CW: Nightmares, past character death, noncon touch (intimate but, nonsexual, accidental)
***
Octavian had plenty of time to simply observe Damien. He laid across the backseat, using Damien’s bag and Lucas’ flannel as a makeshift pillow. He’d started keeping the flannel close to his face whenever he laid down, the smell was comforting, it made him feel safe and secure despite the circumstances. He watched Damien from back there, the occasional passing headlights illuminating his face for only seconds at a time. He wondered what he would’ve thought of him if they hadn’t met like this, when he was relaxed he didn’t look so scary. He fidgeted with the radio, turned it up when he found a station he liked. Octavian didn’t know how he managed all this driving, he’d been getting more and more restless as the days went by.
They’d crossed through at least a couple states by now, stopping in motels during the day, leaving as the sun went down. He was starting to think of Damien as a sort of vampire, he retreated into dark motel rooms to sleep throughout the day, keeping Octavian bound while he slept so he wouldn’t disturb him trying to make a run for it. At least he’d started restraining his hands in front of him again . Once the sun began to set he’d emerge again, helping Octavian into the car so they could set off to… who knows where. Octavian certainly didn’t. He missed home cooked meals, his own bed, even just being able to stretch out and take a walk on his own. He groaned softly as he shifted uncomfortably, trying to find a better position, and Damien glanced back at him in the rearview mirror.
“Doin’ alright back there?” He asked. Octavian felt like that was an odd question to ask a captive.
“I’m fine…” He murmured. “I… I know you won’t tell me where we’re going, but… how much longer is it going to take?” He asked.
“That’s a good question.” Damien said, Octavian thought he was going to leave it at that again, he was about ready to burst into tears when he continued, “If I could just keep driving without ever having to stop, we’d be there about two days from now. But I need sleep, we need breaks, food, what have you, that just ain’t possible. Besides, sometimes I like to take the scenic route, stop and do some sight seeing, these trips ain’t just for work.” He told him. He made it sound like a vacation, Octavian wished he was enjoying this as much as Damien was. “Not to mention, you don’t have a prospective buyer yet, so there’s no deadline. Really, I could take all the time I want.” Octavian realized he still didn’t get a direct answer to the actual question he had, he groaned again and turned his head, burying it in Lucas’ flannel.
He had a lot of time left to think. He wondered what would’ve happened if he hadn’t come home when he did that night. He wondered if Lucas would be in the back of this car instead of him. He wondered if he would’ve kept fighting, if he’d have been as submissive as Octavian was being, if he would have just let this happen to himself. He was torn between feeling guilt for how he behaved, how he was behaving, for being so weak, and feeling like Lucas would’ve preferred this, that he did what he could to keep himself safe and alive. He liked to believe he knew Lucas well enough after all these years to know what he would’ve wanted, but at the same time he just wished he was there- well, not exactly there, but alive, Octavian would’ve gladly traded places with him to make sure he had never ended up here. Thinking about him made his eyes burn and his heart ache, so he tried not to, he tried to focus on anything else.
Once again, the sun rose, and Damien pulled into a little town off the highway, some nondescript place Octavian would forget as soon as they left it. Again he was ushered into a little room Damien got for them, and just as he was stepping inside, stretching his arms above his head, he saw something that made him freeze- the single queen sized bed in the room.
“Uhm… Damien…”
“What?” He asked, shutting the door, locking it behind him.
“The… the bed…”
“Yes? What about it?” Damien sighed, exasperated with him as he dropped his bag on the floor.
“There’s only one.”
“Well I am so sorry, princess.” Damien said sarcastically. “That was all that was available, and I ain’t about to drive around the whole damn town looking for an extra bed for you. You can either suck it up and deal with it, or sleep on the floor. You know, most captives don’t even get that much of a choice.” Octavian knew he had a point, he didn’t have any room to be picky, but that didn’t mean he liked it. His body ached from being stuck in the car for so long, he just wanted to lay down where he could fully stretch his legs and rest for the day. He sat down on the edge of the bed, he’d made his choice, though the look on his face was as if he was giving himself up to be hanged.
After changing his clothes, Damien got into bed with him, he had him hold his hands out so he could adjust the handcuffs. At first, Octavian thought he was going to get lucky, he’d only have his hands cuffed behind his back, no zip-ties that night, but Damien only unlocked one of the cuffs- and then proceeded to lock it around his own wrist.
“What- what are you doing?” Octavian asked, staring at him.
“Have to make sure you won’t try to run off, remember?” Damien said, he set the key down on the nightstand before laying back, seemingly perfectly content to sleep chained to another man. Octavian couldn’t bring himself to lay down, the chain was so short he couldn’t put that much distance between them, and Damien had done it so if he pulled away too much he’d be pulling his arm across his chest, more likely to shake him awake. After a moment, Damien grabbed him by the shoulder and forced him to lay back with him. “Stop being weird about it, get some sleep.” He told him. Octavian thought he was being perfectly normal about it, he laid as still as possible, staring up at the ceiling.
Damien fell asleep quickly, Octavian could see him out of the corner of his eye. He looked a lot nicer when he slept, certainly less dangerous than the person Octavian was used to. Despite his fear, he could only fight his own exhaustion for so long, eventually his eyes fell shut, he was forced to fall asleep beside the man holding him captive.
