He looked down as he paused. « I neglected her... »
« You say you're in love with me but I ain't sure whether you're lying or you're stupid, » Jonghyun quoted in his not so great English.
Okasian blinked at him. « Damn... you really do love my music huh? » he exclaimed with surprise.
« I already told you, » Jonghyun replied with a small smile. « So those lyrics were about her? » he then asked.
The brunette sighed. « Yeah... I wrote that a few weeks before she left. »
Jonghyun felt empathetic towards the other. Losing someone you love was never an easy thing to move on from. « Do you still miss her? »
The other's brows furrowed as he pondered on the question. « I guess I miss the idea of her now... I mean having someone to share your life with... something like that. »
Jonghyun acknowledged his words with a nod. « I understand. »
Okasian suddenly got up from the couch. « Okay enough of that depressing talk. Do you want something to drink? I do have rum, » he proposed with a wink.
Jonghyun smiled. « Yeah, why not ? »
He watched as the other left the room to go into his kitchen. It was only a few seconds before he was served a glass of rum and had the bottle set in front of him on the center table. He looked at his friend fall right back onto his couch with a beer in his hand. He had put other bottles on the floor making his intent clear.
« Do you plan on getting drunk? » Jonghyun inquired playfully.
« I plan on celebrating after all those weeks of hard work, » Okasian corrected with a little smile.
« Hmm, it is a great way to justify bad drinking habits, » Jonghyun teased with a laugh.
« I'm not an alcoholic or anything. I just enjoy having a few drinks once in a while, » the other conveniently pointed out.
« Yeah, yeah, whatever, » Jonghyun dismissed with amusement. He took his first sip of rum, not minding the other's fake offended look.
« I didn't know you could be mean, » Okasian teased before taking a sip of his own drink.
« I guess there's still a lot you don't know about me then, » Jonghyun threw back in the same tone.
« Well I'd love to be enlightened, » the other one said, his voice full of eagerness.
Jonghyun looked away, feeling shy. « I didn't really mean that... »
« But I'm sure it's true... » Okasian observed. « I just shared with you on a sensitive subject so what's your weakness? » he straightforwardly asked.
Jonghyun looked back at him, uneasiness clear on his face. « Are you serious? »
« Yeah, I do want to know, » the brunette pressed before drinking again.
Jonghyun copied the move, taking in a lot more at once than he probably should have. The liquid burned his throat, making him cough a little. « Um.... » He tried to think but his brain didn't seem to be responding. « I don't know... I have a lot... »
Okasian snorted. « That's too easy, » he reproached. « Let's see... » He swirled the liquid around in his bottle as he thought. « What's your biggest fear? »
« Not being able to make good music anymore, » the blonde instantly answered. « And being abandoned, » he then added after giving the question a little more thought.
« Hmm... » Okasian finished his beer and put the empty bottle on the table. « Well for the first one, I think as artists we all have this fear. But why are you scared of being abandoned? Because from the way I see it, that fear comes from having had that experience several times. »
Silence followed those words as Jonghyun fell into his thoughts. Scenes from his past were all coming back to him vividly and it was almost too much. His vision suddenly blurred and he turned his head to not let the other see his distress.
« Jjong... » Okasian softly called. « Are you crying? » he then asked as he watched the other turn further away.
The one in question didn't answer, trying to wipe off as many tears as he could off of his face. He heard the sound of cushions shifting and steps right after. He suddenly felt a hand on his shoulder before he was turned back to face the other. He felt shame fill him up as he stared into dark orbs.
« Jjong... I'm sorry if I upset you, » the one kneeling in front of him softly said.
Jonghyun felt himself melt at those words. He wiped the remaining tears that had fallen meanwhile before gathering himself. « I guess that's also another weakness I have, » he noted with a small laugh.
« What? » Okasian uttered from confusion.
« I cry a lot, » Jonghyun revealed with a chuckle.
Okasian couldn't help but laugh too, the action relieving some tension. He straightened up, bringing himself on his two feet before he walked back to the couch. He took another bottle of beer from the floor.
« Man... I didn't think that night would turn out so serious, » he bantered.
Jonghyun laughed again. « Well we can change that. »
« Yeah, no more depressing talk. Only frivolous shit from now on, » Okasian declared with a grin.
Jonghyun nodded before filling his glass up with more rum.
And for the next few hours that's exactly what happened. They talked about lots of things, going from tv shows, to books, to movies, to music and whatnot. It was now close to three in the morning and Jonghyun suddenly realized he had probably overstayed his welcome.
He got up from the chair. « It's ... it's getting really laaate... I should've... um... should've left alreadyyy, » he stuttered as his surroundings started dancing around him. He put a foot forward but almost fell as he lost complete balance. The table saved him from the fall as he set his hand on it for support.
Okasian laughed at the sight. « You don't have to... you can stay the night... » His voice was drowsy. He too could feel the effects of the alcohol on his body. That's why when he got up, he went at it more carefully and slowly walked towards the other.
They were now face to face, awkwardly staring at each other.
« No, no... I should go... » Jonghyun reiterated as he tried to keep a straight posture.
« No, seriously, stay. You're in no shape to drive or even to get a cab, » Okasian firmly pointed out.
« Do you have another bed? » Jonghyun asked.
Okasian cocked an eyebrow. « Why? »
« So I can sleep, dummy, » Jonghyun said before he hiccupped.
Okasian stared at him, amused. Shit, he's being cute again. « No, I don't, but it's fine. I'll just sleep on the couch, » he indicated.
Jonghyun shook his head with the little energy he had left in him. « Noooo... it's your bed... »
The older one rolled his eyes. « Well that's the only solution, Jjong. It's not like we're going to be sleeping in the same bed, » he then remarked.
« Hmm... why not? » the blonde suddenly questioned.
Okasian froze, eyes widening from surprise. « You're the one that just asked if I had another bed, » he exclaimed.
Jonghyun shrugged. « I know... that was stupid. It's not necessary... we can share the bed... »
Okasian couldn't believe his ears. What is this guy thinking? I... I don't... I don't even know what to say. «O-okay... » he finally accepted.
A wide smile stretched the other one's lips. « Awesome... » He then yawned, instinctively bringing his hand over his mouth.
« I think it's time to hit the hay, » Okasian said, barely managing to keep his yawn in.
« Mmmhhmm... » Jonghyun acknowledged.
