#okayyyyyyyyyyyy

[bluehardtops]

[sonderpoison]

[cactusringed]

Oh I had fully forgotten about the smallidarity interaction in LL ep1. Normal about it.

[hawkeyde]

AKA   lara bangs on about hawkes outstanding mental fortitude ... again 

k so i’m listening to the revenant soundtrack ( literally .. literally the most best thing ) and it just provokes  such a feeling of loneliness and cold and bitter winter and just a bit eerie and eeeeeeeeh and it got me to thinking about like ... being in hiding, for hawke. 

ok so things to note about honey: 

he has anxiety 

he relies on his family, extraordinarily so, and has always had his family and/or a strong friendship circle to lean on . his entire life . h e hasn’ t been away from either of them ....... for ....... 30 years ............. 

in the first year of his time in hiding he was recovering from the injuries sustained in the chantry explosion and had to pretty much nurse himself back to health and train himself to work around his new-found pains and traumas .. completely alone

now suddenly chantry fuckin sploded , he fought through a rebellion, almost mortally wounded ,  chucked out of kirkwall ( the only actual ... steady home he’s ever had ) ,  wanted  ,  actively hunted,  mfnfn you’re alone right ?? like alone and everyone is against you 

wtf do u do here?? in a fight, you’re alone.  when you sleep you’re alone.  in the morning when you wash your hair, and sit and wait for it to dry, or when you crouch by the fireplace and shudder at the sudden night cold, when you long to feel someone against you, somehow, in any way, but no one’s there.  honey is a man who was raised by a physical love language: embraces, soft squeezes of his hand when he was afraid.   no one’s there to give you it, and you don’t know who’s dead and who’s alive, and you’ve thrown yourself into war ---- you know people briefly only to watch them fall beside you in battle. any hope of meaningful knowing anyone is just gone 

hawke thought about just giving up but fuck knows what the kids drive is.  honey fell apart and put himself all the way back together again --- who is there to hold you ?? when ur alone ?? who can help keep you together ?? no one !! you !! even when you don’t want to , you have to, and hawke did just that .  kirkwalls rebellion reignited a deep fear for him, the fear that the world would go on a cruel place, where people suffered needlessly purely for existing.  hawke isolated himself from the world he knew for FOUR YEARS  of   ALMOST COMPLETE SOLITUDE  so he could fight for what he knew must be done, the freedom he knew he and all other mages deserved, without endangering people close to him.         hawke could have run himself to his brother, or varric, or he could have run himself into an enemies sword ---- but he didn’t.      hawke wants the world to be fucking better, hawke wants to live and breathe to make it better, hawke wants to see peace.

hawke sacrificed a lot for the rebel cause.    his character wasn’t one of them, though .. not all of it.  people seem more difficult after hiding,  sometimes attempts on your life sneak up on you. hawke recalls times he befriended someone on the road, only for them to drive a knife at him, and for him to catch the white-hot blade and for it to slice into his hands as he tries to steer it from his gut.    don’t watch him if he flinches if you suddenly reach for your hilt.     he’s working on it.      honey still wants to trust in the kindness of man.       even if he is minorly fearful to trust, he will trust, and give himself willingly where he can.           adiajd FOUR YEARS of mental hell and he very nearly fell into the pit of it but nah fuck that.  in this house , we love one (1) honey hawke, and the decision he made to just kee p fuckin going and doing what he thinks is best and kind and being warm and gentle ooooooookkkkkkkkkkk im emotional

[kuntys]

when taemin said i’m your toy

[stressful-and-deathy]

anyone ask for a jimmy jab 2.0 hc? not really, but here it is anyway 

(also this is crazy long i’m so sorry i was out of control)

 okay so, the squad hasn’t really had the opportunity to play the jimmy jab games since that time jake let amy win and that was years ago. they were still a bit wary after the whole fiasco with holt finding out, but it’s been so long that when holt and terry announce they have an all-day meeting at one police plaza, everyone was EXCITED bc they were all stuck at the precinct digitalizing files. 

the captain left amy in charge of the precinct bc you know, she’s a sergeant (already eyeing a lieutenant position, mind you) and also she’s Amy Santiago, c'mon.

