Bianca goes over to Eli’s place for a smoke, but things turn more serious than she had planned.
Bianca stared down at the bag in her hands, containing a few joints that she'd had sitting around and just hadn't smoked. "What the hell are you doing, Bee? Why torture yourself like this... why'd you have to text him?" She mumbled to herself, chewing on her bottom lip. This was ridiculous, Eli was her best friend, the two used to hook up, that's it. Except, it was more complicated than that and she knew it. She had started to fall for him and just the thought of having feelings made her sick. Somehow, she had to get over them, feelings were stupid and pointless. Stuffing the bag into her purse, she huffed out a sigh before shoving her feet into a pair of sneakers and walking out of her room, determined to get out of the apartment before she went crazy with her own thoughts. The brunette drove in the direction of Eli's place, noticing her heart rate picking up the closer she got to his house. Stupid. Ridiculous. She needed to stomp these feelings now. She parked her car out front and went to knock on the front door. As it opened, she smiled, sauntering passed him and into his house, "Lucky you, you've got me alone and..." Bianca pulled the bag containing a couple of joints and held them up, "You've got the finest weed, rolled and ready to be enjoyed." She giggled softly as she teased him.
Eli: tossed his cell phone aside and let out a loud noise from the back of his throat as he laid back onto his bed pulling at his hair in an almost frustrated way. He looked up at the ceiling of his bedroom with his palms facing the comforter. He was in full blown panic mode until, he shot up in a sitting position suddenly. They were friends, why was he making such a fuss about their hanging out? they’re friends that hung out all the time, in a group with the other of course, he doesn’t remember the last time they hung out together just one on one, but as he sat there rubbing his temples he did remember, it had been when she rejected him. She had rejected him with no explanation and they’ve never hung out alone together since. He cursed to himself as he stood up with his phone in hand again. Maybe he should call her, tell her that his parents suddenly came home and they would have to take a rain-check until the rest of the outsider could attend, but there was a knock at the door and he once again tossed his phone with a whisper shout of a curse word. Eli forced himself down the stairs, forced a smirk on his face and opened the door like he hadn’t just been freaking out in his room just moments ago. Eli shut the door after her and slightly chuckled at her words, “Let’s have 'em then.” He said.
Bianca glanced at Eli before she continued to slowly walk farther into the home, she hadn't been here in awhile. She passed by the living room where a couch sat, and she could remember them together, horizontal on the couch, full on making out. And more. Looking away, she just shook her head, wondering if her cheeks had turned pink as she remembered those times. Looking back at him, one of her eyebrows rose, "Well, where did you want to enjoy them? Your room? Cause I mean, I know how just irresistible I look when I'm on a bed. I wouldn't want to tempt you." The girl bit her bottom lip as she teased him. That was the thing about Bianca, she was almost too good at hiding her thoughts and feelings, she turned into a full on actress tonight. But inside her heart was clenched and beating fast, her head was swimming with memories of them alone together, but she had to keep reminding herself that it had just been hook ups, none of it had meant a thing.
Eli: scratched the back of his neck as he glanced at the stairs as he pondered about her words. Going to his room could lead to something but then again so could staying down in the living area as it’s proved before that just as much could happen on a couch as it could a bed. He eventually came to the conclusion to stay downstairs after a few more seconds of thought, it was roomier down there anyways. Without much of an answer except a bit of a sound from the back of his throat, He laid down on the couch and he held his hand out, moving his fingers back and fourth to tell her to pass him the bag.
Bianca turned to look at him, her eyebrows raised. After a moment, he disappeared into the living room and she followed with a laugh. She watched him lay down on the couch and she rolled her eyes, a big smile on her lips. Throwing the bag at him, she playfully said, "Needy boy, using me for my weed." She giggled as she took a seat on the floor, her back against the couch he was laying on. The brunette pulled a lighter out of her purse prepared to light his joint for him. She played with the lighter, watching as a flame appeared and then disappeared as she turned the wheel of the lighter. Glancing over at him, she smiled softly to herself, hating how perfect he looked to her, "So, what have you been up to these days?" She tried, reaching towards the bag she had thrown at him and plucking a joint from it for herself. Honestly, she needed it right now, her heart was nearly in her throat and her head felt crowded with too many thoughts. Bringing it to her lips, she lit the end and breathed in, filling her lungs with smoke.
Eli: lazily opened the bag and grabbed one out for himself before throwing the bag and it’s remaining joints at the girl, “Yeah yeah.” He said waving her off. Eli moved so he was lying on his instead of his back, so he could snatch the lighter from her. He laid back in his original position lit the joint and passed the lighter back to her. Taking the first inhale and then letting it out, he said, “I don’t know. School, I guess. Trying to get a job.” He moved his shoulders only slightly as he brought his leg up so his foot was flat on the couch. “You?”He asked.
Bianca smirked, rolling her eyes at the boy. She leaned her head back, resting part of it on the couch and part on his side. Her eyes stared up at the ceiling, watching as smoke rose and disappeared every time she exhaled. Listening to him, she shrugged, "I hung out with Drew the other night. It was a bit... Whatever. But hey, I got free vodka. Can't go wrong there." She laughed quietly, bringing the joint back to her lips and breathing in. As she breathed out, she softly said, "I missed you, Goldsworthy."
Eli: let out a puff of smoke, making circle shapes and eventually made a face when he heard what Bianca said, “Drew?” He asked, “As in Drew Torres to argues with over pineapple?” Eli shook his head with a chuckle, “Did he argue with you about some sort of fruit too?” Eli inhaled, letting the the smoke fill up his lungs. “Free vodka is always a perk.” He agreed. “You just saw me at school, how can you miss someone you just saw?” He laughs a bit.
Bianca turned her head to look at him, her eyebrows knit together in confusion, "Fruit? What the hell are you talking about? Is this just the weed talking?" She laughed softly and then she shook her head, "No, we did not argue about fruit, ya freak. It was basically just like every night I spend with a guy." She shrugged, bringing the joint to her lips once more and inhaling deeply. Her eyes closed and she let the smoke sit in her lungs for a moment more before exhaling gently. Opening her eyes, she looked in the opposite direction from where he was, resting her head on his thigh and just staring at the wall, "Seeing people at school is different, but yeah, whatever. You're right. Probably just the weed talking." She shrugged, making up the excuse before taking another hit. She still had no idea what she was doing, but she was just trying to ignore her confusion.
Eli: pouted a bit, “No! this is not just the weed talking, he actually argued with me over the fruit, I swear it.” He said putting his hand over his heart, laughing some. The dark-haired boy turned on his side again and leaned his chin on her shoulder, “Sorry, B.” He said then moved back from her. The boy lied on his back and glanced at the back of the girls head, finding it easier to talk to her the long he inhaled and exhaled the joint. “Ugh.” He said, “So many whatevers.”
Bianca narrowed her eyes at him, her smile growing as she began to laugh, "Boys have it so much easier, you just fight over fruit. Girls fight over... everything. It fucking sucks." She rolled her eyes, she had never been very good at getting along with girls, so she usually ran with guys. Though the outsiders did get her to make a few girl friends, she just wasn't very good at being a girl, whatever that meant. Her eyes fixated on a random place on the wall, feeling her eyelids begin to droop. A short laugh fell from her lips and she smiled lazily, "You just sounded like a teenage girl, Elijah. Never again." She took one last hit from her joint, enjoying it till she couldn't anymore. The girl stared at the small stub that was still lit between her fingertips. After a few moments of silence, she spoke up, "You know, when I was with Anson... whenever he couldn't find somewhere to put out his joint or cigarette or whatever, he used to just.. put them out on me. Like it was nothing. And my dumb ass just took it. God, I was such an idiot." She shook her head, shaking herself out of it. Looking at the table beside the couch, she reached for a bowl full of potpourri and put her joint out in it, "It'll give it a new scent." She giggled, placing the bowl back.
Eli: held the nearly gone joint in between his finger as he let out a sigh, “Boy fight over more than fruit, you know.” He said, though he was sure Bianca knew that, “But I’m sure girls do fight over everything.” He eventually said but laughed soon after remembering that time he saw his mouth fight some lady for a belt. Eli glanced at the ceiling then the kitchen arch way then back at the ceiling before making a face, “Sorry.” Eli’s joint wasn’t fully finished, he had no intention on finishing it even though he had so much enthusiasm about smoking it earlier. Eli squished the ends in his fingers, not have any reaction to the slight burn feeling that came along with it and held it in his hand after. Eli looked at her and let out a long quiet exhale before he spoke up, “Anson... Anson’s gone now, Bianca. You don’t have to worry about him doing that to you ever again.” He said in a quiet tone, not really knowing what else to say, he wasn’t good at consoling people in any way shape or form. So Eli was glad when she spoke of something else. “How lovely.” He chuckled pushing his unfinished joint on the table.
Bianca shrugged, "Yeah, but boys just... punch each other and it's over. That's so simple. I punch a girl and all fucking hell breaks lose." She let out a laugh, one corner of her lips lifting into a smirk. The girl was a fighter, in all sense of the word, but girls didn't fight like that and maybe that's one of the reasons she didn't fit in; she just wasn't the same as other girls. Her eyebrows rose and she shook her head, "Oh shit... No, it's fine. It was kind of just a memory that came to me and I said it out loud. Sorry. You can just forget it." She waved it off, not wanting to make him uncomfortable with stories of her past. Letting out a sigh, she rested her head back on the edge of the couch again, biting on her bottom lip before speaking, "So before... when we were hooking up and shit... what was that to you?" Her face suddenly flushed pink, that was a horrible way of putting that and she mentally cursed herself.
Eli: nodded to let her know he understood. He’s seen it happen before, in real life and all over movies and television shows. Maybe that’s where girls got it from, but maybe he was just some guy who had no idea how girls work to understand the origin of the fighting that could last for a very, very, long, long time. Eli didn’t want to push her to talk about anything. That wasn’t his style, he never pushed anyone to talk about something they didn’t want to talk about, so with a sigh he did what she told him to, he forgot about it. He would remember it, but he wouldn’t bring it up to her again, making it seem like he had forgotten about the topic. “Hmm?” Eli made a noise, “You said it. Hooking up, but that’s done now.” He said not saying much on it since he was still incredibly upset over her rejecting him.
Bianca brought her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around her legs and hugging them. Her lips turned down into a frown and she looked away from him when he answered her. She nodded her head before resting her chin on her knees, "Right... That's what I thought." She let silence fall around them, her eyelids drooping as her eyes became unfocused and her mind wandered. Thoughts were floating around in her head, about what she wanted to say and what she should say, after a moment, she chose her words, "Do you wish it wasn't done?" Her voice was a bit softer, she wasn't exactly comfortable even talking around why she had stopped things. Bianca wanted to be confident in this moment, but all she felt was unsure and vulnerable.
Eli: turned his head to the side and looked at her in the position she was in, he wondered if what he said caused her to curl up like that. Shouldn’t he be the one curling up like that? After all Bianca was the one that rejected him and pushed him any and is now asking weird questions about it. The boy sighed and looked at the ceiling again to stop looking at the girl. Eli didn’t speak at first, he was silent in his little thought bubble, but after finding words to say he finally said them, “Yeah...”
Bianca closed her eyes, chewing on her bottom lip and repeating the words she had said in her mind, wondering how she must sound. Her head was spinning from the weed, everything seemed okay even though she knew in her heart that it wasn't. The silence was deafening, but finally he answered and her breathe rushed from between her lips. Opening her eyes, she turned her head and rested her cheek on her knees now, glancing over at him before looking away, "I didn't wanna get hurt..." She whispered, coughing awkwardly before continuing, "I was starting to fall for you and I didn't want to do that to you, to myself. I knew it'd end messy and complicated and painful. So I thought it'd be best to end things. You're my best friend and I care a lot for you, I just did what I thought was right for you." She shrugged, hugging her legs a little tighter now.