The rapper led the way and soon they were both lying next to each other on his mattress. It would've been a lie to say that this didn't make him uncomfortable one bit. On the contrary, this was probably the most uncomfortable he had felt in a long time. He gave a quick glance over to the other. The latter had turned the other way, but he was so still that he figured that he was already sleeping. He closed his eyes only to reopen them a few minutes later.
Get it together man. You've already shared a bed with some of the guys before. He sighed. That internal thought didn't seem to help one bit.
This is going to be a long night.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Hey! You have reached Okasian's voicemail. Please leave a message after the tone. Beeeep.
Jonghyun sighed. This was the third time today he was directed straight to his voicemail. And that had been happening for the last few days. He hadn't wanted to believe it, but he could clearly see now that the other was ignoring him. He also had an idea why, but there was nothing he could do about it now; especially since the other didn't want to talk.
Does he hate me that much? He moved with his rolling chair to his laptop and refreshed the page he had been on. He gave the page a quick look again. Another sigh left his lips. There was no sign of their single's release. He would've at least hoped that the rapper would've put it out already for the world to hear. That was even more disconcerting. He felt scared that whatever they had was totally ruined now just because they had shared a bed. He personally hadn't thought much about it, but he had gathered from waking up alone and from the other's face the next morning that it had been an issue. So much that they had barely exchanged words before he had left his apartment.
And now it had been a week since they had last talked and Jonghyun was close to being out of his mind. He just wanted a chance to clear up things. To get back to what they were. He shut his laptop and closed his eyes.
A sudden knock on the door had him opening them again. « Yes? » he grumpily answered.
The knob turned and the door opened, revealing a smiling Kibum. « Am I bothering you? » he asked as he stepped in.
Jonghyun shook his head, knowing that his answer didn't really matter anyways. He watched as the brunette closed the door and made himself comfortable on his bed.
« So what's up? » the latter asked.
Jonghyun shrugged. « Not much, you? »
Kibum's eyes narrowed. « No, no, no. Let's try that again, » he countered. « What's up? » he then repeated.
« Not much, » Jonghyun said again, slightly irritated.
« Really, Jjong? » Kibum threw back, also irritated. « You can't talk to me anymore? »
The irritation was suddenly replaced with guilt, causing the blonde to chew his bottom lip. He did want to get his thoughts out and talk to him about it, but he feared sounding ridiculous.
« Yeah, but it's nothing... it's fine, » he replied as he looked away.
« Pfff... it's fine, my ass. I know you love spending time in your room isolated, but you're taking it to another level right now, » Kibum toughly observed.
Jonghyun would've been offended if it had been anyone else, but he knew Kibum's words always came from a place of love.
« Yeah, I know... »
« Did you have a fight with your little boyfriend? » the younger one squarely asked.
Jonghyun's eyes widened. « What? » he let out loudly.
Kibum rolled his eyes. « You know what I mean. Your friend Okasian. »
Jonghyun didn't want to answer. It'd be too easy. But he knew his silence would give it out too. He sighed.
« I wouldn't say it's a fight. More like he's ignoring me... » he finally admitted.
« Oh, what happened? » Kibum eagerly inquired.
« It's stupid really... » the blonde started. He paused to take a deep breath. « We just slept in the same bed and it seems like... I don't know like it created this problem... »
« Aaaah, I see. » Kibum softly laughed. « Seems like I wasn't wrong to call him your boyfriend, huh? »
Jonghyun blinked at him. « What do you mean? »
« Oh I just mean that he probably felt really uncomfortable because he has feelings for you and he's not ready to admit it yet, » Kibum naturally explained.
« That's crazy. He's not gay, » Jonghyun pointed out.
« Sexuality and attraction are more complicated than being gay or straight or whatever. Feelings can just pop up if the connection's there, » the younger one swiftly countered.
Jonghyun couldn't agree more with that. He had never wanted to label himself anything, because he was just open to love. « I know, but in his world, it's as simple as that. Even if what you're implying is true, he would never admit to it, » he outlined.
The realization filled him with sadness, even more so that he knew there was no chance for him to be wrong.
« You don't know that. I know he's a rapper and rappers apparently can't be gay, but maybe he's more open than you think. Maybe he just needs to get over his initial shock, » Kibum observed.
« Yeah, maybe... » Jonghyun looked at his phone again, silently hoping that the other would call him later.
« I don't think you should keep waiting, » the brunette advised as he watched his friend. « You should go to his apartment or studio and talk to him. »
Jonghyun raised his head. « What if he doesn't want to see me? »
Kibum's lips stretched into a thin smile. « Something tells me that he'll at least hear you out, » he said before getting up. « I'll leave you alone now. Don't worry too much, Jjong, » he finished before opening the door and stepping out.
The sound of the door shutting had Jonghyun release a breath he hadn't realized he had been keeping in. Kibum was right. He needed to take action before this lack of communication became a permanent thing. He got up too, changed into more suitable clothes and walked out of his room.
A few seconds later, he was hitting the road, his heart beating incredibly fast as nervousness took over him. He had weighed his options and had ultimately decided to go to his apartment. It was already past eight and even though he knew the other could have late nights at the studio, something told him that right now, he'd be at his apartment. So he drove for what felt like forever, but for what in reality was twenty minutes. He parked his car in one of the streets nearby and made his way to the apartment complex that was now familiar to him. He was grateful for having such a great memory and remembering the address. All that was left now was for the other to give him the code so that he could get in. He texted him, silently praying for him to answer.
The answer came fast. He put in the code and heard the buzzing sound indicating that he could open the door. He stepped inside and walked up to the third floor where his friend was. It was only a few seconds before he was in front of his door.
You can do this, Jjong. He knocked. He heard steps inside and his hands instantly became sweaty. The knob turned and there he was, in a white t-shirt and sweatpants, looking like he had just woken up.
« Hey... » Jonghyun shyly said.
« Hey... » Okasian said right back. « Come in... » He stepped back to give the other space to enter.
Jonghyun stepped in, relieved he hadn't been rejected yet.
« Do you want something to drink? » the older one asked as he led him to the living room.
« Um... water... » the blonde indicated before he sat down in the same chair he had been in last week.
« Okay. » He disappeared into the kitchen and came back with a tall glass of water that he handed to him.
« Thank you, » Jonghyun said before he downed half of it. His mouth was incredibly dry which was another side effect of his nervousness.