***
That day, not for the first time, he dreamed about Lucas. More accurately, he dreamt about work, doing his job as normal, only to step into the back room and find Lucas’ body there, blood pooled around his head. He dreamt about trying to help him, it was useless, even in this dream he was already dead, but he tried anyway, his blood coated his hands, his lifeless eyes staring up at him.
He woke up in a panic, drenched in sweat, trembling, his heart racing. His eyes darted around, he realized where he was, remembered his situation. Instinctively he tried to move to the furthest side of the bed, but he’d forgotten about the handcuffs, he tugged on Damien’s arm too much and roused the man from his sleep, making his fear even worse.
“I’m sorry!” He cried, he tried to clap his free hand over his mouth. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, please-”
“Would ya shuddup…?” Damien muttered, he was still half asleep. He threw his arm around Octavian’s waist, the smaller man whined as he pulled him closer, his own arm now trapped against his chest. Tears streamed down his face, he couldn’t stop whimpering. “Calm down, yer fine.” Damien told him, almost like he was trying to comfort him. Octavian’s back was against his chest, he felt trapped, too close to someone who could so easily kill him if he wanted to, and at the same time, he hadn’t be touched kindly in days, not since he’d last seen Lucas, since then it was only being pushed and grabbed and manhandled. He hated it, he hated himself, but he began to relax in his arms, and over time his cries calmed down, to simple shuddering breaths. Damien had fallen back asleep quickly, even if he wanted to get free he’d end up waking him, he was forced to stay as still as possible for the rest of the day.
He felt sick from the way he held him. The man probably didn’t even realize he’d done it, there was nothing to it, and yet it still felt too dangerous to Octavian, and at the same time his body wanted it so badly, just to be held. Sometimes he’d shift in his sleep and Octavian would hold his breath, at one point, his hand moved, groping his chest. Octavian gasped, his body tensed up, he waited for him to move, for it to get worse, but he quickly realized Damien was still fast asleep, it was entirely unintentional, and he was just trapped like this. They were still laying that way when Damien finally woke up in the evening. Octavian was sore from how tense he’d been, so much for trying to get some relief for his aching body. He thought he would let go of him once he realized the position they were in, surely this wasn’t desirable for either of them, but he just pulled him closer.
“How’d you sleep, baby?” He asked, he probably didn’t even remember waking up with him.
“Move your hand.” Octavian said bluntly, he just wanted him to stop touching him.
“Hm?” Damien squeezed his chest, causing Octavian to panic, he pushed his hand away and scrambled away from him to the other side of the bed, though that didn’t do much to help him given they were still handcuffed together. He was struggling to breathe, looking at Damien like he thought he was going to attack him right then, but Damien just sighed, yanking him closer and reaching over to the night stand to find the key, freeing his own wrist from the cuff. Ocatavin didn’t even give him time to restrain him or potentially take his cuff off, he pulled his arms up close to his chest, hugging himself protectively.
“Calm down, you think I give a shit?” He asked, getting out of bed. Octavian didn’t have an answer for that, he didn’t know what Damien thought, he didn’t know Damien, despite how much time they spent together over the past few days, he was still practically a stranger. “I would’ve figured it out eventually anyway, I have to send pictures of you to anyone who might be interested.”
“Pictures…?” He asked hesitantly.
“People like to know what they’re buying. I considered doing it while you were asleep but you ain’t as much of a fighter as some others have been. I could tell you to strip right now and you would do it.” He laughed. Octavian’s blood ran cold, staring at him with wide eyes. He wasn’t sure if that was an order or not, if he was supposed to do it, god, he didn’t want to do it. Damien noticed the fear on his face and smiled at him, that same unnervingly calm smile as always. “Don’t worry baby, I’m holding off for now. Truth be told, I’m starting to get a little attached to you. I don’t know if I’m ready to hand you off to someone else.”
Octavian sat in bed, his mind racing while Damien went to shower. He didn’t know how to feel about what he’d said, if he wanted to be kept with him, or be sold off to someone else. It was an impossible choice, one he’d certainly never before had to consider. For the most part, he knew how to stay alive with Damien, he knew what would make him angry, but a stranger… he would have to learn everything from the beginning, for all he knew, they planned to buy him just to kill him for the fun of it. There was no third option, no way out, he knew what he really wanted, but it was the last thing he’d ever get.
He was still curled up under the blanket when Damien got out of the shower, he was trying his best not to look at him.
“What… happens to the people you sell?” He asked.
“Don’t you remember meeting Rowan?”
“I-I mean, is that it, what else is there…?”
“I don’t think you wanna know.” Damien told him. “And I wouldn’t say that’s it with Rowan. You only met them for a few hours, you ain’t even seen the worst of it.” He didn’t have to be looking at him to know he said that with a smile.
“Then… what happens if I stay with you…?” Octavian asked.
“Not sure yet. I’ve never had a traveling buddy before, but I think it would be nice to have some company on the road, bring you home with me in between jobs. I could treat you like a real house pet.” He told him. In all honesty, Octavian was starting to prefer this option. He certainly didn’t like Damien, but he didn’t plan to kill him if he kept him, and wasn’t that what mattered? Staying alive?
He’d made up his mind by the time they left that motel. He could handle this, it was exhausting, boring it wasn’t a life he wanted, but it was still life, he wasn’t being tortured, as long as he could stay on Damien’s good side, he could stay alive. He was going to do whatever it took to make sure he didn’t have to learn what anyone worse would be like.
***
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