Eli: eyes fluttered shut a bit after looking at the ceiling of his living room, staring at it being boring for him. his arms raised and covered his face a few moments after, this conversation becoming all too much for him to handle in the state he was in. No matter how much he wanted to look over at her he didn’t his mind just didn’t let him move and so he stayed put with his arms over his face and his eyes shut as he listened to her speak. “You’re right.” He said, “It was right for me.... I’m flattered you were starting to fall for me, but I don’t feel the same way.” He said which was the truth now, but when they had been hooking up he’d be lying if he said he didn’t like her at all. “And besides.. I’m a shitting ass boyfriend, just ask my dead ex girlfriend.. oh wait.” He said after a minute or two, feeling like all the air had been pushed out of his lung and something heavy was lying on top of him stopping him from regaining his breath.
Bianca heard him, felt the rejection, and despite her best efforts, her eyes began to fill with tears. She didn't cry, especially over a guy, but she was in a vulnerable position and she had no idea what she should do now. She lifted her head, shaking it as she looked away from him, "Don't fucking start that, Elijah. I've slept with... a lot of fucking guys and never once did I feel a thing for any of them... You're special, more special than you realize.. Terrible things happen, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't keep living your life and try to find some happiness. I get it, I'm not the one or whatever, but someone out there will make you happy, just like you deserve to be. Stop living in the past and torturing yourself, Eli. You can't change what happened and I'm so sorry, but.. you're such an amazing person. You're so kind and sweet, you're funny and great to be around.. Just give yourself a chance to live fully in the present..." Her shoulders shrugged, her voice was thick with sadness, but also admiration for him. No tears had fallen, and she'd be damned if any did.
Eli: still with his arms over his face and his eyes closed continued listening to the girls words and he felt them hit him like a tonne of brinks. He didn’t know what to say. What could he say to that after it left him so speechless and emotional. How was she able to say all these things about him and see all these things in him when he couldn’t himself. “I think you should go.” He said, it being the only thing his mind was able to come up with, “I’ll supply the weed next time.” He said still not moving his hands from arms from his face.
Bianca closed her eyes for a moment, pressing her lips together when she heard him, "Whatever you want, Eli." She whispered softly. Pushing herself up off the ground, she looked down at him with a sad expression. Leaning down, she cradled his head with her hand and kissed the top of his head, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do this.. I shouldn't have said anything." She lingered for another moment before kissing his head again and then pulling away. The brunette grabbed her bag and brought the straps to her shoulder. Her feet were slow and she stopped in the living rooms doorway, "Call or text me if you need me, okay? Just because..." She paused before changing her words, "I'm always here for you. Just.. you're not alone." After another beat, she disappeared from the living room and made her way towards the front door, her vision blurring with each step she took, but these were tears of anger, not sadness. She wished she hadn't said anything, but she was used to messing things up at this point.
After Bianca is told by Eli to leave the hospital, she finds a bit of energy left in her to go do one more thing before retreating to her place.
Baggy sweatpants. A wrinkled t-shirt. A zip up sweatshirt. A pair of old sneakers. That's what Bianca was wearing, that's what she had been wearing for a few days now really, as she aimlessly walked out of the hospital. Her eyes were swollen and raw, an angry red color from all her crying and rubbing at them with her hands. Her body was weak, much thinner from lack of nutrition. Her hair was limp and greasy. Her lips were dry and lacking in color. She looked sickly, as if she should be in a hospital bed herself. The girl hadn't left the hospital since she arrived with Eli, though she had eventually changed out of the bloody clothes she had on at the time. She couldn't think, couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, couldn't even move from the waiting room. That was, until Eli woke up. She wasn't expecting him to ask her to come in, she wasn't expecting much, but being asked to leave still stung somewhere deep inside her empty frame.
Shuffling her feet, she found her car, the front passenger seat stained with Eli's blood. The sight only made her burst into tears again, pressing her forehead to the car window. She hadn't mean for this to happen, she hadn't mean to ruin everyone's lives. Bianca had never felt such pain in her life, but she deserved to feel it all and that's why she refused to drown her sorrows in alcohol or drugs. She was going to feel every last bit of pain until she either moved on or offed herself. Getting into the car, she gripped the steering will and got a sudden jolt of something. Unsure of what the feeling was, she used the energy to get herself going. Starting the car, she left the hospital for the first time in days and drove straight towards the scene of the crime, her eyes glossing over with something uncontrollable.
Bianca parked her car and slammed the door as she got out of the car, wanting him to know that someone had arrived. Storming up to the door, she let herself in and started screamed his name, over and over, calling for him to come out. The moment she laid eyes on him, she went up to Anson and shoved him hard, "You fucking pussy! You can't fucking control your little temper tantrums and you shoot someone! You fucking moron, learn self fucking control! We made a deal!" Before she could continue, his eyes grew angry and he came at her. He was bigger, and stronger, but she had an unimaginable fight in her. She took hits and hit him right back, the two moving around the hallway. Even though she knew she was taking a lot of bad hits, she felt nothing but anger as she hit and kicked and kneed and punched and shoved and slapped right back. After a few minutes, Anson through her back against the wall and when she recovered, the two stood staring at each other her. Blood was dripping from every cut on each of their bodies, bruises already forming, along with welts. With her chest heaving, she spat out blood onto his floor before speaking in a low tone, "Our deal, was you hurt nobody I care about or even know. You broke that deal Anson. I'm done here. Let. Me. Go." She spoke the last words through her teeth, watching him as he watched her. The man stood up straight and smirked, "I'll think about it. Get the fuck out of here, B."
For a moment, she stood in disbelief, and then the pain of her injuries set in and she groaned. Seeing a glass that most likely was filled with beer, but sat empty now, she grabbed it and threw it at the door he had disappeared behind, screaming at the top of her lungs. Then, she simply turned and left out the door. Her body was in pain, but her anger at Anson was gone for now. She was going home to an empty bed and her severe guilt, something she wasn't entirely sure she could handle.
Getting home, Bianca limped her way into the apartment and to her room. She peeled off every layer of clothing as she made her way to the bathroom. Starting the shower, she climbed in and let the hot water sting her new cuts and bruises. Achingly taking a seat on the bathroom floor, she curled herself into a ball and let the water wash over her exhausted body. She couldn't help but start to weep, it had become habit lately, picturing Eli as she closed her eyes. Nothing was worse than what she had done, she knew she couldn't keep doing this to good and innocent people. Maybe it was time for her to cut all ties, become a true Outsider.
Eli finally learns about Bianca's job and she learns about what's going on at home with Eli, but as new things come to light, the old is no longer welcome.
Bianca
shivered as she stepped out of her car and onto the pavement. Her heels clicked as she hurriedly moved towards her usual corner, the place she knew one of Anson's guys would be as 'protection,' not that any of them ever really protected her. She wrapped her arms around herself as she walked up to Anson's lackey, giving him a dull expression, "You can go be warm in a car like I know you want to, I don't give a fuck." The man laughed, gave her a once over and then walked to his car parked in the alleyway. The brunette turned to face the street, only a few of the street lights even working. Her body was tense as she tried to not freeze as it lightly snowed on her. Watching as a car pulled up to the curb, she leaned down and began speaking with the man inside the car, knowing Anson's lackey would soon be by her side to negotiate cost.
Eli: threw his hood over his head as he pushed the door open to the corner store. He exited with a bag of junk food he would later regret but didn't care about just now. He was quick to get back in his mothers car since he wasn't too keen on the cold and the snow and just winter in general. He threw the bag in the back seat and put the keys in the ignition. Eli put the car in drive and as he went to get back on the road something caught his attention or more like someone. It wasn't uncommon, he's seen girls on corner before, it was Toronto after all but this girl looked familiar. However, he couldn't place his finger on whom it was because of the snow. He was determined to figure it out though. He drove closer, taking it slow. Then he saw her and he couldn't believe his eyes. "Are you shitting me." He muttered to himself.
Bianca spoke with the man in the car, but she could tell this was his first time and he had no idea what he was doing. As Anson's lackey came to the window, she backed up and waited. The girl crossed her arms and looked up just as another car began to slowly inch it's way towards her corner. Her eyebrows knit together, squinting at the bright headlights. Sighing, she nudged her pimp for the night, "This guys a no, just send him on his way. There's another car coming." He nodded and the first car was soon driving away. She gave her signature smirk, the one that never made it to her dead eyes, and motioned for the other car to come closer. As it did, she caught sight of who was in the car and backed away, shaking her head, "No, not him." She demanded to Anson's lackey. It was Eli, he had to have seen it was her or he never would have pulled up to the corner. She refused to make eye contact with him as she forced herself closer to the car, "Get out of here." She barked in a low voice. Even though she had been naked in front of Eli, she felt completely uncomfortable with him seeing her dressed as she was. She clenched her jaw, hoping he'd soon leave.
Eli: didn't know how he felt. There were so many emotions running threw is body that he couldn't pin point the most dominate one. He glanced at her and he was sure the concern and shock could be seen like it was the brightest day of the year. "What are you fucking doing?" He said matching her tone of voice. He knew what it was, he wasn't an idiot. He was hurt that he didn't know about her doing this until he randomly came upon it. He was hurt and angry and concerned, shocked and confused. He wasn't leaving until she got in the car with him and got off this gross corner. "Get in the car." He told her in a demanding voice, wanting nothing but answers from his best friend.
Bianca finally made eye contact with Eli, giving him a venomous expression, but per usual it didn't make it to her eyes, "What does it look like I'm doing, Elijah? Waiting for a fucking bus?" She spat, glancing back at the other man who was hovering, but letting her do her job, or so he assumed. Her eyebrows rose and she looked at him with complete disbelief, "You really think I can just get in the car? I'm here till 2am, dumb ass. So just fuck off, we can talk about it later." It didn't matter that she wanted to get in the car, be in the safety of his presence. She had a job to do and consequences if she didn't do it.
Eli: shook his head. "No, But I'd rather that than you working the fucking corner." He spat back while keeping his voice low. The boy sighed and looked at her. Eli doesn't know how this whole working the corner thing worked, he's not stopped at one ever. He's never had a reason to want to stop at one until now. He wanted nothing more than for her to come with him. "We need to talk about this /now/." He said gripping the steering wheel. "Do I need to pay this guy or something for you to be able to come with me?" He said with a glance at the gross looking guy near by.
Bianca rolled her eyes and clenched her jaw, mumbling to herself before letting out a large huff and looking at him, "Well, life's not one big perfect dream, we don't get what we want. At least I don't." Her shoulders her tense, hell, her whole body was tense as she leaned against the car door and spoke through the open window to him, "Why now? It can wait." She insisted. Bianca shook her head and looked at him in disgust, "You will not pay for me, Elijah. That is not happening, that will never happen." Her eyes cast downward and she took in a large breath before sighing it out, "I'm off in less than 2 hours, so just go home. I doubt in 2 hours you'll even give a shit."
Eli: glared a bit "You don't need to tell me that," He said and held onto the steering wheel a bit tighter, referring to mostly himself."I already know." He licked his lips and swallowed. "Why? So you can prolong telling me the truth even longer?" He said, it coming out bitterer than he intended it to. He sighed "Fine..." He said after a minute. "I'll leave. But you're fucking crazy if you think I don't give a shit about all of this.
Bianca 's eyebrows knit together for a moment, studying him with her eyes. She glanced back at Anson's lackey, who seemed to be growing impatient, before sighing and looking at Eli, "There's not much to tell." She gave a shrug. After a moment, she heard as he gave in. The brunette just shook her head and let out a bitter laugh as she pushed away from the car, "If you really gave a shit.." She shook her head again, "Nevermind. Just.. Whatever you say, Eli." She replied sarcastically, "Just go." She gestured towards the road, backing up from the car.
Eli: rolled his eyes at the girl, "Now you sound like me" He let go of the wheel and rested his hands in his lap. "Things aren't going to get better if you keep keeping stuff to yourself." He said. Eli took a glance at her and let out a frustrated sigh. "Bianca... If I really gave a shit, what?" He said a bit louder than how he had been speaking before. "You wanted me to leave, now that I've agreed you're acting like this." He rubbed his face and reached out to pull her back to him "What do you want?""