He watched the other sit down in front of him on the couch. It was totally giving him déjà-vu.
« So how have you been? » Jonghyun asked. He knew he should just get straight to the point, but he just wanted to have a few seconds of normal talk before things got weird again.
« Fine, fine... you? » Okasian returned as he scratched his neck.
« Um... okay, I guess... » Ugh, this is already so awkward. « I didn't get any news from you so I thought I'd just come by... » he added to momentarily stop the noise in his mind.
Okasian didn't say a word, instead looking down between his feet. It went on like that for a few more seconds before he looked at him again. « I did see your calls, » he admitted.
Jonghyun felt his chest squeeze. If his goal had been to hurt him, it had worked. « Oh, so... you purposely avoided them? » he asked knowing very well his voice was giving out everything that he was feeling right now.
The older one nodded. « I just needed some time to think... »
« About? » Jonghyun immediately inquired.
Okasian looked straight into his eyes. « That's what I've been trying to figure out... »
The blonde held his gaze. « But surely you've figured some things out by now, » he pressed. `
« Maybe... »
Jonghyun searched his big dark eyes, but that didn't give him any more clue. He didn't know how far he could push this conversation. He really didn't want to ruin it all.
« Well, maybe I should leave you to think then... » he suddenly announced before getting up. « I'm sorry I bothered you... » He started walking away, but before he could cover much distance he was stopped by a grip on his arm. He turned back.
« No, don't leave yet, » Okasian pleaded as he squeezed the other's arm.
Jonghyun gave him a confused look. « Why? »
« You just arrived... »
« Okay, I'll stay, but... we need to talk about what happened last time, » Jonghyun stated as he freed his arm.
« Yeah, okay... »
They walked back to their previous spots and sat.
« Why did you act so... » Jonghyun took a few seconds to think. « So distant the next morning? »
« I... that's what I'm trying to figure out... » Okasian shared with embarrassment.
Jonghyun felt frustrated. He just wanted the other to be a little more precise. « Are you sure you don't already know? »
Okasian looked down again. « I don't know what to tell you, Jjong... » His voice was down to a whisper.
« I think you're just scared and I get it, but I just need to know what you're feeling right now, » Jonghyun bluntly exposed. « So do you hate me or...? »
« I don't hate you, » the other immediately refuted. « Not at all... » he then said in a softer voice.
« So what now? » Jonghyun asked. He was terribly terrified of the answer.
« I want us to keep hanging out, » the rapper genuinely answered.
« Okay... » Jonghyun wasn't completely satisfied, but he was relieved the other still wanted him in his life.
« I don't want to be a coward, but... can you please give me a little more time? » Okasian asked, his voice pleading.
Jonghyun's eyes widened. He wasn't sure if the other meant what he thought he meant, but that didn't stop him from getting his hopes up.
« Alright... » he accepted with a smile.
The brunette's shoulders dropped. « Thank you. » He then returned his smile.
« So... do you still want me to stay? » Jonghyun verified.
« Yeah, » Okasian answered. « Let's watch a movie or something, » he proposed as he leaned forward to take his remote.
« Okay, cool. » Jonghyun finished his glass of water. « Oh and are you still going to release our track? » He had suddenly been reminded of that.
« Yeah of course. I just lost track of time, but I'll make sure that it's out before the end of the week, » the other reassured.
Jonghyun smiled again. « I can't wait. »
« I'm sure the reception will be great again, » Okasian confidently noted.
« Yeah because we make a great team, » Jonghyun pointed out with a little laugh.
Okasian looked straight at him again. « Yeah, we definitely do. »
Their eyes locked for a while, but this time there was no tension or awkwardness.
« Do you want to come sit on the couch? You'll see the TV better, » the older one indicated.
« Sure. »
Jonghyun got up and settled beside him. The space was suddenly filled with the noise of the television as the other turned it on. They both stared at the screen, but Jonghyun didn't miss the other's move. His arm was now resting along the top of the couch, bringing it close to the back of his head. He smiled.
Despite everything that was left to figure out between them, Jonghyun felt confident of one thing. Whatever they had was something precious and he was going to make sure to keep it alive.
_________________________________________________________________________________________________
AFF Link ~
Give you a chance [First instalment].
Pairing : Okasian x Jonghyun = Okajjong [if you don’t know who Okasian is click these 1 2 3 4 5 ]
Genre : Blooming relationship ; k-pop/k-hip hop crossover
Summary : Can prejudice on idols get in the way of a collaboration?
Word count : 7 000 words ~
Notes : The Cohort is their hip hop crew (not all members are mentioned). Okasian hates sea world. Jjong is blonde in this.
Okasian took his headphones off and threw them against the floor as the beat stopped. A groan of frustration left his lips as he tried to wrap his head around the lyrics he had been trying to spit out for the last hour. He could hear them clearly in his head, but his rapping skills couldn't seem to keep up today. As he looked at his friend's Keith troubled face at the other side of the glass, he decided that it was time to call it a night. He walked out of the booth and settled besides him on the empty rolling chair that was to his right.
« What's up, man? » Keith asked before he picked up his soft drink.
Okasian sighed. « I wish I knew. This shit is whack ». Indeed, everything he had recorded the last few days sounded like utter garbage. To him, at least.
Keith made a loud slurping sound with his straw as he emptied his can. « Well yeah, man. »
Okasian glared at him. « Wow, thanks bro. Can always count on you to cheer me up, » he snapped. He rolled his chair back and stood.
« Oh come on! I'm not trying to be mean or anything, but yeah, you haven't been spitting fire like you usually do,' Keith rephrased in a more considerate manner. 'It's fine, it happens to us all,' he pointed out as he grabbed for another drink.
Okasian sighed again, this time feeling a little more relieved. He wanted to sit back down and just chill with his best friend, but he knew it'd be best to just get some sleep and be over with this day.
« True..., » he finally acknowledged. « I think I'll just go get some rest now, » he then added before making his way out.
« Okay bye, bro, » Keith yelled just in time before the door closed behind the other.
Okasian felt a weight lifted off his shoulders now that he was out of the recording studio. He could now try to focus on some other stuff like... His pace became slower. Like... He stopped in his tracks. He was now realizing just how much he had been absorbed in that one thing. His art was his everything. The inability of him being able to produce it just how he'd like was distressing for that reason. He was a born perfectionist and he wasn't going to release anything mediocre to the world just for the sake of making more dough; even though, he knew he had to keep it coming.
