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@rollercoasterwrite
Time flies. I haven't been on here in a while, but I have been working on a new fic that was sparked by something very specific. It is crack ship, but SHINee related.
I hope to get it out in June.
Also, I have been rereading I am So Curious and wow, I actually found myself engulfed in my own story/writing. I had started writing the next chapter, but never finished. Is anyone still interested? Let me know lol
JJONG’S MONTH 2023 (6TH ED.) IN COLLABORATION WITH SUMMEROF5HINEE !!!!!!!!!!!!
APRIL HAS ARRIVED SO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS...
Yes Jjong's month is still going strong and with SHINee's 15th upcoming anniversary, this feels extra special 🌙
All further information related to the collaborative event is available on this carrd.
You can check the details for this event there and then write and publish your stories wherever you choose as long you share them on Twitter (see carrd) and/or Tumblr. If you solely publish on here, tag your story with #jjongsmonth so I can keep track of the stories in the #jjongsmonth tag to create a sixth masterlist. I recommend you also tag me so I can find your stories!!!
Check out last year’s masterlist, the fourth one, the third one, the second one and the first one.
If you have any questions you can contact me or contact the organizers of Summerof5hinee via their Twitter account!
Happy Jjong’s month!! ^^
It's still going!!!
Find the collection of works here !
The submission deadline is on May 10th ^^
JJONG’S MONTH 2023 (6TH ED.) IN COLLABORATION WITH SUMMEROF5HINEE !!!!!!!!!!!!
APRIL HAS ARRIVED SO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS...
Yes Jjong's month is still going strong and with SHINee's 15th upcoming anniversary, this feels extra special 🌙
All further information related to the collaborative event is available on this carrd.
You can check the details for this event there and then write and publish your stories wherever you choose as long you share them on Twitter (see carrd) and/or Tumblr. If you solely publish on here, tag your story with #jjongsmonth so I can keep track of the stories in the #jjongsmonth tag to create a sixth masterlist. I recommend you also tag me so I can find your stories!!!
Check out last year’s masterlist, the fourth one, the third one, the second one and the first one.
If you have any questions you can contact me or contact the organizers of Summerof5hinee via their Twitter account!
Happy Jjong’s month!! ^^
idk if this is a young fan thing or new fandom culture but some of yall think fics are abandoned way too quickly. a few months or a year or two is not unusual to go without a fic update. sometimes fics take longer to write, other times writers have rl events, or maybe there's multiple fics and one gets more priority. there are tons of reasons for fics not to be updated every week or every month. it also isn't uncommon for people to come back and update fics after a number of years—ive read updates that took five, or ten years. people's lives change, but they still want to tell their stories. personally, i never consider a fic abandoned unless the author has said so; though if it's been a few years i manage my expectations. but a last update being a year ago is... generally not a sign that a writer has abandoned their fic
JJONG’S MONTH 2023 (6TH ED.) IN COLLABORATION WITH SUMMEROF5HINEE !!!!!!!!!!!!
APRIL HAS ARRIVED SO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS...
Yes Jjong's month is still going strong and with SHINee's 15th upcoming anniversary, this feels extra special 🌙
All further information related to the collaborative event is available on this carrd.
You can check the details for this event there and then write and publish your stories wherever you choose as long you share them on Twitter (see carrd) and/or Tumblr. If you solely publish on here, tag your story with #jjongsmonth so I can keep track of the stories in the #jjongsmonth tag to create a sixth masterlist. I recommend you also tag me so I can find your stories!!!
Check out last year’s masterlist, the fourth one, the third one, the second one and the first one.
If you have any questions you can contact me or contact the organizers of Summerof5hinee via their Twitter account!
Happy Jjong’s month!! ^^
I’M SO CURIOUS [CHAPTER 6]
CHAPTER 1 CHAPTER 2 CHAPTER 3 CHAPTER 4 CHAPTER 5
Prompt : Jjong is a college student with tight money, but manages to get into a prestigious uni where he becomes friends with Taemin. One day, Tae asks him to go out on a blind date with his cousin Jinki, a notable lawyer who still hesitates about dating someone. Jjong refuses, but the amount of money Tae offers is a sight he can’t ignore. Jinki adores him immediately and after several dates, Jonghyun falls in love with Jinki, but he doesn’t know how to tell Jinki about his agreement with Tae.
Chapter title : Lonely.
Pairing : Jongyu
Genre : romance, fluff, angst, smut
***TW for this chapter*** some abusive exchanges
Word Count : 8000 words approx.
Links : AFF & AO3
Special thanks to Cheryl, my beta once again!!!
The room was plunged into a dead silence, the only sound cutting through the quietness being the rhythmic ticking of the clock hanging over the closed door. Its two hands were showing that it was close to 9 pm. Normally, no one would be there to witness when it reached this hour of the night, but over the past few weeks, this hadn’t been the case. Someone had been there without fault every night working until he couldn’t anymore.
There was something about the calm and peace that engulfed everything around this time. He could pretend he was alone in the world and that nothing could get to him. This illusion had been his biggest comfort lately and he wasn’t ready to let it go, even if the dark circles under his eyes were telling another story.
He was overworked, he was exhausted, but that’s the only way he knew how to survive. When everything else failed, work was always there to keep him company and give him a semblance of purpose.
His eyes settled back onto the papers in front of him, looking for the best courses of action to tackle his newest case. This one was going to be tricky. Mergers were never simple. There were tons of negotiations and compromises to be made on each part to insure the best transition possible towards the new entity. The demands came easy, but never what each part was ready to let go to make things work.
Change is hard, he thought with a sigh, before flipping on to the next page of his growing file.
Before he could start reading again, a knock on the door interrupted him. He lifted a brow, puzzled.
"Yes?" he answered from his desk.
The knob turned and the door cracked open, revealing his best friend. He sunk back into his chair, relieved. But that relief was short-lived as he caught a glimpse of his friend’s expression.
"Why are you looking at me like that?"
The tall one crossed his arms over his chest, effectively emphasizing his disapproval.
"Jinki, that’s enough," Minho finally said, making the other’s brows furrow from confusion.
"What are you talking about?"
"You working that late every night," the younger one clarified. "I let it go thinking that it was only temporary, but clearly, this has become a bad habit and I can’t let you go on like this."
Jinki let out a long-drawn-out sigh as he rocked back into his cushioned chair.
“I understand your concern, but I assure you that I’m fine. I just have lots of new cases I need to work on."
"Yeah, because you decided to take on more than you could handle," Minho reproved.
"I can handle them just fine. Do you hear me complaining?"
"You never complain, Jinki. Doesn’t make it okay," his friend pointed out with the stubborn resolve he regularly displayed towards him.
Sometimes, Jinki was grateful for it, but other times, like right now, he wished the other would just leave him be. He was a grown adult. And that meant that he was the sole person responsible for whatever decision he made. Even the senseless ones.
"Minho, go home," he gently ordered. "I’ll be done soon," he reassured before his gaze flicked down to his papers once again.
For a moment there, Jinki had been hopeful Minho would comply and leave him to his work, but that hope was soon shattered as the taller one walked over to his desk and took the file away from him.
"No, we are going home," the latter countered before opening the closest filing cabinet and sliding the file in.
"That’s not where it goes," the one sitting directed.
"I couldn’t give a rat’s ass about where that file goes," Minho snapped as he turned around to look him straight in the eye. "Work is over and you are going to get some rest now," he instructed with an authority that Jinki was more than familiar with.
The latter knew there was no arguing when his friend used that tone. Minho would always be more stubborn about getting the last word than he would ever be.
"Okay, Chief,” he conceded with another sigh before getting up from the chair that had seen him through most hours of the week.
He slid his blazer on and grabbed the few things he needed, watching Minho staring at him from the corner of his eye.
"Do I have something on my face?" he inquired as he slid his car keys in his pants’ right pocket.
"You lost weight," Minho didn’t hesitate to say.
That made Jinki smile.
"Well, I’ll take that as a compliment. Thank you."
"It’s not," the other objected. "It means you’re not eating enough."
"I mean a few pounds off my bones won’t hurt," Jinki lightly dismissed. ‘’I had to lose some weight, anyway.”
"No," Minho interjected again. "You didn’t have to lose weight. And even if you wanted to, that’s not the way to go about it," he went on in a disapproving tone.
"You need to take care of yourself, Jinki," he reiterated as the disapproval morphed into worry once more.
That effectively put an end to the conversation. Jinki couldn’t argue with that. He knew Minho was right. He knew he wasn’t healthy in every sense of the word. The problem was, a big part of him didn’t care that he wasn’t. He didn’t see the point. He would build himself back up and then what? Something else would come along to crush him to pieces?
He was so tired of fighting for his happiness. Maybe that wasn’t something he could ever get. Maybe his life was meant to be as plain as possible and dreaming for more was just pure madness.
As he settled into Minho’s car after the latter won the debate about which car they would take, Jinki took out his phone to check if he had any missed calls or messages.
“You’d better not be checking anything related to work," Minho warned as he started the engine.
"I won’t answer, I promise."
Jinki looked at his screen and saw he had missed a call. When he clicked on the notification and saw who it was, his heart stopped.
He immediately slapped his phone face down onto his thigh as he tried to will his heart back into a normal rhythm. Without realizing, he had closed his eyes to breathe through his internal ordeal, making his friend steal worried glances his way every few seconds.
"Jinki?" the one driving finally called out as he brought the car to a smooth halt at a red light.
The sound of his friend’s voice startled him, his eyes shooting open instantly.
"Yeah?" he replied, trying to gather his thoughts back into an organized puzzle.
"What’s going on?" the younger one pressed. "Is a client stressing you out?"
A client… I wish.
"Um, no… I just… Um…"
Thanks for nothing, brain, he mentally kicked himself as it kept drawing blanks.
"Is it who I think it is?" Minho asked as his eyes focused back on the road.
Brain, you can still help me lie about this. Come on!
His desperate request amounted to nothing more than an increase in his unease. He sighed, abdicating to the truth.
"Yes," he finally uttered as his gaze shifted to the window where his eyes could focus on the landscape that was running past them.
"Oh fuck," Minho let out loudly, eyes growing wide. "What’d he say?"
Jinki felt his jaw tense up.
"I don’t know, it’s a voicemail…"
"Oh…" the other expressed in a much softer tone. "What are you going to do?" he then asked, treading carefully.
Jinki let out a longer sigh, feeling his whole body abandon itself to the crushing feelings that had been looming over him for weeks now.
"I don’t know, Minho…" he managed to utter under his breath. He bit on his lip as he felt it quiver. "I just…" he started again before realizing his throat was closing on him.
Fortunately, Minho knew him like the back of his hand.
"No need to talk about it right now, Jinki," he reassured. "We’ll get you home so you can eat, drink something warm, and rest."
Jinki nodded, knowing he wasn’t in his right mind to make any kind of decision at this very moment.
As they finally made their way up to their loft a while later, Jinki felt his phone buzzing in his pocket. He cocked a brow as he felt it, trying to figure out when he had taken it out of its silent mode. As it buzzed again, he pulled it out, walking closely behind Minho as they stepped out of the elevator.
It was an incoming call…
It was him… His heart skipped a beat. Again….
Feeling anger fight its way through his turmoil, he picked up on impulse.
"What?" he harshly answered, forgetting himself.
There was a pause, a brief window of silence.
"Jinki…"
And just like that, the voice he knew too well, but had tried his best to forget, came through on the other side.
His grip tightened around the device at this ear, his knuckles turning white.
"Why are you calling me?" he said through gritted teeth.
Another pause.
"I… was wondering when you were getting back, I-"
"Why’d you want to know that?" he sharply interjected, feeling the seams of his control rip apart thread by thread. He felt Minho’s gaze on him as he matched his pace, eager to reach his safe haven.
But before he could do so or get an answer from the other, he came to a halt mid-way through the hallway, his arm dropping to its side as he saw what, or rather who, was waiting a few meters ahead.
Everything suddenly seemed to come to a full stop. They all froze into place simultaneously, bracing for what was to follow. Jinki was in the middle of it all, caught between a worried gaze and a troubled one. He suddenly couldn’t feel his body, couldn’t even see clearly. Nothing was making sense anymore, throwing him into a panic that felt foreign, but all too familiar at the same time.
A steady hand squeezed his shoulder before lips grazed his ear.
"If you want me to get rid of him, just say the word."
The words were clear, but his feelings towards them not so much. He felt torn between his lingering anger and his desire for closure.
"Ming?" he quietly said, gaze still fixed ahead.
"Yes?" the other replied, staying close.
"What should I do?" he found himself asking as the internal battle continued inside him.
The taller one sighed.
“I can’t choose for you… But if you don’t feel like you can deal with this right now-"
"I don’t think I can deal with this at any time," he cut in, distressed.
"So I’ll tell him to go then," Minho settled before moving.
But before he could continue on forward, Jinki grabbed his arm.
"Wait."
Minho looked back at him, confused.
"I’ll… I’ll deal with him," Jinki said, mustering up all the courage he had in him in that moment.
Minho frowned, concerned.
"You sure?"
"Yes, yes," Jinki quickly dismissed. "Can you, uh…"
"Want me to leave you guys alone?" the other guessed.
Jinki nodded, gaze lowering to his feet as his request weighed on him.
"Okay," Minho immediately agreed, as if it were nothing. "How long do you need?"
"Not long, I suppose… Like twenty minutes?" Jinki offered for good measure.
"Okay." Minho turned fully towards him before adding in a low voice, "Don’t let him fuck you over, yeah?"
Jinki’s gaze met his and he nodded, grateful for the reminder.
Soon after, his friend’s footsteps echoed down the hallway, gradually fading in sound before they turned silent. Now, he was truly on his own and that thought was terrifying. Yes, he was angry, yes, he knew what was best for him, but he was also feeling very vulnerable and hurt and those two things made for a very dangerous cocktail if not kept in check.
Despite these thoughts, he willed himself into action and took step after step, closing the gap between them in a matter of seconds. If he had felt himself falter before, it was nothing compared to what he was feeling now. Gazing up close into those hazel eyes was like jumping headfirst into hot lava. It was threatening to burn him down to the core.
And somehow, he could feel that it was a shared feeling as the one looking back at him started wiping his hands over his loose-fitted black joggers. It prompted a quick assessment of the other’s attire, feeling a flutter in his chest at the matching all-black attire, complete with his favored black Timbs. The younger one’s blonde hair looked as fluffy as ever and Jinki found himself wanting to run his fingers through it.
Stop, he silently reminded himself, before fishing for his keys inside his pocket. Without a word, he led them inside, both pausing silently to remove their shoes.
"Do you want something to drink?" he instinctively asked as he made his way to the fridge.
"Um, no… thank you," the blonde replied, uneasy.
"It’s no problem, really," Jinki said as he opened the fridge’s door.
"I’m fine, thank you," the other reiterated.
"Okay," he acknowledged before pulling out a can of beer for himself.
He definitely needed some liquid courage.
He then made his way back to the lobby and gestured for Jonghyun to sit down with him in the living room. They naturally sat on either side of the center table, facing each other while keeping a comfortable distance.
Now that they were in each other’s presence again, everything felt surreal. It felt like they were stuck in a plane of existence that wasn’t actually real. Jinki didn’t want to say it felt like a dream, but that was the closest way he could describe it. There was a part of him that just wanted to jump the gun and let loose while an equally strong part of him wanted to keep everything locked in.
After all, Jonghyun had come to him and even left him a message prior to that, so it was probably best he let him say his peace before deciding on his best course of action. With that settled, he relaxed into the armchair and took a long sip from his beer.
He watched as Jonghyun was almost folded in two before him, forearms resting on his thighs as he stared down at the nervous dance his hands were conducting on their own.
Jinki felt impatient for him to break the ice, but he bided his time, willing himself to keep silent.
After a few long seconds, Jonghyun straightened up and cleared his throat.
"Did you listen to my message?" he asked in a quiet voice.
The brunette shook his head.
"No, I just saw it not long ago as we were coming back," he explained.
"Oh…" Jonghyun’s hand followed suit to rub the back of his neck, a gesture Jinki had grown accustomed to seeing whenever he was trying to soothe himself.
"Don’t… um… you can delete that," he then said.
Jinki frowned.
"Why?"
"It’s a bunch of nonsense… I didn’t think, I just, I left it impulsively and that’s why I came here actually, " he cleared up through his rambling before diving right back in. "I figured it would be easier to explain everything to you face to face, even though I wasn’t sure if you’d even talk to me."
"Well, I’m very interested in knowing more about whatever nonsense you left on my phone," the brunette persisted as his gaze zeroed in on the reddening cheeks of his ex-lover.
Jonghyun’s head dropped down again, eyes stilling onto the space between his feet.
"It’s mostly just me crying and sniffling… " he paused, swallowing down the lump that was forming in his throat. "And begging," he added in a voice close to a whisper.
"Begging?" the older one echoed, frowning.
The blonde nodded, still not looking up.
"Yeah, I was desperate…"
Jinki kept looking at him, confused.
"Desperate for what? More money?" he blurted out.
The grimace he caught on the other’s face before he dared look up at him again was enough to tell him that the words he had chosen had stung like he had wanted them to.
"Do you really think that’s why I’m here?”
The response was filled with hurt, but Jinki wasn’t without noticing the undercurrent of anger in his tone.
"I don’t know, you tell me," he threw back at him before taking another swig from his can.
"You know that’s not why I’m here," Jonghyun fought back. "That was never why I kept things going with you," he reiterated as his voice grew coarser.
"And why should I believe you? Just ‘cause you say so?" Jinki taunted, words dripping with contempt.
Jonghyun sighed to give himself a breather, letting his back rest against the soft cushion of the couch.
"That’s what I thought," Jinki said as he took the sudden silence as confirmation of his words.
"Can you just… give me a second?" the blonde requested, closing his eyes to think.
"Why? So you can build up more lies?" the older one kept on, relentless.
He wasn’t up to playing games. He wasn’t up to be fooled again. He was tired.
"No," Jonghyun immediately countered, keeping his mounting frustration in check.
"Why did you come here, really?" Jinki threw right back at him, straightening up in his seat.
The silence that followed and the helpless look the other gave him told him he had won this round.
"Ah," Jinki expressed in realization before delivering his next hit. "Did you come here to get your money’s worth?"
The blonde frowned, half-offended, half-confused.
"What?"
"You were probably expecting sex after having put all that hard work into this charade," he coldly laid out as he fully unleashed all the resentment he had keep inside these past few weeks.
Oh, and how much damage that did. Whatever composure Jonghyun had managed to keep instantly crumbled in front of him. Jinki’s emotionless gaze maintained the other’s devastated one, partly enjoying the power he was having right this moment.
The other part of him knew it was a matter of time before the overbearing weight of guilt would come crashing down on him, leaving him breathless. Nonetheless, he didn’t want to regret his words. Not when he had been flip flopping all this time in between believing what they had was real or it being the product of a well-crafted scheme.
Jinki wanted to be trusting, but he still had enough self-preservation instincts to know he couldn’t just give out that trust over and over again without any regard towards his well-being.
"Jinki," the blonde managed to croak out between quivering lips.
Jonghyun’s vision blurred despite himself, but he felt resolved to say what he had been wanting to say ever since their last encounter, ever since the moment they had last seen each other.
"I love you," he finally let out, the words knocking the breath out of him for a split second before tears rolled down his cheeks and painful sobs rose from his chest.
This was not how he had wanted to confess, but it felt like there was nothing else he could say, nothing else that mattered.
Jonghyun couldn’t see the other’s reaction, too busy wiping the tears out of his eyes and off of his face and trying to get himself together again. He couldn’t see how Jinki’s eyes widened and how his body froze as soon as those three words hit the air between them. He couldn’t see how Jinki’s mouth fell open and how his chest heaved as the words wrecked his synapses, taking over the control board in his brain.
Nothing could’ve prepared him for that. All the confidence he had mustered as he delivered blow after blow dissolved, leaving him stunned, almost knocked out.
He might’ve won the battle, but Jonghyun was threatening to win the war. He couldn’t have that.
"You love me?" Jinki echoed, making sure his tone was derisive and taunting.
Yeah, he really couldn’t have that.
But that didn’t seem to deter the one who had just bared his heart in front of him.
"Yes, I do, Jinki," he reiterated.
Finally being able to stare at him again, he repeated, "I love you. I love you so much, Jinki."
Jonghyun’s voice dripped with desperation, and he knew it, but he didn’t care anymore. He wasn’t going to have another chance at this, he knew it.
The older one’s lips thinned as his jaw clenched, trying to keep his guard up, still. He needed a moment to think, he needed a moment to figure out his next move, because clearly, Jonghyun wasn’t going to hold back anymore.
And that was scaring the shit out of him. He could be tough and mean all he wanted, but under his hard armour, was an utterly vulnerable and needy human being.
Not being able to find his words yet, he resumed his drinking, finishing up all the beer left in his now dented can. It had turned lukewarm inside the warmth of his hand, but nonetheless, the break it provided was quite appreciated.
Once he was done, he set the can down by his feet, before getting up.
"Where are you going?" Jonghyun asked from his seat, panicked.
"Need another beer," Jinki mumbled under his breath before walking back towards the fridge.
He welcomed the fresh air that hit his face as he opened the stainless-steel door in search of more liquid courage. But before he could grab another can, a hand met the middle of his upper back, startling him.
He turned back around to see Jonghyun standing right in front of him, so close to him…
"What are you doing?" the taller one blurted out as he looked into determined hazel eyes.
Jonghyun gnawed at his bottom lip, actually showing some hesitation, before pushing the fridge’s door closed with his hand.
"I want to know how you feel," he answered as he searched his ex’s face for any clues.
"How I feel about what?" Jinki feigned, in a poor attempt to buy himself some time.
That made the blonde scoff.
"I guess you have to be difficult about it."
That made the brunette mad.
"You think I’m being difficult?" he exploded. "Did you really think that after only a month I would forget what you did to me? Did you really think it would be as easy as you just showing up, saying I love you, and then I would just forgive you and take you back?"
"No, Jinki, I-"
"I fucking hate you," he interrupted as his body quaked with rage.
This was not like him. This was not like him at all. Yes, he could get mad, but no one had ever made him lose his mind so much before. He truly hated how this man could completely throw him off in a matter of seconds. His fists clenched by his side as he breathed heavily, waiting.
