#olddiarypost

[babaengnilokomo]

Fake it till you make it.

[babaengnilokomo]

My finn.

I used to blog about him in my previous blog. And re-reading those posts makes me long for him all over again. Not because I want him back, but because of what he used to make me feel. I am so darn happy that time. I know I’m being stupid again for feeling this way, but I know I’ll get over with it.

I never thought he would cheat on me. For three fucking times. I let the first one go just because I fucking love him so much. And I was too stupid for letting him do it for the second time and so motherfucking stupid and crazy for letting him do it for the third time.

But then one day, I woke up. I woke up realizing how shitty our relationship has been, and how shitty he is for me. Then the next logical thing to do is to break up with him, and I did.

And now, he wants me back. After being wasted for days, fucking different girls for days, he begged me to get back to him.

I hate him so much right now to be honest. For being so stupid; for lying to me; for hurting me so much; and for acting like a douchebag rather than proving to me that our relationship is worth fighting for, like what he used to tell me. I fucking hate him right now and I just really need to get this off my chest. It’s so damn hard hating him, and still loving him at the same time.

[babaengnilokomo]

No matter how many times I tell myself to just fucking move on..

I can’t somehow manage to do it. My heart still screams for you. You’re all I ever want and it is too depressing knowing that we both fucked it all up.

[babaengnilokomo]

How to fucking unlove a person?

Because loving him hurts too much.