He retrieved his walking pace as his mind kept mulling over the matter.
_________________________________________________________________________________________________
« Are you fucking kidding me? »
Okasian had been expecting the unexpected today for some strange reason, but he had definitely not expected that.
Palo Alto laughed loudly, followed by Keith and Reddy. « Yes I am. I actually thought it'd be a great joke to make this morning, » he managed to say through his vibrating amusement.
Okasian frowned. He knew sarcasm when he heard it.
« Gosh, this guy has some balls... Is he for real? » He exclaimed when he recovered from the mocking.
Keith laughed louder. « This seems pretty serious, man,' he noted with a smile dancing on his lips.
Okasian shook his head vigorously. « No, no, no. I refuse. »
Reddy put a hand on his shoulder, trying to conceal the smile that was menacing to crack his lips. « Look, I actually listened to the song he did with Zion and the one he did with that rapper Iron and it wasn't bad,» he said in a tone that failed to be convincing.
« Pfff... not bad my ass. He's a damn idol and you all know how I feel about collaborating with them, » Okasian reminded with scorn.
They all nodded.
« I will say though that this guy creates a lot of his stuff so I mean I guess he's kind of an artist, » Keith observed nonchalantly.
Okasian cocked an eyebrow, confused. « How the fuck do you know that? »
« Heard it from Zion. He really likes the guy, » the younger one pointed out.
« Well good for him. My answer won't change though. It's no, » Okasian stated as he crossed his arms over his chest. He couldn't believe that singer had the nerve to ask him to rap on one of his tracks. He wasn't about to stoop so low.
It was now Palo Alto's turn to put a hand on his shoulder. « Just think about it. He apparently really admires you and I mean it could be good publicity for you and for our whole crew,' he added with a shrug.
Okasian rolled his eyes. That will surely ruin our image. « Whatever, man. Enough of that talk. I need to record now. » He got up and started gathering his papers, seeing his friends leave the room from the corner of his eye.
He had asked them for some alone time today at the studio to try to focus better. It was now time to put that to the test. He set up everything that was needed for him to start and a few minutes later, his lips were moving to keep up with the flow of the music. His first attempt was an utter fail. The second attempt was a little better. The third another disaster. After a while, he lost count, but he knew it wasn't going to get any better. He let out his anger on his headphones again and walked out from the booth.
He knew he couldn't leave yet; that would hurt his pride too much. He let himself drop on his rolling chair and turned his laptop on again. He needed some kind of inspiration, something to spark that fire inside him and make him unstoppable. He needed music. He pressed play on the playlist of songs he had be meaning to listen to for a while and closed his eyes. As more time passed, he felt bored, none of the songs reaching him at a deeper level. He finally pressed the pause button and sighed. This slump was seriously getting the best of him. He tried to figure out what he could be doing at this point when he suddenly remembered the collaboration request he had received this morning. He caught himself laughing at the ridiculousness of the situation. He couldn't believe an idol had just reached out to him with the hope that a collab would actually take place. In what world? Maybe in fucking sea world. But the words of his friends came back to his mind and he couldn't help but feel intrigued. He typed in the singer's name on Spotify and clicked on the songs that Reddy had talked about. He closed his eyes again.
When he reopened them, his forehead creased as his brows furrowed. This was by no means his go-to kind of music, but it actually wasn't bad. He found himself enjoying the soft tones of the other's voice which had a way of perfectly melding with the melody. And that was deeply disconcerting to him. He had been expecting to be rolling on the floor laughing at how indigestible his music was, but he now felt more calm, weirdly soothed by what he had just heard.
« Whatever, » he said out loud for the empty room to hear. « I'm not doing it. »
__________________________________________________________________________________________________
« Glad you're doing it, bro, » Palo Alto said with the remnants of his previous laughing fit.
Okasian glared at him. « Don't get it twisted, Pal. I'm just going to meet the guy to see what he's about, » he justified as shame still ate at his core.
« Yeah, yeah, I get it. I hope it goes well. » He then sent him off with an encouraging nod.
Okasian stepped out of the van slowly, dreading the little meeting they had arranged. He'd never thought he would've found himself in that position one day; it really wasn't a place where he wanted to be. To be compromising his art like that... Although there was a reason he had accepted to give the other a chance in the end. He had heard something in his music, in his voice, that had resonated within him.
So he stepped into the little café they had chosen to meet at and his eyes instantly found him. The blonde was already sipping on an iced coffee at the back of the shop, still oblivious to his presence as his gaze was fixed on his phone.
Okasian stepped forward in a determined manner, his jaw working hard on a piece of chewing gum. He finally stopped in front of their table and let himself disgracefully plop on the empty chair.
The blonde who had seen him make his way had put away his phone in the meantime, staring directly at the one he had been so eager and so nervous to meet. « Annyeonghaseyo, my name is Kim Jong-' »
« I know who you are, » Okasian cut off, already annoyed. « Let's skip all that formal shit alright? ». He caught the other wincing at his swearing. Great, this is going to be just great.
Jonghyun looked down, feeling ridiculous. « Ah yeah... »
« Look, I agreed to meet you 'cause I guess I was curious... » That was the truth even if he wasn't going to outright say that he loved his voice. Okay, maybe not loved... that he liked his voice.
« Glad you agreed to meet me. » Jonghyun's lips cracked into a wide smile. « I fell upon the Orca Tape and I couldn't stop listening to it and then I listened to most of your solo stuff and the stuff of the other Cohort's members and I thought 'It's something like that that I need in my new album', » he blurted passionately.
Okasian looked at him in disbelief. Before he could open his mouth again, a waitress stopped before them.
« Can I get you anything? » she asked as she turned towards him.
The brunette took a few seconds to think. « Yeah, just black coffee. » He gave her a curt smile as she nodded. « Oh and wait, » he called just as she started to move away. « I'll take an almond croissant too,» he indicated. He had suddenly felt his sweet tooth tingling; another thing to add to the unusual events list.
« Okay, so where were we... » Okasian chewed some more on his gum. « Oh yeah you liked the Orca Tape and all, but why choose me? »
Jonghyun felt heat rush up his cheeks. He silently prayed it didn't show. « I really want you to be part of my album, the way you rap... your flow... it's just... I love it, » Jonghyun let out through his nervousness, admiration, clumsiness and starstruckness.
