Into Dawn (EGOBANG)
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“I still can’t believe I got so lucky.” Arin spoke softly under the sheath of the night, a slither of moonlight peering through the curtains and casting a glow across their satin bed sheets. Legs intertwined, the two of them stayed close to each other, lingering in the pleasant feeling of shared body heat and comfort. Dan set his eyes upon Arin as he spoke, trying to focus on Arin’s features in the darkness.
“Huh?” Dan mumbled back, his voice worn from strenuous recording sessions earlier that day. ”What d’you mean, Ar?” He asked softly, moving his hand over to gently run it through Arin’s hair. Dan never considered himself as anything special - for sure, he had talents, but when it came down to it, he was just a 38-year-old man with a lot of hair. He felt Arin shift in the space next to him.
“Someone like me, meeting someone like you.” Arin shrugged, taking Dan’s hand and holding it with both of his own. Arin’s hands were much warmer than Dan’s, so it evened out for both of them. Dan processed what Arin had said.
“You’re being a little cryptic for, uhh…” Dan let go of Arin and rolled over, fumbling to pick up his phone on the cabinet besides them to check the time. He set it down, turning back. “A little cryptic for 3:42am, baby bear.” He smiled, moving his hands back to hold Arin’s. What could he say? He was cold, and Arin always maintained a consistent warmth.
“I never thought someone like you would fall in love with someone like me.” Arin squeezed Dan’s hands. Dan didn’t seem to understand, and with the way Arin’s tone became softer, he was growing more confused by the second.
“Call me an idiot, but I have, like-- no idea what you’re trying to say.” Dan huffed a quiet chuckle, trying to study Arin’s face in the dark. He could only vaguely make out the shape of Arin, and he couldn’t really see his expression as it was so dark.
Arin was silent. Dan began threading locks of Arin’s hair through his fingers again. He counted a solid two minutes before sitting up and flicking the lamp on next to them. Arin was crying.
“Oh-- Arin, are you--?” A silly question. Of course he wasn’t okay. “What’s wrong, buddy?” Dan asked him, as Arin hid his face under the duvet covers. Dan shook his head, dragging the covers off of Arin again. Arin seemed to cower.
“It’s stupid, don’t worry…” Arin rubbed at his eyes, but Dan was still concerned. “It’s really fuckin’... stupid.” Arin sighed, his breathing staggered. Dan rolled his eyes, deciding to run his fingers through Arin’s hair again to try and soothe him.
“You know I’m here for you, big cat.” Dan sighed softly. He hated seeing Arin pent up like this - he especially hated not being able to do anything about it. Arin dragged himself even closer to Dan, burying his face into Dan’s chest. Dan obliged, wrapping his arms around Arin to keep him as close as possible. “What’s wrong?” He tried again, hoping that since starting a relationship, they could be more open with each other. Arin nuzzled his head into Dan’s chest, choosing to remain quiet.
Dan let his mind run rampant with thoughts through the silence. Did Arin not think he was good enough…? He knew that Arin placed Dan on a pedestal when it came to that kind of thing - they’d had numerous quarrels over the years, and Arin would lessen his worth almost every time. It was heartbreaking. It was always praise for his band, or praise for his looks… and Dan had just throttled him for his annoyance and lack of observation. Back then, Dan didn’t have the courage to counteract; either he was too mad at Arin to respond, or he hadn’t wanted to come on too strong. A lot had changed since then.
“I’m not good enough for someone like you. That’s what I’m trying to say.” Arin mumbled into Dan’s chest, a choked sob following. “You deserve so much better than a guy who--”
“Stop.” Dan begged him to stop. He knew where this was headed, and he already knew everything that Arin thought about himself by now. “That’s all up here.” He reached up and tapped the top of Arin’s head with a sort of sad smile. Arin pulled away from Dan’s chest, looking up at him in shock.
“But I--” Arin started again. Dan shook his head, interrupting him almost immediately.
“I love you Arin. Like, super.” Dan explained, holding both of Arin’s hands and giving them a firm squeeze. “I love every single little thing about you.” He studied Arin’s face, watching as he now avoided to look at Dan. Dan tilted Arin’s head up, so that they were looking right at each other. Arin gulped. “I love you.” Dan repeated.
“Why?” Arin was crumbling where they lay. Dan pressed a gentle kiss to Arin’s forehead.
“...What’s this all about?” Dan tilted his head. There had to be something more to this. Cautiously, he moved his arms to wrap around Arin’s waist, and Arin visibly flinched. Dan’s eyes widened. “Oh, Arin--”
“I told you, it’s stupid…” He grumbled, momentarily embodying his signature title of ‘Grump’. Dan shook his head in disbelief.