Jonghyun blinked at him, taken aback. It took him a few seconds before he seemed to come back to himself.
"You have every right to hate me," he acknowledged, keeping his voice soft to not add to the fire that was menacing to engulf everything. "I knew you would… I know you do," he went on, voice close to a whisper. "But it doesn’t change how I feel about you and what I am willing to do to be with you, even if it means waiting for however long," he added before stepping back to give the other more space. "I am sorry I just showed up like this and ruined your night," Jonghyun then said, feeling remorseful. "I won’t contact you until you are ready to tell me what you want… even if it is that you never want to see me again."
He then started turning to leave, but a firm grip on his arm had him spinning around and before he knew it, his back was against the cold stainless-steel door.
"You’re a piece of shit, you know that?" the taller one spat at him as his two hands settled at each side of the blonde’s head, trapping him.
The latter just gulped, scared, hurt, and confused.
"You really just came here to fuck with my head again and make me doubt everything, huh?" Jinki kept on, needing to let the venom spill out of him before it could kill him.
He was looking down on the smaller man like prey, ready to rip him apart any moment now.
"Jinki…" Jonghyun breathed out. "I am not messing with you, I never was," he once again stated, before adding, "I know the premise of us meeting shatters all my credibility, but what I have felt for you from the start has all been real."
When Jinki stayed silent, he took this as permission to go on.
"And I’m really sorry I agreed to take that money. I should’ve never done that, that was fucking stupid and selfish."
"It was," the brunette immediately agreed.
Jonghyun looked down at that, hit with even more guilt under the accusing eyes of his ex-boyfriend. But he couldn’t hide long.
The older one pushed his chin up with a finger, locking their gazes together once more. Jonghyun waited for him to speak, to keep on raging, but nothing came. And before he could say anything, soft plush lips brushed against his, making him shiver.
He gave an expectant look to those luscious lips, but before he could taste them, they travelled to one side of his face, connecting with his ear.
"You drive me fucking crazy, you know that?"
Jonghyun felt his heart skip at that, his body inflaming with desire.
"Jinki," he softly whined.
This was so much and so little at the same time, but Jonghyun didn’t know what he could or couldn’t do at that moment. He could just keep still, anticipating.
It felt like time was standing still, waiting for either of them to move before retrieving its course. Which didn’t take too long once Jinki grew more and more impatient. His lips travelled down to the blonde’s neck, leaving a trail of feather-like kisses, knowing how much he loved that.
"Fuck," Jonghyun let out under his breath, biting on his lip right after to keep himself from whimpering.
Jinki felt prideful of the effect he was having on the man who had hurt him so much, but who he desired nonetheless. He stopped his teasing ministrations to look at him again, allowing himself to admire his flushed face and glossy gaze.
Something dark, something visceral coiled inside him and he suddenly wanted nothing more than to ruin the blonde completely.
"Bedroom," he growled before dragging the other with him towards said place.
Something in the back of the other’s mind told him this wasn’t a good idea, but who was he to refuse Jinki after everything he had made him go through?
So he just followed and didn’t say a word when he was thrown onto the bed and was towered over immediately by the other’s heavier body. He felt a shiver run down his spine as he caught the brunette’s predatory gaze, all signs of the Jinki he knew, gone.
A faint alarm sounded in his mind again and he couldn’t help but listen to it.
"Jinki, maybe we shouldn’t-"
He was silenced by a brutal kiss, that was more teeth than lips, a stark contrast to the always gentle even when passionate kisses he was accustomed to. When he felt the other’s tongue forcefully roam inside his mouth as he pinned his wrists to the mattress, Jonghyun knew this wasn’t how this was supposed to go.
He wanted Jinki to love him back, not use him and then discard him.
"Jinki, stop," Jonghyun pleaded as the other pulled back to catch his breath.
The brunette cocked a brow before snickering when the blonde’s serious expression remained unchanged.
"What? Don’t want me to fuck you?" he mocked as he let go of the other’s wrists.
"I don’t want that, not like this," Jonghyun said, pushing on Jinki’s chest to signal him to move off him.
But Jinki didn’t move.
"Oh, suddenly you’re a fucking prude, huh?" Jinki belittled in contempt. "You wanted me to fuck your brains out on the first date, but now you don’t want it?" he remarked snidely.
It took everything for Jonghyun not to lose his temper and slap him right then and there, but he knew that was what Jinki was looking for. For him to further prove himself to be the asshole Jinki thought he was.
He wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction.
"No, I don’t want it," Jonghyun confirmed, voice steady and resolute. "I don’t want you to hate-fuck me. If we are ever in bed again together, I want us to have sex because we love each other."
"Aaaw," Jinki voiced sarcastically. "How fucking romantic… the whore who got paid to go out with me is now looking for true love. That’s really cute."
Jonghyun’s hand flew before his mind could stop him. He felt the sting of his slap thrumming through his palm as he watched the brunette retract in shock.
Now that there was more space between them, reality seemed to sink in for both of them and it wasn’t pretty.
"Jinki, I’m so sorry," Jonghyun started, eyes widening as he sat up on the bed.
The brunette rubbed the side of his face, trying to get a hold of the situation. He suddenly realized what he had just said and what he had been about to do and it made him sick to his stomach.
"No," he interjected. "I’m sorry, Jjong," Jinki said, shame washing over him.
They just stared at each other, feeling awful for what had just transpired.
"I think I should go…" Jonghyun finally said, cutting through the painful silence.
Jinki just nodded, not knowing what else he could say. Part of him wanted to ask him to stay, but the rational part of him knew the best thing they needed right now was space.
Nonetheless, Jinki didn’t want to leave it that way. He wanted to at least show that he wasn’t a heartless monster. So before Jonghyun could make it past the doorframe, he hugged him from behind, closing his eyes as the other’s body warmth settled his heart a bit.
"Let’s talk at another time, yeah?" he carefully asked against him.
"Yeah, sure," Jonghyun accepted as he relaxed in his arms.
After a few more seconds of shared silence, this one much more comfortable, Jinki let go of him, not without some regret.
Jonghyun wanted to look back, but he didn’t, knowing he might lose it again.
So he left the room, breaking away, despite the pain he felt doing so.
Jinki watched him leave until he couldn’t see him anymore before slumping down back onto his bed, choking up on sudden tears.
I love you, too, Jonghyun, I do, he silently admitted to the now empty room.
I knew way before we met…
***
6 months earlier
(3 months before they met)
Jinki knew the obsession was starting to get unhealthy, but he couldn’t help himself. As he set the broom to rest against the counter, he looked through his phone for the song he hadn’t been able to get out of his head. It had taken some arguing and pleading with Taemin to get a hold of it, but now that he had it on his phone, there was no looking back.
Soon enough, the first haunting notes of piano started playing on their wireless sound system, filling the empty loft with grief and sorrow. This was probably not the best song to listen to while doing some Sunday cleaning, but there was nothing else he wanted to listen to right now. Ever since, he had heard his voice, it felt like something had changed in him. It felt like he had found a part of himself again.
Dust flew across the wooden floor to collect into a neat pile at the center of the living room as he pondered the words that were so beautifully sung.
My reflection inside the closing elevator
Looks miserable
But still, I live on…
That was the bit that hit the hardest. It felt like the one singing had found the words he often failed to find to express how he felt about his life. To the outside world, Jinki was well accomplished. He was a successful corporate lawyer at a young age, he lived in a prized part of the city and owned a luxurious car and fancy suits.
But Jinki had never cared about how he looked to the outside world. He had only cared about pleasing his parents first and foremost, but it seemed like nothing he did was ever enough for them. They never really acknowledged the life he had built for himself, the only words rolling out of their mouths being how he should’ve settled already, started a family, and attended country club events to be visible in the right circles.
But Jinki was done bending every which way to please them. Now that he had entered his thirties, he realized it was time for him to make changes that would make him feel better, not worse. He wasn’t without feeling the harsh claw grip of guilt seize his stomach every once in a while when he thought about his parents, but he always tried to remember how much his mood had improved since he had minimized contact with them to the strict minimum.
Speak your heart out
I can tell you're very lonely
Tell me some more
You know you can't take it anymore
Jinki froze mid-way on his way back to the kitchen as those words sunk in.
Yes, I’m so lonely…
He felt a lump form in his throat as the realization dawned on him.
Since when have you been all by yourself? The song threw back at him.
Seems like forever, he answered as if a reply was needed.
The last bit of the song played out leaving the room in an eerie silence. Jinki just stared into space, his shaky hand threatening to spill the content of the dustpan he had been holding. He didn’t know how long he stood there, sitting in the immense void he had never seemed to be able to fill.
But however long it was, it was suddenly interrupted by the door opening, signaling his best friend’s return. Jinki snapped out of his daze as the door shut behind the taller one and resumed his trajectory towards the trash can, getting rid of the mess.
"Hey, guess what happened to me today?" Minho said as he swiftly made his way towards him.
Jinki’s brow cocked for a second, but he quickly caught on to what that question hid.
"Ah," he deadpanned. "You worked your charms on a girl again?"
"No need to sound so exasperated," Minho reproached, clearly taking offense.
Jinki gave him a blank stare.
"Am I wrong?"
Minho crossed his arms over his chest, defeated.
"No, you are not, but this was different."
"I swear!" he then exclaimed as his best friend’s unchanging gaze had him vehemently wanting to make himself credible.
"Okay, okay," Jinki conceded. "What was different about this one?"
He now set his cleaning supplies to the side to give his full attention to the one standing before him.
Minho’s face immediately beamed with excitement as the memory of his previous encounter unfolded in his mind.
Jinki couldn’t say that didn’t warm his heart. Despite his harrowing feelings of loneliness, he would always be happy that his friend could find companionship so easily. Even though he never kept his girlfriends around long, the time he spent with them always seemed to do him good.
"So you know how I was out shopping for new suits?"
"Yeah…"
"Well that didn’t happen, ‘cause after I helped out an elderly woman cross the street-"
"Of course," Jinki interjected as he rolled his eyes.
Somehow, Minho always ended up doing the most stereotypical gentlemanly things ever. It was quite literally impossible to hate the guy, but his seemingly effortless perfection could get on one’s nerves at times.
"Hey, don’t roll your eyes at me!" Minho called out. "It’s only natural to help out someone who is struggling."
It took everything from him to keep himself from rolling his eyes again.
"Yeah, yeah," he dismissed. "Get on with it now".
Minho glared at him for a split second, before going on with his story.
"So as I was saying," he went on after clearing his throat. "I helped this elderly woman out and suddenly, this young lady came out of nowhere and grabbed her arm in panic. Before I could figure out what was going on, she started yelling at me and hitting me with her handbag," the younger one detailed as if recounting a movie scene. "Can you imagine? Everyone was just looking at us in shock, thinking I was being inappropriate or something."
Jinki’s brows furrowed in confusion.
"I fail to see why you sounded so excited to tell me about this encounter."
There was a sudden shift in his friend’s expression, his face shining with delight as his lips thinned out into a self-satisfied smile.
"Well… " he prefaced. "The elderly woman, who turned out to be her grandmother, started yelling at her in turn and explained how nice and helpful I had been to her."
The older one’s face lit up.
"Aaah, I see…" he exclaimed. "So you and that elderly woman hit it off, huh?"
The blank expression that instantly settled on his best friend’s face was enough to make him burst out laughing.
"Ladies of every age love you," he stated, still laughing. "Don’t act as if I said the craziest thing in the world."
"If I remember correctly, older women are usually attracted to you," Minho knowingly threw back at him, effectively stealing his friend’s amusement and turning it into his own.
"You will never let that shit go, will you?" was Jinki’s annoyed response.
"How could I?" Minho promptly riposted. "I have to keep bringing up the same old anecdotes, ‘cause you refuse to get your grown man ass out there and date someone," he then reminded.
Ah there it was. His Achilles’s heel.
"I’m not you, Minho," he quietly replied, his jaw clenching with the underlying anger he felt towards his friend, but also towards himself.
"No, you are not," the younger one agreed. "But that doesn’t mean you don’t have the same ability to make anyone fall for you. You just need to tap into your confidence again."
Jinki sighed as he felt the never far-gone ball of self-loathing roll inside his stomach. He wanted nothing more than to throw it away, but somehow, knowing it was there made him feel less lonely.
"Well, how about you finish that story so that I can take notes from the expert?" he managed to swiftly turn around to get the focus off his pathetic state.
Minho’s gaze narrowed at that.
"I know what you are doing, but I’ll indulge you for now," he accepted, catching the other’s relieved expression.
"So," he resumed. "Even though her grandmother explained to her what had happened, she still looked at me like I was a criminal," Minho recounted as his eyes grew wide from the passion of his storytelling.
"Okay…" Jinki voiced, still trying to figure out what was coming next.
"So of course, I felt like it was my duty to crush that perception completely."
"Aaah, so you went all out," the older one gathered.
"No, I couldn’t," Minho said with an amused smile that made him confused again.
"How come?"
"She wouldn’t let me treat them. She said I was too nice and that it was suspicious," he added with his signature hyena cackle.
"To be fair, I am surprised that has never happened to you before," Jinki observed. "I’m your best friend and I sometimes also find your kindness and generosity somewhat suspicious," he specified, half-joking, half-stating.
Minho’s eyes almost popped out of their sockets at that.
"Eh??" he exclaimed in disbelief. "Are you saying I’m faking it?"
"Not at all," Jinki refuted. "I just think that the universe gave you the most of everything and left the rest of us with crumbs,” he explained with an airy laugh.
The tall young man crossed his arms over his chest, annoyed.
"First, that is not true. Secondly, it’s sad that genuine kindness has become suspicious in today’s world."
Jinki nodded as he pondered those words.
"I can agree with that, but unfortunately, a lot of people out here are using people as a means for their personal interests."
Minho gave him a sympathetic look.
"I know where you and others are coming from, but it’s not everyone. There are still good, honest people out there."
"Hopefully," Jinki replied, tone heavy.
"No, not hopefully," Minho countered. "There are and I know you will find that special gem that’ll prove it to you."
"Yeah, yeah, sure," the older one dismissed before he found himself entertaining that hope for too long. "So how did it end with that girl?"
A wolf’s grin lit up his best friend’s face as he was thrown back into the memory.
"Very well. I saw that she had a squash racquet peeking out of her backpack and once I pointed it out and we started talking about it, it was pretty much a done deal," he boasted. "Her face lit up as if she hadn’t just thrown daggers at me with her eyes and she just marveled over the fact that I knew so much about the sport. So not long after, she gave me her number and we planned a squash game date for next Sunday," he finished with a proud smile.
If Jinki had been drinking, he would’ve spit out all of his drink onto the floor.
"A squash game date? Really?" he managed to utter before losing it to a fit of laughter.
"I don’t see what’s funny about it," Minho said as he felt his ego get pricked.
"How are we even friends?" Jinki let out between a wave of laughter. "You get excited about the weirdest shit, I swear. A few months ago, it was golf and now it’s squash. What’s next?"
His continued laughter granted him an immediate snarky response.
"What’s next is me getting into the sport of kicking your butt, that’s what’s next."
Unfortunately, that only made the older one laugh harder.
"Oh, you would most certainly excel at it, too," Jinki said as he caught his breath.
"You know what sucks?" Minho started. "It’s that you are incredibly strong for a guy who doesn’t work out that much, but you don’t put any of your natural strength to good use," he pointed out with a tone of reproach.
"I know you’re saying this so that I can accompany you on your sports’ outings, but that’s not going to happen," Jinki shut down, amused.
Minho crossed his arms, pouting as if he were a five-year-old who had just been denied candy.
"Suit yourself, then. But I still think you should get back into something outside of work."
The shorter brunette couldn’t dispute that. The monotony of his days and the encompassing boredom that had taken over his life was getting more and more unbearable. He felt like he had been stripped of any passion that could fuel him. He didn’t even know what it felt like to want something anymore.
And suddenly, the song he couldn’t shake came to him again, bringing to life the exact way he was feeling.
I think I know all the trifling stories in the world
But I don't know anything about you, with whom I've shared my breath my whole life,
I don't know, don't know who you are…
"I know," he finally said before looking downwards.
"You really have so many talents, Jinki," Minho kept on, emphasizing his point. "You just need to pick something and see where that leads you."
Jinki nodded, acknowledging his friend’s words with sincere consideration.
"I was thinking about taking piano lessons again…" he shared, somewhat embarrassed.
"Oh my fucking god," Minho exclaimed, almost jumping up and down in excitement. "Fina-fucking-lly!! "
Jinki laughed softly at that.
"Calm down. I am only considering it."
"Still, that’s big. What made you change your mind?" Minho asked, unable to contain his bewilderment.
Him. His voice. His words. His music.
"Um… just heard a beautiful piano piece and felt like learning it," he vaguely answered as he rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly.
"Oh nice. What piece was it?"
Fuck.
"Uh… I don’t remember actually…" Jinki slightly fumbled before going on. "I mean, it’s been a while since I heard it, but it awakened something in me for sure."
"Whoever it is from, I am eternally grateful to them for bringing you back to life," Minho said in a tone that was meant to be teasing, but that was utterly sincere as well.
Once again, Jinki had to roll his eyes.
"You are so dramatic."
"Seems like it works just fine for me, so I will take that as a compliment," the younger one turned around to his advantage.
"You’ll take anything as a compliment," Jinki said with slight exasperation.
"And you’ll take anything as a flaw," Minho riposted. "That’s why you need to do the things you love. Maybe then that’ll give you the push you need to get into the dating scene again."
"Eh," the older one shrugged, indifferent. "We’ll see about that."
"Oh, we most certainly will," Minho affirmed with a grin.
Despite his air of indifference, Jinki felt a pang in his chest as if a string was menacing to pull his heart right out.
I can tell you're very lonely
Tell me some more
You know you can't take it anymore
No, I can’t, he finally admitted to himself.
And somehow, that realization was enough to make his heart race again, breaking free from its restraints even if just for a moment.
I’M SO CURIOUS [CHAPTER 6]
CHAPTER 1 CHAPTER 2 CHAPTER 3 CHAPTER 4 CHAPTER 5
Prompt : Jjong is a college student with tight money, but manages to get into a prestigious uni where he becomes friends with Taemin. One day, Tae asks him to go out on a blind date with his cousin Jinki, a notable lawyer who still hesitates about dating someone. Jjong refuses, but the amount of money Tae offers is a sight he can’t ignore. Jinki adores him immediately and after several dates, Jonghyun falls in love with Jinki, but he doesn’t know how to tell Jinki about his agreement with Tae.
Chapter title : Lonely.
Pairing : Jongyu
Genre : romance, fluff, angst, smut
***TW for this chapter*** some abusive exchanges
Word Count : 8000 words approx.
Links : AFF & AO3
Special thanks to Cheryl, my beta once again!!!
The room was plunged into a dead silence, the only sound cutting through the quietness being the rhythmic ticking of the clock hanging over the closed door. Its two hands were showing that it was close to 9 pm. Normally, no one would be there to witness when it reached this hour of the night, but over the past few weeks, this hadn’t been the case. Someone had been there without fault every night working until he couldn’t anymore.
There was something about the calm and peace that engulfed everything around this time. He could pretend he was alone in the world and that nothing could get to him. This illusion had been his biggest comfort lately and he wasn’t ready to let it go, even if the dark circles under his eyes were telling another story.
He was overworked, he was exhausted, but that’s the only way he knew how to survive. When everything else failed, work was always there to keep him company and give him a semblance of purpose.
His eyes settled back onto the papers in front of him, looking for the best courses of action to tackle his newest case. This one was going to be tricky. Mergers were never simple. There were tons of negotiations and compromises to be made on each part to insure the best transition possible towards the new entity. The demands came easy, but never what each part was ready to let go to make things work.
Change is hard, he thought with a sigh, before flipping on to the next page of his growing file.
Before he could start reading again, a knock on the door interrupted him. He lifted a brow, puzzled.
"Yes?" he answered from his desk.
The knob turned and the door cracked open, revealing his best friend. He sunk back into his chair, relieved. But that relief was short-lived as he caught a glimpse of his friend’s expression.
"Why are you looking at me like that?"
The tall one crossed his arms over his chest, effectively emphasizing his disapproval.
"Jinki, that’s enough," Minho finally said, making the other’s brows furrow from confusion.
"What are you talking about?"
"You working that late every night," the younger one clarified. "I let it go thinking that it was only temporary, but clearly, this has become a bad habit and I can’t let you go on like this."
Jinki let out a long-drawn-out sigh as he rocked back into his cushioned chair.
“I understand your concern, but I assure you that I’m fine. I just have lots of new cases I need to work on."
"Yeah, because you decided to take on more than you could handle," Minho reproved.
"I can handle them just fine. Do you hear me complaining?"
"You never complain, Jinki. Doesn’t make it okay," his friend pointed out with the stubborn resolve he regularly displayed towards him.
Sometimes, Jinki was grateful for it, but other times, like right now, he wished the other would just leave him be. He was a grown adult. And that meant that he was the sole person responsible for whatever decision he made. Even the senseless ones.
"Minho, go home," he gently ordered. "I’ll be done soon," he reassured before his gaze flicked down to his papers once again.
For a moment there, Jinki had been hopeful Minho would comply and leave him to his work, but that hope was soon shattered as the taller one walked over to his desk and took the file away from him.
"No, we are going home," the latter countered before opening the closest filing cabinet and sliding the file in.
"That’s not where it goes," the one sitting directed.
"I couldn’t give a rat’s ass about where that file goes," Minho snapped as he turned around to look him straight in the eye. "Work is over and you are going to get some rest now," he instructed with an authority that Jinki was more than familiar with.
The latter knew there was no arguing when his friend used that tone. Minho would always be more stubborn about getting the last word than he would ever be.
"Okay, Chief,” he conceded with another sigh before getting up from the chair that had seen him through most hours of the week.
He slid his blazer on and grabbed the few things he needed, watching Minho staring at him from the corner of his eye.
"Do I have something on my face?" he inquired as he slid his car keys in his pants’ right pocket.
"You lost weight," Minho didn’t hesitate to say.
That made Jinki smile.
"Well, I’ll take that as a compliment. Thank you."
"It’s not," the other objected. "It means you’re not eating enough."