The older one blinked at him, slowing the pace of his jaw on the chewy substance in his mouth.
« Really?» He uttered, still trying to figure out if the other was for real.
« Yes, I really admire you, » Jonghyun went on before he bit on his lip.
Shit, this is getting so corny. « Alright, man. I get it. But you do know that I don't collab with idols, right?»
Jonghyun felt his chest tighten at those words. He didn't want to be seen as a mere idol. He had been working really hard the last few years to show people who he truly was as an artist.
« I don't want you to collab with an idol, I want you to collab with me as an artist, » he strongly defended.
Okay this guy definitely has some balls. « Yeah but to the public's eye you're an idol and I'd be associated with that, » the brunette countered. As he saw the other's hurt face, he suddenly felt bad.
« Listen, » he started again. He sighed and gave himself a moment to organize his thoughts. « I'm not saying no, but I need more. Come to the recording studio and show me what you got, » he settled as he leaned back against his chair.
The waitress came right at that moment with what he had ordered. She then turned to Jonghyun.
« Anything else for you? » she asked.
« No, I'm fine, » he said with a smile.
She left again.
Okasian took out a napkin and spit his gum into it before rolling it into a ball. He lost no time to bite into his croissant. He hummed his contentment at the sweetness of the pastry. This little meeting wasn't all bad after all.
« Okay, deal, » Jonghyun agreed before he took his plastic cup into his hands again.
Okasian gave him a little smile. Oh well... gotta try new things right?
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
« So when's your little friend coming? » Keith teased as he opened another can of his favorite drink.
Okasian rolled his eyes. « He should be here any minute, » he indicated as he looked at some of his homies' insta pages.
Both of them turned their heads as they heard knocking on the door. It suddenly opened and in came Palo Alto, followed by Reddy, JayAllDay and finally Jonghyun.
Okasian cocked an eyebrow. « What are you all doing here? » he asked as he looked at his friends. This was supposed to be a private session.
« Aaah... We just wanted to meet Jonghyun, » Reddy said with a far from subtle mischievous smile.
The other two nodded with the same expression on their faces. Okasian wanted to punch them all.
He then turned his gaze to the intruder who didn't really stand out as much as he'd thought he would. He had on a snapback, an oversized HBA hoodie, black skinny jeans and matching Timbs. He looked quite different from the first time they met. He found himself silently approving.
« Well you met him now, haven't you? So get out, » he ordered sharply. « And you too, Keith, » he specified as he saw his friend slouch into his chair.
« What? » the one in question exclaimed. « I thought I could stay, » he loudly protested as he straightened up.
« Yeah, well no favoritism in The Cohort, » Okasian reminded. « Move, » he repeated more gently.
All four of them finally left, giving the two of them a few inquisitive glances before shutting the door.
He turned again to look at the one who was now standing at the corner of the room.
Okasian smirked. We're that intimidating, huh? « Sit, » he said as he gestured towards the chair Keith had been in a few seconds ago.
Jonghyun did just that and put his bag down on the floor. « Why didn't you want them to stay? » he then inquired.
Okasian cocked an eyebrow. Doin' you a favor, bro. « They'd just distract us with their loudness, » he outlined, deliberately leaving out the fact that they'd probably laugh at them.
Jonghyun acknowledged his words with a few slow nods. « I see... »
The older one could feel that he wasn't convinced, but there was no point making a case out of it. « Okay so what you got? » he asked.
Jonghyun picked up his bag and took out a bunch of papers and a USB flash drive. « The track's on this, » he said as he put the little device in front of the brunette.
« Alright. » Okasian took it and plugged it into his laptop. « Are you going to sing? » he then asked.
« Yeah, can I use the recording booth? »
« Sure. »
Jonghyun made his way to the booth and turned the knob. Just before entering he turned. « It's the first track named Collab # 1, » he indicated before stepping inside.
Okasian selected the file and waited for the other to get ready. When he saw the other give him a thumbs up, he pressed play.
The music started bumping through the speakers. Okasian relaxed against his chair as he heard a catchy ambient sound underlined by a heavy bass. It was kind of like... kind of like his music. He waited with a piqued interest for the other to start singing and when he did, the rapper didn't know what to think. To his ears' pleasure he was hearing the blonde live and it was truly a beautiful thing, but something was still off.
He clicked the pause button, which caused the younger one to open his eyes and give him a confused look. Okasian gestured for him to get out of the booth.
« What's going on? I wasn't even halfway through, » Jonghyun complained.
Okasian could feel his frustration, but this was necessary. « How do you feel singing this song? » he bluntly asked.
Jonghyun blinked at him, confused. « What do you mean? »
« I'm sure you had an answer in your mind when I first asked you that, » Okasian pressed.
Jonghyun suddenly looked down. « I'm not sure what you mean... »
The brunette snorted. « Did you make this song trying to please me or something? »
Jonghyun looked up again, the confusion even more clear on his features. « I... » He crossed his arms.
« No, I mean... well yeah, » he started again, « I wanted to be inspired by what you do so that we could make something good together... »
« I'm all for making something good, but you don't sound comfortable on that track, » Okasian noted squarely.
Jonghyun frowned, unsettled. He made his way to the empty chair and sat. A sigh suddenly left his lips.
« So... does this mean I blew my chance? » He shyly inquired.
Okasian's gaze narrowed. Where is all that confidence you had before? « No, » he instantly answered.
Jonghyun felt his shoulders drop at the sound of that word. « But the song is shit, right? »
Okasian couldn't help the smile that cracked his lips. So you can use those words too, huh? « I'm not saying that, I actually like the beat, but we need to change some things around... maybe make it a little faster to change the way you sing it, » he shared.
Jonghyun nodded in approval. « Aaah, I see what you mean... »
« Yeah? Alright, good ». The brunette smiled again. « I can tweak the track for you whilst thinking about what rap I could come up with, » he offered.
The blonde was now smiling too. « Yeah, that'd be great. »
« Okay so I'll send the new version to you in a few days and then we can meet up again, » Okasian said as he saved the track in his files.
« Thank you so much, Oka... » He stopped, making the other look at him strangely. « Um, can I call you by your first name? »
Okasian had to take a few seconds to ponder on that. He didn't want to get too familiar with the other, but he realized that in the end it wasn't really going to make a difference.