amy vetos anything to do with jimmy jab the second the two of them walk out the door, giving a whole speech about how she’s their boss now and needs to be responsible.  

rosa immediately starts throwing some shade saying that “amy was too lame to play with them anyway” and that “she had just become more stuck-up, but “it’s not like she could win anyway so it didn’t even matter”.

amy looks at rosa dead in the eye for 15 seconds and then finally says   “okay, so this is how it’s going down.” everyone cheers and starts chanting “JIMMY JAB! JIMMY JAB!”

under amy’s command, everyone gets jobs assigned to them and the whole thing is set up in less than an hour.

for the traditional opening ceremony, everything is ready, the donuts arrived, the trashcan is in place and scully’s got his costume on. that’s when they realize they are missing something. something kind of important. the person who always sets the donut on fire and declares that the games have begun is not there. it’s jake’s day off.

everyone is a little bit embarrassed that they forgot about jake, i mean, he’s the life and soul of the game (or of anything fun that happens in the precinct, really). but charles….charles is absolutely devastated.

he immediately calls jake, saying how he is not worthy of being his best friend and that he is the single most horrible person to walk on earth. he’s crying so much, jake doesn’t understand what’s going on. rosa grabs the phone from charles, explains what’s up and tells him to get to the precinct asap.

he yells WHAAAAAAAAT for 3 straight minutes.

jake arrives in a hurry, still out of breath from running up the stairs. he stares at all of them in disbelief and goes “how could you? this is treason. TREASON. i’m so disappointed in all of you, and you amy, what the hell? how could you forget your own husband?”

she’s about to apologize but jake keeps talking “doesn’t matter anyway, YOU’RE ALL GOING DOWN, especially you, wife”. he literally makes air quotes while saying “wife”.  

now amy is pissed and she’s got a threatening look on her face as she says “well, husband (she also uses air quotes), it was pointless to call you anyway, you being here is not going to make any difference since you’re about to lose. AGAIN.” jake yells back “YOU ARE SO ON”.

after the opening ceremony, they are on position for the first game. gina explains that, since the fridge was mysteriously cleaned the day before and all the disgusting food was thrown away, “The Mouthaton” will be replaced by “The Catfish”. rules are simple. the competitors must create a fake profile on a dating website and start talking to people. first person to get an unsolicited dick picture wins, the last is eliminated. you can’t flirt, you can’t ask for the picture and you can’t reveal your real identity.

hitchcock gets it first. everyone looks at him questioningly and he’s just like “what? i know exactly what those guys are looking for, if you know what i mean.” they are all disgusted. then he just gets up and goes…somewhere else. no one questions that.

scully is the second one to get it. no one buys it at first and asks him to prove it, so scully says “it’s serious, guys. look, hitchcock  went to the bathroom and sent me a picture of his…” he didn’t get to finish his sentence bc everyone is yelling “EWWWWWWW” and “NOOOOOOOOO” and running in the opposite direction of the phone he’s holding.  

amy’s next, immediately followed by jake and charles. everyone looks at rosa, who is still typing away on her phone. turns out she started talking to a girl and is actually getting into it. 

she’s the first one out.

game number two starts, it’s the traditional “Bulky Bulky Run Run” better known as the bomb suit foot race.

amy and jake keep pushing and grabbing on each other’s suit to get the other out of the away so charles manages to take the lead.

just like every single year, hitchcock falls down the stairs. scully tries to grab him by his legs but hitchcock’s weight manages to pull scully down with him. they’re both out and in need of medical attention.