"I mean a few pounds off my bones won’t hurt," Jinki lightly dismissed. ‘’I had to lose some weight, anyway.”
"No," Minho interjected again. "You didn’t have to lose weight. And even if you wanted to, that’s not the way to go about it," he went on in a disapproving tone.
"You need to take care of yourself, Jinki," he reiterated as the disapproval morphed into worry once more.
That effectively put an end to the conversation. Jinki couldn’t argue with that. He knew Minho was right. He knew he wasn’t healthy in every sense of the word. The problem was, a big part of him didn’t care that he wasn’t. He didn’t see the point. He would build himself back up and then what? Something else would come along to crush him to pieces?
He was so tired of fighting for his happiness. Maybe that wasn’t something he could ever get. Maybe his life was meant to be as plain as possible and dreaming for more was just pure madness.
As he settled into Minho’s car after the latter won the debate about which car they would take, Jinki took out his phone to check if he had any missed calls or messages.
“You’d better not be checking anything related to work," Minho warned as he started the engine.
"I won’t answer, I promise."
Jinki looked at his screen and saw he had missed a call. When he clicked on the notification and saw who it was, his heart stopped.
He immediately slapped his phone face down onto his thigh as he tried to will his heart back into a normal rhythm. Without realizing, he had closed his eyes to breathe through his internal ordeal, making his friend steal worried glances his way every few seconds.
"Jinki?" the one driving finally called out as he brought the car to a smooth halt at a red light.
The sound of his friend’s voice startled him, his eyes shooting open instantly.
"Yeah?" he replied, trying to gather his thoughts back into an organized puzzle.
"What’s going on?" the younger one pressed. "Is a client stressing you out?"
A client… I wish.
"Um, no… I just… Um…"
Thanks for nothing, brain, he mentally kicked himself as it kept drawing blanks.
"Is it who I think it is?" Minho asked as his eyes focused back on the road.
Brain, you can still help me lie about this. Come on!
His desperate request amounted to nothing more than an increase in his unease. He sighed, abdicating to the truth.
"Yes," he finally uttered as his gaze shifted to the window where his eyes could focus on the landscape that was running past them.
"Oh fuck," Minho let out loudly, eyes growing wide. "What’d he say?"
Jinki felt his jaw tense up.
"I don’t know, it’s a voicemail…"
"Oh…" the other expressed in a much softer tone. "What are you going to do?" he then asked, treading carefully.
Jinki let out a longer sigh, feeling his whole body abandon itself to the crushing feelings that had been looming over him for weeks now.
"I don’t know, Minho…" he managed to utter under his breath. He bit on his lip as he felt it quiver. "I just…" he started again before realizing his throat was closing on him.
Fortunately, Minho knew him like the back of his hand.
"No need to talk about it right now, Jinki," he reassured. "We’ll get you home so you can eat, drink something warm, and rest."
Jinki nodded, knowing he wasn’t in his right mind to make any kind of decision at this very moment.
As they finally made their way up to their loft a while later, Jinki felt his phone buzzing in his pocket. He cocked a brow as he felt it, trying to figure out when he had taken it out of its silent mode. As it buzzed again, he pulled it out, walking closely behind Minho as they stepped out of the elevator.
It was an incoming call…
It was him… His heart skipped a beat. Again….
Feeling anger fight its way through his turmoil, he picked up on impulse.
"What?" he harshly answered, forgetting himself.
There was a pause, a brief window of silence.
"Jinki…"
And just like that, the voice he knew too well, but had tried his best to forget, came through on the other side.
His grip tightened around the device at this ear, his knuckles turning white.
"Why are you calling me?" he said through gritted teeth.
Another pause.
"I… was wondering when you were getting back, I-"
"Why’d you want to know that?" he sharply interjected, feeling the seams of his control rip apart thread by thread. He felt Minho’s gaze on him as he matched his pace, eager to reach his safe haven.
But before he could do so or get an answer from the other, he came to a halt mid-way through the hallway, his arm dropping to its side as he saw what, or rather who, was waiting a few meters ahead.
Everything suddenly seemed to come to a full stop. They all froze into place simultaneously, bracing for what was to follow. Jinki was in the middle of it all, caught between a worried gaze and a troubled one. He suddenly couldn’t feel his body, couldn’t even see clearly. Nothing was making sense anymore, throwing him into a panic that felt foreign, but all too familiar at the same time.
A steady hand squeezed his shoulder before lips grazed his ear.
"If you want me to get rid of him, just say the word."
The words were clear, but his feelings towards them not so much. He felt torn between his lingering anger and his desire for closure.
"Ming?" he quietly said, gaze still fixed ahead.
"Yes?" the other replied, staying close.
"What should I do?" he found himself asking as the internal battle continued inside him.
The taller one sighed.
“I can’t choose for you… But if you don’t feel like you can deal with this right now-"
"I don’t think I can deal with this at any time," he cut in, distressed.
"So I’ll tell him to go then," Minho settled before moving.
But before he could continue on forward, Jinki grabbed his arm.
"Wait."
Minho looked back at him, confused.
"I’ll… I’ll deal with him," Jinki said, mustering up all the courage he had in him in that moment.
Minho frowned, concerned.
"You sure?"
"Yes, yes," Jinki quickly dismissed. "Can you, uh…"
"Want me to leave you guys alone?" the other guessed.
Jinki nodded, gaze lowering to his feet as his request weighed on him.
"Okay," Minho immediately agreed, as if it were nothing. "How long do you need?"
"Not long, I suppose… Like twenty minutes?" Jinki offered for good measure.
"Okay." Minho turned fully towards him before adding in a low voice, "Don’t let him fuck you over, yeah?"
Jinki’s gaze met his and he nodded, grateful for the reminder.
Soon after, his friend’s footsteps echoed down the hallway, gradually fading in sound before they turned silent. Now, he was truly on his own and that thought was terrifying. Yes, he was angry, yes, he knew what was best for him, but he was also feeling very vulnerable and hurt and those two things made for a very dangerous cocktail if not kept in check.
Despite these thoughts, he willed himself into action and took step after step, closing the gap between them in a matter of seconds. If he had felt himself falter before, it was nothing compared to what he was feeling now. Gazing up close into those hazel eyes was like jumping headfirst into hot lava. It was threatening to burn him down to the core.
And somehow, he could feel that it was a shared feeling as the one looking back at him started wiping his hands over his loose-fitted black joggers. It prompted a quick assessment of the other’s attire, feeling a flutter in his chest at the matching all-black attire, complete with his favored black Timbs. The younger one’s blonde hair looked as fluffy as ever and Jinki found himself wanting to run his fingers through it.
Stop, he silently reminded himself, before fishing for his keys inside his pocket. Without a word, he led them inside, both pausing silently to remove their shoes.
"Do you want something to drink?" he instinctively asked as he made his way to the fridge.
"Um, no… thank you," the blonde replied, uneasy.
"It’s no problem, really," Jinki said as he opened the fridge’s door.
"I’m fine, thank you," the other reiterated.
"Okay," he acknowledged before pulling out a can of beer for himself.
He definitely needed some liquid courage.
He then made his way back to the lobby and gestured for Jonghyun to sit down with him in the living room. They naturally sat on either side of the center table, facing each other while keeping a comfortable distance.
Now that they were in each other’s presence again, everything felt surreal. It felt like they were stuck in a plane of existence that wasn’t actually real. Jinki didn’t want to say it felt like a dream, but that was the closest way he could describe it. There was a part of him that just wanted to jump the gun and let loose while an equally strong part of him wanted to keep everything locked in.
After all, Jonghyun had come to him and even left him a message prior to that, so it was probably best he let him say his peace before deciding on his best course of action. With that settled, he relaxed into the armchair and took a long sip from his beer.
He watched as Jonghyun was almost folded in two before him, forearms resting on his thighs as he stared down at the nervous dance his hands were conducting on their own.
Jinki felt impatient for him to break the ice, but he bided his time, willing himself to keep silent.
After a few long seconds, Jonghyun straightened up and cleared his throat.
"Did you listen to my message?" he asked in a quiet voice.
The brunette shook his head.
"No, I just saw it not long ago as we were coming back," he explained.
"Oh…" Jonghyun’s hand followed suit to rub the back of his neck, a gesture Jinki had grown accustomed to seeing whenever he was trying to soothe himself.
"Don’t… um… you can delete that," he then said.
Jinki frowned.
"Why?"
"It’s a bunch of nonsense… I didn’t think, I just, I left it impulsively and that’s why I came here actually, " he cleared up through his rambling before diving right back in. "I figured it would be easier to explain everything to you face to face, even though I wasn’t sure if you’d even talk to me."
"Well, I’m very interested in knowing more about whatever nonsense you left on my phone," the brunette persisted as his gaze zeroed in on the reddening cheeks of his ex-lover.
Jonghyun’s head dropped down again, eyes stilling onto the space between his feet.
"It’s mostly just me crying and sniffling… " he paused, swallowing down the lump that was forming in his throat. "And begging," he added in a voice close to a whisper.
"Begging?" the older one echoed, frowning.
The blonde nodded, still not looking up.
"Yeah, I was desperate…"
Jinki kept looking at him, confused.
"Desperate for what? More money?" he blurted out.
The grimace he caught on the other’s face before he dared look up at him again was enough to tell him that the words he had chosen had stung like he had wanted them to.
"Do you really think that’s why I’m here?”
The response was filled with hurt, but Jinki wasn’t without noticing the undercurrent of anger in his tone.
"I don’t know, you tell me," he threw back at him before taking another swig from his can.
"You know that’s not why I’m here," Jonghyun fought back. "That was never why I kept things going with you," he reiterated as his voice grew coarser.
"And why should I believe you? Just ‘cause you say so?" Jinki taunted, words dripping with contempt.
Jonghyun sighed to give himself a breather, letting his back rest against the soft cushion of the couch.
"That’s what I thought," Jinki said as he took the sudden silence as confirmation of his words.
"Can you just… give me a second?" the blonde requested, closing his eyes to think.
"Why? So you can build up more lies?" the older one kept on, relentless.
He wasn’t up to playing games. He wasn’t up to be fooled again. He was tired.
"No," Jonghyun immediately countered, keeping his mounting frustration in check.
"Why did you come here, really?" Jinki threw right back at him, straightening up in his seat.
The silence that followed and the helpless look the other gave him told him he had won this round.
"Ah," Jinki expressed in realization before delivering his next hit. "Did you come here to get your money’s worth?"
The blonde frowned, half-offended, half-confused.
"What?"
"You were probably expecting sex after having put all that hard work into this charade," he coldly laid out as he fully unleashed all the resentment he had keep inside these past few weeks.
Oh, and how much damage that did. Whatever composure Jonghyun had managed to keep instantly crumbled in front of him. Jinki’s emotionless gaze maintained the other’s devastated one, partly enjoying the power he was having right this moment.
The other part of him knew it was a matter of time before the overbearing weight of guilt would come crashing down on him, leaving him breathless. Nonetheless, he didn’t want to regret his words. Not when he had been flip flopping all this time in between believing what they had was real or it being the product of a well-crafted scheme.
Jinki wanted to be trusting, but he still had enough self-preservation instincts to know he couldn’t just give out that trust over and over again without any regard towards his well-being.
"Jinki," the blonde managed to croak out between quivering lips.
Jonghyun’s vision blurred despite himself, but he felt resolved to say what he had been wanting to say ever since their last encounter, ever since the moment they had last seen each other.
"I love you," he finally let out, the words knocking the breath out of him for a split second before tears rolled down his cheeks and painful sobs rose from his chest.
This was not how he had wanted to confess, but it felt like there was nothing else he could say, nothing else that mattered.
Jonghyun couldn’t see the other’s reaction, too busy wiping the tears out of his eyes and off of his face and trying to get himself together again. He couldn’t see how Jinki’s eyes widened and how his body froze as soon as those three words hit the air between them. He couldn’t see how Jinki’s mouth fell open and how his chest heaved as the words wrecked his synapses, taking over the control board in his brain.
Nothing could’ve prepared him for that. All the confidence he had mustered as he delivered blow after blow dissolved, leaving him stunned, almost knocked out.
He might’ve won the battle, but Jonghyun was threatening to win the war. He couldn’t have that.
"You love me?" Jinki echoed, making sure his tone was derisive and taunting.
Yeah, he really couldn’t have that.
But that didn’t seem to deter the one who had just bared his heart in front of him.
"Yes, I do, Jinki," he reiterated.
Finally being able to stare at him again, he repeated, "I love you. I love you so much, Jinki."
Jonghyun’s voice dripped with desperation, and he knew it, but he didn’t care anymore. He wasn’t going to have another chance at this, he knew it.
The older one’s lips thinned as his jaw clenched, trying to keep his guard up, still. He needed a moment to think, he needed a moment to figure out his next move, because clearly, Jonghyun wasn’t going to hold back anymore.
And that was scaring the shit out of him. He could be tough and mean all he wanted, but under his hard armour, was an utterly vulnerable and needy human being.
Not being able to find his words yet, he resumed his drinking, finishing up all the beer left in his now dented can. It had turned lukewarm inside the warmth of his hand, but nonetheless, the break it provided was quite appreciated.
Once he was done, he set the can down by his feet, before getting up.
"Where are you going?" Jonghyun asked from his seat, panicked.
"Need another beer," Jinki mumbled under his breath before walking back towards the fridge.
He welcomed the fresh air that hit his face as he opened the stainless-steel door in search of more liquid courage. But before he could grab another can, a hand met the middle of his upper back, startling him.
He turned back around to see Jonghyun standing right in front of him, so close to him…
"What are you doing?" the taller one blurted out as he looked into determined hazel eyes.
Jonghyun gnawed at his bottom lip, actually showing some hesitation, before pushing the fridge’s door closed with his hand.
"I want to know how you feel," he answered as he searched his ex’s face for any clues.
"How I feel about what?" Jinki feigned, in a poor attempt to buy himself some time.
That made the blonde scoff.
"I guess you have to be difficult about it."
That made the brunette mad.
"You think I’m being difficult?" he exploded. "Did you really think that after only a month I would forget what you did to me? Did you really think it would be as easy as you just showing up, saying I love you, and then I would just forgive you and take you back?"
"No, Jinki, I-"
"I fucking hate you," he interrupted as his body quaked with rage.
This was not like him. This was not like him at all. Yes, he could get mad, but no one had ever made him lose his mind so much before. He truly hated how this man could completely throw him off in a matter of seconds. His fists clenched by his side as he breathed heavily, waiting.
Jonghyun blinked at him, taken aback. It took him a few seconds before he seemed to come back to himself.
"You have every right to hate me," he acknowledged, keeping his voice soft to not add to the fire that was menacing to engulf everything. "I knew you would… I know you do," he went on, voice close to a whisper. "But it doesn’t change how I feel about you and what I am willing to do to be with you, even if it means waiting for however long," he added before stepping back to give the other more space. "I am sorry I just showed up like this and ruined your night," Jonghyun then said, feeling remorseful. "I won’t contact you until you are ready to tell me what you want… even if it is that you never want to see me again."
He then started turning to leave, but a firm grip on his arm had him spinning around and before he knew it, his back was against the cold stainless-steel door.
"You’re a piece of shit, you know that?" the taller one spat at him as his two hands settled at each side of the blonde’s head, trapping him.
The latter just gulped, scared, hurt, and confused.
"You really just came here to fuck with my head again and make me doubt everything, huh?" Jinki kept on, needing to let the venom spill out of him before it could kill him.
He was looking down on the smaller man like prey, ready to rip him apart any moment now.
"Jinki…" Jonghyun breathed out. "I am not messing with you, I never was," he once again stated, before adding, "I know the premise of us meeting shatters all my credibility, but what I have felt for you from the start has all been real."
When Jinki stayed silent, he took this as permission to go on.
"And I’m really sorry I agreed to take that money. I should’ve never done that, that was fucking stupid and selfish."
"It was," the brunette immediately agreed.
Jonghyun looked down at that, hit with even more guilt under the accusing eyes of his ex-boyfriend. But he couldn’t hide long.
The older one pushed his chin up with a finger, locking their gazes together once more. Jonghyun waited for him to speak, to keep on raging, but nothing came. And before he could say anything, soft plush lips brushed against his, making him shiver.
He gave an expectant look to those luscious lips, but before he could taste them, they travelled to one side of his face, connecting with his ear.
"You drive me fucking crazy, you know that?"
Jonghyun felt his heart skip at that, his body inflaming with desire.
"Jinki," he softly whined.
This was so much and so little at the same time, but Jonghyun didn’t know what he could or couldn’t do at that moment. He could just keep still, anticipating.
It felt like time was standing still, waiting for either of them to move before retrieving its course. Which didn’t take too long once Jinki grew more and more impatient. His lips travelled down to the blonde’s neck, leaving a trail of feather-like kisses, knowing how much he loved that.
"Fuck," Jonghyun let out under his breath, biting on his lip right after to keep himself from whimpering.
Jinki felt prideful of the effect he was having on the man who had hurt him so much, but who he desired nonetheless. He stopped his teasing ministrations to look at him again, allowing himself to admire his flushed face and glossy gaze.
Something dark, something visceral coiled inside him and he suddenly wanted nothing more than to ruin the blonde completely.
"Bedroom," he growled before dragging the other with him towards said place.
Something in the back of the other’s mind told him this wasn’t a good idea, but who was he to refuse Jinki after everything he had made him go through?
So he just followed and didn’t say a word when he was thrown onto the bed and was towered over immediately by the other’s heavier body. He felt a shiver run down his spine as he caught the brunette’s predatory gaze, all signs of the Jinki he knew, gone.
A faint alarm sounded in his mind again and he couldn’t help but listen to it.
"Jinki, maybe we shouldn’t-"
He was silenced by a brutal kiss, that was more teeth than lips, a stark contrast to the always gentle even when passionate kisses he was accustomed to. When he felt the other’s tongue forcefully roam inside his mouth as he pinned his wrists to the mattress, Jonghyun knew this wasn’t how this was supposed to go.
He wanted Jinki to love him back, not use him and then discard him.
"Jinki, stop," Jonghyun pleaded as the other pulled back to catch his breath.
The brunette cocked a brow before snickering when the blonde’s serious expression remained unchanged.
"What? Don’t want me to fuck you?" he mocked as he let go of the other’s wrists.
"I don’t want that, not like this," Jonghyun said, pushing on Jinki’s chest to signal him to move off him.
But Jinki didn’t move.
"Oh, suddenly you’re a fucking prude, huh?" Jinki belittled in contempt. "You wanted me to fuck your brains out on the first date, but now you don’t want it?" he remarked snidely.
It took everything for Jonghyun not to lose his temper and slap him right then and there, but he knew that was what Jinki was looking for. For him to further prove himself to be the asshole Jinki thought he was.
He wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction.
"No, I don’t want it," Jonghyun confirmed, voice steady and resolute. "I don’t want you to hate-fuck me. If we are ever in bed again together, I want us to have sex because we love each other."
"Aaaw," Jinki voiced sarcastically. "How fucking romantic… the whore who got paid to go out with me is now looking for true love. That’s really cute."
Jonghyun’s hand flew before his mind could stop him. He felt the sting of his slap thrumming through his palm as he watched the brunette retract in shock.
Now that there was more space between them, reality seemed to sink in for both of them and it wasn’t pretty.
"Jinki, I’m so sorry," Jonghyun started, eyes widening as he sat up on the bed.
The brunette rubbed the side of his face, trying to get a hold of the situation. He suddenly realized what he had just said and what he had been about to do and it made him sick to his stomach.
"No," he interjected. "I’m sorry, Jjong," Jinki said, shame washing over him.
They just stared at each other, feeling awful for what had just transpired.
"I think I should go…" Jonghyun finally said, cutting through the painful silence.
Jinki just nodded, not knowing what else he could say. Part of him wanted to ask him to stay, but the rational part of him knew the best thing they needed right now was space.
Nonetheless, Jinki didn’t want to leave it that way. He wanted to at least show that he wasn’t a heartless monster. So before Jonghyun could make it past the doorframe, he hugged him from behind, closing his eyes as the other’s body warmth settled his heart a bit.
"Let’s talk at another time, yeah?" he carefully asked against him.
"Yeah, sure," Jonghyun accepted as he relaxed in his arms.
After a few more seconds of shared silence, this one much more comfortable, Jinki let go of him, not without some regret.
Jonghyun wanted to look back, but he didn’t, knowing he might lose it again.
So he left the room, breaking away, despite the pain he felt doing so.
Jinki watched him leave until he couldn’t see him anymore before slumping down back onto his bed, choking up on sudden tears.
I love you, too, Jonghyun, I do, he silently admitted to the now empty room.
I knew way before we met…
***
6 months earlier
(3 months before they met)
Jinki knew the obsession was starting to get unhealthy, but he couldn’t help himself. As he set the broom to rest against the counter, he looked through his phone for the song he hadn’t been able to get out of his head. It had taken some arguing and pleading with Taemin to get a hold of it, but now that he had it on his phone, there was no looking back.
Soon enough, the first haunting notes of piano started playing on their wireless sound system, filling the empty loft with grief and sorrow. This was probably not the best song to listen to while doing some Sunday cleaning, but there was nothing else he wanted to listen to right now. Ever since, he had heard his voice, it felt like something had changed in him. It felt like he had found a part of himself again.
Dust flew across the wooden floor to collect into a neat pile at the center of the living room as he pondered the words that were so beautifully sung.
My reflection inside the closing elevator
Looks miserable
But still, I live on…
That was the bit that hit the hardest. It felt like the one singing had found the words he often failed to find to express how he felt about his life. To the outside world, Jinki was well accomplished. He was a successful corporate lawyer at a young age, he lived in a prized part of the city and owned a luxurious car and fancy suits.
But Jinki had never cared about how he looked to the outside world. He had only cared about pleasing his parents first and foremost, but it seemed like nothing he did was ever enough for them. They never really acknowledged the life he had built for himself, the only words rolling out of their mouths being how he should’ve settled already, started a family, and attended country club events to be visible in the right circles.
But Jinki was done bending every which way to please them. Now that he had entered his thirties, he realized it was time for him to make changes that would make him feel better, not worse. He wasn’t without feeling the harsh claw grip of guilt seize his stomach every once in a while when he thought about his parents, but he always tried to remember how much his mood had improved since he had minimized contact with them to the strict minimum.