« Yeah, sure. »
« Okay. Thanks Jiyong. »
Okasian watched as the blonde went back to the booth to pick up his papers. He still wasn't a 100% convinced that he should be participating on that track, but something inside him made it feel right.
__________________________________________________________________________________________________
Jonghyun had been staring at his screen for the last few minutes, waiting for Okasian's message. He was supposed to have sent the track half an hour ago.
Okay, calm down, Jjong. Maybe he had to discuss something with one of his friends...
He jumped as his phone started buzzing. He looked at the number, but didn't recognize it. He was almost tempted to not answer, but decided to anyways.
« Hello? »
« Yeah, Jonghyun. It's me Okasian, » the other notified.
« Oh! » Jonghyun felt his excitement pick up again. « Are you going to send me the track? »
« Not yet. I have a favor to ask, » the older one indicated.
Jonghyun frowned for a slight moment before pushing his confusion aside. « Yeah, what is it? »
« I'd like you to come to the studio right now. I need you to listen to something, » Okasian rapidly explained.
Jonghyun looked at the time. It was almost midnight. That's weird... « Yeah, okay sure, » he agreed nonetheless.
« Okay, see you soon, » Okasian concluded before hanging up.
Jonghyun went to his wardrobe and looked through his clothes. After a few seconds, he decided that fashion didn't matter right now. He'd just go in his plain black hoodie and gray sweatpants. As soon as his Timbs were on his feet, he stepped out and climbed into his car.
The drive there was about half an hour. Half an hour during which he could come up with all sorts of scenarios as to why the other wanted to see him at this hour. Before he could rack his brains some more over the matter, he was in front of the building. He stepped out of the car and made his way to the front door where he pressed on the button besides it and waited.
« Yeah? » he heard through the intercom.
« It's Jonghyun, » he said loudly.
He heard a buzzing sound and opened the door. A few flights of stairs later, he was entering the recording studio where Okasian was, a bottle of soju in his hand and a cigarette between his lips. He seemed nervous.
« What's up? » Jonghyun asked as he sat in front of him.
Okasian took a puff before lowering his cigarette. « I finished the track and started writing a few ideas for the rap and... » He took a sip of soju. « I'd like you to listen to it, » he finished as he turned to look at his papers.
Jonghyun's mouth opened to let out an almost silent Oh. And then his lips stretched into a wide smile. He was excited to hear the other rap live in front of him.
« So just press play when I'm ready, kay? » The older one indicated as he got up. He put down his drink and crushed the rest of his cigarette against the ashtray he had put near him.
Jonghyun watched him enter the booth, almost fidgeting on his seat as he waited. When the other nodded, he pressed play.
The beat resonated through the studio and Jonghyun took a few seconds to get acclimated with it. It was his, but changed in the way the other had suggested. He liked it. He suddenly heard a sharp inhale before the rapper started delivering his lines.
Jonghyun bobbed his head vigorously as the other's flow hit the beat perfectly. But then the latter stopped and he couldn't help but pout.
Okasian stepped out of the booth and made his way towards him. « What did you think? » he asked, staring right at him.
« I love it. It's perfect, » Jonghyun instantly answered with a smile.
« Tsk. It's not perfect... I guess it's alright... » Okasian acknowledged with a little smile of his own. He sat. « It's not done by the way. This bit just came out of me today and for once in a very long time, I didn't feel like it was shit, » he shared as he picked up his drink again.
Jonghyun's eyebrows rose. « You've been having trouble creating? »
« Yeah for a few weeks now and it's been a real pain in the ass, » the brunette went on.
Jonghyun acknowledged that feeling with a nod. « Well glad you got some inspiration from the track. »
« Yeah, it's cool... »
They then fell into an awkward silence, both not looking at each other as they started losing themselves to their thoughts.
« Hey would you like something to eat... or drink? » Okasian suddenly offered.
Jonghyun took a few seconds to think. He was just now realizing how long ago he had eaten. « Maybe a little something to eat... what do you have? »
« I think we have some leftover pizza from earlier. It should still taste good, » he noted with a little embarrassment. They didn't have much here.
« It'll do, » Jonghyun reassured with a smile.
Okasian got up and left the room only to come back minutes later with a plate in which he had put two slices of pizza.
Jonghyun noticed they were hot as he took the plate from the other's hand. « Thank you for heating it, » he said with a little laugh.
« Well I didn't take you for a cold pizza kind of guy so I thought it'd be good to heat it up, » the brunette joked.
They smiled at each other before Jonghyun took his first bite. It did still taste good.
« So have you composed most of your tracks yet? » The older one inquired with genuine interest.
Jonghyun nodded as he finished his second bite. « Yeah, I've been working on that album for a while now, » he shared.
« That's cool. You know, I heard a few tracks from your first album and it wasn't bad, » Okasian said before realizing how rude that sounded.
« It wasn't bad? » The blonde echoed with a chuckle. « I'm guessing that was supposed to be a compliment? »
« Yeah, definitely. I didn't mean it like that, I mean... the tracks were good, » Okasian retrieved as he purposely avoided the other's gaze.
« Thank you. It means a lot, » Jonghyun signified earnestly.
« Aish, stop that, it's nothing, » Okasian dismissed as he felt more and more uncomfortable.
« No, it's not nothing. I'm really glad you agreed to this collaboration. I don't think you understand how happy this makes me, » Jonghyun pressed with the passion he always had in his voice whenever he opened up.
Okasian blinked at him. His heart was beating faster. Shit, this guy needs to stop. « Relax, man. It's cool, » he said trying to keep a composed demeanour.
« Okay, I get it, » Jonghyun uttered with a laugh.
Good. « I should be done soon with the rap, » Okasian indicated as he turned to his laptop. He clicked on a few things before hitting the send button. « And now you should see the new track in your inbox. »
« Cool. I should be done soon too... hopefully, » he replied with more laughter.
Okasian nodded. Yeah and then we can each get back to our lives.
__________________________________________________________________________________________________
« So what do you guys think? » Okasian asked as he expectantly looked at his friends.
« Damn, bro, » Reddy let out. « That was fire, » he then added as the other two nodded vigorously.
« Yeah, seems like you finally got out of your slump, » Palo Alto nodded as he squeezed the brunette's shoulder.
« It's a shame we can't keep that for one of our tracks, » Keith remarked as he rocked in his chair.
