hey there! I was wondering if you have any tips when it comes to messaging a girl for the first time on okc?
As a girl who has used OKCupid a few times, I can certainly tell you what I responded best to, and followers, you can feel free to chime in. I don’t know your gender, but my experiences are as a woman being approached by men on OKC, so that’s what this is based on.
First, and most importantly, READ HER PROFILE. READ THE WHOLE THING. If she says "I'm serious about the environment," and you habitually litter with your disposable plastic water bottles, it probably won't work. If she says "I hate television," and you LIVE for reality shows, it probably don't work.
Then, read her “dealbreaker” type questions. If she says it’s REQUIRED that her partner be pro-choice, and you’re not, don’t message her. An aside here, if you answered “yes” to the “Is there ever a time when someone is obligated to have sex with you?” question, don’t message anyone, ever, because you are a rapist [not that I think you did, anon, but this is general advice].
Once you found someone who has common and/or compatible interests AND worldviews, message her about that! Be honest. Tell her why you messaged her: “I saw on your profile that you love The West Wing - me too!”
Ask her questions related to her interests, that ARE NOT ANSWERED ON HER PROFILE. “I saw on your profile you’re a Knicks fan - how do you feel about the slow start this year? I’ve been hoping to see more from Carmelo Anthony.”
It’s really a judgement call for you how long you want to wait until you extend a date invitation - there’s really no rule. I went on dates with guys who asked in their first message - AFTER they had written something that made it clear they had READ my profile and really were interested in me. But I also went on dates with guys after we had exchanged messages for weeks.
If/when you do ask her out, be creative! The best OKC date I had, we walked the Freedom Trail in Boston and got lunch at Quincy Market - not expensive, but fun!
The most important thing is that NO MEANS NO. If she doesn't answer you, move on, and do not under any circumstances harass her, or use slurs, or any of that. There are plenty of women out there, so don’t dwell on rejection - I promise, it happens to us, too!
