“I was running through a field to your house and saw you with your new girlfriend... You were having what seemed like a gathering and I screamed through the window “You asshole, you hurt me and I was the first! You will never be able to forget me!” But I guess I’m the one who couldn’t forget you. Suddenly your girlfriend came outside trying to catch me and so I ran, I was hopping fences running away from you into this mysterious park. You were running so fast behind me that when I ran to hide in the playground you popped out from this little tube tunnel thing. I jumped and pushed myself back against the wall... You said “what are you doing here!” your tone of voice sounded sincere yet angry. I responded by saying “I was the first one you can't let her take my spot, you can't let her cross my name out... I love you, I always have.. Promise me she won't take my spot!” You looked at me with an upset look, tears built up in your eyes and your lips frowned, I could see the wrinkles form on your forehead from the stress. You told me you would promise me she wouldn’t but that I had to be happy for you and her an order for things to get better... I cried to you, I grabbed your face and gazed deeply into your eyes as the tears slowly dripped down my cheeks... I told you I couldn’t forget but I’d try my hardest to be strong and happy for you... You put your forehead against mine and told me I’ll always be number one, that I’ll always have a special part in your heart.”
Hearing you say that in my dream tore me apart, I know you’ll probably never love me again, you probably will never think about me, and I won’t ever be in your heart again... Is it over? Yes, but I don’t think I want it to end.. I just want to be your last first kiss... I’m happy you found love again, but I want to be the one loving you at night... You fucked me up, so bad! I can’t fucken love again because of you, you took my heart and abused it’s purity.. You hurt the only thing good about me. Tonight I listened to a song you liked and I passed by where you and I would sit... I couldn’t help but get the flashbacks of us. The person you are today is the person I would want to stay with. But writing this and thinking it makes me question if that’s truly what I want.. I can’t say we were always fine and dandy since we fought so much and you were verbally abusive with me. But we were just kids! We didn’t know better and we were so crazy about each other that it broke us. But it sucks you didn’t even want to give me a second chance three years later, I miss talking to you. I just want to see you and hear the rhythm of your voice tingle my ears. I need my closure and you won’t ever be brave enough to give me it. You left me to cry, you left me through text and you hurt me so bad, you hurt my heart, and you hurt my soul. I saw the milky way in your eyes, I saw the love burning throughout your ora.. I felt your warmth and you decided to leave me cold, blue, hurt, and dead. I am now unable to ever love because of you... I deserve my closure! I deserve to see you.. I deserve to be able to love. I shouldn’t be sitting behind my computer screen tearing up about someone I thought I stopped loving two years ago.. I dreamt about you and now I am mixed up about my feelings for you... I wonder if you dream of me sometimes, or I ever cross your mind, I probably don't but I wish I did. I just want you to feel the hurt. Who knows if you even feel hurt or it saddens you in the slightest bit. You’re happy now with a girl I’ll forever try to be because I am only a car girl. I want tattoos like her but we listen to the same music and we have similar interests, I’m just little old me. You burnt my leafs, but seasons change and I’ll grow new ones eventually. I was misguided but I see that I’m no better then her and I’ll have to accept that. I just wish you talked to me once in awhile, grabbed a coffee and just relaxed for a bit. I don’t bite, I just desperately want to see you. I’ve lost my heart and I need it back. So please, you have hers now give me mine so I could move on. You should be ashamed of yourself, I can’t feel love. I just want to love & get you away from my mind. We were old lovers.. That love will never leave me no matter how hard I try.