« It wouldn't have been the same, man. It's good because it's on his track, » Okasian observed not without a little uneasiness. It made him feel weird to see that this collaboration was probably the best thing that could've happened to him right now.
« Oh so you like his work now? » Palo Alto teased with a laugh to which his friends joined in.
« I mean it's not all good... »
He couldn't help but think of some tracks he had fallen upon by accident, like Woof Woof and Colorful, but he knew that wasn't his making, that was marketing; they needed to put out those type of songs to keep up with a certain image. The tracks the other had made though on the SHINee albums were quite nice, but he wasn't going to outright say it to his crew.
« But he's got talent... » he admitted.
Howling sounds came out of their mouths, making Okasian roll his eyes in annoyance. Bitches.
« Where's his part though? » Keith finally asked as they calmed down.
« He should be sending it to me soon, » the older one answered as he took out his phone.
No new texts. He had been eagerly waiting for the other to tell him that he was done, but it had been a few days now since he had last texted him. Yes, they now texted. They had found themselves texting each other after their last meeting just to exchange ideas and sometimes talk about other stuff.
Okasian suddenly remembered a nice conversation they had had about the music industry and how they both at times felt like quitting it all. He smiled.
« Hey, what you smiling about? » Reddy called out.
« His little friend Jjong probably sent him a cute lyric like 'Baby, my heart hurts, save me from this curse, ', » Keith mocked.
Their howling started again. Okasian abruptly stood up. He had enough.
« Why am I even friends with you guys? » he snapped before walking out of the room. He could hear them calling him back but he paid them no mind. Instead, he looked at his phone and started looking through his messages. He clicked on the blonde's number and waited.
« Hello? » he heard at the other end.
« Yeah, Jjong. It's me, Oka- Jiyong, » he rectified.
« Oh hey! »
« So um, how's the track coming up? » the older one verified as he stopped in the middle of the hallway.
« Um... » The blonde sighed. « It's um, coming along... » he added uncomfortably.
Okasian didn't need to analyze his tone too much to know what that meant. « You haven't added any verses, huh? »
He heard another sigh at the other end.
« I'm sorry, I just seem to be... I don't know what's wrong... guess your slump was contagious, » he bantered with a little laugh.
Okasian clicked his tongue. « Well your first verse inspired me so maybe listening to my part would help you, » he observed.
« Oh you finished it? » the younger one exclaimed with excitement.
« Yeah. »
« I'd love to listen to it, » he voiced in the same tone.
« Do you have some time now? » Okasian asked as he rocked on his heels.
« Yeah, I do. »
« Okay maybe we could meet up at a restaurant or something, I'm getting hungry... » the brunette proposed.
« Yeah, sure, » Jonghyun agreed with a smile the other could not see.
« I'll put the track on my phone so you can listen to it there, » Okasian said as he took out his wallet.
« Okay! »
He looked through it to find the card of a good restaurant he had gone to recently. He found it.
« Look, I'm going to text you the address of the place, okay? »
« Yeah, fine. See you soon, » Jonghyun said before hanging up.
Okasian looked at his phone, perplexed. For some reason, he had felt a weird energy coming from the other just now. He shrugged it off and made his way back to the recording studio to save the track on his phone.
_________________________________________________________________________________________________
They were now both sitting on comfortable mats, faced with tons of foods displayed in various plates. They were both avidly eating, having exchanged only a few words between bites since they had arrived.
Jonghyun suddenly stopped, putting his chopsticks down to think. He could feel the other's gaze on him as he looked down, but he didn't say a word just yet.
« Jjong, are you okay? » Okasian asked as he paused too.
« Yeah, yeah... It's just... I want to be honest with you, » Jonghyun gravely stated as he locked eyes with him.
Okasian's eyes widened, taken aback by the sudden change of demeanour. « Woah, okay... »
Jonghyun chuckled. « I'm sorry, I didn't mean for it to come out that way. I guess I'm now realizing how much this has been worrying me, » he shared in a soft voice.
« What's been worrying you? » Okasian inquired, feeling worried in turn.
The blonde took a deep breath. « I think that what's been making it so difficult for me to finalize the song is the fact that I'm really scared of disappointing you, » he admitted as he looked down to his hands.
Okasian blinked a few times, surprised. « Seriously? You had no trouble coming up with lyrics the first time, » he pointed out.
« Yeah well I had already written those before deciding I wanted you on the track, » Jonghyun revealed shyly.
« Oh... »
They fell into an awkward silence for a few seconds, both distracting themselves with their chopsticks as they thought of their present predicament.
« Don't think too much about your lyrics, » Okasian finally said. « Just concentrate on what message you want to convey as an artist, what your art's all about, » he went on with conviction.
Jonghyun nodded to show he was registering his words. « I get it... »
Okasian knew that advice wouldn't be enough. He needed a little extra push. He took out his phone and plugged in his headphones. He handed them out to the other. « Listen, » he gently ordered.
Jonghyun took the items from his hands and put on the headphones. He pressed play. His ears were suddenly submerged with the beat he had been continuously replaying the last few days. And a few seconds later, the other's voice joined in making him completely captivated. Even after the rap was over, he kept the headphones on, taking a little longer just to recover.
He finally gave them back. « Wow... » That was the only word he could say right now.
Okasian grinned, which he didn't do often around people he wasn't close to. « So you like it? »
« If wow isn't a good indicator of that, I don't know what is, » Jonghyun joked.
« True that, » Okasian agreed with a laugh. « I don't want you to feel like you have to make your parts fit with my rap, I mean I can still change it if need be, » he then pointed out.
« No, no, it's perfect. No need to change it, » Jonghyun instantly objected. « I'm not gonna lie this makes me feel a little more pressured, but I think that'll help inspire me for the rest of the track. »
Okasian stared at him for a while. He could sense the burden the other was carrying and he didn't like it at all. « Just do you, okay? » he advised.
Jonghyun stared right back at him, suddenly feeling a little emotional. But he knew it wasn't time to get sappy. « You can count on it, » he reassured with retrieved vibrancy.
Okasian smiled. « Good. »
They both started eating again before falling into pleasant conversation. Needless to say, they were definitely starting to share more than what the work required. They were getting comfortable around each other.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________
Okasian couldn't help the smile that suddenly crept up on his face. He was overwhelmed with satisfaction and joy as they sat there in sudden silence. They had just finished listening to the final version of Jonghyun's track in the latter's home studio and it was amazing. He had been expecting the other to step up to the plate, but he hadn't been expecting so much in all honesty. The lyrics were brilliant and the singing, perfect.