Bianca gave him a shrug, "Guess you're rubbing off on me." A bitter tone still in her voice. She bit down on her bottom lip and just looked up towards the sky, "Thing is, people know, it's not like I've kept this all to myself." As she backed away, she heard his voice get louder and she sucked in a breath, knowing her pimp for the night would step in soon enough, "Keep your voice down, Elijah." She demanded in a quieter voice. When he caught her back the arm, she allowed him to pull her back to the car. Leaning down once more, she frowned, her eyes beginning to brim with tears as she whispered, "I want to go with you." She couldn't look at him as her face grew hot from embarrassment.
Eli: shook his head sadly, "You kept it from /me/. After all the shit I kept from you I thought we moved past the part of our friendship where we didn't tell each other things and were honest instead." The boy put his hands up and said, "Sorry." His voice much quieter and completely apologetic. Eli breathed through his nose heavily and nodded, he brought a hand to her chin to make her look at him and he gave an almost smile before saying, "Then get in, fuck your /job/ and get in"
Bianca sighed, closing her eyes as she just listened to him and tried to keep her emotions in check, "There was never a good time to tell you. I didn't know how. It was easier just to not tell you." She opened her eyes as she moved closer and brought her face near his. Feeling his hand on her chin, she rolled her eyes, but allowed him to make her look at him, "Just give me a minute." She slowly pulled back, reluctant to move away from him. The girl turned and walked towards Anson's lackey who looked beyond annoyed. She spoke with him, begging him to let her off early, "Come on. I've already had 3 customers tonight, that's more than enough. And I'll work an extra night. I'm fucking tired." After a few minutes of arguing, he let her go and she hurried towards Eli's car and got in. Bianca couldn't look at her friend, she just sat quietly in the passenger seat.
Eli: just looked at her "Yeah.. and instead I found out this way." He muttered. "Okay." He said, hands going back to sit in his lap as he waited but listened carefully as Bianca and the guy argued. The moment she got in was the moment he put the car back in drive and drove off quickly before her door was even shut fully. "Are you going to start talking." The boy asked coming to a stop sign. He continued after looking both ways to find it was clear.
Bianca cringed as he sped away so quickly, she was barely in the car when he did. She stared at the car floor, her tense body shifting slightly before just settling with being uncomfortable, "I don't know what you want me to say." She picked at the skin around her nails, letting the sting as she picked too much distract her from everything else she was feeling, "I work for Anson. What more is there to talk about?" She shrugged, "I've been on that corner for months now. It's normal."
Eli: stayed quiet as he listened to her and continued driving. He didn't know where he was even driving too, it's not like he would take Bianca to his house, not while his dad was there, drinking until he collapsed. Eli pulled cleared his throat and glanced at her for a moment before looking at the road again. "Why?" He asked. "Why are you working for this guy?"
Bianca looked over at him and thought for a moment, "It's a long story." She warned him with a sigh. Sitting back in the seat, she absentmindedly scratched at her palm and dug her nails in, "A few months ago, Maya came to me asking where she could find Anson and Vince. I obviously couldn't tell her, but she kept insisting that she'd find them. I didn't want her going alone, so I brought her to them, you know.. she wanted revenge, I can get that. She ended up destroying a good amount of their merchandise. I had to make up for her mistake or everyone at Degrassi would be in danger because of me... again. So, I started prostituting myself and now, well, Anson is attached to me. I leave, he hurts innocent people I care about. So there you go." She shrugged nonchalantly, staring blankly out the front car window.
Eli: didn't know what to say, or what he thought about it, or how to react to everything she had just told him. All he knew is that he had to pull over, there was going to be no way he'd be able to continue this conversation with her and drive them some place safely. "I don't know what to say." He said to her and let out a breath.
Bianca looked over at him curiously as he pulled the car over, her eyebrows knitting together, "Did you pull over just to say that?" With a roll of her eyes, she simply shook her head and looked out the window beside her and away from him, "God, Eli, you don't have to say anything. You asked, so I told you. Zig knows. Jake knows. Frankie knows. Maya knows. Luke basically knows. Now you know. And shit is still the same, so just keep driving." She motioned with her head to the road ahead.
Eli: ignored her comment and noticed then that his hands shook a little. And that's when the dark-haired boy knew what he felt mostly right now was anger. He wasn't mad at Bianca, just the entire situation and the way he found out. He chuckled lightly and got back out onto the road, it wasn't like anything was funny either, it was more of a bitter kind of sound. So he drove, he drove until he stopped where Bianca was staying without saying much to the girl. He put the car in park and finally said " Don't you want out?" He referred to the job, not getting out off the car.
Bianca closed her eyes as tears sprang to them, listening to the silence as he drove down the street again. She only opened her eyes when the car stopped moving, noticing he had brought her to where she was staying, which said to her that he wanted her out of the car and away from him. Placing her hand on the door handle, she looked over to him, "No." Her head shook, her eyes wet with tears she hadn't let fall, "It's all I'm good for. Protecting my friends. And serving men."
Eli: undid his seat belt and turned in the seat so he was facing her. He shook his head, a sad expression on his face. "You're not, Bianca." He said, trying to decided whether or not reaching out for her hand would be a good idea or not. "You are more than your.. /job/" He continued. "You are a strong, smart, incredible girl and I think you're selling yourself short."
Bianca clenched her jaw tightly, rolling her eyes to stop the tears. She looked at him bitterly, gesturing toward her despicable outfit, "Please, Eli. Look at me. I know what I fucking am." Her voice was growing louder, but she barely noticed. She was too busy focusing on swallowing back all her emotions, "No one gives a fuck. That list of people who know about me? They haven't done a damn thing, haven't said a damn word. One of them even fucks me. I don't know what fantasy of me you've created in your head, but you need to come back to reality." She quietly yelled at him, not wanting to disturb the night.
Eli: stretched the back of his neck and pushed his lips to one side as she yelled at him. He listened and only felt bad for her more and more. He was upset that all these people knew before he even had a clue about it and no one did anything or has said anything. "I must be a no one then." He said after he decided that she wasn't going to say anything more. "I care about you, Bianca. Why is that so hard for you to accept?"
Bianca looked at him pointedly, her frown deepening, "Oh shut it. You are not no one, Elijah Goldsworthy." She huffed as she sat back, staring up at the car ceiling and blinking rapidly to make her tears disappear before he could see them, "Cause no one else cares. Everyone is wrapped up in their own lives, no one wants or needs to deal with me. How the hell can I believe that you care? I don't want you to care. I know something is going on with you, I will not be another added burden." She pushed open the car door and braced the cold night air.
Eli: licked his lips and let out a long deep breath, rolling the window down after her. "You're supposed to believe me because I'm your best friend." He paused. "I'm going to care about you regardless of whether or not you want me too." He stopped and shook his head, frustrated about how tonight went. "You're not an added burden, you'd never be." He said raising his voice a bit. "You're one of the few good things I have in my life... I really hope you know that."
Bianca got out of the car and slammed the door behind her. She crossed her arms over her chest and started walking towards the apartment building, but stopped short as she heard him yelling out to her. Sighing softly, she listened with her back to him. Her eyes glanced toward the starry night sky, watching flutterings of snow fall before she turned towards him. Gesturing towards the building, she gave him a weak smile, "Wanna come in?" Her smile grew just slightly as tears sprang to her eyes, her voice coming out a bit more choked, "We can talk. Not talk. Whatever you want."
Eli: looked at her for a moment before nodding his head just once. "Yeah, I do." He said, agreeing to her offer. He rolled the window back up, took the keys out of the ignition and grabbed the bag of junk food. Once he was out and next to her Eli held the bag up a bit, "I can't eat this all by myself." He smirked a bit though it turned into a small smile.
Bianca smiled more when he agreed to come in, following him with her eyes until he was beside her. Looking at the bag of junk food, she giggled softly, "You bought all that just for you before? Very ambitious." She smiled, looking into his eyes. Raising one hand, she cupped his cheek, leaning in to kiss the other. Her lips were dangerously close to his as she pressed them to his cheek, lingering just a bit longer than she should have before pulling away with a rose tint to her cheeks now. Quickly, she turned away and walked towards the building with him, leading him up to the apartment she rented from Luke and shared with Jenna. Entering the warmth of the place, she lead him towards her bedroom, which was pretty barren except for the bed, Daphne's bed and crate, a dresser and a TV. Without another thought, she began to undress from the lack of clothes she had on into something more comfortable.
Eli: laughed a bit, "Well I was going to put some away in hiding for when I'm having a cause of munchies but now seems like a better time to eat all of it." He explained, though he was nearly positive his explanation wasn't needed or necessary. Eli stood in place for a moment after she moved away from him. He smiled like a large goof but followed the girl after just a few seconds. Eli shrugged off his winter jacket and threw it where he'd remember to grab it after. He placed the bag of food down and laid on her bed on his stomach. He looked over and saw she was changing, so he averted his eyes momentarily.
Bianca changed into a pair of sweatpants and a tank top, glancing over at Eli as she pulled the tank top on to notice him looking away. She smirked and the smile finally made it to her eyes this time, "Such a gentleman, looking away when I change." She laughed, her tone appreciative and a bit teasing. Moving towards her bed, she laid down on her side beside him and looked at him, "So, any more questions for me?" She wondered with a slight, encouraging smile, "I promise I won't yell this time. It's just hard accepting that you know now, so I was just.. really upset before."
Eli: rolled his eyes playfully at her before saying "I take pride in my ability to be a gentleman, Okay?" He smirked. Eli shrugged, reaching for the bag, but failing to get it on his first try, he wasn't at all embarrassed though. Reaching in he grabbed a bag of sour patch kids and opened it. Taking a red one out of the green bag, he popped it into is mouth. "Only a few." He finally said after swallowing the candy. He offered her the bag as he leaned against the headboard. "Do you really not see yourself as anything other than an object for men?"
Bianca smiled, "I know. I like that about you. I know very few gentlemen." She complimented as she placed her head on one of her pillows and looked up at her friend. She giggled softly as she watched him, the tense feeling in her body ever so slowly fading. Her eyebrows rose when he said he still had questions, waiting to hear just what those were. She shook her head when he offered her the bag of candy, looking from it to him. Rolling her eyes, she huffed, "Yes. I wouldn't be doing what I'm doing if I didn't." She gave a shrug before waving her hand, "Next question."
Eli: pushed his lips together and sighed. He wasn't going to say anything more on that even though he strongly hated that she thought that about herself. And he didn't want her yelling at him again not after she just stopped. He threw more candy into his mouth, not enjoying the amount of sour his mouth was filled with for a moment. "How much longer do you have to do this?" He asked unsure if there was day where she could stop or not.
Bianca kept her eyes on him, watching his expressions and wondering desperately what he was thinking. But that was the thing about Eli, she never had a clue what he was thinking and he never seemed to tell anyone, either. With a shrug, she moved to lay on her back, staring up at her ceiling, "What do you think? Until I'm not wanted or needed. Then I'll really be useless." She let out a short, bitter laugh, wondering what it was like before she was a prostitute, but that just seemed to be too long ago.
Eli: pushed the candy bad aside, deciding he's had enough. And he sighed for what had to be the millionth time that day. "I hope that day comes soon." He mumbled. "Because I hate what you're doing."
Bianca took in a deep breath before turning her head and looking at him. Biting down on her bottom lip, she gave him a lame shrug, "Why?" She asked simply, elaborating a moment later, "Why does it bother you? Why do you hate it? I was having lots of sex with guys before, now I'm just getting paid." She explained, her voice dull.
Eli: swallowed and rubbed his thighs a bit before tilting his head to one side a tiny bit. Eli chewed on the inside of his mouth then looked at the girl. "I care about you, B. That's why I hate it, you're my best friend so I don't think I need more reason than that."
Bianca looked at him before reaching over and cupping his cheek, "You're a sweet guy." She smiled slightly before pushing herself up just a bit so she was sitting closer to him. Her smile grew as she let her fingers run through his hair before she pulled her hand back to her lap and stared at it, "So anymore questions for your friend the prostitute?"