Speak your heart out
I can tell you're very lonely
Tell me some more
You know you can't take it anymore
Jinki froze mid-way on his way back to the kitchen as those words sunk in.
Yes, I’m so lonely…
He felt a lump form in his throat as the realization dawned on him.
Since when have you been all by yourself? The song threw back at him.
Seems like forever, he answered as if a reply was needed.
The last bit of the song played out leaving the room in an eerie silence. Jinki just stared into space, his shaky hand threatening to spill the content of the dustpan he had been holding. He didn’t know how long he stood there, sitting in the immense void he had never seemed to be able to fill.
But however long it was, it was suddenly interrupted by the door opening, signaling his best friend’s return. Jinki snapped out of his daze as the door shut behind the taller one and resumed his trajectory towards the trash can, getting rid of the mess.
"Hey, guess what happened to me today?" Minho said as he swiftly made his way towards him.
Jinki’s brow cocked for a second, but he quickly caught on to what that question hid.
"Ah," he deadpanned. "You worked your charms on a girl again?"
"No need to sound so exasperated," Minho reproached, clearly taking offense.
Jinki gave him a blank stare.
"Am I wrong?"
Minho crossed his arms over his chest, defeated.
"No, you are not, but this was different."
"I swear!" he then exclaimed as his best friend’s unchanging gaze had him vehemently wanting to make himself credible.
"Okay, okay," Jinki conceded. "What was different about this one?"
He now set his cleaning supplies to the side to give his full attention to the one standing before him.
Minho’s face immediately beamed with excitement as the memory of his previous encounter unfolded in his mind.
Jinki couldn’t say that didn’t warm his heart. Despite his harrowing feelings of loneliness, he would always be happy that his friend could find companionship so easily. Even though he never kept his girlfriends around long, the time he spent with them always seemed to do him good.
"So you know how I was out shopping for new suits?"
"Yeah…"
"Well that didn’t happen, ‘cause after I helped out an elderly woman cross the street-"
"Of course," Jinki interjected as he rolled his eyes.
Somehow, Minho always ended up doing the most stereotypical gentlemanly things ever. It was quite literally impossible to hate the guy, but his seemingly effortless perfection could get on one’s nerves at times.
"Hey, don’t roll your eyes at me!" Minho called out. "It’s only natural to help out someone who is struggling."
It took everything from him to keep himself from rolling his eyes again.
"Yeah, yeah," he dismissed. "Get on with it now".
Minho glared at him for a split second, before going on with his story.
"So as I was saying," he went on after clearing his throat. "I helped this elderly woman out and suddenly, this young lady came out of nowhere and grabbed her arm in panic. Before I could figure out what was going on, she started yelling at me and hitting me with her handbag," the younger one detailed as if recounting a movie scene. "Can you imagine? Everyone was just looking at us in shock, thinking I was being inappropriate or something."
Jinki’s brows furrowed in confusion.
"I fail to see why you sounded so excited to tell me about this encounter."
There was a sudden shift in his friend’s expression, his face shining with delight as his lips thinned out into a self-satisfied smile.
"Well… " he prefaced. "The elderly woman, who turned out to be her grandmother, started yelling at her in turn and explained how nice and helpful I had been to her."
The older one’s face lit up.
"Aaah, I see…" he exclaimed. "So you and that elderly woman hit it off, huh?"
The blank expression that instantly settled on his best friend’s face was enough to make him burst out laughing.
"Ladies of every age love you," he stated, still laughing. "Don’t act as if I said the craziest thing in the world."
"If I remember correctly, older women are usually attracted to you," Minho knowingly threw back at him, effectively stealing his friend’s amusement and turning it into his own.
"You will never let that shit go, will you?" was Jinki’s annoyed response.
"How could I?" Minho promptly riposted. "I have to keep bringing up the same old anecdotes, ‘cause you refuse to get your grown man ass out there and date someone," he then reminded.
Ah there it was. His Achilles’s heel.
"I’m not you, Minho," he quietly replied, his jaw clenching with the underlying anger he felt towards his friend, but also towards himself.
"No, you are not," the younger one agreed. "But that doesn’t mean you don’t have the same ability to make anyone fall for you. You just need to tap into your confidence again."
Jinki sighed as he felt the never far-gone ball of self-loathing roll inside his stomach. He wanted nothing more than to throw it away, but somehow, knowing it was there made him feel less lonely.
"Well, how about you finish that story so that I can take notes from the expert?" he managed to swiftly turn around to get the focus off his pathetic state.
Minho’s gaze narrowed at that.
"I know what you are doing, but I’ll indulge you for now," he accepted, catching the other’s relieved expression.
"So," he resumed. "Even though her grandmother explained to her what had happened, she still looked at me like I was a criminal," Minho recounted as his eyes grew wide from the passion of his storytelling.
"Okay…" Jinki voiced, still trying to figure out what was coming next.
"So of course, I felt like it was my duty to crush that perception completely."
"Aaah, so you went all out," the older one gathered.
"No, I couldn’t," Minho said with an amused smile that made him confused again.
"How come?"
"She wouldn’t let me treat them. She said I was too nice and that it was suspicious," he added with his signature hyena cackle.
"To be fair, I am surprised that has never happened to you before," Jinki observed. "I’m your best friend and I sometimes also find your kindness and generosity somewhat suspicious," he specified, half-joking, half-stating.
Minho’s eyes almost popped out of their sockets at that.
"Eh??" he exclaimed in disbelief. "Are you saying I’m faking it?"
"Not at all," Jinki refuted. "I just think that the universe gave you the most of everything and left the rest of us with crumbs,” he explained with an airy laugh.
The tall young man crossed his arms over his chest, annoyed.
"First, that is not true. Secondly, it’s sad that genuine kindness has become suspicious in today’s world."
Jinki nodded as he pondered those words.
"I can agree with that, but unfortunately, a lot of people out here are using people as a means for their personal interests."
Minho gave him a sympathetic look.
"I know where you and others are coming from, but it’s not everyone. There are still good, honest people out there."
"Hopefully," Jinki replied, tone heavy.
"No, not hopefully," Minho countered. "There are and I know you will find that special gem that’ll prove it to you."
"Yeah, yeah, sure," the older one dismissed before he found himself entertaining that hope for too long. "So how did it end with that girl?"
A wolf’s grin lit up his best friend’s face as he was thrown back into the memory.
"Very well. I saw that she had a squash racquet peeking out of her backpack and once I pointed it out and we started talking about it, it was pretty much a done deal," he boasted. "Her face lit up as if she hadn’t just thrown daggers at me with her eyes and she just marveled over the fact that I knew so much about the sport. So not long after, she gave me her number and we planned a squash game date for next Sunday," he finished with a proud smile.
If Jinki had been drinking, he would’ve spit out all of his drink onto the floor.
"A squash game date? Really?" he managed to utter before losing it to a fit of laughter.
"I don’t see what’s funny about it," Minho said as he felt his ego get pricked.
"How are we even friends?" Jinki let out between a wave of laughter. "You get excited about the weirdest shit, I swear. A few months ago, it was golf and now it’s squash. What’s next?"
His continued laughter granted him an immediate snarky response.
"What’s next is me getting into the sport of kicking your butt, that’s what’s next."
Unfortunately, that only made the older one laugh harder.
"Oh, you would most certainly excel at it, too," Jinki said as he caught his breath.
"You know what sucks?" Minho started. "It’s that you are incredibly strong for a guy who doesn’t work out that much, but you don’t put any of your natural strength to good use," he pointed out with a tone of reproach.
"I know you’re saying this so that I can accompany you on your sports’ outings, but that’s not going to happen," Jinki shut down, amused.
Minho crossed his arms, pouting as if he were a five-year-old who had just been denied candy.
"Suit yourself, then. But I still think you should get back into something outside of work."
The shorter brunette couldn’t dispute that. The monotony of his days and the encompassing boredom that had taken over his life was getting more and more unbearable. He felt like he had been stripped of any passion that could fuel him. He didn’t even know what it felt like to want something anymore.
And suddenly, the song he couldn’t shake came to him again, bringing to life the exact way he was feeling.
I think I know all the trifling stories in the world
But I don't know anything about you, with whom I've shared my breath my whole life,
I don't know, don't know who you are…
"I know," he finally said before looking downwards.
"You really have so many talents, Jinki," Minho kept on, emphasizing his point. "You just need to pick something and see where that leads you."
Jinki nodded, acknowledging his friend’s words with sincere consideration.
"I was thinking about taking piano lessons again…" he shared, somewhat embarrassed.
"Oh my fucking god," Minho exclaimed, almost jumping up and down in excitement. "Fina-fucking-lly!! "
Jinki laughed softly at that.
"Calm down. I am only considering it."
"Still, that’s big. What made you change your mind?" Minho asked, unable to contain his bewilderment.
Him. His voice. His words. His music.
"Um… just heard a beautiful piano piece and felt like learning it," he vaguely answered as he rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly.
"Oh nice. What piece was it?"
Fuck.
"Uh… I don’t remember actually…" Jinki slightly fumbled before going on. "I mean, it’s been a while since I heard it, but it awakened something in me for sure."
"Whoever it is from, I am eternally grateful to them for bringing you back to life," Minho said in a tone that was meant to be teasing, but that was utterly sincere as well.
Once again, Jinki had to roll his eyes.
"You are so dramatic."
"Seems like it works just fine for me, so I will take that as a compliment," the younger one turned around to his advantage.
"You’ll take anything as a compliment," Jinki said with slight exasperation.
"And you’ll take anything as a flaw," Minho riposted. "That’s why you need to do the things you love. Maybe then that’ll give you the push you need to get into the dating scene again."
"Eh," the older one shrugged, indifferent. "We’ll see about that."
"Oh, we most certainly will," Minho affirmed with a grin.
Despite his air of indifference, Jinki felt a pang in his chest as if a string was menacing to pull his heart right out.
I can tell you're very lonely
Tell me some more
You know you can't take it anymore
No, I can’t, he finally admitted to himself.
And somehow, that realization was enough to make his heart race again, breaking free from its restraints even if just for a moment.
Jonghyun/everyone ; they love him : ) ; PG
Jonghyun wakes up feeling Gross and Bad and spends the day getting cheered up and loved by his babes in their own ways "We'll go to the pet store on the way there,” Kibum adds. Pet store. Fuck yeah. Jonghyun might be a lot of things, but too depressed to go to the pet store is, thankfully, not one of them. Carefully, with weak arms, he pushes himself onto his knees. "Jinki, thank you," he says quietly. Jinki smiles all eyes and cheeks. Blushing, in love, Jonghyun smooches him.
Written for @rollercoasterwrite jjongsmonth!!! I took the prompt for Mare Cognitum: sea that has become known : )
Jonghyun knows as soon as he wakes up that today is going to be a bad one. It's the drag of his muscles, the ache that seems to emanate from his very bones, the feeling that he could have slept for eight more hours and he would feel just as tired. It's that his first thought besides oof is what do I absolutely need to do.
Medication. He needs to take his meds at the same time every morning or else he'll feel ten times as worse. And in order to take his medication, he needs to eat. And eating will give him nutrients so he doesn't starve. That's also something that he needs.
He slogs out of bed and to the kitchen. Rifling through the cabinets, he grabs his box of bland cereal. There's no point in picking something he likes or making something fancy today; not when he knows that everything he puts into his mouth is going to taste like nothing and have the consistency of cardboard.
Jonghyun eats his breakfast, swallows his medication, and shuffles to the bathroom. He does his business, then summons the courage to brush his teeth, and then kind of just stands there for a few minutes trying to will himself into the shower. Eventually, after working through a list of pros and cons, he decides that at least if he washes his hair then he can blow dry it and be soft and warm.
Once he's done with that, it's right back to the bedroom.
Or, almost. He stops at the door to Jinki's room on the way. He usually sleeps alone, but only because he's particular about his sleep ritual. Once he's out then it's impossible to actually wake Jinki up unless he wants to wake up. So Jonghyun slips inside the room and to the bed. As expected, Jinki is flat as a board on his back, his breathing even and his skin a little greasy. Jonghyun gets under the covers with him, snuggling underneath his arm and pushing his face into his chest.
Cozy, warm, comfortable, Jinki's heartbeat under his ear scent – a little sweaty, a little musky, a little soapy – in his nose, Jonghyun allows himself to relax. He allows himself to sigh. He allows himself to break.
He allows himself to cry. Quietly, sniffling into Jinki's chest, he lets his guilt and helplessness and disappointment and shame and everything else flood through him and come out of his eyes and soak into a growing wet spot on Jinki's sweater.
He runs out of tears, lies quietly for a few minutes, and lets the second wave wash over him just like the first. It's then that Jinki wakes up. It's slow; it's always slow when Jinki wakes up. He breathes in deep and heavy first. Inch by inch, he wakes up his body by wiggling his toes, bending his knees, controlling his breathing. Jonghyun knows that his arms will come next so he shifts closer to be sure that he's not in the way.
“Oh?” Jinki takes notice of Jonghyun against him. He wiggles his fingers against Jonghyun's stomach and bends his arm until he can hold Jonghyun close. "Good morning,” he says cutely.
“Ngh,” Jonghyun mumbles back.
“Mm? Not good?" Jinki asks. Jonghyun shakes his head. Very not good. "Well,” Jinki says. He rolls over and pulls Jonghyun into his arms. "That's okay,” he says. "That happens sometimes. You can stay here with me until it's less not good, or until it's afternoon. Or as long as you want." He brushes a soft kiss to Jonghyun's hair. "I love you,” he murmurs.
Jonghyun loves him back. He shows it by squeezing Jinki and trusting him to be soft and kind for as long as he needs.
It's a while; he cries a little more. Jinki sings him a quiet, sleepy song. When he finishes, he digs in his headboard for a snack and munches on it. He offers Jonghyun what's left and when Jonghyun shakes his head, doesn't push. He just puts it back into the headboard, gives Jonghyun another kiss, and sings him another song. The sun rises so high that even with the curtains closed the room becomes fully illuminated.
Jinki leaves him for just a minute to go to the bathroom and stop by the kitchen and comes back with a handful of tangerines. He sits up in bed and, with Jonghyun's head in his lap, peels them. With one hand, he offers Jonghyun segments while he checks his phone with the other. Jonghyun eats just a few, just to keep him from worrying, but mostly he spends the time with his eyes closed.
A knock on the door and Kibum pops his head in. "Hey," he says, and then, “Jonghyun, come shopping with me. For dinner tonight."
"Um." Jonghyun shuffles underneath the covers, thinking. Again, he pulls up a list of pros and cons in his head. The fatigue, unenthusiasm, and fear of being a downer against the chance to spend time with Kibum, to let Jinki do something else with his day, and….
"Fresh air," Jinki says, gently encouraging. "And the exercise will be good for you."
"We'll go to the pet store on the way there,” Kibum adds.
Pet store. Fuck yeah. Jonghyun might be a lot of things, but too depressed to go to the pet store is, thankfully, not one of them. Carefully, with weak arms, he pushes himself onto his knees. "Jinki, thank you," he says quietly. Jinki smiles all eyes and cheeks. Blushing, in love, Jonghyun smooches him.
"Let me put on clothes," he tells Kibum, squeezing his arm as he walks past. When he got out of the shower all he did was put back on his boxers and tank top from the night. "I'll meet you outside,” he says, and five minutes later, he does. All he did was put on some sweats and a t-shirt, but that's fine. Kibum is already going to be the most fuckable person in the grocery store and that's something Jonghyun has never been able to beat him at.
Kibum fills the walk down to the shopping center with talk. Arm linked with Jonghyun’s, Kibum tells him about his tacky drama shows, about the latest fashion trends, and about his water skiing friends down at the river. He doesn't push Jonghyun to reply, but he doesn't discourage him from it, either, and when Jonghyun finds the energy to add to the conversation Kibum gives him his whole attention.
The pet store isn't as fun as it would be if he was feeling 100%, but it's still a hell of a mood booster. They go straight to the puppies as soon as they walk in. Jonghyun can almost physically feel the serotonin shooting through his neurons as he coos and tosses them toys over the enclosure. Kibum wanders off after a while to look at all of the other animals, but he kisses Jonghyun's cheek before he does so.
By the time he comes back, Jonghyun is sitting in front of the big glass window of the puppy training area applauding every time a little guy does a trick just right. Linking arms with Jonghyun again, Kibum shows him a floppy brown puppy ear headband and then gently puts it on him. "For you," he smiles. "Ready to go?”
"For me,” Jonghyun smiles back. Kibum saw it and thought of Jonghyun and got it for him. He's all aflutter. He’s not technically ready to go, but he is at least willing to part with the puppies for now. Waving goodbye to them, he lets Kibum pull him out of the pet store and into the grocery store across the street.
It's there, browsing the vegetables for brussel sprouts that are nice and big without being too huge, that Jonghyun pauses for a moment. The puppies were nice, but he's still tired, lethargic, gloomy. Thinking about himself. Thinking about Jinki. He reaches up and rubs his thumb over the fur of his puppy ear headband. A present.
Kibum is methodically checking all of the potatoes on display for bad spots across from Jonghyun. Jonghyun watches him for a moment then lets himself look down, hold his weight on his hands on the vegetable counter, and sigh. "Did Jinki tell you?" he asks quietly.
“Hmm?” Kibum hums absently. He looks up as he puts a potato into a plastic baggie. “Tell me what?"
"That I'm.” Jonghyun's face heats up. “Emo today."
“Oh.” Kibum goes back to the potatoes. “Sort of. Minho was asking where you were in the group chat because you weren't answering his texts and Jinki said that you were in there with him. And I figured, if you weren't checking your phone and you were with Jinki in bed taking a nap at 11 in the morning, then you must not be feeling good."
Hmm. Well. Jonghyun guesses that's not as bad as he was thinking. Actually, it might be kind of nice. Reassuring, maybe? Yeah. Definitely.
Kibum loves him.
Jonghyun loves him back, and he shows it by reaching over the vegetables, grabbing his hand, and kissing the back of it. While Kibum blushes, he pulls his phone out of his pocket and checks it for the first time today.
Just like Kibum said, he has a couple of texts from Minho. “Hey look it's us” in the morning along with a picture of an Among Us astronaut next to a little baby astronaut, then "do you want to go kick a soccer ball around at the lake later?"
After that, a few more about who is going to be there and what time Minho wanted to leave. And then in the group chat, "which one of you slept with Jonghyun??? Tell him to reply to me," and then Jinki's reply that Jonghyun is napping with him, and then, "oh okay then well I'll be at the lake if any of you need me."
"No thanks I'm extra tall people phobic today," he texts to Minho. Smirking to himself at the thought of Minho checking his messages and getting all grumpy in the middle of a game, he puts his phone back into his pocket.
They roll through the rest of the grocery store getting everything else that Kibum needs for dinner. On the walk home Jonghyun volunteers to carry the bags but when he gets tired halfway through Kibum takes them without complaint.
Back at home, Jinki and Taemin are on the couch watching TV together. Kibum stops Jonghyun from following him into the kitchen to help put away the groceries by pushing him down in between them instead, ordering him to stay with a pat on the head. Jinki and Taemin keep him from getting up by closing in on him –an arm around his shoulders, a leg thrown over his thighs – and Jonghyun resigns himself to be snuggled and cuddled instead of useful. He won't say it's not a relief.
After a few minutes, Kibum comes back and gives Jonghyun another present: a parfait made with chocolate yogurt, granola, and heaps of berries. He tosses a bag of chips at him as well with a one word order to eat. Grateful, in love, Jonghyun blows him a kiss.
"Where's mine?” Taemin demands, trying to grab at Kibum before he walks away.
"Make your own, gremlin," Kibum says without a second glance.
Taemin huffs loudly at his back. He scrumps into a pretzel, arms and legs crossed, face all scrunched up. Chuckling a little bit at the drama of it all, Jonghyun offers him a raspberry from the top of his parfait. Between the two of them plus a couple of bites from Jinki, Jonghyun finishes his food without feeling too gross about it. He puts the mess on the coffee table and curls up, holding on to both of them.
With Jinki petting his hair and Taemin nuzzling his shoulder, Jonghyun closes his eyes and dozes off.
He wakes up later on his side with his head in someone's lap. He rubs his face into their leg, stretching out and then turning onto his back and blinking in the light of the room. Slowly, Minho comes into focus above him. One of his arms is over Jonghyun's chest and the other is around his head and he's holding a video game controller, focused on the TV. Jinki and Taemin are gone.
“Oh,” Jonghyun mumbles. Instinctively, he scrunches his nose. "Gross.”
"Sorry, you'll have to speak up," Minho says. “You're so little I can barely hear your little baby voice.”
Jonghyun knocks the controller out of his hands. He sits up straight while Minho curses and picks it back up. Minho elbows him; Jonghyun elbows him back. They fight back and forth like that for a few seconds before Jonghyun manages to loop his arm around Minho's instead. He's still weak and tired, but he holds on tight enough to get Minho to stop squirming.
Actually, it's more probable that Minho just let him win, but Jonghyun is going to go with the first thing. “How was your sportsball?" he asks.
"It was fun," Minho shrugs. He's already focused back on his video game. Jonghyun watches for a while, bored, before he realizes that he's frowning at the TV. It's just a soccer game. Minho just spent all afternoon playing soccer.
Jonghyun decides that Minho has had enough soccer for today and gets up. He stands in between Minho and the TV, hands on his hips.
“Dickhead, move, I'm about to score," Minho snaps.
Jonghyun smirks at him, shaking his head. "If you're so big, why don't you make me,” he teases.
"Oh my fucking god, come on –”
"If I'm such a little baby how come you can't make me?”
"Jonghyun, I fucking swear–”
"Swear what? That you're a coward and you're all talk and you can't–"
And the next thing Jonghyun knows, they're rolling around on the carpet trying to wrestle each other into submission. Jonghyun barks with laughter, doing his best to break out of Minho's hands and get on top. What flashes of Minho's face that he gets in between all of their body parts is smiling just as wide.
Minho wins, of course. He traps Jonghyun by sitting on his thighs and pinning his wrists to the ground on either side of his head. Jonghyun struggles feebly, pouting. Minho was barely even trying. He could tell. They might have been play fighting, but Minho was being so soft, so gentle with him and his tired muscles. So he knows that Jonghyun is having a bad energy day and he didn't even let him win. Rude.
