We split away from the party, to stuff the seahorse pinata with condoms, candy, and shots of booze out at my truck. I was ovulating, I was energized and so very awaiting this weekend with them. Mr. Vegas leaned against my ride, and I saddled myself across him. “the thing is that I’m jealous of you and Miss. Vegas. That’s always been the thing. Seeing how you can provide for her, you’re older and able, how your family embraces you two, how much style you have leaving everyone cooing in your wake...” ‘Yeah but. I’m jealous of you two also. I think about how she might be better off dating you..’
Back inside I was having luscious discourse with their local GF, she and I were covering ground I hadn’t touched with Mr or Miss actually.
I’ve gotta say though, airing out that very basic premise, that he has the gal, the one I’ve pined for and (yes, fortunately) maintained a relationship with, was fucking...soothing. That the super stud gets jealous of me?! Hearing that from his mouth summoned even more understanding for the scenario that was four lovers in a midwestern town gettin’ down. God dammit. He acknowledged that this weekend could go essentially two ways, and that he had expected it to go in the positive direction and told me I knocked it out of the park. Lord knows I tried.
I reached out to Troy when I learned she was coming with them, I vocalized how it was good I was going to finally meet the GF after two or five failed attempts when I’d been in Vegas prepared to get the intro out of the way and she would bail at the last minute. He held space as I remarked about how “maybe this time, since she’s coming to meet the whole tribe, she must be open to meeting me” “I guess I just have to adjust my expectation of intimacy with them over their stay” He did a good job assuring me that, yeah, she probably is in a better place to meet me and the other relevant figures in their world.
In the not quite year I’ve been back home I’ve had a hard time spinning all the plates. You know, the play plates, and work plates, and physical health plates? Anticipating their visit I’ve made very deliberate efforts to get to a janky and local gym. Yeaaaah it took a vain prerogative to get on my exercise game, but I feel so much better integrating this ritual into my world here. And I felt good meeting their girl. -It came up when they visited me in BC, this aspect that what they’d had with her had a heavy influence on the sexual side and that what we’ve got -at least from Miss’s mouth- is more intimate. And man. It’s true.
Our relationship is way more context driven than sexual based these days. I mean. When I was 19 and floating in and out of their place there was essentially sexual terms tying us all together. Now though, we communicate. And when they’re back in Oklahoma I feel included and affiliated with them. and. Jesus. Is vindicated the word even? The word for how we don’t hold back hip squeezes and smiles in public? His brother knows, most of our buddies know. I made plans to sleep at Troy’s anticipating they’d want privacy and Mr. told me I was welcome to stay at his folk’s place. Miss came to bed with me and the local GF and he held down the other room. It was remarkably easy embracing the visit and their partner. She’s a honey, and taking her in left me feeling like I must be alright too, keeping some of their attention.