Eli: shook his head a bit at her question, making a slight face at the word though it wasn't that noticeable, he didn't think. "No." He mumbled. "No more questions." He said chewing at his lip until he tasted blood.
Bianca looked at him, studying his features for a few moments before she moved in closer and cuddled to his side. She wrapped her arms around his waist and rested her head on his shoulder, "Then just forget about it for now." She sighed out softly, her body deflating against his, "How're you?" She asked, nudging his jaw with her nose and smiling with encouragement on her face.
Eli: puffed out his cheek as he let out a breath."It's easier said than done... But I'll try." He told her and held her tightly, leaning his chin on her head lightly for a moment before looking down at his lap. The boy smiled ever so slightly when she asked how he was. "Uh." He chuckled lightly and rubbed the spot right under his eyes. "I'm... I don't know."
Bianca nodded, "I know that, but at least for tonight, let it go." She smiled gently for him. When he held her tightly, she felt a warmth inside her she hadn't felt in a long time and her eyes closed for a moment to enjoy it. At his vague answer, she opened her eyes and lifted her head till her nose was brushing his cheek, "Wanna talk? You listened to me. Now I listen to you." She talked softly, her hand rubbing slowly along his side.
Eli: licked his lips and shook his head in agreement, a quiet okay falling from his slightly bleeding lips a few seconds later. Eli shrugged his shoulders, but just barely. "You already know." He stated, casting a look towards her, "I don't have much else to add on to it."
Bianca looked into his eyes when he looked at her, narrowing her eyes before they dropped to look at his lips. Bringing up her hand that was rubbing is side, she gently brushed her thumb to wipe away the blood he had pulled from his lip, "Talk to me, Eli." She whispered softly, bringing her hand to cup his cheek before smiling, "There's more to say, I can tell. I know I kept so much from you, and I'm so sorry. I didn't want you to have to see as anything but strong and tough Bianca. But I know it's still okay now that you know. Everything will be okay if you talk to me, too."
Eli: moved his hand so his rested on top of hers and he sighed deciding it was probably best to talk to her about him since she had already about her. "I think he lost his job." He said but it was barely above a whisper, he wondered if his slight shaking was noticeable and hoped it wasn't. "I don't know though.. I haven't talked to him much since he came back." He sighed. "I don't know." He said again, "I just lost a lot of respect for him."
Bianca kept her eyes on him, making sure he knew he had her full attention. Her thumb brushed his cheek sweetly over and over, frowning as she listened. Looking down for a moment, she swallowed before speaking softly, "Did he... I mean, all you told me was he ran off drunk and angry... I guess I know what that means, I just.. I'm sorry, Eli." She breathed out her last words, looking back up at him, "My father was a drunk.. and a druggie, so I understand... But I don't want him ending up like my father did. We can talk to your mom, get him help together. Okay?"
Eli: shrugged away from her touch and leaned his the back of his head on the wall closing his eyes for a moments. He pulled the sleeves of his long sleeved shirt up to his elbows with a sigh, showing her the deep cuts still recovering from when his dad threw him to the glass covered floor before Christmas. After a while he rolled his sleeves back down deciding that was long enough for her to understand what he was showing her. "Getting him help isn't going to do anything." He said looking at her. "If getting help worked the first time none of this would have happened."
Bianca gently pulled away from him, frowning and looking at her lap. When she felt him moving, she looked back up in time to see what he was trying to show her. She reached over and let her fingertips run over the marks he was showing her. Swallowing thickly, she looked up into his eyes, "Eli.. There has to be something." She sighed, nuzzling her face into his neck and wrapping her arms around his waist once more.
Eli: looked back into her eyes for the first time since he started talking about himself, as this topic was hard to talk about and especially hard to look his best friend in the eye when he talked about it. He didn't like to seem like a weak person. "If he wants help, he's going to have to get it himself." He shrugged like it was no big deal then rested his hand on her arm lightly.
Bianca nodded her head that was buried in the crook of his neck. After a second, she pulled back and narrowed her eyes at him, "Hug me back, you jerk." She teased him playfully with a quiet giggle, "I'm not like this often, so you should cherish it." She looked into his eyes with a smile on her face, "I promise you, Eli, I'll always be here for you. You will not go through anything alone. And if there's another incident, call me immediately and I'll take care of you." She gave him a warm half smile, leaning in to gently rub the tip of her nose to his.
Eli: rolled his eyes in a playful way. "Okay, okay." He said with a laugh falling from his lips as he wrapped his arms around the girl,in a tight hug. He listened to her an nodded his head once "I will."
Bianca smiled and her entire face lit up when she heard his simple laugh, letting her body rest pressed tight to his side. She let her head return to the crook of his neck, holding him and letting him hold her back. After a few minutes like that in comforting silence, she pulled back enough to glance up into his eyes. Before she knew it, she was leaning in and pressing her lips on to his. She kissed him for only a quick moment before pulling away and cringing, "Oh god. I don't know why I did that. I'm sorry. That was so stupid of me." She shook her head in disbelief of herself before looking at him apologetically, "Sorry."
Eli: didn't know what he was expecting, but he wasn't expecting her to kiss him. He wasn't expecting anything at all really. It was quick though, leaving him with barely enough time for the surprise to set in, let alone react to it which ever way it would have went. Eli licked his lips, playing it off as if it were no big deal, "It's uh. It's all good." He said quickly. "Uhm, all good."
Bianca could barely look at him, she was totally embarrassed and confused by her own actions. She glanced at him, but he was too hard to read and his vague response gave her no indication of what he was thinking. Taking in a deep breath, she played with the hem of his shirt and stared down at that as she let the breath out and spoke, "I don't know why I did that, but I'd like to do it again." She shrugged, as if she were being totally nonchalant.
Eli: let out a breath, a long breath. He didn't know anything much anymore. He thought he had things figured out but then certain things happened and now he doesn't know how he feels or what to do about anything. Sure, he could listen to her hinting at what she wanted with him and crash his lips to her and kiss her harder than he ever had before but that would only complicate things. He doesn't know how he feels towards some people and he really didn't know what to do in the moment, he needed to figure things out. "Uh..." He reached behind his neck and rubbed there slightly. "I don't think..." He sighed. "Sorry."
Bianca felt the rejection hit her hard. Everyone seemed to be rejecting her lately. Letting out a bitter laugh, she just shook her head as she pulled away from him, "Right. I guess that's in our past." She moved off of the bed and gestured toward the door, "I gotta go take Daphne out." Finding a pair of shoes, she quickly shoved them on and grabbed a jacket before leaving the room to grab Daphne and her leash.
Bianca seeks affection in the last place she believes she can find it, but in the end, she's just as empty as before. Maybe even more so.
Bianca stared at her phone for a good ten minutes, feeling as if rejection was coming from every single direction in her life. She wasn't sure she could take it any more. It was obviously time for her to completely give up and that's exactly what she was going to do. Jake had rejected her so many times, she lost count. Eli, her use to be friends with benefit, had no desire to add some benefits again. She had no one to run to, no one who cared to have her run to them. Except for one. The girl went into her contacts, deleting nearly half of them because she had no desire to text them ever again, and then she went to the one name she hated.
Bianca: I'm coming over.
She got up and began pulling herself together, trying to look as if she was that strong, independent woman everyone believed her to be. As she was sliding on a pair of heels, her phone vibrated with a reply.
Anson: Can't wait to see you, beautiful.
Her eyes locked on to the reply and stared for a minute before she finally snapped out of it and left her room. The brunette filled her puppies food and water bowl before leaving her behind and making her way out to her car.
Bianca hadn't willingly gone to Anson since their first time in a relationship, when she was too young and naive to realize just who he was. But she needed affection, she no longer cared who it came from. She craved so much to have hands caressing her and arms holding her, as if she were special and loved. She needed lips on her skin, on her own lonely lips. If that meant allowing Anson to touch her, than that's how it would have to be. It was obvious she'd never find anything better, she wasn't good enough for a real man, for a loving and sweet man. Anson was surely the man she'd spend the rest of her life with.
Pulling up to the safe house of Anson, she parked her car and hurried through the cold tundra that Toronto had become. She let herself in, she had a key to the place, of course. Walking through the small place, she made it to Anson's room and leaned up against the door frame, "I was lonely." She told him right away. He looked up after taking a hit from the joint poised between his fingers, a devilish smirk on his lips, "I can fix that for my girl." He got up and made his way to her, roughly wrapping one of his arms around her small waist and pinning her to his body. She winced just slightly, wishing he was a gentle man, but she didn't deserve such a man. He took another long hit, blowing the smoke into her face, "I'll take that loneliness away, baby b." She smiled that smile of hers that never made it to her eyes, but he didn't notice that.
Anson took another hit before crashing his lips to hers and she kissed him right back, her arms moving to wrap around his neck. He seemed surprised by this, but more than excited. She almost never reciprocated in such a way, but she was only seeking affection, she was blocking out the fact that this was the man who carelessly sold her to other men nightly. He threw the short burning stick to the ground and stepped on it before wrapping that arm around her and letting his hands aggressively roam her small frame. Bianca kissed him with need, her tongue invading his mouth and her body softly rubbing against his. He began to lead her back towards the bed, the two falling on to it in a heap of arms and legs. As he rolled on top of her, he looked down at her and smirked, his eyes dark, "Someone's feeling it tonight. My girl is the best." He brushed his thumb across her cheek before reached down and taking her shirt off.
Soon the two were a jumbled mess on the bed, completely naked and ravaging each others skin. Their breathing was heavy and Bianca was so dizzy, she almost forgot who it was that was currently sucking on her neck. Looking up to the ceiling, she felt that dull pang of emptiness inside of her, but she refused to acknowledge it. Suddenly, Anson threw her over on to her stomach, pulling her hips up before positioning himself and shoving himself inside her. The hard slam of his hips into her backside jolted her and she cried out in shock more so than pain. The jolt nearly rocketed her back to reality. This was not affection. This was not love. This man did not care for her.
But that's what she deserved.
With her hands balled into fists, Bianca closed her eyes and let Anson fuck her till he was satisfied. Her body relaxed against the bed as her 'boyfriend' moved off of her and began dressing himself, "Thanks, B. I'll be back later." Her eyes followed him, but she didn't say anything or move, just nodded until he was out of the room and she was alone. She would have cried, but she had no more tears left in her. Instead, she just stared blankly at the wall, her heart aching with such pain, she wished she could feel nothing at all.
Bianca gets a final warning from Anson that pushes her to do something she promised herself she would never do: reach out for help.
Bianca was in the middle of organizing her things in her new and temporary room when she hear a faint buzzing coming from somewhere. Her eyebrows knit together, following the buzz until she finally found the source of the noise: her phone buried inside her purse. She dug it out from the depths of her disorganized bag and pressed the button to light of the screen, finding the words:
New Text Message From The Devil.
Bianca had changed Anson's name to that in her phone a few weeks back, trying to find some way to put some sort of brightness to her dark days. With a short laugh at the name, she swiped across the screen to read the message:
B. Meet me now. Alleyway.
Normally, she'd simply be annoyed over his words, but he normally wasn't so urgent in serious. There was always that slimy humor in his texts, but not tonight and that worried her. Moving towards her bag of clothes, she dressed herself in a pair of skinny jeans and a low cut shirt, she was covered enough, but hopefully Anson would be happy. Grabbing her jacket, she slid it on and slipped on a pair of heels before bolting out the door, purse in hand. She made her way out to her car and got in, speeding towards the alleyway that led to their current hideaway. The brunette didn't like this, she didn't like not knowing what was going on or if he was mad at her. When she got to their meeting spot, she found a space to park her car before getting out. As she walked towards the alley, her heels clicking on the snow sprinkled sidewalk, she wrapped her jacket tighter around her, watching as her breath billowed out in front of her.