“You're so mean to me," he grumbles.
Minho smiles down at him even softer than his grip. "You're my favorite," he says.
A thousand emotions flood through Jonghyun and he laser focuses on the easiest one to deal with: sternness. "You can't have a favorite,” he scolds. “That's fucked up."
“Yeah, you're right," Minho admits, shrugging, completely unbothered. “But you're our honorary favorite."
"What does that even mean?” Jonghyun asks.
Minho's smile doesn't turn wicked, or smug, or even come close to the slightest hint of a smirk. Instead, even worse, it becomes softer. Warmer. More genuine. He says, "It means we call you our favorite because it makes you blush.”
He’s fucking right, of fucking course, but that's not even the worst part. The worst part is that he still has Jonghyun's wrists so Jonghyun can't even cover his face. All he can do is go pink underneath Minho and then turn red when Minho leans down and kisses his cheek. “Fuck,” he hisses. Not fair.
He starts struggling again until Minho gets off of him. Rolling over onto his tummy, he hides his face in his arms, grumpy that Minho made him soft. He hears some shuffling and then a pillow slides underneath his head and Minho starts rubbing his back with his big hands.
After a minute or two, Jonghyun is feeling sufficiently pampered and calmed down. He turns so just his cheek is in his arms and blinks sleepily at Minho. “How come else I'm your favorite?" he asks.
Minho smirks. "Good height for an armrest," he says. He doesn't even wince when Jonghyun punches his thigh. "And because you're fun to hang out with. And I really like your laugh. And your butt fits really nice in my hands. And it's really endearing when you act all bratty because I know you just want attention."
Minho goes on, filling Jonghyun with so many compliments that he has no choice but to accept that statistically some of them have to be true. On the TV, his soccer players stand around the field while the opposing team scores goal after goal until the game ends. It's such a nice time that Jonghyun is about to fall asleep again.
He doesn't want to do that on the floor, though. He's a creaky old gremlin at thirty-something years of age and he knows that will fuck him up big time. Slowly, carefully, he gets to his knees, then sits on his heels and leans on Minho's shoulder. Minho wraps his arms around him, snuggly and warm, the perfect hug, the perfect expression of love.
Jonghyun loves him back, and he shows it by telling him out loud, mumbling the three words into his sweater.
And then, after Minho squeezes him tighter and lets him go, Jonghyun clumsily gets to his feet. "I'm going to go lie down before dinner,” he says.
“Mmkay,” Minho hums. "I'll come find you when it's time.”
Smiling, in love, Jonghyun lets Minho hold his hand until he's too far away.
The plan was to curl up in the bed him, Kibum, and Minho share and maybe mess around on his phone, but halfway down the hallway he hears his name from behind Taemin's bedroom door. Curious and nosy, he stops and listens.
"When I was telling you before, about the microaggression thing, that's something else I learned from Jonghyun," Taemin is saying. "He's so like. He researches things for fun and he's so good at remembering it all? About a lot of different things, not just justice stuff. And if I ever want to ask him something I know he knows all of the big technical words but he still explains it simply for me so I can understand it. And he doesn't make me feel bad about it. It's so impressive."
It's so fucking flustering, the things he’s saying in there. What the fuck.
"I know, right?" Taemin laughs. "He likes to be all bratty and childish and fun, but. I've really learned a lot of my maturity from him, too. And honestly, he's childish in, like, a mature way? Like, he chooses to be childish. For fun. Because he can and because he deserves it.”
This is too much. Jonghyun can't handle Taemin like this. But he can't just walk away from Taemin like this, either. He screams quietly into his hands for a moment, then knocks gently on the door. From inside, he hears, "oh, hold on – yeah?”
Jonghyun pops his head inside. Taemin is on his back in bed, handheld game console in the air above him and headphones connected to his phone next to him. "Hey," he says brightly. "I was just talking about you–” he hesitates for a fraction of a second. Licking his lips, he says, "about how cute your butt is."
"Yeah?” Jonghyun asks, amused. Definitely not surprised.
"Yeah," Taemin says. Then, "what? Oh. Kai says hi.”
“Hi Kai,” Jonghyun chuckles. "I just wanted to –”
“Kai he says hi back.”
"I wanted to lie down for a little bit,” Jonghyun says. "You can keep talking.”
“Oki,” Taemin says. He wiggles over on his bed, making room. Jonghyun heads over and clambers on next to him, lying down on his side. He slides one of his arms underneath Taemin's head and his other over his chest, snuggling in. Just holding Taemin makes him feel better, more put together. He tilts his head forward until he can sniff his hair. Something about the scent, whether it's Taemin's shampoo or Taemin himself, always makes Jonghyun feel at peace.
“Comfy?” Taemin asks. Jonghyun nods. Very. He peeks up at Taemin's game; just a two-player platformer with Kai. Boring. He closes his eyes and relaxes into the comfort of Taemin.
The thing about Taemin that's different from the others is that for everyone else, snuggling is a shared activity. And that's not a bad thing; of course Jonghyun loves being petted and spoken soft words to and paid attention to. But it's not something that he always wants and needs, and it's not something that Taemin instinctively gives him. Instead, he keeps playing his game, talking and laughing with Kai, and lets Jonghyun exist in silence. No reminder of why he needs comfort, just comfort.
Just absorbing one side of a conversation about nothing important and letting that fill his brain instead of thoughts about himself, his mood, his shame, his guilt, his self-worth. No brain. Just love.
"Oh, he fell asleep," Taemin says. It takes Jonghyun a moment to realize that Taemin means him; by the time he does but before he can make a move to deny it, Taemin continues by saying, "god, he's so fucking cute. Man I like him.” So gently Jonghyun barely even feels it, Taemin smooches the tip of his nose.
"Yeah, I do," he says, replying to whatever Kai said. Probably teasing, knowing the two of them. "I think he's cute and sweet and funny and kind and –”
Kai makes exaggerated gagging noises so loud that Jonghyun can hear it through the headphones. Chuckling, Taemin says, "fuck off.” Then, after Kai says something else, Taemin whines, “ because . I'm bad at it, I don't know, I don't know how to do feelings stuff." He's pouting now, his tone unmistakably grumpy. "You know that," he says. “You know how bad I am being emo with you . It's not easier with him just because I put my mouth on his sometimes. It's harder .”
Silence for a reply, and then, offended, "what do you mean, what do I mean? Fuck you. I care about him so much, and I look up to him, and he means so much to me, and I'm supposed to just open my mouth and say soft heartfelt words to him? Like it's no big deal? Not fucking likely."
This is the other thing about Taemin. He thinks he’s so smooth about it, but Jonghyun knows how shy he is. However much fun Kai is having teasing Taemin about it, Jonghyun doesn't mind. He doesn't need Taemin to tell him all the time. Jonghyun already knows Taemin is in love with him.
Jonghyun loves him back, and he shows it by squeezing Taemin close to his chest and pressing a sloppy, wet smooch to his cheek.
"Oh my fucking god, he's been awake this whole time," Taemin says loudly.
The headphones explode with Kai’s laughter. Jonghyun laughs with him, but quieter, more enamored, only a little bit less smug. "Oh my fucking god," Taemin hisses. "I need to leave. I need to go. Kai, I'm hanging up, I'm. I need to go spontaneously combust, goodbye, I'll talk to you later.”
He doesn't even hang up; he just yanks the headphones and throws them and his video game at the foot of the bed. He rolls over to his stomach, then to his side, then back to his back, hiding his crimson face behind his little fists. Trying his very hardest not to keep laughing, Jonghyun picks up his phone. “Bye, Kai,” he smiles into the headphones, hanging up after.
Taemin’s tantrum doesn't do anything to stop Jonghyun from slithering his arms back around him and nuzzling the side of his head. Grinning, in love, he holds Taemin and just enjoys his presence.
It's a nice silence, and then it turns into a comfortable silence once Taemin calms down. He turns on his side to face Jonghyun, licks the tip of his nose, and grins when Jonghyun wipes it on the pillows with a grumble. They spend a while like that, grinning and existing together, until there's a knock on the door.
"Dinner's ready,” Minho tells the two of them.
"Hell yeah," Taemin says. “Hungy." He gets up and helps Jonghyun to his feet and the three of them walk to the kitchen together where Jinki and Kibum are serving out the roasted chicken and vegetables from the store earlier.
Jonghyun takes his seat, more excited to eat than he thought he would be. Today started off rough and he’s still tired in his bones, but after spending time with everyone today, he feels better in his heart.
Jonghyun/everyone; the big round lesbian in the sky ; pg-nc17
A collection of short stories told to Taemin by Jonghyun about the moon
🌕Prologue: the moon Jongtae; pg; 733w 🌩Oceanus procellarum - ocean of storms Jongho; storm chaser but in space au; pg; 638w 💞Mare cognitum - sea that has become known Ot5; pg; kissie stuff; 439w 🌹Mare nectaris - sea of nectar Onjongtae; garden spirit au; nc17; 644w 🫂Mare tranquillitatis - sea of tranquility Onjongho; mages au; pg;949w 💦Mare humorum - sea of moisture Jongtae; mermaid au; pg; 899w 🌴Mare insularum - sea of islands Ot5; creationists au; pg; 1386w 🌙Mare crisium - sea of crises Jongtaekey; sailor moon au; pg; 984w ☁️Mare nubium - sea of clouds Jongkey; skyship au; pg; 869w 🌧Mare imbrium - sea of showers/rain Jongminkey; space slice of life au; pg; 1191w ❄️Mare frigoris - sea of cold Jongyu; weather deities au; pg; 887w 🧚Mare vaporum - sea of vapors Jong2min; lake fairy au; pg; 929w 😌Mare serenitatis - sea of serenity Onjongkey; beach au; pg; 962w 🍑Mare fecunditatis - sea of fecundity/fertility Ot5; horny lol; nc17; 1499 words 🌕Epilogue: the far side Jongtae; pg; 893w
Written for @rollercoasterwrite jongsmonth : ) I meant to post this last week but I forgot I had the mermay thing in the queue lol
🌕Prologue: the moon
They're outside, the two of them, Jonghyun and Taemin, at the playground across the street, and they’ve just spent the last half-hour lazily swaying on the swings and watching the summer sunset. It's one of their favorite kind of dates: simple, close to home, free, sometimes there are dogs. And especially, for Jonghyun anyway, once the sun sets, the moon gets extra bright.
It's a full moon tonight and it's almost as bright as Jonghyun's smile. He's twisted around in the swing seat to look for it and, finding it behind them, he quickly gets up and sits down again facing it. Taemin copies him at a much more leisurely pace. He's had his jacket tied around his waist, but he puts it on properly, zipping it up against the sudden nighttime chill.
Pointing up at the moon in the dusky blue twilight, Jonghyun says, "there she is. The big round lesbian in the sky." He sighs dreamily. His pink bangs fall into his eyes, obscuring his view of the moon the tiniest amount, and he flicks them away.
"There she is," Taemin repeats, smiling. It's always been obvious that Taemin isn't as invested in the moon as Jonghyun is, but it's also obvious that he's always been invested in Jonghyun's passion for it. He looks up at it for a minute, then pulls out his phone and starts playing a game. Jonghyun smiles up at it nonstop, arms curled around one of the swing chains, cheek smushed up in his hands, feet gently pushing him back and forth. They talk and joke together as the sky grows darker and the moon glows brighter.
Eventually Taemin looks up, then does a double-take, and then squints his eyes, frowning. "Why is it so bright?" he asks. "What the fuck."
Laughing, Jonghyun tells him, "because it's reflecting sunlight."
"Like," Taemin says. He points at the moon, then down at where the sun sunk below the horizon, and then pauses for a minute, trying to figure out the logistics. Then he rolls his eyes and shakes his head and says, "fucked up.”
"Excuse me, I'm right here," Jonghyun frowns. "She is not fucked up. Fuck you." As usual, he's taken it upon himself to be offended on behalf of the moon. And as usual, Taemin doubles down on offending the moon.
"It's fucked up!” he says, gesturing up at it with his whole hand. "I don't want to think about math and angles and shit. I'm just an ocean gay."
"The moon is, like, literally the intersection between space and ocean gays,” Jonghyun says indignantly. He gestures up at it as well, just the simple thrust of his hand full of fire and emotion. "She pushes and pulls the tides. She makes the waves. They use her for navigation in boats. And, and, you see the dark spots on her? Galileo thought each one was an ocean."
Taemin looks a little overwhelmed at all of Jonghyun's information; probably he knew most of that before, but having it all used against him has to be a new experience. He blinks at Jonghyun, clearly trying to think of something to say, before he blurts, "who?"
"Galileo,” Jonghyun repeats. His hand falls into his lap. "Italian Guy. Big astronomy guy. Forever ago. The one that said earth revolves around the sun instead of the other way around and then the church excommunicated him for blasphemy."
Taemin snorts, dropping all of his other emotions to just laugh instead. He hides it behind his hand even though it's as loud and hiccuppy as usual. "That sounds familiar, yeah," he agrees. He turns back to the moon, frowning but not as hard as before. His eyes trace each dark spot of the moon, taking them all in. "And he thought they were all oceans?" he asks thoughtfully. He looks at Jonghyun. “What are they really?”
"Lava," Jonghyun shrugs, and then, seeing Taemin's face twist into outrage, hastily adds, "but who cares. Not important. For a long time they thought they were oceans. And each of them has a name and a legend attached to it."
It does the trick: Taemin loses focus on his spacephobia and instead perks up with interest. "Legend?" he asks. "Story? Ocean story? Space ocean story?" He's eager, interested, clumsily swinging sideways to bring himself closer to Jonghyun. "Storytime," he demands.
Chuckling, Jonghyun complies.
🌩Oceanus procellarum - ocean of storms
“Ooh ooh ooh, wait wait wait, here here here." Jonghyun swings his arm out to slap at Minho. Minho is already hitting the brakes, though, and he bumps Jonghyun away with his elbow. Their cruiser whirrs to a stop and he hits the stabilizers to keep them in place. Jonghyun scrambles into the back to grab his camera equipment; quickly, before he finishes, Minho pulls up his weather tracker.
He scans through everything – the news, the radio, the satellites, the ship's own scanners – and is certain that it's safe enough for Jonghyun to get out just as Jonghyun is smashing the button to open up the hood. He grabs a tether and hooks it to Jonghyun's belt, tugging him back for just one second to make sure it's secure and then letting him free.
From there Minho can take his time. He sends a report to the local weather station, writes down the coordinates in their log, and grabs his own camera before he tethers himself to the ship and joins Jonghyun outside.
And oh, what a view it is outside.
The cosmic storm that they've been chasing for the better part of a week is in full swing. Stardust, broken comets, and metal debris soar through the void. They swirl with the currents of space, flying in great arcs over their heads. Huge nebulous clouds surround them with all sorts of greens and yellows, dipping into blues, just barely touching orange. There's a dull, quiet roar of fire, of crystals, of metal on metal, of speed, of all of these the mismatched noises mashing together and coming to them sped up, slowed down, and distorted through the clouds. Standing here in the center of it, this huge astronomical wonder, and knowing that it's a fraction of a fraction of a fraction a quadrillion fractions of everything in just this one universe, almost takes Minho's breath away.
But he's seen it all before. The storm isn't the view he's enamored with.
Jonghyun is floating above and a little to the left of their ship, stabilizing his camera stand and trying to set up a good shot of the storm. His silver hair floats around his head and catches sparkles from the clouds. His lashes fan out over his cheeks as he looks through the camera and his strong fingers work so delicately to adjust the zoom and focus. Sharp white teeth bite his bottom lip, soft and pink, and then he catches Minho looking at him, and then he smiles.
He smiles so beautifully. His mouth stretched wide, his cheeks rounded, his eyes all lit up with the same giddy excitement that they always get when they're in the middle of a storm. Minho's breath leaves him.
No matter how many times he sees it, it always feels like the first time.
The storm flares bright, the clouds glowing and expanding with chemical reactions powerful enough to reach throughout an entire galaxy. At the same time, Minho's heart thuds hard enough to reach throughout an entire galaxy and then some.
"So what do you think?" Jonghyun swings himself over to nudge Taemin, blinking at him expectantly.
Taemin hums, staring at the moon for a moment longer before raising his eyebrows. "More romantic than I thought," he says dryly.
"Yeah, well," Jonghyun grins. "You know how us space gays are."
"Yeah?" Taemin laughs. "Galileo was a space gay?”
"He was in my heart." Jonghyun puts his hand on his chest, screwing up his face with overexaggerated emotion. Then he smiles and hops off of the swing. "Let's go home," he says. "I'll Tell you another moon legend another time if you restrain yourself from being mean about her."
Taemin stands and swings his arm around Jonghyun's shoulders. "I'll try my best,” he promises.
💞Mare cognitum - sea that has become known
Kissing Jinki is like space.
Each kiss is soft, slow, and seemingly endless. Jonghyun gets so lost in them that he loses track of time; so lost that sometimes he even forgets where they are. And he doesn't mind either. A kiss from Jinki feels like everything, all at once, all-encompassing, all important, everything in every universe combined all in one simple press of lips. But it also feels like nothing, like not a care in existence, like letting go and giving everything else up because nothing matters but the two of them together.
Kissing Jinki is his favorite.
Kissing Kibum is like a fruit.
They're bright, fresh, each one a burst of emotion. The moment their lips touch Jonghyun bursts into smiling; he bursts into loving. And every time it's a surprise. A kiss from Kibum has layers, like biting into a gummy and not expecting the gooey center inside. They're not just physical affection, they’re communication. No matter how small or quick, Jonghyun gets a full story from each of them –how Kibum's day was, what his mood is, what he wants to say to Jonghyun, the exact number in the millions to describe how much Kibum is in love with him at that exact moment.
Kissing Kibum is his favorite.
Kissing Minho is like a blanket.
Every one is so warm, so cozy, so comfortable. Jonghyun melts into them on first contact; relaxing into them feels like coming home. And it's been like that since the very first time. A kiss from Minho is to be enveloped in a warm hug, not just from his arms around Jonghyun's shoulders, but from his aura wrapping around Jonghyun s. He radiates protection, security, and stability, but every so often, if Jonghyun rubs him just the right way, he'll nip, he'll bite, he'll static shock a thrill directly through Jonghyun's nerves.
Kissing Minho is his favorite.
Kissing Taemin is like –
"Jonghyun?”
"Yeah?"
"Do you want me to kiss you?"
"Please."
Kissing Taemin is like fireworks.
Every single time, it's dazzling, exciting, tingly from the tips of his hair all the way down to his toes. Jonghyun can anticipate and prepare for each and every one, but they never fail to sweep him off of his feet. And he never gets tired of them. A kiss from Taemin makes his heartbeat stutter, his lungs hitch, his stomach flip. They’re so much packed into so little, and they last much longer than the initial flash and bang would lead one to believe. They linger, enjoying their welcome, reminding Jonghyun that Taemin will stay just as long.
Kissing Taemin is his favorite.
🌹Mare nectaris - sea of nectar
“Can't believe you jerked it before you called me."
“How was I supposed to know you were going to try to have phone sex with me?”
Both of them can feel each other's pouts through all of the distance separating them. Jonghyun is on his stomach on the bed at home, chin in his hands as he looks out the window at the full moon. Taemin is slouched in a hotel chair miles away, looking through fancy curtains at the same moon. "Why wouldn't I try to have phone sex with you?” he groans.
"You know," Jonghyun chuckles, "can't argue with that.” while Taemin dramatically groans louder, he pulls a pillow to support him underneath his chest. "here,” he says. "I'll give you a horny fantasy I like to think about. You don't know this one. It's based on one of the moon legends.”
“Oh, fuck yeah,” Taemin mutters, frantically getting his hand down his pants.
In every garden, if it's cared for enough, loved enough, cherished enough, a spirit will be born. A manifestation of the garden’s emotions and health, the spirit will lend their magic to the owners of the garden in gratitude. And if the spirit themself is treated kindly enough–with prayers, favors, offerings, and praise–they will stay and the garden will flourish like no other. If ignored or disrespected, it's said that the spirit will leave and nothing will ever grow in the garden again.
Luckily for Jonghyun, Jinki and Taemin know exactly how to keep their spirit absolutely delighted.
"You’re so pretty today, aren't you, with all of your alyssums?” Taemin's fingers in ferns flowers send shivers down Jonghyun's spine. Or maybe it’s that when he sifts his fingers through them, hundreds of tiny little white and pink flower petals flutter down over ferns body. Or maybe it's his voice, so soft and husky, so close to ferns ear that fern can feel his lips smiling. Or maybe it’s his hand on the back of ferns thigh. Or maybe it's his other hand on ferns cock.
It might also be Jinki's mouth against ferns jaw, or his warm chest pressed against ferns back, or his lap soft and comfortable beneath fern, or his hand on the back of ferns other thigh helping to keep ferns legs spread open, or his fingers inside of ferns ass.
It might be any number of those things. Either way, fern's having a fantastic time. Ferns heart is beating so hard that fern can feel every pulse of chlorophyll through ferns veins and the edges of ferns vision are exquisitely fuzzy.
"You say that like fern's not pretty all the time." Jinki's tone is stern and his fingers draw circles on Jonghyun's prostate as if to make it up to fern.
"I said today," Taemin pouts back. His hand is impossibly soft on ferns cock, just barely stroking fern. Fern's absolutely leaking precum anyway and it dribbles down ferns shaft, over his hand, drips off of ferns balls to absorb into the soil. "Fern's pretty everyday, but fern's extra pretty today. Aren't you, my Jonghyunnie?"
"My favorite," Jinki says warmly.
" Our favorite," Taemin corrects.
"Our only." Jinki punctuates the words with a kiss just below ferns ear. Jonghyun flushes, roses blooming in ferns cheeks and all around the garden. Theirs; fern's theirs and they're ferns. "Do you want to cum, our handsome?" Jinki asks fern.
Frantically, Jonghyun shakes ferns head. No, no fern doesn't. Not yet. It's been at least an hour, already, of them playing with fern, pleasuring fern, spoiling fern, and fern doesn't want it to end. Fern wants to feel like this, just like this, hot and tingly and delirious and loved, forever and ev –
"Hey, I nutted."
"I heard." Jonghyun's smile is just as audible over the phone as Taemin's is. "You're welcome," he says.