“Arin, there’s nothing wrong with the way you look.” Dan moved to hug Arin’s waist again, and again, Arin flinched. “Come on, really?”
“Yes, there is, Dan!” Arin crossed his arms, finally sitting up properly. “I’ve put on too much weight, my hair awkwardly hangs around my shoulders, my beard looks like-- fucking ginger pubes--”
“I, personally, adore those ginger pubes.” Dan spoke up with a smile. “It’s-- the weirdest but most satisfying feeling when we kiss. A bit ticklish, though. But I wouldn’t change that feeling for the world.” Dan slowly reached out and scratched Arin’s beard, under his chin. Arin responded by leaning towards the touch, and a sly grin came across Dan’s face. “Wow. Guess I called you ‘big cat’ for a reason, hmm?” He laughed, and Arin batted his hand away.
“Fuck off, Avidan.” He chuckled, shaking his head and itching his beard. Dan then pressed a gentle kiss to Arin’s lips, and Arin returned the favour. He supposed that if Dan liked it, then the beard could stay. As they both pulled away, Dan was still studying his face intensely; Arin wouldn’t be lying if he said he was overwhelmed with the attention.
“And your hair… God your hair…” Dan placed his hand in Arin’s hair and ran his fingers through the strands. Arin leaned into the touch once again, savouring the moment. “I love how smooth it is. You’ve seen my hair, dude. I love being able to play with it as often and as much as I want…” Dan grinned, ruffling Arin’s hair. “Plus, it looks really nice when it’s long. So you just have to wait for this ‘awkward stage’ or whatever you called it to pass. Happens to everyone! Happened to me. Don’t you remember?” Dan giggled, and Arin followed suite.
“Of course, man.” Arin agreed. He’d always wanted his hair longer. And if Dan thought it looked good… then it couldn’t go wrong. He paused and held his breath - he knew what was coming next. Dan paused as well. It was unspoken between the two of them - Arin had been stressed with work on different projects, and they’d only recently taken a month off for self-care and such. Even then, Arin had been dissatisfied with the lack of work he had. He was the kind of person who needed to be working constantly in order to feel any kind of satisfaction.
“I love your body.” Dan said softly. “And… I’m not just saying that.” He gently carressed Arin’s waist again, ignoring the way that Arin flinched when they made contact. “I love how warm and soft you are, it’s comforting. I love cuddling up to you on nights like these…” Dan scooched a little closer, a small smile on his face. He lowered his voice, speaking in a whisper. “And I love watching your entire body jiggle underneath me when we fuck.”
Arin screeched, pushing Dan away lightly with a bright red face. “Leigh Daniel Avidan, you dirty bastard!” He was laughing, incredibly embarrassed. The two of them, in sync, leaned closer and shared another kiss, Dan snaking his arms around Arin’s waist. Arin tilted his head as they kissed, muffling a quiet moan as Dan gave his sides a squeeze. Dan pulled back and pressed his lips to Arin’s jaw, then slowly moved down to kiss along Arin’s neck. Arin lifted his head, gasping as he felt Dan nibble at the skin there.
“I love you, Arin.” Dan mumbled against his skin. “Don’t forget that.” And Arin nodded, grazing his bottom lip with his teeth.
“I love you too…” He said breathlessly, as Dan pressed his lips against Arin’s neck again to suck at the skin there. He let out a breathless moan, whimpering as Dan left a flushed red mark against his neck. As Dan pulled away, Arin pressed a hand to the side of his neck, sucking in air through his teeth. “Looks like I’ll be wearing a scarf to work tomorrow, huh?” He grinned.
“Is someone embarrassed?” Dan smirked, as he moved to hold Arin’s hands again. He then yawned, feeling the hour of 4am strike him with tiredness. “Dude, I’m fuckin’ exhausted. Can we sleep now?” He asked. Arin nodded, shuffling himself back under the covers and turning away from Dan. Dan raised his eyebrows, flicking the light off. “Did I do something wrong?” He asked gently, worried that he might set Arin off in tears again.
“Spoon me.” Arin mumbled into his pillow. With a soft chuckle, Dan obliged, shuffling down and cosying himself around Arin. He wrapped an arm across Arin’s waist, and he didn’t flinch this time.
Here like this, it was perfect. Their legs became intertwined once again, the two of them falling asleep to the sound of each other’s breathing, as the night faded into dawn.