Bianca turned the corner and immediately saw Anson standing there, waiting for her. She walked up to him with a dull smile, "What do you need me for?" She asked, almost out of habit by now. Watching as he looked her up and down, she considered taking a step back and away from him, but she stayed in place as their eyes met, "You know, I thought I was just starting to trust you. I thought you were finally becoming one of us, and then... Vince finds out you've been sleeping around. For free. And even worse, you've found yourself a boyfriend." Her eyebrows knit together, first wondering how he even knew any of that, but then she shook her head, "Boyfriend? I think you're getting false information, cause I don't have a boyfriend... Just you, Anson." Her eyes flickered to glance at the smirk appearing on her lips before looking back into his eyes just as he took a step towards her. His arm flung up quickly and his hand caught her by the throat, gripping her tightly, but not enough to stop her breathing. He pushed her against a building wall and brought his face to hers, "Don't fucking lie to me. I saw your texts. You were telling some Frankie that you were in love with a Jake." The girl attempted to shake her head, but his grip was growing tighter around her neck. She choked out a desperate plea, "Please. He's not my boyfriend." Suddenly Anson was yelling in her face, "Damn right he's not! I am, you whore! I own you." She did her best to nod, her eyes welling up with tears from the loss of air. Noticing, he loosened his grip, obviously a sign that he wasn't done with her, so he didn't want her passing out. Her hands were splayed out on the wall behind her, forcing herself not to grab at his hand choking her, that'd only make things worse, "I have no problem finding this Jake, letting him know the situation." She whimpered her body squirming against the wall as he moved in closer to her, "Please, don't. He's done nothing wrong. He doesn't even like me. I'll do anything, just don't go near him." Bianca pleaded desperately, her eyes welling up with even more tears that she attempted to blink away. Pulling his hand away from her throat, she had only a second to catch her breath before his hand slapped her hard across her face, "Bitch! Stop caring about him! Stop caring about all of them! We're your family now, so get used to it." He shoved his knee hard into her stomach and she hunched up, crying out softly in pain. She held her stomach as she leaned against the building to keep herself up. Anson took a fistful of her hair and tugged till they were face to face, their noses touching. His voice grew low and menacing, "Don't fuck up again, DeSousa. Or our deal to keep those freaks safe is out the window." He shoved her to the ground and her face and palms scraped against the pavement. She stayed there, just like that, until she could no longer hear his footsteps.
Slowly pushing herself upright, she looked at her bloody hands before touching her cheek and wincing in pain over the cuts and the bruise his slap to her left. Bianca's hands were shaking as she reached for her phone shoved in her pocket. Her eyes stared at the screen. She couldn't call Eli. Or Imogen. Or Jake. Or Fiona. Or Frankie. Chewing on her lip, she shakily dialed the one number she could think of, she needed someone right now, and she hoped she could find someone to care.
Flashback to when Bianca began her friendship with an Outsider.
Bianca Lenora DeSousa. Everyone knew the name the moment she entered through the doors at Degrassi, mainly because she was a hot mess. She was a 15 year old girl who was tired of her life, she was alone and craved attention and love- though she rarely ever got the latter. But she did substitute love with lust, pretending in her mind that she was wanted for more than her body. That wasn't true, everyone knew it, but she had lost any care she had had in the past. She walked the halls with her head held high, her heels clicking against the floor with determination.
Every guy wanted her, every girl hated her, and she liked it that way. She didn't need friends, she didn't need people in her life who would only use and throw her away when they were threw. She was alone and she was numb by now, so it didn't bother her. One day in class, the young brunette felt the buzz of her phone in her pocket. Sneakily, she slid it out of her jacket pocket and checked the screen. She didn't recognize the number, but that never mattered, all that mattered was the message itself. It told her to meet him outside the boiler room at 1pm. Sending a quick ok with a wink face, she put her phone away and went back to doodling in her notebook.
A few minutes before 1pm, Bianca left class and walked the empty halls towards her territory. No one dared ever go to the boiler room unless they were looking for her, it was her place and she took a sick kind of pride in that. She stood outside the door to the room and began to wait. Her eyes scanned the hallway, for so long that she eventually decided to take a seat on the ground, her back against the wall. Checking her phone, she saw it was 1:20 and was willing to wait 5 more minutes before giving up and leaving. Suddenly, she heard footsteps and looked up to find a guy she didn't recognize.
With a huff, Bianca rolled her eyes, "You're late. I may be here for your sexual needs, but it doesn't mean I'll wait around forever, I ain't that romantic." She bitterly told the boy. Her eyebrows knit together as he held out a hand to her. Taking it, he helped her to her feet and she tugged him towards the boiler room door, but he stopped her, "No, that's not what I want. Just come hang with me, we can talk." The girl quickly let go of his hand and took a step back, laughing, "Oh yeah, cause I'm the talking type. No, the only time my mouth opens is when I'm on my knees." She shrugged, crossing her arms over her chest. Again, the boy held out his hand for her, "Fine. You don't have to talk. Please, just come with me. We can get out of here, I'll buy you ice cream." The girl scowled at him, her eyes narrowed and her stance defensive, "You're not buying me shit, I'm not some charity case." The boy sighed, his arm still extended as he patiently waited, "Fuck. Fine. Only because I'm sick of this place." She walked by him and towards the front of the school, her arms still crossed over her chest. She would never open up to this random kid, but if it meant ditching school, then she was in.
Bianca and Jake spend some time together, but it doesn't end the way either of them were expecting.
Bianca
wasn’t one to take things from people or let others help, but Jake was just so genuine and she liked his company. And she was freezing from the outside in. So going to a nice warn condo sounded nice, Jake was a bonus. She drove to Fiona’s condo, her body shaking and her hands completely numb at this point. The eggs that had been thrown at her car had frozen pretty quickly and it took forever to scrape it all off, the result was basically a frozen body. Parking her car, she walked quickly towards the condo and took the elevator up. Bianca knocked on the door, shivering as she waited, “J-Jake? There is a frozen girl out here.” She giggled, waiting for him to open up and let her in.
Jake was in the kitchen as he waited for Bianca to arrive. Winters in Toronto were frigid and as much as he wished the brunette would take up his offer to move in with Fiona and him, it was her choice and he wasn't going to push it. Living with Fiona let him have a different taste of living and since she came from a family of money, it was a little overwhelming. He saw this fancy machine called a Keurig that sat on the counter and Fiona was always using it since she was such a big coffee drinker. Jake didn't care for it too much but he figured he'd make some just in case Bianca wanted any and it would definitely warm her up. As soon as he plugged it in, he heard a knock on the door followed by the girl's voice. He chuckled to himself as he heard her words and quickly ran to open the door. "Come on in and enjoy the warmth!" He greeted and waited until she was inside. He walked over to the couch and pulled off the big blanket and unfolded it before covering her shoulders with it. "Do you like coffee? I'm attempting to use this thing," he said, walking back into the kitchen and hinting towards the Keurig.
Bianca smiled softly when he let her inside, making her way in, but keeping her eyes on him. She really did love being around him, it was as if positivity just emanated off of him. Her smile only grew when he placed a blanket over her shoulders, mumbling a thank you as she pulled it tight around herself. Following him, her eyebrows rose and she laughed gently at him, "Yeah, I like coffee. Though hot chocolate would be even better." She moved towards the device and started it up before looking through all of Fiona's choices of drink. Finally, she found hot chocolate and stuck it in the top, placing a mug beneath before pressing the correct sized mug. The liquid began to fill the cup and she turned and smiled at Jake, "See? Not so hard." She watched as the cup filled, the shivering in her body started to slowly fade as she warmed in the cocoon of the blanket, "Thanks again for letting me come over. I'm lucky to have a guy like you in my life." She glanced at him, bumping her side into his playfully.
Jake mimicked her smile and couldn't help but feel a bit silly that she had to show him how to work it. "That's it?" He gave her look of disbelief. "Psh, I could've done that then.." he teased, brushing it off. "Besides, I'm not used to this fancy stuff. What's wrong with a normal coffee maker?" He asked, mostly rhetorically. "And it's not a problem. Really. No one should be out there in this kind of weather," he told her and shot her a grin. When the cup was filled with the appriopate amount of liquid, he handed it to her along with a spoon to mix it all. "Do you want to add some milk to it? I always do that just because it adds a nice flavor," he suggested. "Fiona's out to dinner with her mom so I'm not sure when she'll be home... I can make us some food, too if you're hungry," he added. "I'm always hungry but something about the cold makes that increase about twice as much," he laughed as he leaned against the counter.
Bianca nodded her head, "That's it. Seems difficult just looking at it, but actually pretty easy." She laughed softly, side eyeing him, "You're a simple guy, I get it. I like that about you." She gently took the mug from him, her fingers stinging from the sudden warmth, but it felt nice. Glancing up from the liquid in the cup, she smiled softly, "Sure, why not?" She giggled, her smile grower wider. Her gaze shied away as he continued to offer more, shaking her head, "No thanks, I'm not that hungry. As sweet as you're being, you don't have to offer me everything in this apartment, you know. I'm not some homeless person just off the streets.. Well... I guess you could say I am..." Her eyebrows knit together before she shook her head, "What I'm trying to say is I'm all good. I'd just like to sit." After getting some milk in to her drink, she stirred it in as she moved towards the couch slowly. Taking a seat, her eyes lifted and looked at Jake, "You look at me different than everyone else, you know. Like I'm just.. Bianca... It's kind of nice.." Her smile was shy, a bit awkward, too, so she quickly looked down at her mug and took a slow sip before adjusting the blanket hanging on her shoulders.
Jake smirked, "Simple is what I do best." He cocked his head to the side, "Well, I actually ordered a pizza shortly before you arrived so I'm sure once you get a whiff of it, you'll want a slice or two." He followed her over to the couch and took a seat beside her, leaning back into the cushions and he pulled out the foot rest. "You /are/ just Bianca. And I'm just Jake," he reassured her as he placed his hand behind his head. He never understood why people had to judge others for their past, especially since he always liked to believe that people can change. "I know people can suck sometimes but I hope you know that there are some good people in the world who won't judge you and will treat you like a normal human being," he continued. "Are you getting warmer?"
Bianca looked at him and her face lit up with laughter, "Oh great, just what I need, greasy pizza." She curled up into herself on the couch as he joined her, sipping on her hot chocolate. Giving him a shrug, she looked up at him through her eyelashes, "Well, just Jake is a better guy than I've ever known." The brunette kept her eyes on him as he spoke, her eyebrows knitting together as she thought on each word, "I don't necessarily want to think about the people in my life, cause most aren't that great." Leaning forward, she gently placed her half empty mug on the coffee table before easing back again. Wrapping the blanket tighter around her now, she nodded her head, "Yeah, definitely. I can finally feel my fingers again. The feeling of fingers is a great thing, you know." She giggled, flexing her fingers a bit to get them moving, "Hey, can I tell you something? I mean.. as if I haven't told you enough already." One corner of her lips lifted in a bitter smirk. She told him a lot, though she was unsure why, maybe it was because it was getting too hard to keep everything to herself all the time. She needed someone who knew everything, who could just listen some times.
Jake continued to have a grin on his face and let out a small laugh, "A big, delicious greasy pizza that you won't be able to refuse." The boy nodded to himself as he listened to her speak since he understood why she'd feel that way after everything she's been through in only eighteen years. He bugged him when he actually thought about everything because he couldn't imagine having to go through the stuff she did and she didn't deserve it. Not one bit. "Of course. Don't forget about your toes, though. Those are just as important," he replied with a smirk. He leaned up a bit and raised a brow in her direction after hearing her question. "Yeah, I'm all ears." He looked at her innocently as he awaited her response.
Bianca smirked, letting out a short laugh over his words. Her food intake hadn't been much lately, but it only made her appetite smaller and smaller, but maybe she could have just one piece of pizza. Just one. Glancing down at her feet that were hidden beneath her as she was curled on the couch, she giggled softly, "Well, those at least have had socks and shoes to keep them warm." She playfully told him. Lifting her head, she looked at him, her eyes slightly narrowing as she though. All of a sudden, her words stopped, unsure what exactly she wanted to even tell him. Chewing on her bottom lip, she cocked her head to the side and studied the features of his face for a moment before looking down shyly and smiling, "The other day you said I'd tell you if I liked you. So here I am telling you. I really like you, Jake. And it's driving me crazy, cause I don't really know what to do or how to.. like someone. Last time I had feelings for someone... well he chose a princess and I had to keep my feelings to myself and that really sucks, you know? So I decided this time around, I'll just tell you. Even if you reject me or whatever, at least I'll know. At least I won't be tortured keeping it all in." Taking a deep breath, she stopped talking and looked up at him. Quickly, she leaned in and gave his lips a sweet and innocent kiss. When she pulled back, she was looking away and blushing, "I wanted one more kiss from you. You know, before you respond and all." She really was expecting the worst, so she selfishly took a kiss from him before the inevitable hurt that was to come.