🫂 Mare tranquillitatis - sea of tranquility
Jonghyun drums his fingers on his thigh, a staccato of nerves to complicate his foot bouncing restlessly against the carpet. He stares at his phone in his hand. The phone stares back at him, displaying the phone number for the interview he’s supposed to call for in half an hour.
Taemin stares at him too, nibbling on his bottom lip. His hand hovers over Jonghyun's leg like he's not sure whether or not touching will help.
"What if," he tries, "what if you thought about the moon?”
And then, when all Jonghyun does is frown and tilt his head, continues, "she calms you down, right? Or is there a moon legend about being calm?”
“There... is," Jonghyun says.
Jonghyun drums his fingers on his thigh, a staccato of nerves to compliment his foot bouncing restlessly against the hardwood floor backstage. His breath shakes in and out of his mouth no matter how hard he tries to control it. His pulse pounds in his fingertips. The space just behind his eyes is burning so hot that he wouldn't be surprised if he burst into flames at any moment. All he can hear is his own breathing and everything else seems muffled, far away. His magic, a soft pink shimmer around him, sparkles and crackles in a way that only he knows is different from normal.
People walk past him with polite greetings that he returns mindlessly. If asked, he couldn't recall who or how many. Just that he smiled and waved with three fingers, nodded or cocked an eyebrow, offered a joke or a wish of good luck in return. He's always like this; confident and unbothered on the outside but falling apart on the inside. He wouldn't mind so much if it was something he was doing on purpose, but as it is, he would do anything for someone to spare him more than a passing second and realize that he needs –
“Jonghyun.”
“Hey.”
Jinki and Minho sit down on either side of him and bring the world into focus with them. Muffled voices clear up into discernible words, the boxes and rope behind the stage curtains lose their fuzz around the edges, the people walking around become recognizable. But most importantly, front and center in Jonghyun's mind is the warmth of Jinki's side pressing against his and Minho's arm around his shoulders. Those more than anything pull him back to the present.
"You're going to do great," Minho tells him. He's full of confidence, like he knows that he’s speaking facts, and he shakes Jonghyun hard enough to make him jiggle. "Everyone you've already sung for has loved it. And you've practiced a thousand times.”
His light green magic mixes with Jonghyun's on the right, their colors swirling together without blending. Jonghyun follows a line of green as it curls around some pink and mumbles, "It could have been a thousand and one." He could have always practiced more. He could have stayed up later, eaten faster, taken less breaks.
Jinki's arm snakes around his waist and he puts his chin on his shoulder. His magic is a light orange and it does blend with Jonghyun's until they turn into a soft peachy color on his left. Jinki doesn't offer any words; just his presence, quiet and supportive. Jonghyun leans his head against his.
"Singing is the easy part anyway,” Minho goes on. "Isn't that what you've been saying this whole time? Writing everything was the hard part. And it's a spell for calming nerves anyway. All you have to do is start and then the more you sing the less nervous you'll be. Starting only takes a second.”
Jonghyun does have to admit, he's making some very good points. Jonghyun remembers making those same points himself all month long ever since signed up for the audition. It's good to be reminded. Absentmindedly, he twines his fingers with Jinki's and squeezes. Jinki squeezes back the perfect amount.
"And besides," Minho says. He puts his free hand on Jonghyun's leg and shakes it gently. "You're the best singer that I know.”
"Stop,” Jonghyun whines, automatically blushing. His magic glitters bright and warms the air around them, making his hair stand on end. Even without looking, he can see Minho's huge smile in the corner of his eye.
"Why?” Minho pouts, offended that Jonghyun is denying him. "It's true. Your voice is wonderful. You've always had talent and you've added so much skill on top of it. When you sing it's like roses –”
"You're so –” Jonghyun puts his face in his hands, trying to steady his beating heart. Every time. Every single time Minho starts complimenting him. Jinki makes soothing noises next to his ear, gently tickling his fingers into his side, but Jonghyun can tell that he’s amused. Every single time with both of them. They're too much for him.
But at least now his mind is off of his nerves. He straightens up, fanning his face. On either side of him, their smiles are so full of confidence that Jonghyun can't help but feel confident in himself.
Not too long after, he walks on stage to the microphone. His vision and his hearing are clear, his hands and breathing are steady, and his magic floats calmly around him. He introduces himself and, when he takes a breath to start singing and feels a tingle of nerves in the back of his head, he scans the sparse crowd for Jinki and Minho. He finds them and, with their smiles in his heart, he gives the best performance he's ever given in his life.
And it's easy.
💦Mare humorum - sea of moisture
Taemin finds Jonghyun right where shell thought shell would: floating on shells back up on the surface. shell's silhouetted in the light of the moon and stars, but every so often, one of shells pink scales will glitter in the moonlight. Shells long pink hair spreads out around shells head, sending crisscrossing shadows over Taemin as shell swims up to meet shell.
Breaking the surface of the water is as disorienting as usual. The chill of the air, the force of the breeze, the sudden existence of smell. But Taemin brushes it off with practiced indifference and pushes shells silver and black hair out of shells face. Jonghyun hums quietly, a short little acknowledgement of shells presence. The sky is reflected in shells pretty eyes, a universe filling them up with stardust. Moonlight shines down on shells face. It highlights shells cheekbones, the tip of shells nose, and shells plush lips.
Gently, Taemin gathers up shells hair and pushes it out of the way, and then even gentler, shell cups Jonghyun's face and kisses shell upside down. Jonghyun kisses back, soft, distracted, but when Taemin pulls away, shell tilts shells face up to keep their mouths connected for that tiny second longer. Shells eyelashes flutter and Jonghyun seems to lose focus for a second before gaining it back. The stars leave shells eyes and Taemin fills them instead so that Taemin is looking back down at shellself, reflected twice. Jonghyun smiles.
Taemin came here to chide him, but shell can't help but smile back while shell does it. "You scold me so much for sitting at the edge of the trench and wanting to go explore it,” shell accuses, "and look where I find you.” Jonghyun knows it's dangerous up here, with humans and their boats around.
Jonghyun's nose wrinkles. "They're different," shell pouts. "One day if I'm not there to stop you you'll actually go down there and get eaten by something. How am I going to get all the way up there?" Shell gestures up at the sky. Still watching shells eyes, Taemin sees Jonghyun get lost in space again, lost in desire. Shells eyes get a faraway look in them and shells voice becomes soft, dreamy, almost a whisper. "But don't you just... want to?" shell asks. Shells arm stays outstretched, fingers reaching for the stars.
Taemin looks up. They're far enough away from the local islands that the only thing they can see is ocean below them and space above them. From this angle, with nothing else, not even clouds, to block their view, it really does seem like the stars are so close that Jonghyun could pluck one out of the void if only shell could reach a couple of inches higher. "I bet if we got up there we could swim," Jonghyun says. "I bet we could do anything we wanted.”
Taemin stays quiet, letting shell yearn. Jonghyun knows how shell feels about space. With the trenches, Taemin has the security to know that whatever is down there at least has to abide by the rules of the ocean, and whatever it is has a bottom, an end point. But up there, out in the everything, out in the nothing, shell can't even begin to imagine what they could find. That scares shell. Shell can't even begin to comprehend the sheer number of possibilities that lie out there. That terrifies shell.
"I want," shell says, tilting Jonghyun's head to bring shells attention back down to the sea. "I want you and me to be together. Wherever we are." Shell lets that sit for a moment, warm and heartfelt in Jonghyun's ears, until shell feels the blush creeping into shells own cheeks. Then shell adds, "as long as that wherever isn't here."
Jonghyun chuckles, shaking shells head. Shell rights shellself in the water, giving up the moon easily in exchange for Taemin. One more kiss, and then Taemin takes Jonghyun's hand and pulls shell underwater. Together, they swim back home.
"Jonghyun?"
"Yeah?”
"I really liked that one.”
"I knew you would."
It's a hot summer night and they’re in their apartment complex’s pool technically after curfew but it's not like anyone is going to wake up and yell at them about it. Jonghyun is on his back in a unicorn floatie, staring at the moon, and Taemin is on his stomach on a shark floatie, staring at Jonghyun. "Which moon sea was that one about?" he asks.
Jonghyun points up, and even with the apartment buildings and telephone poles silhouetted against the night sky, his hand looks close enough to the stars that he might be able to pluck one out of the void if only he could reach up a few more inches. "Bottom left, the little one,” he says. Taemin squints up at the moon and finds it. "Mare humorum,” Jonghyun says. "Sea of moisture."
"Sea of – excuse me?” Taemin bursts into laughter. He tries to smother it, but it comes out anyway, loud in the silence of the night. "Moisture?" he repeats.
"Listen," Jonghyun says, but he's giggling too.
"Hey, I'm Galileo, I bet that ocean is so fucking wet –”
"Shut up, ” Jonghyun hisses, but that did it for both of them. Their laughter echoes around the pool and then all throughout the buildings as they scurry back home before they wake up the entire complex.
🌴Mare insularum - sea of islands
"Delivery guy says 25 minutes,” Taemin says as he steps out of the front door. Jonghyun hums in reply but doesn't take his eyes off of the moon. He's sitting on the steps, hugging his knees to his chest. Taemin joins him, crouching down behind him and slowly creeping his arms over his shoulders. Pressing their cheeks together, he looks up at the sky as well. The moon shines full and bright between countless stars.
"Give me some moon wisdom,” he murmurs. Smiling, Jonghyun raises his eyebrows. He presses his lips to Taemin's cheek in a quick peck.
"Moon wisdom, huh?" he asks. "Alright.”
Taemin is a perfectionist. Not in that every single one of his creations must be identical, or healthy, or useful, or guaranteed to survive as long as possible; but in that every single one of his creations must be something that he can take pride in. Each one needs to be exactly the way he wants it to be before he releases it into existence.
Everything that Taemin creates goes through countless revisions, rigorous examination, minute monitoring. Sometimes he'll get something all the way to the finish line, then decide he needs one more revision to get it just right. And then one more. And then one more. And then just one last touch. And then one more.
It grays his hairs, puts bags underneath his eyes, aches in his bones. It keeps him up when he should be sleeping, hovers in the back of his mind when he should be relaxing. It builds up and up and up inside of him, a growing frustration that nothing he does is ever right and never will be and he might as well just throw it all away and never start again until –
Until Jonghyun finds him. Takes his hands out of his hair and brings them to his mouth. Kisses every knuckle, every fingertip. Smiles against each one. Jonghyun gently touches Taemin's latest creation – a tree, a mountain, a river, a meadow – and tells Taemin that it looks great. Tells Taemin something he loves about it. Tells Taemin that he's proud of him for working so hard and so diligently to come up with something entirely new all on his own.
And Taemin, his shoulders sinking, his chest lightening, his mouth smiling for the first time in what feels like eons, takes the creation and releases it into existence without another thought. It doesn't have to be perfect; it just has to be.
Minho's creations can never measure up. Ever since he can remember he's always been told to conceive better, create better, finalize better, be better. Look at what everyone else is doing and do what they do. Be like them and maybe he'll come close to being good enough.
He doesn't even think his creations are that bad; he likes them. He puts his all into every gust of wind, every beam of sun, every drop of rain. He takes his time and has fun and sends them out into existence proud of his work. It's just his superiors that always find something wrong.
It's them that belittle Minho, criticize Minho, command Minho. It's them that take his pride and accomplishment and turn them into disappointment and insecurity, indecision, hesitancy. Their words pull him apart at the seams, have him stretching in every direction in an attempt to obey, running in circles to try to please, falling apart every time he realizes that he will never be enough no matter how hard he tries –
Until Jonghyun takes him by the arms. Stops him, holds him, stabilizes him. Invites himself into his arms and gets comfortable, smiling mischievously with all of the confidence of someone that knows he won't be reprimanded. He peers over whatever Minho was working on last, scrutinizing it with narrowed eyes and pursed lips, and then always manages to compliment with such specific detail just the exact thing that Minho liked most about it.
And every time, the sound of his voice washes through Minho's ears and completely drowns out everything else. He takes the creation and releases it into existence without another thought. He has nothing to prove to anyone else; the only one he needs to please is himself.
All of Kibum's confidence is faked. Well – not all of it. He's sure that some of it is genuine. It's just that he's spent so long faking it that now it's hard for him to tell when it's real and when it's not. He used to be so afraid of being average, regular, unimportant, that he would overcompensate. Overexaggerate. Overdramatize everything from himself to his creations.
Giraffes. Poisonous frogs. Rafflesias. Giant squid. All of those are Kibum's creations, bright and loud and painstakingly unique. His creations, his soul, screaming to be seen, to be heard, to be loved. Screaming that of course he knows what he's doing, of course they're exactly what he wants them to be, of course he doesn't need help, of course he's not barely clinging on to what self-esteem he has.
But now, he does think he knows what he's doing, what he wants to be. He knows how to ask for help and his self-esteem is thriving. Kibum thinks. He just can't be sure. Insecurity nags at him all the time, gnaws at his edges, mumbles that he's still trying too hard and his entire life is a lie and maybe it always will be and –
Until Jonghyun pops into his space, sits in front of him, crosses his legs, and smiles at him so that his eyes glitter behind his lashes. Reaches forward and cups his chin, brings him close, and brushes a soft kiss to his mouth. He picks up Kibum's latest creation and, examining it from all angles in his palm, says in a dismissive tone of voice that it could be flashier.
And it's that, the gentle teasing, the hint of a smile underneath Jonghyun's raised eyebrows, that gets Kibum every time. He rolls his eyes, taking the creation from Jonghyun and sending it out into existence without another thought. His confidence isn't faked; the extravagance of it has just become his comfort.
As for Jinki, he carries the weight of everything he's ever created on his shoulders. They're his creations – how can he not? Even after he releases them into existence and they gain free will, they still came from him. Everything they do is under his name. Every action, every choice, every thought.
So when they come to harm, he takes it as his personal responsibility. He feels the pain, he feels the guilt, he feels the anger, he feels the grief. He feels it all, heavy and crushing, from millions and millions, billions and billions. Jinki wants so much to take them back, scoop them off of the earth and into his hands, cradle them and coddle them, soothe them, reassure them that he won't let anything bad ever happen to them again. But he can't.
And if he can't comfort them, then he shouldn't waste his time comforting himself. It wouldn't be fair. It wouldn't be right. So instead he works, hard and long, never-ending, never letting himself rest. Creation after creation, conceived and released into existence one after the other. Jinki drowns out his pain, his longing, his thoughts, his emotions, his –
Until Jonghyun comes to him. Gently, with a hand on his shoulder, and then his elbow, and then his forearm, and then his wrist. He stills Jinki's rhythmic movements and brings him hurtling to a stop against the soft cushion of his smile. Jonghyun takes his latest creation out of his hand and places it with care away from him. Then, holding both of Jinki's hands in his and stepping close so they're trapped between their chests, he asks Jinki how he's feeling.
And Jinki, even though his mind is suddenly rushing, racing, twisting, relaxes into the warmth of his voice. For just a little while, he lets himself be still. He lets himself be held. He is worth more than what he can or can't do for others; he deserves compassion too.
And Jonghyun weaves between all of them, floating, soft, loving and being loved in and to infinity.
🌙Mare crisium - sea of crises
The sun is shining, the sky is a perfect cloudless blue, and the moon hangs in a pale circle above the buildings and streetlamps of downtown. The city bustles with life, people out enjoying the nice sunday morning shopping and cruising. Music plays invitingly from street vendors and open shop doors, the scents of food stalls and restaurants waft everywhere on the cool breeze, and the entire area bursts with color.
Junghee, Gwiboon, and Taeyeon add to the color as they walk down the street, each one of them decked out in pink, yellow, and blue respectively. From their dyed hair to their bright outfits to their tie-dyed sneakers, the three of them walking arm-in-arm are a flag of joy in an already joyous day. They've been hanging out since that morning and have just walked out of an ice cream shop, and the three of them smile and laugh together as they share each other's snacks. Even Roo is with them, trotting along happily at their side on her little puppy legs.
Junghee feels full to bursting with light and love. Nothing makes her happier than to be hanging out with her girlfriends on a beautiful day. Everything about this day is completely perfect.
And then the street in front of them blows up.
Chunks of concrete fly into the air, landing dangerously on cars and the sidewalks. Thankfully no one is hurt, but everyone sure is screaming, alarms blaring, shrapnel clattering, as a monster bursts into the open from underground. It has the body of a woman but the abdomen and legs of a beetle, shiny and segmented and skittering as it gets its footing and cackles evilly. ”Running is futile, puny humans!" it screeches. "Soon all of your energy will belong to the Negaverse!” From its abdomen, it sprays a hot blast of acid that explodes the street further ahead.
"Oh, come on ,” Taeyeon whines.
"Isn't that the bug scientist from the museum?” Gwiboon asks, frowning. “Why her? ”
"Gosh, not my fucking – my pink overalls, I just bought these!" Junghee wails in despair, looking down at her clothes. The force of the explosion made her jump so hard that she dropped her ice cream and now chocolate is splattered all down her front. “Like it wasn't enough to ruin my day, they had to ruin my outfit too?”
Roo hops up onto a mailbox next to them and sits up straight, her little puppy paws daintily settled in front of her. "No complaining, girls,” she chides. "Hurry and transform!”
For once, Junghee doesn't protest. While Taeyeon complains about still being hungry and Gwiboon continues to mutter under her breath about the Negaverse, she digs in her pocket and pulls out her wand. That monster is going to pay if she has anything to fucking say about it. Holding it high above her head, she announces, "moon prism power!”
The familiar sensation of magic courses through her, lifting her up off of the–
"Excuse me? What?”
"What?” Taemin is looking at Jonghyun with wide eyes and Jonghyun is looking right back. "I was just getting to the good part,” he pouts.
Taemin shields the sunshine from his eyes with his hand and squints accusingly at Jonghyun over the table in front of the ice cream parlor. "This is just Sailor Moon," he says.
"Yeah?” Jonghyun asks. He twirls his spoon in a questioning hand. “And?"
"You cannot tell me," Taemin says, "that some Italian dude like 500 years ago came up with the legend of Sailor –”
“Oh! No." Jonghyun laughs behind his hand, shaking his head. "No, you misunderstood. Galileo just came up with the theory that dark spots on the moon were oceans and gave them names. I didn't say he came up with all of the legends for them.”
“Oh.” Taemin physically relaxes, slouching in his chair. "Okay, that makes sense," he says. He twists to scan the sky for the pale moon. "So the lady that created Sailor Moon was inspired by one of the oceans?" he asks. "That’s –"
"No, I don't think so," Jonghyun hums. "I was just thinking about the sea of crisis and it made me think about Sailor Moon so I made up a story about it.”
Taemin hums, understanding, but halfway through, it pitches up to become a question instead. He whips around to face Jonghyun again. "What do you mean, you made up the story?" he asks.
"I mean I thought about it in my brain and then told it to you out of my mouth?" Jonghyun tilts his head like he's confused. "Why do you think the characters have our names?"
"Because – I thought –" Taemin leans fully forward in his chair, putting his ice cream down and his hands on the table. His entire face is scrunched up in distress and confusion. "I thought you were just taking the legends and changing the names to us for fun? Have you – have you been making up all of the legends?"
"Yeah," Jonghyun says, clearly baffled.
"That’s," Taemin says. He throws his hands up in the air. "Those are just stories then, they're not legends," he says. "They're not history."
"Legend doesn't have to mean history,” Jonghyun pouts. "Legend can also mean very well known."
"Who are these stories very well known by?" Taemin demands.
"Me,” Jonghyun smiles. He wiggles his shoulders, eyes sparkling behind his lashes.
“You–” Taemin stands up, inflating like he's full of a million words, and then it all leaves in a quiet chuckle. "You,” he says fondly. He reaches for Jonghyun, cups his face, and smeks a smooch onto his cheek. Jonghyun beams as he sits back down. "Can I be Sailor Mercury?” Taemin asks.
"You are,” Jonghyun grins.
"Hell yeah," Taemin says. "Can I say something annoying and then Key blushes because she hates me but she loves me?”
"Obviously,” Jonghyun smirks.
"Fuck yeah,” Taemin hisses.
☁️Mare nubium - sea of clouds
Stepping out of the captain's quarters and onto the deck of the Locket, Kibum takes in the conditions. Crew busy; direction southeast; wind gentle; temperature warm; humidity high; visibility 10 feet at best.
In a cloud. Just the way he likes it.
He walks to the starboard side of the ship and gazes out over the railing, holding onto the wood with both hands. Clouds swirl above, around, and most importantly, below them. The ship is completely surrounded. Above and to the right the clouds look a little brighter, a little yellower, and he figures that if the sun is over there then it has to be almost three in the afternoon. Kibum takes a deep breath, pushes his hand through his gelled black hair, fixes his eyepatch, and adjusts his collar. Then, annoyed at his own stalling, he looks down.
Straight down.
Nothing but clouds. Dense, puffy, misty white, blocking his view of the earth. Of mountains, of forests, of oceans, of whatever is lying miles beneath them. Kibum takes another deep breath, this one even more relaxed. It's always easier to deal with the height when he doesn't have to look at it.
The whizz of someone sliding down a rope, the thud of a landing on the deck, footsteps behind him, and then his favorite voice.
"Hey," Jonghyun drawls. He slides right up next to Kibum so their sides touch, their arms tangle. Jonghyun's thick and muscled next to Kibum's thin and lean, his skin sunkissed next to Kibum's delicate complexion, his body naturally hot next to Kibum's constant chill. His hand small and stocky holding onto Kibum's big palm and long fingers. When Kibum turns to look at him he's just the same as usual: ruggedly handsome with attractive shaggy black hair, gorgeous eyes, and a charming smile that–
"Are you going to describe yourself like this every time?” Taemin Interrupts Jonghyun mid-sentence. He takes a break from his cloudwatching to raise his eyebrows at Jonghyun next to him in the grass. Jonghyun is smirking up at moon in the sky, completely unashamed.
"Obviously," he says.
Taemin can't help but smile himself. Obviously.
A charming smile that, despite the sharp teeth, despite the hooked shape, despite the bitten lip, is soft around the edges. "Being brave?" Jonghyun asks. He bumps their shoulders together in a gentle sort of way that still has Kibum swaying to the side from the force.