(it was briefly discussed whether or not to eliminate scully after the first game, but no one volunteered to check the picture he got so they just let him keep playing)

 third game is the infamous “Keep Your Cover”. as usual, the contestants have to craft an undercover persona and talk to as many police officers as they can without being found out.

amy goes first. she’s dressed like an old lady and she rocks it. her strategy is to start talking to people about how millennials are the worst and how kids these days are ruining the world because they are glued to their phones. people try to get away from her as fast as they can’t without making eye contact. she manages to get through nine people

(she blows it when she starts talking about her love for latin and how it should be a requirement at public schools  – everyone and their mothers know that could only be amy).

jake’s up next. he is dressed like an italian mob boss who’s a complete douchebag. when he’s talking to his third officer about “hot chicks”, the guy tells him about a sexy latina sergeant who’s super bossy, claiming that “it could be kinda hot in bed”.

jake dramatically takes off his sunglasses (which he was wearing indoors, to add to the character), and yells “THAT’S MY WIFE”. (yes, you’re absolutely supposed to read that in john mulaney’s voice).

he realizes he blew his cover and storms off, whispering to himself that it’s not “kind of hot”, it’s super hot.  he’s almost sure he lost, but charles comes to save the day.  

charles dresses as buddy valastro. yes. the cake boss. he literally doesn’t make it past one person.

and once again, it’s jake versus amy in the final game which consists of the obstacle course.  

first they gotta make it past the barricade hurdles in the corridor and, as usual, amy gets a head start, but jake is not too far behind.

next up they have to get a snack from the vending machine using a bean bag gun.

amy gets a snack first, but unfortunately it’s a bag of doritos. she takes forever to eat them and jake’s lucky because he got a granola bar and even though he makes a gagging sound the whole time, he manages to swallow the whole thing. 

jake runs to the stairs to go the floor below and get a pamphlet about cyberbullying and amy finally catches up.

they go back upstairs together, trying to bump on the other the whole time.

LASTLY, they’ve got to print a selfie captain holt accidentally took and also accidentally sent to everyone in his contact list using the worst notebooks of the precinct.

amy’s request goes through first, but when she goes to the printer, there’s nothing there. that’s when gina yells: “SURPRISE TWIST: THE COMPUTERS ARE CONNECTED TO THAT OLD ASS PRINTER IN THE STORAGE ROOM DOWNSTAIRS”

jake immediately gets up from his chair, knocking down both the chair and the table, and sprints to the elevator. amy gets in two seconds after him.

while they are waiting, amy starts teasing: “so, are you ready to lose like last time?” jake laughs. “amy, darling, i had to let you win last time. that’s not happening today.” that throws amy off and she takes one second too long to notice the doors opened and jake is already running.

jake gets to the storage room first, locates the printer and runs to grab the freshly printed picture laying on the tray.  

when amy comes in, jake is grinning, waving around the paper in his hands and imitating amy’s victory dance. “who’s the loser now, wifey? huh? no come backs?”

amy’s panting a bit and she’s got her hands on her knees but she manages to answer: “yeah, babe. did you get a good look at that picture you’re holding?”

jake freezes and his face falls. he slowly moves his eyes to the paper and his first thought when captain holt’s face is not what he’s seeing is “oh, fuck”. he’s about to rip it into pieces and throw it away when something catches his eye. no, it was definitely not holt’s face on that piece of paper. it was his wife’s. for a second, he thinks it’s just amy’s way of making fun of him while she gets the right photo but then he notices something else. she’s holding a sign. a sign that says: “Congrats, Daddy. You win” in perfect calligraphy.

it takes a couple of minutes until jake tears his eyes away from the picture and looks up at amy. his hands are shaking so badly and he opens and closes his mouth several times, but nothing comes out.

amy’s just looking at him smiling and her eyes are already watering. she can read on his face that he’s begging her for something to confirm what he’s thinking, to tell him that yes, it’s happening and it’s real. she nods slightly. and he starts crying.

she goes to him and hugs him and he holds onto her so tightly, amy can feel him all around her. after a few minutes, when jake’s breath has calmed down a bit, he pulls back and grabs her face with both of his hands while hers rest on his chest. “you’re pregnant?”, she can see he’s still in disbelief so amy just presses her forehead against his and whispers “yes, jake. you’re going to be a father”.  

he opens the widest smile she’s ever seen and says “oh, my god. i love you so so so much” before pulling amy close again, about to kiss the hell out of her, but amy stops him.

“wait a second. that thing you said in the elevator, about letting me win last time. that’s not true, right?” 

jake just rolls his eyes and goes for the kiss again.

[extremelyjust]

waist where???????????

[pixiesnooze]