Jake widened his eyes a bit, "Remind to give you a pair of gloves before you leave." He was more than likely going to give her more things to keep warm besides gloves but he'd keep that information to himself for now since she'd probably reject the idea. He noticed her pause and assumed she was going to say something serious so he sat up straight and shifted his body to face hers to let her know that she had his full attention. He didn't move much when he finally heard her words because a part of him was totally surprised. And as his own thoughts consumed him, he was caught even more off guard when he found his lips pressed against hers. He kissed her back gently, still unsure of what exactly was going on. "That was uh... wow," he managed to get out his few current thoughts. He racked his brain for a better and more accurate response before opening his mouth again. "Bianca, you're a great girl and all but are you really sure you like me?" He asked, hoping he didn't say the wrong thing. He grew quite fond of the girl during the past few weeks but with all the girl trouble he had going on lately, he didn't want to add another one to the mix. Ever since Jake got the news about having cancer, he avoided thinking about it at all costs and he definitely had no plans of telling anyone but with Bianca's newfound feelings, he was at a loss. "You don't want to like a guy like me... You're just gonna get hurt," he said, shaking his head. "And I've already hurt too many people."
Bianca smiled sweetly at his words, always a bit caught off guard when he offered any sort of kindness. As she waited for his response, she felt a lump of fear grow in her throat and she was suddenly regretting her words, even though it felt better to get them out. Glancing at him finally, she let out a short laugh, "I know it's a lot to take in. You really don't have to say anything.. I just had to." She shrugged. Lifting her head a bit more, she listened and could hear the rejection coming on. Even though she expected it, her heart suddenly squeezed in pain and she swallowed the hurt thickly, "I'm sure, Jake. I don't say something like that if I'm not positive. But again, it's fine, we can forget it." Her eyebrows knit together as he went on with his rejection, though she didn't expect the words he spoke, "A guy like you? Is that some kind of joke? Jake, I've met every guy that should be considered 'a guy like that,' and you are nothing like them. I don't believe you'll hurt me. As a friend or anything, I don't believe you will. You don't have it in you to purposely hurt anyone." The girl almost reached towards him, but stopped herself and simple looked down at the palms of her hands, "I wasn't really expecting anything, I just wanted you to know."
Jake pressed his eyebrows together when he let everything sink in. "Wait, is this why you turned down the offer of living here?" He asked as he put all the words and thoughts together. "Because if that's the case, I can go live somewhere else. I don't want to be the reason you're sleeping in your car." He continued to shake his head, still baffled by everything. "Bianca, there's still a lot of things you don't know about me," he said, trying to explain. "Just ask Katie and Vanessa, they'll tell you how much I hurt them," he added. As much as he wanted to blurt out about his diagnosis, he couldn't. He didn't want pity, especially not from her. "This isn't some sort of rejection because honestly, if certain things in my life were different, things between us could be different but I'm just not in the right place to reciprocate those feelings," he said honestly, taking the girls hand in his. "Please just trust me on this."
Bianca shook her head, "No. I don't take things from people. I don't like to. That's why I turned down the offer. You deserve a nice warm place to stay and that's what you've got. It's all good." She gave him a shrug, looking at him through her eyelashes, "I know that, but I'd like to learn about those things. I don't care about what you've done in the past. We've all hurt people, but that's just the risk those two took for you. Guess I'm willing to take the same risk. You don't define me by my past, I don't define you by yours, whatever that may be." She told him simply. Her eyes began to blink a tad faster as he continued on. When he took her hand, she jumped and pulled away quickly, "I understand. I should probably get going, I'm warm enough now. I don't need to waste any more of your time." She dropped the blanket that was around her shoulders as she stood, grabbing the mug and bringing it to the sink to clean it out. The brunette felt tears causing her throat to feel closed, but she never cried anymore, so she knew she could hold them back.
Jake rubbed his lips together when the girl pulled away and got up from the couch. He did the same and but ran into his bedroom and quickly grabbed gloves, a few heavy blankets and a pillow as the girl washed out her mug. "You're not leaving without these... And you don't even have to leave at all. You're not wasting my time," he told her as he carried all of the items out to her. As much as he knew he should distance himself from the girl, he couldn't, at least not like this. "And your past wasn't your fault," he finally replied but it came out a bit muffled. "You just got unlucky parents and were born into a shitty family. You didn't choose that," he added. He looked at the brunette and opened his mouth to speak but was soon interrupted by a knock at the door. He opened it up to reveal the pizza guy and Jake exchanged the cash for the box of pizza and sent the man on his way. "Now you've got to stay," he smiled, holding up the food for her to see.
Bianca poured out the rest of the liquid in her mug and washed it out before putting in the dish washer. When she looked up, she saw Jake with a bunch of things in his hands. She sighed, shaking her head, "I cannot take anything from you, I wouldn't feel right about it." She held out her hands, palms facing the items, and gently denied them. Her shoulders deflated as she sighed, "Stop trying to convince yourself that nothing in my life is my fault. Regardless of whatever happened in your past, whether you chose the things you did or not, I think you're an amazing person now. Flaws and all." When she heard the knock at the door, she sighed, taking the things out of his hands so he could answer the door, but she placed everything he tried to give her on to the couch. Looking at him, she was at a complete loss, "I don't necessarily wanna leave, honestly." She shrugged, taking her seat back on the couch and simply looking at him with a sad smile.
Jake shook his own head and looked back at her, "I'm not taking no for an answer. If you won't stay here, the least I can do is give you things to stay warm." He continued to insist on helping, no matter how much the girl objected. "I'm not saying that nothing is your fault. I'm just saying that the majority of your past was out of your control," he explained as she took the items from his hand. He carried the box over to the coffee table, placing it right in front of her and then quickly went back into the kitchen to fetch a few drinks and plates. "Good, now eat some food and let's get rid of that frown, okay?" He told her with a smile as he took a seat beside her and opened the box, pulling out a slice and starting to take a bite. "Thanks for the compliment earlier, though," he told her after swallowing the food. "I appreciate you thinking so highly of me."
Bianca glanced down at the blankets, pillows, and other items to keep her warm. Chewing on the inside of her cheek, she stared at the things and felt a new pang in her heart, a more painful one this time around, but she ignored it. Her head lifted as he surprised her with his voice and brought her back to reality. A small smile returned as he placed the pizza box down in front of her. A soft sigh left her lips, her only real form of reply to his comment. The girl brought her legs up on to the couch in a criss cross and leaned back, glancing at him at his words. Her eyebrows knit together and she shook her head, "You've given me no reason to think otherwise. You don't need to thank me for the truth, by the way." She shrugged, chewing on her lip as she stared down at her hands. Bianca picked at her fingers, scratching at the tips of her fingers, at nothing. As she kept her gaze on her fingers, she started to speak aimlessly, "You know how I told you I like to dance? The studio that I work at, they mostly have me teach the beginners, but they're actually giving me an intermediate ballet class to teach. Ballet has always been my favorite since I was little, so I'm pretty excited." Finally looking at him, she smiled gently.
Jake finished his slice and went in to grab another. He got comfortable again on the couch, opened the can of soda and took a large gulp to wash all the food down. "Hopefully you never have to see a bad side or anything that makes you change your mind," he said as he placed the can back on the table. He noticed that she switched the subject to her dancing and he couldn't help but raise an eyebrow in her direction, a bit curious as to where this was going to go. He looked her with a sincere smirk, "That's really great, Bianca. I'm excited for you." He face continued to show excitment for the girl and could easily tell how important dancing was to her just by how she talked about it. "When do you start?" He asked, wanting to know a bit more. "And you haven't taken a slice yet, Miss," he added, nudging her arm slightly.
Bianca shook her head, looking up at him as her head hung down a bit, "Nothing will change my mind, Jake. My mind is pretty set." She left it at that, understanding that it was hard to believe such a statement. She certainly never would. A smile grew just slightly on her lips when she heard him, lifting her head now, "This weekend." She answered, "I remember always looking up to the older girls, and now that's me. It's kind of weird. I'm not much to look up to." The girl chewed on her lip as she looked at the pizza and laughed softly, "Miss? Really?" She shook her head, "I'm not very hungry. You enjoy your pizza." Bianca smiled for him, looking back down at her hands. Maybe she was a little hungry, but she knew she shouldn't eat. It wasn't good for her figure, so says Anson and Vince, not her. When their names popped into her mind, she suddenly remembered that she hadn't checked her phone in awhile and they could be looking for her. Her head lifted and she glanced at her purse that she had left at the entrance when she came in.
Jake he shrugged at her comment and managed to smile to himself while he was chewing another bite. He really did appreciate the comments the girl was feeding and he enjoyed her company in general. He only wished that the things she was saying to him, she'd say to herself and maybe someday start to believe it. "You are, though," he quickly replied to statement. "All these girls know about you is what you show them when you're in that studio. Take advantage of that. I think you'd be an excellent teacher," he continued, making sure he actually swallowed all his food before talking with a full mouth. He couldn't help but frown a bit at her response. "C'mon, just one slice. You won't regret it," he continued to plead, the tone of his voice moving up and down octaves as he spoke.
Bianca smiled, thinking to herself for a moment before she nodded, "You're right. I mean.. the little ones like me. They think I'm great. It's really... surprising, but I love it." She shrugged, her cheeks gently pink with embarrassment over the fact that little kids actually liked her rather than being intimidated or scared by her, "It'll be a little different teaching older girls. I mean.. when I was their age, I was getting into trouble.. dating a guy in a gang. I feel like I'm so much older than them, I've never necessarily felt young." Her eyes looked at him and she smiled before rolling her eyes, "What, is the pizza that good that I have to have some?" She teased him, giggling as her smile slowly but surely grew on her lips. The girl noticed how much of a distraction Jake was, but he was the most perfect distraction, even if it did sting being with him.
Jake smirked back, "See. I'm not the only one who thinks you're pretty great." He nodded a few times when she continued to speak. "Yeah, I get that but you gotta remember that not everyone was as unfortunate as you... And maybe you'll actually come across a troubled girl and you can help her so she doesn't have to go through the same things you did, you know?" He responded, hoping his words of advice were helpful. Jake chuckled and pulled a slice out, setting in one of the plates before holding it close to the girl's face. "Yesss, just smell it. You've got to enjoy the deliciousness," he added as he swirled the plate around in front of her.
Bianca let one corner of her lips lift, but her eyes cast downward. If she was so great, why was she always so alone? She shook her head and lifted it once more, an action that said she wasn't going to cry about the thoughts spinning around in her mind, "Maybe." She shrugged, hoping no one would ever be so unfortunate to live a life of hell as she had and still was. When he held the slice of pizza on the plate in front of her, she couldn't help but giggle before she snatched the plate out of his hands, "Alright, alright. I'll eat. But you have to tell me something." She smirked triumphantly, glad to get the conversation away from her because it was getting to a place she didn't like. Biting her lip, she thought for a moment before smiling and nudging him, "What was Jake Martin's childhood like?" Her smile grew as she looked at him, wanting so much to learn more about him, even more so to just listen to him talk for a bit. Lifting the slice of pizza, she took a bite to show she was holding up her end of the deal.