Kibum sighs slowly through his nose. From anyone else, he would take that as sarcasm, teasing. But from Jonghyun? He can believe it. The intention behind it, anyway. "Being something," he mumbles back. He wouldn't call it brave that the only time he can look off of the edge of the ship is when he can't see anything.
Jonghyun tsks at him and Kibum knows that an encouraging reprimand is just on the tip of his tongue, but he's interrupted before he can say it. From behind them, they're both asked, "captains?"
"Yep?" Jonghyun replies, turning. Kibum turns with him to find a member of their glider scout squad back from patrol.
"Government ship heading our direction," they say.
Jonghyun blows a raspberry. Kibum purses his lips, annoyed in his own way. "Colors?" he asks. They're not technically fond of any government in these parts, but some of the governments haven't learned to be hostile towards them yet and Kibum isn't in any rush to give those ones a reason if he can avoid it.
"Orange and red," their scout replies. Kibum hums shortly. Might be worth causing some trouble after all. "Looks like supply, not force, though," they add. "Just basic guns."
"Just go around them," Jonghyun says. “Anything they're supplying this direction isn't dangerous."
He's right; they're in a war with one of their neighboring countries, but in the opposite direction. Away from the Locket , not towards it. Kibum nods, seconding Jonghyun's order.
"Captain,” the scout says, nodding to Jonghyun. Then, with a nod at Kibum, "other captain.” They turn and leave to relay orders. Kibum watches then go, frowning.
"I've been other captain for a week straight," he grumbles. Ever since he chewed the crew out about acting up and embarrassing him at the last port town.
"Don't be bitter because you're not the fun captain,” Jonghyun smirks. He leans in quick as lightning and steals a kiss on Kibum's cheek before Kibum can snap at him about that. He's plenty fun. He's fun all the time.
But now that he's been smooched, he guesses he doesn't care as much anymore. Jonghyun has that effect on him. The effect of comfort, security, of all around okayness.
Especially when, a moment later, Jonghyun hugs him from behind, his arms circling tight around his waist, his chin hooking over his shoulder. He's on his tiptoes to do it. His voice is soft, breathy, next to Kibum's ear. "We’ll trade places again soon," he reassures. "Don't think about it for now.”
Kibum lets the words wash over him, soothing the rest of the grumpiness out of him. He looks out at the clouds, letting them block his vision, and relaxes back into Jonghyun, letting him block his thoughts.
🌧Mare imbrium - sea of showers/rain
The skate park glows with late afternoon sunlight, soft oranges and yellows contrasting with harsh whites reflecting off of railings and boards as they flip through the air. Idle chatter mixes with rock music from a boombox over the constant drone of wheels on concrete. It's close enough to sunset that parents have taken most of the children home; the teenagers that remain are taking their new freedom as an opportunity to get a little rowdy. A little loud, a little dangerous. Not violent or anything, but still bold enough to huddle around one of the corners trying not to look suspicious as they cover for someone graffitiing the wall. What adults are left don't mind and leave them to their art.
Jonghyun and Taemin are two of those adults. Taemin is practicing a trick on a grind rail and Jonghyun is hanging out on top of the halfpipe trying to find a way to position his hands so that he can look at the moon without being blinded by the sun right next to it. Neither of them succeed, but after Taemin almost eats shit he skates his way up to sit next to Jonghyun and distracts him so it doesn't matter anyway.
He sits down so hard that their bodies jostle together, swings a sweaty arm around Jonghyun's shoulders, drops his board over both of their laps, and asks, "have you been coming up with all of these moon legends on the spot or do you think them up beforehand?"
Jonghyun traces the little J+T hidden in the artwork of Taemin's skateboard with a smile. "Both," he shrugs. "Some of them I've had for a while because I just like to think about them for fun. But some of them I've come up with in the moment."
"Neat," Taemin says. He leans all of his weight on Jonghyun until Jonghyun is giggling and propping them up with a hand on the cement. "Do you take requests?"
"Only from gremlins that I'm in love with,” Jonghyun says.
“Yo, that's me!" Taemin beams. "Tell me a moon story about me being super cool and badass.”
Taemin's performance is as show-stopping and jaw-dropping as usual. Backlit by the second sun of the asteroid belt, comets fill the sky with their icy streaks and Taemin dances between them. Jinki's voice flows over the performance, every beat and every note corresponding with a perfectly choreographed movement from Taemin's body. Flames blaze from their roller skates, red hair, and their hands as they skillfully jump and twist from comet to comet and grind hard on their tails. Sparks from their fire twinkle up into space; stardust from the comets rains down on their captive audience.
Jonghyun beams underneath his oxygen mask as he watches them. That's his friend up there. He knows that alien. He's sitting sidesaddle on his space cruiser on a smaller asteroid away from the main crowd. Key leans on the handlebars to his left and Minho is sitting against the back wheel on his right. He gave both of them a ride because they whined at him to, and because they wouldn't let him leave if he didn't, and because he guesses he's in love with both of them. It's not something he's really taken the time to face up to and admit to himself yet, but he knows it's there under the surface.
Key has been at his side ever since Jonghyun first met star and invited star to come along and explore the galaxy with him. They got along so well, the the two of them, always on each other's sides against the world, and it didn't take Jonghyun long at all to feel like Key knew him better than anyone. He's pretty sure it was inevitable that he would fall in love.
And as for Minho; he hasn't even seen Minho for a while. Minho took the one vacation with him and in the others and then he returned to his quiet space farm life. But every time Jonghyun comes back to this little asteroid belt in the middle of nowhere in the Solana galaxy he gets more and more excited to see Minho, more and more excited to play with his little cowboy hat and look at his space cows and listen to him talk in that deep, slow voice of his. The third or fourth time it happened Jonghyun could brush it off as platonic, but at this point he knows that it's romantic. Minho is just so tall and cute and kind.
"You’re such a fucking baby," he’s saying. “Wah wah wah, I got comet dust in my hair. It's a comet show, why did you want to come so bad if you didn't want to get dust on you?"
“Because I wanted to support my fucking friend,” Key snaps back. Where a smirk lives in Minho's voice, Key is all scowl. "And I don't remember inviting you to respond.”
"You invited me when you spoke to me.”
"I didn't speak to you , I spoke out loud. "
Jonghyun tunes them out as they continue to bicker over him. It’s not that he doesn't enjoy listening to them; it's entertaining, but sometimes he likes to let just their voices play in their ears and focus on other things.
He scuffs the asteroid dirt underneath his boot and watches it float up into space. A glitter of comet dust meets it in midair. Together, the ice and dirt from a tiny glob of mud that slowly wiggles back to the ground. Before it touches down, Jonghyun catches it on his finger. It's so cold that it's hot, stinging his skin, lighting the tiniest fire inside of him.
Wiping it on his pants, he looks straight up. Taemin passes right over them, whipping through a spin like he's a top, landing on two small comets hard enough to have them crumbling. The ice falls down over the three of them like a shower of stars. Each piece glitters, twinkles, sparkles. Each piece could contain its own galaxy. Jonghyun closes his eyes and lets them fall onto his face, each one a tiny burn of ice.
"Don't do that, you're going to ruin your hair.” Minho stands up, bringing Jonghyun's attention back to him. He reaches behind Jonghyun; there's the soft slap of a hand on a wrist and the familiar annoyed flutter of Key’s wings. Jonghyun can only assume that Minho is brushing comet dust out of Key’s hair.
"You are so naggy, all the time. Why don't you just fucking marry me.”
"You wish I wanted to marry you.”
“Oh, you wish I wish you want to marry me.”
Smiling, without opening his eyes, Jonghyun reaches out both hands. He links his arms through both of theirs, pulling them closer just because he wants to. Just because he loves them.
"The end," Jonghyun says dreamily. Taemin snorts.
"Got a little distracted, huh?" he asks. His tone is accusing, but it's obvious that he doesn't really mind.
“Yeah,” Jonghyun smiles. He reaches out and links his arm with Taemin's.
❄Mare frigoris - sea of cold
Jinki's first step onto the water is solid ice. Bad sign. He glances behind himself, looking over the dark beach and onto the boardwalk. Already, the houses glow with light in the night. Chimneys leave smoking trails that block out the sky in great stripes.
Jinki pulls his coat tighter around himself, sets his sights on the tiny, just barely visible shadow on the horizon, and starts walking.
The moon is empty tonight; he only has the light of the stars and the consistent drop of temperature to guide his way. Below him, the frozen sea reflects the sky and gives him a truly ethereal portrait of fish swimming in the stars. Farther and farther Jinki goes, bigger and bigger the fish get, deeper and deeper the ocean sinks, and all of it completely solid. He keeps going, colder and colder, until ice crystals are forming on his lashes, until he reaches the island.
And on the island, the home. Jinki jerks open the front door, breaking the ice around the frame. It clatters and tinkles on the floor as he steps inside. Navigating the home is as easy as navigating his own and he quickly finds his way to the bathroom where, like he expected, he finds the weather of the north.
Where he finds Jonghyun.
He's hunched over the sink, hands gripping the porcelain, facing himself in the mirror. His white hair is a mess around his head, his lips are bitten red, his cheeks and his nose flushed pink, his eyes bloodshot. Crystalline icy tears trickle down his face, drip off of his chin, and fall musically onto the tile floor. When Jinki appears in the mirror behind him, he straightens and turns around. Just the force of his attention is a wave of cold; Jinki holds his shivering arms open anyway.
Jonghyun's mouth trembles. He steps forward slowly, one step, two steps, three steps, and lets himself melt into Jinki's embrace. His arms go around Jinki's back and his chin hooks over his shoulder. Compared to the negative temperature seeping into the rest of the globe, Jonghyun is warm, hot, almost burning with his emotion. His fingers press bruises into Jinki's skin through his layers. Every breath of his is a sharp gasp and then a soft whimper next to Jinki's ear. Ice patters down Jinki's back and onto the floor behind him.
Jinki stays silent, patting his back gently, closing his eyes and letting Jonghyun feel his feelings. People will be arriving soon – others from the boardwalk and maybe farther, humans that only know of Jonghyun from myth and legend, humans that think themselves heroes for making the dangerous trek out to ask a favor of the god on the horizon, humans that will ask for help instead of offering it.
But Jinki is here for Jonghyun first and the world second. Everything second to Jonghyun, always.
Jonghyun takes his time. Hours, days, maybe a week pass before he calms down enough to pick his head up. Sniffling, swallowing, taking deep breaths, he pushes his forehead against Jinki's shoulder. His arms slide down until he's holding Jinki around the waist. His tears stop, for now.
Jinki pets his hair softly. "This will pass," he murmurs. "This won't be forever. You will feel joy again." and when Jonghyun looks up at him, shy, hesitant, small, skeptical, Jinki smiles. "I'll stay with you until you do,” he promises.
Back at the boardwalk, the waves begin to melt.
It's quiet after Jonghyun finishes his story. But not the same kind of quiet as it was before he started. Not comfortable, cozy, the two of them bundled up underneath a blanket on top of the heater and watching snow fall outside. Now the silence is heavy. Stressed. Awkward.
“Kind of a downer,” Taemin blurts. As soon as the words leave his mouth, he scrunches his face and thunks his head back against the couch behind him. Softly, so that Jonghyun doesn't notice.
"No," Jonghyun says defensively. "It was hopeful at the end." Slowly, with minimal movements so Taemin doesn't notice, he arranges himself underneath the blanket and chews on his thumbnail.
"Yeah, but, I meant," Taemin says. He hesitates, then shuffles an inch closer to Jonghyun. Their sides go from just touching to warmly pressed together. "You okay?" he asks.
Jonghyun doesn't answer immediately. He nibbles on his thumb, his fingers, his knuckles. He wipes his hand on the underside of the blanket and then curls it around Taemin's elbow. "Better now that I got the story out of me,” he mumbles.
Again, it's quiet. The heater turns off, the blanket deflating around their bodies, the temperature suddenly cold if only because of the sudden lack of extra heat. Without the hum of the vent, the silence becomes almost unbearable. "Do you want...,” Taemin starts. He chews on his bottom lip. "Would it help," he tries, "If I said those things to you? The next time you're feeling extra down?”
Jonghyun pushes his forehead into Taemin's shoulder. "Yeah," he says. "I think so."
"Okay,” Taemin says. He tilts his head to rest on top of Jonghyun's and they enjoy the silence together until outside, the icy clouds part just enough to show them the full moon.
🧚Mare vaporum - sea of vapours
They're coming. Jonghyun can sense them. Two humans making their way through faer forest. Through faer mist. Looking for faer moonlit clearing.
Looking for fae.
Fae lounges on the surface of faer lake, trailing the fingers of faer right hand through the water as fae sifts through faer mist with the other. Behind the swirling fog, fae can see shadows of trees and animals. In the fog, fae can see visions of the rest of the forest. The rushing waterfall, the wolf den, the ruins, the lost souls that never found their ways out.
The humans. Smiling, Jonghyun pulls the mist closer so fae can get a better look. One has long chestnut red hair and black clothes save for a bright green visor on his hood. He absentmindedly twirls his knives as he walks, the blades shifting and changing as he channels elemental magic through his fingers. Every so often he’ll catch a glimpse of something through the trees and start to make off for it before his companion grabs the back of his collar and drags him back.
That human is taller with bright red hair partially hidden underneath a wide-brimmed pointy hat. He's customized his long robes to have pants that allow him to walk comfortably over the uneven forest floor. He carries a mace comfortably in the hand that he isn't using to corral his companion. It looks light enough that Jonghyun is sure it's mostly used for magic, but still solid enough to get some good bashing in if it needs to.
Minho and Taemin, the mist whispers to fae. Jonghyun bites faer lip, excited. Fae does like humans. Fae hasn't had any for so long that fae can barely remember what they taste like.
Fae checks faer reflection in the water, making sure that faer blue hair is pretty and fluffed, faer skin is perfectly glittery and dewey, and faer four light blue wings are at their daintiest angles. Then all fae has to do is be patient.
The two of them find faer before long. Fae can hear their laughing and bickering voices coming closer and then suddenly coming to a stop as they see faer lake through faer mist.
Jonghyun gives them a moment to be in awe, then parts faer mist cloud by cloud until they have an unobstructed view of faer sitting directly in the center of the water. Slowly, fae stands, turns to face them, and smiles.
Taemin's mouth falls open. Minho swallows so loud fae can hear it.
All at once, fae speeds forward, wind howling and water splashing behind faer, until fae's right at the edge of the lake. Directly in front of them. Fae comes to a hard stop but lets the wind and the water rush passed faer and onto the humans. Fae flutters faer wings and faer eyelashes, smiling at them as they try to regain their composure, knuckles white on their weapons.
"Welcome,” fae says. "What wish do you have for me?"
“Uhhh,” Taemin says. He's blinking a mile a minute. His knives fall limp to his sides. His cheeks flush a vibrant pink.
"We, um,” Minho says. "We um. We wanted to, um. Uh.” His eyes are huge and wide and he takes his hat off, holding it with both hands in front of his chest.
Humans are so cute. Jonghyun blushes faerself, biting faer lip. It's been so long since fae's seen one, let alone two. Fae 's been getting lonely out here all on faer own in the forest.
"We don't, um, have a wish," Minho says. "We came to. Because we heard that. People kept coming to find you. To get a wish granted. And that you didn't like it. So we thought that we would, um. We could. We can offer you a spell."
"To keep people away from you,” Taemin adds.
Jonghyun's heart bounces in faer chest. That's so thoughtful. Of course fae can keep people away from faer with the twitch of a wing, but these humans obviously don't know that. Never has anyone else been so considerate of faer emotions before. Fae wonders, if fae accepts the spell, will it take long? Will the two humans have to stick around to cast it? Can fae convince them to stay a while longer as a thank you? Can fae convince them to come back –?
"I thought this was supposed to be a scary story?”
“Wuh?” Jonghyun takes his eyes off of the misty forest just off the edge of the road. Taemin doesn't take his eyes off of the winding road to the campsite. Between them, the radio plays static, Jonghyun's mp3 player sits unable to connect to Taemin's car, and Taemin's mp3 player sits unconnected because they forgot the cord at home.
"You said it would be scary," Taemin pouts. "How come fae's falling in love with them all of a sudden? What happened to eating them?”
"Uh,” Jonghyun says. "Oh," he says. "Oh yeah. I forgot." He bursts into giggles, hiding his eyes behind his hands. "Sorry. I got invested in the romance all of a sudden. You know I'm not good with scary." He giggles more; Taemin rolls his eyes. "I'll make faer eat them. Don't worry.” Jonghyun lightly slaps his own cheeks in a bracing sort of way.
"Well, hold on,” Taemin says. He taps hands quickly on the steering wheel. "I kind of like the humans now. I don't want them to get et." He's pouting again; Jonghyun chuckles, putting a hand on his thigh.
"I'll figure something out,” he says.
😌Mare serenitatis - sea of serenity
Taemin's breath shakes and so do his hands as he slides under the covers after getting up to pee for the fifth time this night. His body is covered in sweat but he shivers with cold at the same time. The noise he makes as he pushes his face into the pillow is pathetically sad.
Jonghyun ruffles his hair, murmuring soothing noises. There's never really much else that he can do when Taemin gets hit by one of these prolonged anxiety attacks like this. It just has to pass on its own, even if that means they're both still awake at 3 in the morning.
"I'm sorry," Taemin groans.
Jonghyun pulls the blankets up to his shoulders. "For what?"
"For keeping you up."
"It's okay," Jonghyun says. "I would be up anyway." He's always up with his insomnia. Taemin lifts his head from the pillow only to push his face into Jonghyun's bicep. His skin is clammy, his forehead hot. Jonghyun fixes his hair out of his face. "Want me to sing you something?" he asks. Sometimes that helps keep his mind occupied.
"Can you tell me a story?”
The words come out small and hesitant, embarrassed, but all Jonghyun does is reply, "a story about what?”
"About something safe," Taemin whispers.
It's dusk. Sunset has passed but night hasn't completely fallen yet. The sky is a gradient of vivid red and orange on the horizon, pale pink and yellow above head, and a muted blue turning navy creeping up from behind the house. Jonghyun is on the front porch letting the wind sway him in his rocking chair as he looks out at the beach.
Even though it's getting late the sand still crawls with people. They hurry to the water for one last swim, help each other pack up their umbrellas and towels, crowd around the beginnings of the weekly bonfire, or trudge up the steps onto the sidewalk. There they walk slowly, their hair frizzy and their cheeks pink from a long day in the sun. Cars of tourists drive past slowly to take in the view of the cliffs, the tide pools, the ocean.
Jonghyun isn't much interested in the view. Instead, he's watching one particular dot on the beach. It hangs around the small docks, cleaning up and storing away water skiing equipment on one of the boats with a couple of other figures. They stand around talking for a little longer, then part ways – the other people walk towards the steps to the parking lot and Jonghyun's person makes their way to one of the smaller dirt and rock pathways up the cliffs.
In just a few minutes, Kibum clambers into sight, glances up and down the street, and jogs across straight to the house.
Straight to Jonghyun.
“Bummie,” Jonghyun smiles. He holds out grabby hands all the way until Kibum walks up the front porch and takes them. The moment their fingers touch, solid and together, warmth floods through him. It starts from his heart and seeps through every single one of his nerves, comes out in his voice as he says, "hi. Did you have fun?"
“Ye,” Kibum smiles back. He leans down, smooches Jonghyun's temple, and heads inside the house. Jonghyun doesn't let his hands go until he's too far to keep their fingers locked together. Kibum leaves the door open behind him. Jonghyun can hear him inside: hopping into the shower, changing into his pajamas, grabbing a drink from the fridge.
He comes back outside and invites himself into Jonghyun's lap. Jonghyun holds him around the waist, resting his cheek against his chest. His heart beats steady and reassuring underneath his sweater.
And now that Jonghyun has one, he turns his attention from the beach to the corner down the street and waits for the other.
Between sips, Kibum tells him about his day. Jonghyun replies, laughs, kisses, offers details of his own day when asked. But never does he take his eyes off of the street corner. The sky darkens slowly, all of the color fading out like it's soaking into the ocean and leaving only dark blue and white stars behind. The street lamps flicker on and a few minutes later so does their porch light, bathing them in a soft orange glow. The moon peeks out from behind the pier.
And finally, finally, coming around the corner. Pink hair. A sleeveless hoodie and baggy shorts. A backpack over one arm and takeout bag over the other. A smile and a wave.
Right on time, Jinki comes back to them. Jonghyun waves his arm high over his head the entire time Jinki walks down the sidewalk, through the front yard, and up the porch steps. Then Jinki grabs his hand and wiggles it as gently as he’s smiling. "Hello hello," he says.
"Hey," Kibum hums. He takes Jinki's backpack off of his shoulder and tosses it into the house, then takes the takeout bag and puts it on the porch railing. "How was work?" he asks.
And while Jinki answers, Jonghyun pulls him close enough that he can get an arm around his hips and nuzzle his tummy. He guides Jinki's hand to the top of his head and practically melts when Jinki takes the hint and starts petting him. A wave of calm washes over him from his head to his –
A soft snore interrupts Jonghyun mid-sentence. Another follows soon after. Taemin's little hand, holding onto his bicep this entire time, falls slack down into the crook of his arm. Jonghyun smiles, pressing it against Taemin's hair in the darkness. He'll be waking up again in an hour, probably, but that's fine. Jonghyun will just pick up where he left off.
🍑Mare fecunditatis - sea of fecundity/fertility
”Oooh.… ooouuuugh…. Woooooaaaaauuuunnnnnnghmhmmm….”
"Whiny baby. What is your problem?” Minho ducks his head into the bedroom after finally deciding that Jonghyun's dramatic wails for attention were too cute to keep ignoring. He finds the babe on his stomach in bed, completely nakey, whining into the pillows. As soon as he lays his eyes on Minho his facade breaks into a wide smile for just a second before he remembers that he’s being dramatic. He rolls over to his back and throws an arm over his eyes.
"I'm sooooo cute and sexy and lonely," he sighs. “And fuckable." He peeks at Minho from under his arm. "And unfucked,” he adds pointedly. "It’s been sooooooo long.”
Minho crosses his arms and leans on the door frame, eyebrows raised. Unsurprising but still unbelievable. "I literally fucked you last night," he says accusingly. He's a little hurt. He is very attentive to Jonghyun's horny needs and it's almost offensive that Jonghyun is pretending that he's not.