« Jjong, that is doopppe, » he let out excitedly.
The blonde grinned as he still stared at the screen of his laptop. « Thank you. »
« It just all fits so well... I'm impressed and... surprised, » the brunette then admitted as he looked at him.
« Well I'm really glad you like it, » Jonghyun voiced with utter contentment. He then turned to look at the other. « I... um... I do have a favor to ask, » he shyly said.
Okasian blinked at him, surprised. « Yeah? »
Jonghyun rubbed the back of his neck before clearing his throat. « I'd love to make this track my title track... » he softly shared.
Okasian's mouth fell open. « Oh... » He knew what that meant.
« I know I've already asked you a lot already, but you wouldn't have to perform with me every time. I can have a double title track as I did last time, » Jonghyun rapidly added.
Okasian took a few minutes to ponder on his words. His first impulse was to say no, that that was going beyond what he had signed up for, but that impulse faded. He really loved the song and believed in it and a big part of him was even flattered to see that the other loved it so much that he wanted it to be his title track. But was he ready to stand on stage with an idol?
He looked at the other and saw such anticipation in his eyes that he felt himself falter.
« Okay, » he finally said as he relaxed into his chair.
Jonghyun's eyes widened. « Really? » he exclaimed.
The brunette laughed at the other's expression. « Yes, yes. It'll be my pleasure, » he reiterated.
« Oh my god, thank you so much, » the blonde said as he bowed numerous times.
« It's cool man, » Okasian instantly uttered to calm him down.
Jonghyun stopped and gave him another smile. « You are truly incredible. »
Okasian felt himself get warmer. « Pfff, it's just part of my job. »
« I do believe you're not just doing that because you have to. You believe in the song now, » Jonghyun observed with a knowing smile.
Okasian snorted. « You know what's going on in my head now? »
« Well I mean, I don't claim to know you very well, but we've spent fairly enough time together for me to be able to figure out how you think, » Jonghyun explained.
« Is that so? » Okasian threw back. « Okay well, what am I thinking about right now? »
Jonghyun scrunched up his nose. « That's not what I meant. »
« What am I thinking about right now? » Okasian repeated, putting emphasis on every word.
The blonde didn't give himself much time to think. « You're telling yourself that I'm a cool guy after all. »
A loud laugh burst out of Okasian's mouth. « Wrong answer. I was thinking about getting cigarettes and beers, » he corrected.
Jonghyun pouted. « Okay, but I'm still right, huh? »
Okasian debated on whether or not he should be admitting to that. Aish, whatever. « Yeah, you're pretty cool. »
The younger one couldn't hide his happiness at the sound of those words. He grinned again before pushing himself up to stand.
« I can't help you with the cigarettes, but I do have a few cans of beer, » he informed.
« Okay, cool. »
The brunette watched as the other one stepped out of the room to go get the drinks. He knew he should've probably put an end to their meeting and gone back to his apartment, but for a weird reason, he didn't want to leave.
Jonghyun came back a few seconds later with cans of beer. He placed them on the little space left on the bureau facing them before sitting down again.
« Oh shoot, » he exclaimed as he was hit with realization. « Did you want something to eat? » he offered right after.
« No, beer's fine, » Okasian reassured as he opened a first can. A sigh of content left his lips after he took a sip.
« You're lucky I had those in the fridge, I don't usually drink, » the younger one shared.
« Not a drinker, huh? » the brunette teased.
« No. I can't handle alcohol very well ». Jonghyun's cheeks were now red with embarrassment.
Okasian chuckled. How cute. He froze as he realized what thought had just formed in his mind. What the fuck? He took a few more sips to calm himself down. It was just a momentary slip, Ji. You haven't been getting enough sleep. This rationale was solid enough for him right now.
« Are you okay? »
Okasian jumped slightly as he was taken out of his head.
« Yeah, yeah... sorry I space out sometimes. » He offered the other a smile.
« Ah, I get it. Happens to all of us. » Jonghyun extended an arm to take a can.
« So how come you have those if you're not a drinker? » the older one suddenly thought to ask.
Jonghyun smiled sheepishly. « I was really stressed out over our track and all so I succumbed to this method to calm my nerves. »
« Good thing the track's done. » Okasian then laughed openly, feeling a lot more at ease now that the alcohol was starting to kick in. It'd usually take him a lot more than that, but his lack of sleep was truly to blame here.
« So what about you? Are you finally able to create more tracks? » Jonghyun inquired.
« Not yet. But I feel like it'll be much easier now, » he replied confidently.
« Good, » Jonghyun cheered. « Can't wait to hear them. I'll probably be the first one to buy your album, » Jonghyun half-joked, half-meant.
Okasian shook his head. « No need for that. I'll send you a free copy. »
Jonghyun blinked at him, surprised. « I wouldn't feel comfortable... I'll buy it, » he finally replied.
« No. » Okasian paused. His answer came out more strongly than he'd intended. « I wouldn't feel comfortable letting a friend pay, » he then explained in a softer tone.
Jonghyun tried to hide his joy at those words, but failed. « So we're friends, huh? »
Okasian gave him a blank stare. He took another big sip of his beer to give himself a few more seconds to think. Why do I keep acting so weird?
« Yeah, yeah, whatever, » he dismissed right after.
Jonghyun laughed. « I'm glad we're friends. » And then kept on smiling. «I'm glad you gave me a chance.»
Okasian bit his lip, feeling uneasy. He's making things corny again. « I'm glad too, » he said despite himself.
« Let's cheer to my album and to yours, » Jonghyun proposed as he brought his can closer to his.
Their two cans collided and they locked eyes. « To our albums, » Okasian started.
« To our albums, » Jonghyun echoed.
They both avidly drank before putting their empty cans down.
Okasian leaned back in his chair while the other opened another can. He could still see the utter joy on the other's face. And for some strange reason, he couldn't look away. There was something about this guy that he couldn't shake off. It was unsettling him more and more, but he kept pushing it to the back of his mind.
In a few weeks this will all be over and then none of this will matter.
With that reassuring thought in mind, he opened himself another can and relaxed.
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________
AFF Link~