Jake shot a grin in her direction as she finally agreed to eat. He was a bit surprised when the subject was switched to him but easily obliged if it got her to eat something. "My childhood?" he questioned back, as he let his mind wander to the days that were much more simpler but yet also pretty complicated. He didn't remember much but he figured he'd tell the girl all he could. "Well, it was just me and my dad really. We were really close, he was my best friend, "Jake started, a small smile showing on his face as he began. "He taught me everything... Fishing, camping, how to fix a broken down car and when I told him I was interested in music, he bought me my very first guitar and a beginners book and let me teach myself. He was my hero..." The boy trailed off for a minute and that smile that was there had soon started to fade when his mind took him back to the present. "Then when I got older, about fifteen, things seemed to change... He didn't want to hang out with me anymore and seemed to lose interest in anything that involved me... He even stopped supporting my music," Jake told the girl, looking over at her for a brief moment. He took a deep breath and continued. "That's when he started dating Helen, Clare's mom. And then they got married two years later and things got even worse.... My dad can barely look at me. All he cares about is his new family with Helen and his new step-daughter that he treats more like his own than me. That's why I moved in with Fiona," he concluded with a shrug.
Bianca nodded, giving him her undivided attention. She always did that. Even though she seemed like a tough girl, she cared almost too much for her friends and would listen to them for hours if they wanted or needed. Cocking her head to the side, she silently listened, her warm brown eyes staying on him. Every so often she took a bite from the pizza, but eventually she placed the plate with the half eaten pizza on to the table. She softly smiled, encouraging him to tell her whatever he felt comfortable. When he finished, she looked down for a moment before she moved closer to him before reaching out her hand and taking his hand in her own. Holding his hand tight, she looked up at him and smiled, "Have you tried to talk to him? I would completely confront him, no holding back. You deserve the dad you had when you were younger." Glancing down, she gently let her fingers brush his as she played around his hand. Her cheeks blushed pink as she spoke, "You know what I was thinking? Maybe, if you wanted, you could write a song and I can dance to it. I'll dance ballet, which is something I don't do outside the studio. I mean, when you think Bianca DeSousa, you don't think ballerina, but... you inspire me." She looked up at him through her eyelashes, "Maybe it'll cheer you up?"
Jake smiled gently when he felt her hand on his. It was comforting and it made him feel like she actually cared about what he was saying. He rubbed the inside of her palm gently with his thumb as she let their fingers brush. "Honestly, I'm so hurt by everything that I don't have any desire to talk to him... I just feel like it wouldn't do any good," he told her, rubbing his lips together. "And it's not like he's tried to reach out to me at all," he added, shrugging. Part of him did want to work things out with his father and rekindle their relationship because he really did miss him but at the same time, he seemed too far gone in the Edwards land for that idea to even come to light. His eyes widened when she brought up dancing again and added in the fact of him being apart of the experience. "I inspire you?" He repeated her words back, flattery getting to him. "Wow... Well, I'd love to. I can't guarantee the song will be any good but I'd definitely be willing to try." Jake met her gaze and smiled, "And you just being here is already cheering me up."
Bianca felt the sudden touch of his thumb to her palm and it made her skin tingle with warmth, but she did her best to hide the fact that she enjoyed the subtle touch. Taking a moment, she bit her lip before just giving a shrug, "Maybe one day, when you feel prepared and ready, you can go talk to him. Or maybe he wake up one day and realize he's missing out on your life and missing out on watching you grow into this great guy." She smiled gently, hoping her words weren't just going in one ear and out the other. Her smile grew and she nodded her head, "Yeah, you do. I mean, I've started to tell people that I dance... Or at least that I work at a dance studio. I could never do that before. I guess I just feel a little better about myself with you in my life." Her eyes shyly gazed down at their hands still intertwined, laughing softly and shaking her head, "I bet it'll turn out great. I could always.. show you some ballet, maybe that'll help with the song?" Looking at him again, their eyes met and she smiled for him, "That's all I wanna do." She let out a quiet giggle. Her heart was racing a mile a minute, but she felt calm beside him.
Jake scratched his forehead with his free hand, his mind still roaming. "He has missed out on a lot... Aren't your teenagers years supposed to be the most important? At least that's what I've heard... I guess he just got tired of me like my mom," he replied and barely realized that he mentioned his mother. He shook it off, curious as if Bianca noticed. His mother was a touchy subject to discuss and he hardly brought her up to anyone, not even his closest friends but the brunette must've had a way of making him feel comfortable enough to say it. Even though he was still in a state of shock, he was super happy that he had such a positive effect on someone because that's all he ever wanted to do. "That means a lot... It really does. But I hope you can learn to feel good about yourself even when I'm not around," he said, thoughts of his cancer coming back. "Hey, if you'd be willing to show me your moves, I'm definitely willing to watch," the boy reassured her, his lips curving into a smirk.
Bianca looked into his eyes before responding, "How could anyone get tired of you? Your mom made the worst mistake of her life by not being with you in your life and your dad is making that same mistake. It's not right, and it's certainly not fair to you. I'm really sorry.. You know you're welcome to tell me about your mom. If not now, if you ever just need to get it off your chest, I'm here to listen." She gave him a caring smile, her eyes warm with openness for him. The brunette nodded her head, looking down as she smiled sadly to herself, "I'll try." She wasn't sure why Jake had such an effect on her, but she only wished it'd last forever. She liked feeling okay with herself, but the times she wasn't talking to Jake or around him, she was living a life of pain and she often was numb, it was easier that way. She let out a short laugh, "Ballet isn't all that exciting, honestly. But I've just always enjoyed it most. Whenever you'd like to watch, I'd be happy to show you."
Jake shook his head, "Don't be sorry... Like I told you, we didn't choose our parents. And I appreciate that but there's not really much to say about her." He smiled back at her, the genuine kindness was obviously pouring out of her and he felt so appreciated. It had been awhile since anyone has made him feel that way. "She left me and my dad a few months after I was born," he confessed, looking away as he spoke. "I don't know her name, her age, I don't even know if she's dead or alive," he continued, shaking his head and shrugging simultaneously. "And I've only ever seen one picture of her but who knows how accurate that is now," he mumbled a bit, the topic of his mother making him apprehensive. "Well, Fiona's condo isn't really the place for ballet so how about I just stop by the studio some time and see for myself," he suggested. "But besides ballet, do you know how to slow dance?" He asked, looking over at her.
Bianca felt some sort of connection with Jake, understanding the pain of having parents who abandoned them. She gently squeezed his hand in her own, her eyes growing sad as her voice lowered just slightly in volume, "Sometimes.. it's easier just to tell yourself their dead.. Or that they never existed in the first place. You'll see one day... you don't need them to be happy. You can find happiness in your friends, in your passion." She spoke sadly, but there was a bit of hope in her voice for him. Her own parents were in jail, but she simply pretended that they were dead, it was easier for her to move on that way. A smile appeared once more on her lips and she laughed softly, "That is very true. I.. okay, yeah, you can come by the studio one day." She bit her lip, never having had someone come to the studio, at least not during the day when she was working or practicing. It'd be something new for her, but she'd do it for Jake. Her gaze dropped and she smiled shyly once more as her head nodded, "It just so happens I do know how. Though I'm not sure I'm any good, I'm not the kind of girl a guy slow dances with." She shrugged, her smile dropping a bit.
Jake nodded in agreement to the things she was saying. He was disappointed and hurt by the situation with is parents but he didn't let that control his life. "I know that but thanks for reminding me because sometimes I get carried away in the thoughts and the pain," he admitted as his facial expression turned into sorrow. "That's why I'm glad I have music because it helps so much... And having people like you isn't so bad either," he joked, laughing as he gave her a silly smile. He noticed her stutter a bit but didn't question it, "You just tell me when and I'll be there." Before the girl could oppose, he quickly raised from his seat and held out his hand to her. "Show me how," he demanded with a cheeky smirk. "I'm a terrible dancer so teach me your ways, Miss Desousa."
Bianca smiled, but her eyes showed her sadness, "I understand. I have more hurt in my life than happiness, but I'm still here and I think that says something." She shrugged, hoping it did say something about her, other than she was too stubborn or proud to let anything break her, or at least to show she was broken. She nudged him at his joke, giggling softly, "Mean.. But I'll take it." The curly haired girl smirked, nodding her head and promising to herself that she'd let him into her world of dance. Her eyebrows rose as he stood, a sweet smile spreading on to her lips, "I thought the guy was always suppose to lead in dance, hm?" She teased him as she took his hand, standing up and moving them to an open space. Bianca guided his hands to her hips before gently wrapping her arms around his neck, "It's a bit hard to dance with no music, but we can make it work." She laughed with a big smile, her eyes meeting his.
Jake looked at her with sweet eyes, "And that's something to be proud of, Bianca. That makes you a warrior." He did admire the girl's tough exterior but it was times like this when she let her guard down and became a bit vulnerable that he truly respected her because it showed that she was human and that she felt safe enough to go to that state of mind with him. Jake shook his head playfully when she teased back, "I guess we're changing things up this time." He let her take charge of the situation and he did exactly as was told and placed his hands where they were guided with ease. "As much as I love music, I'm sure we can manage without it for this occasion," he laughed with her and started swaying his body with hers, seeing if he could figure it all out.
Bianca took in a deep breath before letting it out, "I don't know. Maybe I'll be proud of myself one day, I don't know." She shrugged, not feeling proud of who she was at the moment, but she definitely was proud she had at least made it to this point in life. A short laugh left between her lips as she smiled, just shaking her head at his comment about them changing things up. Looking at him as her arms hung loosely around his neck, she smiled, "I think so." As the two began to sway, she looked down shyly, a blush on her cheeks, "I think the main goal of slow dancing is not to step on each others feet. If you avoid that, then you're good." She giggled, watching their feet before lifting her head to look at him, "Can I ask.. and you don't have to answer.. but.. how did Katie ever let you go? I mean, I don't even want to physically let you go right now." She admitted with only slight embarrassment.
Jake chuckled after hearing her comment. "Uh, I think it might be too late for that," he replied as he noticed his feet colliding with hers as they continued to move around the room in a slow, never-ending circle. "This is why I'm a musician and not a dancer," he added as he still tried to get the hang of the whole routine. It was clearly so simple but yet very complicated for the boy to grasp. Bianca seemed to have no problem at all leading the way and she was doing it with such grace, making Jake feel a bit nervous; not wanting to ruin the moment. "Katie and I just didn't agree on certain things which is why our breakup was mutual," he explained, smiling shyly after hearing the last part of her statement. Once they danced the same way for a good few minutes without any mistakes, he decided to switch things up a bit. He slowed their pace down briefly and took her hand and placed it over her head to twirl her before curling her into him.
Bianca was giggling as she felt his feet bumping hers, her face lighting up as she laughed and tried to help guide him. Her eyes were watching their feet until he seemed to get his feet on track, then she looked back up at him, "It's okay, I don't mind. I still like dancing with you." She tried to make him feel comfortable with the fact that his feet occasionally bumped hers, since she really didn't mind anyways. Her head nodded, one corner up her lips lifting in an apologetic smile, "I wouldn't have let you go so easily." She commented with a shrug, leaving it at that. It was a known fact that she despised Katie and maybe she was kind of happy the two broke up, or she would never be having this time with Jake. Her eyes watched him curiously as they slowly, when he took her head, she smiled brightly. A giggle left her lips as he spun her, laughing even more when he pulled her to him. Her face was lit up as she looked at him, still giggling lightly, "I knew you had some moves in you." She teased him, gently pressing her body to his, "I am very impressed." The girl teased some more, her nose crinkling this time as she smiled.
Jake made sure to look into her eyes, or at least straight ahead at her instead of down at their feet or elsewhere. He knew that dancing was supposed to be this precise, clean-cut and passionate way to express yourself and he didn't want to mess it up. A little of the weight was lifted from him when the brunette reassured him that his silly mistakes didn't make her feel any different. "I guess she just didn't want me as much as she thought," he replied, also shrugging his shoulders. Katie was still a mystery to the boy and to this day, he still doesn't know what she's all about and what goes on in her mind, especially when it came to having a relationship. Even though things between the two ended harshly, he was happy that they were getting back onto solid ground. He couldn't help but smile as he watched Bianca's reaction to the new dance move. "Oh please, you're just a really god teacher," he told her as the warmth of her body was sinking into his skin.