" One time,” Jonghyun grumbles. "Yesterday." And he has the audacity to pout about it. Minho shakes his head, laughing incredulously.
"You are such a spoiled brat,” he says.
“Ooh, I know,” Jonghyun says. He's smiling now, eyes glittering behind his lashes. He turns back to his stomach, raises his hips into the air, and wiggles them back and forth. "Don't you think I need someone to put me in my place?" he asks innocently.
Which is how, ten minutes later, Kibum walks in on Minho absolutely plowing a beaming Jonghyun into the pillows. "Y'all,” he says. He walks to the hamper and throws in his clothes, then hangs his towel over it. "I literally told you I was just going to take a quick shower. You couldn't wait?”
“Nuh uh,” Jonghyun says cheerfully. Kibum rolls his eyes. He doesn't know why he expected anything different.
"You showered before you came to have sex?" Minho frowns at him and he frowns back.
"I didn't want to be gross," he grumbles defensively. He's being polite for Jonghyun. Before Minho can hit him with a reply that will start an argument, he walks to the bed and clambers up on his knees. "Anyway," he says. He squishes Jonghyun's cute butt fondly, then sucks on his fingers for a second and slides them down to where Minho is fucking into him. "Make room," he orders. He bumps Minho with his hip and pushes his fingers inside of Jonghyun around his cock. "Let me get in there with you."
Jonghyun nuts instantly, cursing and growling, which is fine. What annoys Kibum is that Minho does too. He holds Jonghyun's hips tight and shivers, twitches, biting his lip hard and filling him up. "Come on, ” Kibum scowls.
Minho, panting and loopy, smacks his arm. "You can't just say that," he snaps. "You know I think it's really hot. What did you expect?"
"Yeah, well." Like Kibum is going to admit it was his fault to Minho of all people. "Move," he says. He takes advantage of Minho's temporary exhaustion to bump him out of the way. Gently, taking care with Jonghyun's oversensitive nerves, he plays with his hole, fingerfucks Minho's cum back into him before it can escape, and uses it to stroke his cock until he's all the way hard.
The absolutely desperate whimper that Jonghyun makes when he pushes his cock inside is music to his ears.
"Hey," Minho says. Kibum looks up; Minho is carefully bringing Jonghyun up onto his elbows and helping him suck his cock into his mouth. He holds his free hand up in the air over Jonghyun's back.
"Nice," Kibum grins, high-fiving him without hesitation.
Taemin pops his head into the room the moment their hands make contact. "Hey, you okay? Oh.” Relief floods through him as he realizes what's going on. They weren't sad noises or in danger noises; they were just sex noises. "We fuckin in here?" he asks brightly. He was playing video games, but he's not going to pass this up. "Hell yeah.” his shirt is over his head and he's bouncing onto the bed next to Kibum in a heartbeat. "You're looking very cute and fuckable," he tells Jonghyun, squishing his butt happily.
"I know," Jonghyun breathes back. He sounds so blissed out already that it makes Taemin's heart warm. Probably just nutted. Good for him.
"Gremlin," Kibum says. Taemin glances at him, pokes his side, smirks when he ducks away with a glare. "Fuck him with me," Kibum says, straightening up.
Taemin instantly gets hard. "Hell yeah," he says again. "I call not anchor."
"Not – fuck. Fine.” Kibum, grumbling, pulls out. Taemin, grinning, takes his place. Together with Minho, they help Jonghyun turn over and guide him into Kibum's lap. Taemin can't help but hold his face and kiss him as he sinks down on Kibum's cock, tasting his tongue and his booty and Minho's cum and all of the love that Jonghyun is feeling in this exact moment. It's Taemin's favorite part about kissing him during sex.
Once he's settled on top of Kibum and whining, begging for more already, Taemin lets him go for just long enough to look at his own dick and guide it inside. Then he's right back kissing him. First his mouth, and then when that gets too hard to focus on and fuck good at the same time, his neck.
Soon the only sounds are Jonghyun's happy noises, Kibum's murmured dirty talk, Minho's smiled praises, and Taemin's soft breaths.
And those are the same noises that Jinki hears when he gets home sometime later. Wearily throwing his jacket and work bag onto his kitchen chair, he follows the noises through the house until he comes upon the scene in the bedroom. Kibum is sat up against the pillows with Jonghyun's head in his lap, eagerly bobbing up and down on his cock. Minho and Taemin are both on their knees behind him, taking turns to fuck his cute little booty.
As Jinki watches, Taemin hisses, puts a hand between Jonghyun's shoulder blades, and fucks him down hard, nutting deep inside of him. Then he melts, barely managing to move out from between his legs until he flops perpendicular on top of his back. Face in the mattress, arms spread eagle, legs dangling off of the other side of the bed, he deflates. Kibum squishes his cheek and Minho takes the extra space to just sit down behind Jonghyun and start fingering him, but not before he notices Jinki in the doorway.
"Hi Jinki," he says happily.
Taemin picks his head up and blinks at him. "Jinkiiiiii, help," he whines.
"He's in a mood today." Kibum only turns his head to smile lazily at Jinki. Jonghyun doesn't even look at him; he gives him a three-fingered wave without getting off of Kibum's cock.
"I'm all nutted out," Taemin whines.
"We all are," Kibum adds.
"How was your day?" Minho asks.
Jinki closes his eyes and shakes his head, entirely in love with all four of them. Straightening up, he undoes his pants and walks to the bed. Looks like he has to come in and be the hero once again. "It was nice," he tells Minho, cupping his chin and smooching him. He bends over and kisses the back of Taemin's sweaty head too, then lets Kibum pull him forward for a third kiss, and then finally turns his focus to Jonghyun.
"Come here, little pretty slutty one,” he says, pulling him up by the shoulders. Kibum lets him go without a fight, Taemin slithers off grumbling, and Minho slides around to join them at the head of the bed. Jinki turns Jonghyun onto his back, looking down at his blissed-out, smiling face. He is entirely proud of himself and not even close to being tired yet. Jinki can't do much about the first thing and doesn't really want to, but he can definitely help with the second. Bending Jonghyun's legs up until he can hook them over his shoulders, he –
“There are so many different ways.”
"He – he's about to put me into a mating press, Taemin, don't interrupt. That's the best part."
"There are so many different ways you could have told me that you want to get gangbanged. And you choose to use the moon for your sick perversions."
"It's not about getting gangbanged! I wouldn't use the moon for just a gangbang. My sick perversion is I want to get bred."
"You– now you have a pregnancy kink? I've had that for like years and now that I'm not really into it anymore now suddenly you–"
"It's not a pregnancy kink? Gross. No pregnant. Only breed."
"And what happens after you get bred? You get preg – "
"No! Nothing happens! It's not real! The universe ceases to exist after I finish jerking off!”
“Oh my fucking god–"
🌕 Epilogue: the far side
It's summer again. They're outside again, at the park again, on the swings again. This time, though, they're sleepily waiting for the sunrise. Jonghyun had his insomnia, Taemin had a nightmare, and they figured that if they weren't going to sleep then they might as well go on a date. They grabbed a couple of oranges from someone's tree on the walk over and and the peels are littered in the grass around the swingset, vibrant against the pale morning palette. The only sounds are the occasional sniffle, the scuffs of their shoes against the play mat, and the birds chirping in the trees around the park.
When the sky is pink but the sun hasn't risen yet, Taemin points somewhere to the left and yawns, "moon."
"Hmm?” Jonghyun looks around, rubbing the heel of his palm into his eye. He looks around, leaning towards Taemin, squinting where he's pointing, and then he pouts. “Where?" he asks.
Taemin looks around too. He walks his swing closer to Jonghyun and his mouth pops open in understanding. "Come over to my side," he says, letting the swing pull him back. Jonghyun does with much mumbling and grumbling. Once he's there, though, and nothing is blocking his view of the moon anymore, he smiles. With one hand he points up at it and with the other hand he pushes Taemin gently. "Moon," he says.
“Moon,” Taemin repeats. "Can I have a moon story?" he asks. When Jonghyun puts his hand on the chain to push him again, he rests his cheek against it, keeping him there. "Space ocean story," he mumbles.
"Sure," Jonghyun chuckles. He looks all around the moon, his eyes darting from spot to spot, and then he frowns. "Actually,” he says, scratching the side of his head, "I think I'm all out of moon stories."
"Out?" Taemin pouts.
"I think –” Jonghyun points at the moon, tapping his finger on the air like he's counting. "Yeah," he confirms. "I've told you stories about all of the oceans up there."
Taemin grumbles, tapping his feet stubbornly on the ground. He turns his head just enough to brush his lips against Jonghyun's knuckles. "Aren’t there any on the other side?" he asks.
"The far side?" Jonghyun asks. Taemin mimics his correction in a baby voice; Jonghyun ignores it. "There are some," he says, "but they're all little and I don't remember their names unless I'm looking at them.”
“Mmm,” Taemin hums. "How long do we have to wait, then?”
"For what?”
"For the moon to rotate so you can see the others and remember.” Taemin spins a finger around in the air. Jonghyun grabs it, kisses it, pokes Taemin's cheek with it.
"Uh, forever,” he says. "We can't see the far side of the moon from here."
"Excuse me?” Taemin turns in the swing to frown up at Jonghyun. “But the moon rotates. I know some stuff about space." He huffs the words out, grumpy, and huffs again when Jonghyun laughs behind his hand. "You can't tell me that it doesn't –”
"No, it does,” Jonghyun says through his giggles. "It's just that, the moon spins on its axis at the same rate that it orbits around earth. So it always faces us.”
Taemin is silent for a moment, frowning. He squints at the moon, then at the ground. Arithmetic and equations float around his head. Then, finally, he says, "that’s fucked up."
"What do you mean!” Instantly Jonghyun is loud, on the defensive, hands on his hips. "It makes sense!”
Taemin thrusts his hand aggressively at the moon. "We shouldn't need a spaceship to see the moon's ass!" He snaps back. “What’s she hiding?”
"Don't,” Jonghyun starts. He's laughing already. "Don't call it the–”
“The ass of the moon, ” Taemin hisses. He's laughing too. Their joy echoes around the park, touching every blade of grass, filling every tiny drop of mist. Filling their lungs until Taemin is bent in half, his face in his hands, and Jonghyun is staggering to sit on the ground before he fully falls over.
He takes up the space between Taemin's legs, holding on to him, giggling into his knee. Together, they calm down. Taemin plants his feet firmly on the ground so he doesn't move and plays with Jonghyun's hair. Jonghyun closes his eyes, happily sleepy.
On the horizon, the sun creeps ever closer until the sky is a vibrant orange and the first beams start to shine over the buildings. "What about the craters?” Taemin asks after a while. "Do they have names? and stories?”
"Names, yeah," Jonghyun murmurs back. "I never came up with stories for them, though. And I don't remember the names. It's just more Latin.”
“Hm.” Taemin is quiet for a little while longer, then, "do they have names in other languages?”
"Probably."
"Can we make up names for them ourselves?”
Jonghyun opens his eyes again. He twists just enough to look at Taemin, resting his temple against his inner thigh. He smiles and Taemin blushes. "Why not?” he says. "And you can come up with the stories this time."
Blushing harder, staring determinedly at the moon, cupping Jonghyun's face and rubbing a thumb over his cheek, Taemin says, "we can come up with the stories together."
The sun comes rising gloriously over the horizon and neither of them notice.
~
Didn't want to deal with making all of these tags and they wouldn't fit anyway lmfao
🌕Prologue: the moon Jongtae; pg; 733w Did this to try and improve my sentence structure variety and describing locations and writing shorter pieces and maybe I forgot halfway through but it is a start and for once people will read my fantasy things so : )
🌩oceanus procellarum - ocean of storms jongho; storm chaser but in space au; pg; 638w originally i wanted to do like. they’re magic embodiments of storms and when they argue or bicker the storms get bigger and then there was going to be a soft part about them being in love and calm and serene and that was going to be the eye of the storm. and it was going to be real dramatic and artsy but like. the words weren't coming lmao. so i wrote this instead which i think is also nice but in a different way
💞mare cognitum - sea that has become known ot5; pg; kissie stuff; 439w hehe…… smoochie
🌹mare nectaris - sea of nectar onjongtae; garden spirit au; nc17; 644w i was going to make ferns nut golden to be like nectar but that was too much like piss :/ anyway i just think fern deserves being loopy and horny and uwu 5eva
🫂mare tranquillitatis - sea of tranquility onjongho; mages au; pg;949w looked up the difference between tranquility and serenity and apparently serenity is more of a still image and tranquility is more of an emotion and honestly who is better at emotional calmness than onjongho
💦mare humorum - sea of moisture jongtae; mermaid au; pg; 899w m o i s t i really hit myself right in the heart with this one lmao i think it's my favorite out of all of them
🌴mare insularum - sea of islands ot5; creationists au; pg; 1386w couldn't get the words to come out like i wanted them to but i like the concept of this one a lot?? they're just vibing and making things and doing their bests : )
🌙mare crisium - sea of crises jongtaekey; sailor moon au; pg; 984w remember when choi tricked jonghyun into singing the sailor moon theme song. icon. absolute legend. almost made this powerpuff girls instead but i wanted roo to be the talking puppy and also. moon
☁️mare nubium - sea of clouds jongkey; skyship au; pg; 869w i just think they're neat rebel vigilante types that go around bothering governments and disabling warships and providing aid to people : )
🌧mare imbrium - sea of showers/rain jongminkey; space slice of life au; pg; 1191w actually this one is kind of a sequel to something i wrote like years ago lmfao if i remember after author reveals i'll come back and link it
❄️mare frigoris - sea of cold jongyu; weather deities au; pg; 887w you know. he’s big and important and powerful and everything but that doesn't mean he can't be a little crybaby having a breakdown every once in a while. something something not religious but if you are maybe ask your dude/s (gender-neutral) if they're having a nice day
🧚mare vaporum - sea of vapors jong2min; lake fairy au; pg; 929w i think fae can have little a eating people. as a treat. and also maybe little a gay makeouts with traveling mages. also as a treat.
😌mare serenitatis - sea of serenity onjongkey; beach au; pg; 962w i just wanted to think of the nicest most calm and peaceful still image and also with the relief of both jinx and key coming home safe right on time : ) no anxiety just love
🍑mare fecunditatis - sea of fecundity/fertility ot5; horny lol; nc17; 1499 words hehehehehehehe. hoohoo. absolutely flooded with cum. good for him.
🌕epilogue: the far side jongtae; pg; 893w i just think they're neat. they're just little guys and they like each other a whole lot. i don't know if they're actually dating the other three??? probably if jong is making up gay little stories about them lmao??? either it’s poly ot5 or they're just really comfortable and close with their friends and don't mind snuggling and and kissing and doing the sex sometimes and being vulnerable but like in a platonic way. i like both and i'm a libra so i can't pick so whichever one you like better lol
also taem: what do you MEAN they're actually lava >:(
jong: it's lava from old volcanoes underneath the surface. Kind of boring. I used to think it was from when the moon used to be part of the Earth but--
taem: the moon was fucking WHAT??????????
JJONG’S MONTH FIC MASTERLIST V.
Jjong’s Month has concluded as an event with 16 stories from our shawol authors on AO3. You can now check out all these stories in the link below to encourage these authors and get your Jjong fill throughout the next few weeks or months, because it is ALWAYS Jjong’s Month after all.
Thank you to all the people who have and who are still writing fanfics for this fandom. It’s made this experience so much more rich and fun. <3 And thank you again to Summerof5hinee for keeping this event alive on Twitter, Tumblr and AO3. I am forever grateful.
Jjong’s Month 2022 collection
See you next year!!! We love you forever, baby boy ❤❤❤❤❤
SKELETON FLOWER AUDIO BOOK
Myself and fellow Shawols have been creating an audio book of Jonghyun’s novel Skeleton Flower: Things That Have Been Released and Set Free. We will be uploading the first four chapters on our dear moon’s birthday — the project information can be found here. We hope you support this project! 💙
JJONG’S MONTH 2022 (5TH ED.) IN COLLABORATION WITH SUMMEROF5HINEE !!!!!!!!!!!!
APRIL IS AROUND THE CORNER, SO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS…
This is the 5th edition guys, this is crazy to think about wow!!!
So in honor of this milestone, we are introducing a beautiful concept to honor Jjong through our words. I want to give a special thank you to @quagmireisadora for coming up with the theme for this year and summerof5hinee for collaborating with us again to host this precious event.
The theme is inspired by Galileo’s theory that the dark spots on the moon are bodies of water. Each of these “seas” have distinctive names, which writers will use to inspire their stories.
Choose a sea with a name that inspires or compels you. Write anything you want in connection to the sea name, as long as it is Jonghyun-centric in some way!
All further information related to the collaborative event is available on this carrd.
You can sign-up to the event there and then submit your story and/or publish them on Tumblr as well or solely on here because I will be hosting the event here as well and keeping track of the stories in the #jjongsmonth tag to create a fifth masterlist. I recommend you also tag me so I can find your stories!!!
Check out last year’s masterlist the third one, the second one and the first one.
If you have any questions you can contact me or contact the organizers of Summerof5hinee via their Twitter account!
Happy Jjong’s month!! ^^
JJONG’S MONTH 2022 (5TH ED.) IN COLLABORATION WITH SUMMEROF5HINEE !!!!!!!!!!!!
APRIL IS AROUND THE CORNER, SO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS…
This is the 5th edition guys, this is crazy to think about wow!!!
So in honor of this milestone, we are introducing a beautiful concept to honor Jjong through our words. I want to give a special thank you to @quagmireisadora for coming up with the theme for this year and summerof5hinee for collaborating with us again to host this precious event.
The theme is inspired by Galileo’s theory that the dark spots on the moon are bodies of water. Each of these “seas” have distinctive names, which writers will use to inspire their stories.
Choose a sea with a name that inspires or compels you. Write anything you want in connection to the sea name, as long as it is Jonghyun-centric in some way!
All further information related to the collaborative event is available on this carrd.
You can sign-up to the event there and then submit your story and/or publish them on Tumblr as well or solely on here because I will be hosting the event here as well and keeping track of the stories in the #jjongsmonth tag to create a fifth masterlist. I recommend you also tag me so I can find your stories!!!
Check out last year’s masterlist the third one, the second one and the first one.
If you have any questions you can contact me or contact the organizers of Summerof5hinee via their Twitter account!
Happy Jjong’s month!! ^^
JJONG’S MONTH 2022 (5TH ED.) IN COLLABORATION WITH SUMMEROF5HINEE !!!!!!!!!!!!
APRIL IS AROUND THE CORNER, SO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS…
This is the 5th edition guys, this is crazy to think about wow!!!
So in honor of this milestone, we are introducing a beautiful concept to honor Jjong through our words. I want to give a special thank you to @quagmireisadora for coming up with the theme for this year and summerof5hinee for collaborating with us again to host this precious event.
The theme is inspired by Galileo’s theory that the dark spots on the moon are bodies of water. Each of these “seas” have distinctive names, which writers will use to inspire their stories.
Choose a sea with a name that inspires or compels you. Write anything you want in connection to the sea name, as long as it is Jonghyun-centric in some way!
All further information related to the collaborative event is available on this carrd.
You can sign-up to the event there and then submit your story and/or publish them on Tumblr as well or solely on here because I will be hosting the event here as well and keeping track of the stories in the #jjongsmonth tag to create a fifth masterlist. I recommend you also tag me so I can find your stories!!!
Check out last year’s masterlist the third one, the second one and the first one.
If you have any questions you can contact me or contact the organizers of Summerof5hinee via their Twitter account!
Happy Jjong’s month!! ^^
JJONG’S MONTH 2022 (5TH ED.) IN COLLABORATION WITH SUMMEROF5HINEE !!!!!!!!!!!!
APRIL IS AROUND THE CORNER, SO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS…
This is the 5th edition guys, this is crazy to think about wow!!!
So in honor of this milestone, we are introducing a beautiful concept to honor Jjong through our words. I want to give a special thank you to @quagmireisadora for coming up with the theme for this year and summerof5hinee for collaborating with us again to host this precious event.
The theme is inspired by Galileo's theory that the dark spots on the moon are bodies of water. Each of these "seas" have distinctive names, which writers will use to inspire their stories.
Choose a sea with a name that inspires or compels you. Write anything you want in connection to the sea name, as long as it is Jonghyun-centric in some way!
All further information related to the collaborative event is available on this carrd.
You can sign-up to the event there and then submit your story and/or publish them on Tumblr as well or solely on here because I will be hosting the event here as well and keeping track of the stories in the #jjongsmonth tag to create a fifth masterlist. I recommend you also tag me so I can find your stories!!!
Check out last year’s masterlist the third one, the second one and the first one.
If you have any questions you can contact me or contact the organizers of Summerof5hinee via their Twitter account!
Happy Jjong’s month!! ^^
Writing Fanfiction Is:
Losing motivation when you have time
Getting motivation at ungodly hours of the day or when busy
Going back to your story trying to remember what the fuck you said
“Am I writing this character good or nah?”
“does the plot make sense?”
feeling guilty sometimes for absolutely no reason
waiting for comments on your fic from specific readers
writing something and thinking “oh yeah, thats definitely going to hurt them”
procrastinating on writing by writing other fics
having too many ideas and not enough time
never finishing your wips
debating whether to add the fucking dumbass joke in that scene or not
wondering if you should or shouldn’t add that angsty scene purely to fuck with the readers bc its not like its gonna kill them or anything
Hoping no one finds it while simultaneously hoping ppl read it
playing music for inspiration and zoning out
planning fics and never writing them
thinking its shit but ppl like it and suddenly ur imposter syndrome acts up LIKE A FUCKING BITCH
loving ur readers so so much
You know, some of my favorite fics are abandoned. And yeah, I wish they weren't abandoned, but it doesn’t change the fact that I love them. I certainly don’t wish they’d never been written. Just saying, for those of us with dangling fics we guilt ourselves over. It’s still better that you wrote what you wrote.
Yes!!! And even if you never plan to continue, please leave it on. Don’t delete it. (Unless you want to) I keep rereading some unfinished fics every few months, they are some of the best. I love them so much! Thank you all for writing, however much you managed!