Bianca bit her lip at his words, forcing herself to keep in what she really wanted to say. She had been turned down once tonight, she didn't need it to happen a second time. She rolled her eyes playfully and shook her head, "Give yourself some credit. I'm simply guiding you." She giggled softly. Her hand was placed on his upper arm and she slowly slid it up to his shoulder, wanting to get just that small amount closer to him. Her eyes were locked with his, and all she could think about was how much she loved the color of his eyes. The brunette's lips parted slightly, but she couldn't find her words any longer. She wanted to look away, but her heart told her to keep her eyes on his, don't look away. The corners of her lips lifted just barely in a sweet smile, "I'm really happy to be in your life, Jake."
Jake gave a quick shrug of his shoulders, "I guess you're right." His modesty always got the best of him so of course he didn't want to admit to actually be doing a good job on his own. He felt her hand on his shoulder and when she met the gaze of his green eyes, he was getting lost in her brown ones. He expected her stare to break but was happy when it did the opposite. She started speaking again and the last word she said cut deep. /Life./ He continued to repeat that single word in his mind and then all the thoughts about his cancer rushed back. He didn't want to think about it, not anymore. His head was telling him to hold onto the girl, pull her in and not let her go but he knew that wouldn't be fair to her, not if Jake didn't survive this but right now, he didn't care. Quickly and passionately, he crashed his lips into hers and held her face in his hands as he pulled her closer, wanting to feel every part of the kiss.
Bianca was smiling softly as she looked at him, but it started to slowly fade as she searched his features. Her head cocked to the side and she lowered her head slightly, looking at him curiously. Her eyebrows knit together and she spoke with gentle concern, "Jake? You-" Her words were cut off by his lips. The brunette completely melted into his, whimpering softly with complete satisfaction. Her arms wrapped around his neck and she pressed into him, kissing him passionately back. After a moment, she forced herself to pull back and catch her breath, meeting his eyes, "Did I just say the magic word or something? Not that I'm complaining, cause I'm totally not. I'd like more kisses, definitely more." She giggled, her lips brushing his.
Jake smirked into the kiss when he noticed that Bianca returned his emotions, eager as he was to continue. His hands wandered to her hips where he held on to them tightly but couldn't help but become a bit surprised when the girl suddenly pulled away from their embrace. Their faces were just inches apart as she spoke and instead of giving a reply to her statement, he simply nodded and grinned, resuming their previous position of kissing. He kept his hands where they were and began to push the girl slightly so she was walking backwards until he had her back against the wall. He moved his lips to the crook of neck and began to suck on the soft skin there while his hands roamed the rest of her body.
Bianca looked into his eyes, but Jake's eagerness seemed to get the best of him and all she received was a nod before he was pressing his lips to hers once more. She was surprised, completely, but she was too caught up in him to stop whatever was happening from happening. This time, she followed his lead until her back bumped into a wall. Her breaths were coming short when he removed his lips from hers, her heart racing a mile a minute inside her chest. The girl's head fell back, resting against the wall as his lips attached themselves to her neck. She gasped, her skin starting to become warmer as his hands explored her body. She moaned, biting her lip to quiet it as he sucked the skin of her neck. Her body was beginning to gently squirm, one of her hands was messing with his hair as the other simply held on to him. Bianca's skin was getting hotter by the second, leaning her head down to give his neck sweet yet eager kisses, whispering his name below her breath.
Jake could tell the girl was enjoying herself as he heard sounds escape her lips and once her heard his name, he knew he was doing something right. His hands made their way inside her shirt where he traced the outline of her bra with his fingertips. His mouth found it's way to her shoulder and began leaving a trail of kisses to collarbone as she started using her mouth on his neck. He was already on edge, wanting nothing more than to pick the girl up and carry her into his room where they first got intimate but he did his best to remain self-controlled. Once he was done making marks all over her upper torso, he pulled her back so their faces met and his lips found hers once again; their kisses getting sloppier as his tongue entered her mouth.
Bianca smiled as his hands slipped beneath her shirt, his fingertips warm and soft on her skin. His lips felt searing on her skin as they kissed and sucked on it, it only made her fall harder for him, but she had learned how to turn off those feelings at times like this. She nibbled his skin as she kissed along his neck, towards his jaw. His face came level with hers once more for a split second before he was kissing her lips again. Her arms tightened around his neck and she kissed him back feverishly, moaning as his tongue entered her mouth and tangled with her own. Her hands slid down his back, tugging at his shirt until her hands were splayed along his bare back. The brunette's fingertips traced along his spine, pressing her body tight to his. She groaned into his mouth before mumbling, "I need you now, Jake." Her body was buzzing, her skin feeling on fire, and all she wanted was him right then and there.
Jake let their tongues battle for dominance, a sense of déjà vu rushing back. He let out noises of his own when her hands started migrating and her fingernails started scraping the sensitive areas of his back. It felt good, almost too good. Their bodies were filled with heat and when they were pressed together tightly, he could feel her heart beating against his own and if they weren't so wrapped in what they were doing, you'd probably be able to hear it, too. His eyes stayed closed when she started to speak. "Bianca," he said softly, trying to catch his breath. He suddenly started to feel dizzy, like the pieces of the room were spinning. He knew right then and there what was going on. He snapped himself back into reality, out of the lust filled frenzy, distancing himself from the girl. "I- I.. I think you should go," he said in a quiet voice, avoiding her stare. "I shouldn't have initiated this.. I'm sorry."
Bianca heard her name on his lips, it sounded so sweet, but then suddenly he was pulling away from her. All the warmth she had felt rushed out of her quickly. Her eyes darted to the floor as tears began to form, doing everything she could to hold the back. Clenching her teeth together, she let out a bitter laugh, "Two rejections in one night. Feels really great." She couldn't look at him, she couldn't even move, she was completely stunned. The brunette thought maybe.. maybe she could get him, but that didn't seem possible. Finally she lifted her eyes and looked at him, her eyebrows knitting together, "Did I do something wrong? Or did you just suddenly realize it was me and..." She shook her head, straightening out her clothes as she breathed unevenly and blinked away tears, "I'm sorry if.. I'm just sorry." Bianca gave him a sad smile, her hand shaking as she ran it through her tousled hair.
Jake shook his head, even though that only made the dizziness worse. "I'm not trying to reject you, that's not what this is," he managed to get out, noticing how upset she was. When she finally looked at him, he saw the tears filling her eyes and felt even more horrible for what he'd done. "You didn't do anything wrong, I swear," he added. "Please don't be sorry, this isn't your fault," he could feel his stomach starting to hurt and he was fighting his emotional pain with his physical pain and was struggling to hide both. He didn't want Bianca to see him like this, he refused. "I'm the one who's sorry.. Just take all of this stuff and I'll understand if you never want to speak to me again," he told her, holding his stomach as his hands motioned to the things he brought out for her earlier. He felt beyond sick but he continued to hold it in until the girl could leave.
Bianca watched him for a moment, her bottom lip quivering as she fought back all the emotion that was suddenly hitting her. It all changed when she saw the way he was acting, it was strange, as if he was suddenly not feeling well. Her eyebrows knit together in concern, wondering if she really should leave, but it would kill her to leave him like this. Quickly moving to his side, she placed her hand on the small of his back, "Tonight was a wonderful night with a great guy, I'm not about to abandon you, especially when you're really starting to worry me. What's going on? Are you okay?" She rubbed his back gently, becoming more concerned as she looked at him, "Please, Jake. Tell me what's wrong." Her voice was soft and soothing, worry in her eyes, "Tell me how I can help."
Jake knew he was busted when she started asking questions. He wanted to yell at her and tell her go away, hoping that maybe if he was mean it would but he couldn't, not after he already hurt her feelings. "I'm fine, it was probably just bad pizza," he told her, even though he was lying. "I'm gonna puke any minute, you really don't need to stay for that," he added, trying to give a fake laugh. He wanted to sound as convincing as possible even though he felt bad deep inside since she was being so caring. He moved over to the couch and sat down, hoping that would ease the dizziness and it did just a bit. "I'm sure once I get this out of my system, I'll be good as new," he added but by this time, he couldn't hold it any longer. He rushed to the bathroom and thankfully made it just in to time throw up in the toilet. Once he was finished, he wiped his mouth wit some toilet paper before flushing it all down.
Bianca 's eyes narrowed, not sure she believed him. She frowned and shook her head, "Of course I need to stay. I want to take care of you. You shouldn't have to be sick all alone." She pulled her hand back to herself when he moved to sit, her face falling even more. Staring down at her hands, she shook her head, "I'm not leaving, Jake. Unless you seriously want me to." She looked at him, but he was up and running for the bathroom. Bianca followed, but she waited outside the bathroom for him. When she finally heard the toilet flush, she slowly walked in to the bathroom and looked up at Jake, "Please tell me the truth?" She asked quietly, reaching out and taking his hand in to her own, "That pizza was fine..." She pointed out, knowing it had to be a lie, since she had eaten some herself and felt perfectly fine, "You don't need to hide things from me. Even though we'll only be just friends, I'm always here and I care about you." Her words stung, but she was only facing the truth that tonight had given her.
Jake gave her a look, shaking his head again, "You don't have to take care of me. I'm a big boy... Besides, Fiona will be home any minute." He was still kneeling over the toilet and looked up to see the girl standing in the door way. He pulled away when she grabbed his hand; he figured that if he couldn't say mean things, he could still try and act mean. "I am telling the truth... I had way more pizza than you did, you didn't even finish a slice so that's why you're not sick," he explained, trying to reason with the girl. "I'm not hiding anything. And I feel fine now, like I told you I would," he added, his words a bit harsh. He still didn't feel too good but it was manageable at this point.
Bianca shrugged, "I don't have to, but I want to." When he pulled his hand away from hers, she took a step back and stared down at her feet. She didn't understand why he was doing this, he was suddenly so cold and the sudden sickness only scared her more. Her head shook, she didn't believe him, it didn't make sense regardless of how much he ate. Lifting her head too look at him, she let him see the tears shimmering in her eyes, "You're lying. I'm not an idiot. I told you everything, and I'd tell you anything more if you simply asked. Why can't you do the same? Why does everyone keep me at arms length everywhere but in the bedroom?" She took another step back, afraid she might crumble right then and there in front of him. All she wanted was to be a good friend, but she was failing every time she tried. It hurt worse than ever knowing she'd never be good enough to be a friend to anyone, "I can't just leave you here like this." She whispered with worry still in her voice.
Jake continued to sit there, the coldness of the tile floor feeling good on his warm skin. He watched as the girl continued to see right through his lies, the words she spewed at him feeling like a knife cutting off his limbs. He wanted to tell her but he knew he couldn't, especially not now after she confessed her feelings for him. He let everything build up inside him before it slowly burst. "If you care about me like you say you do, you'll leave right now," his voice cold but he stayed looking down. He could tell that she was still standing there so he let out a deep sigh and looked up at her, "Leave! Right now, Bianca!," his voice raised, and as much as he hated yelling at her, he kept telling himself it was for the best.
Bianca was staring at him, her eyes building up with tears as she hoped and waited he'd let her in, that's all she wanted. When she heard him, her heart broke into a million pieces and tears spilled down her cheeks. She whispered desperately, "Please, Jake. I can't leave you like this." Her hands were shaking as she held them to her and she nearly jumped out of her skin when he surprised her by yelling at her. The girl accidentally backed into the wall as she sputtered out through her tears, "I'm sorry.. I-I'll be parked d-down the street..if you need me.." She quickly ran down the hall, grabbing her purse and nothing else as she hurried towards the door.
Bianca remembers some thing from her childhood and it opens old wounds she had chosen to forget about.
Bianca could feel the Toronto air was growing colder each night, to a point where she was shivering as she stood on the corner some nights. Her scantily clothed body hurried towards her parked car, her shaking legs moving as fast she she could force them to go. She wasn't expecting her car to be warm, but it'd be better than being vulnerable out in the open as she was now. She unlocked her car and hurried into the back, her body shivering violently. Looking at her keys, then the ignition, she considered turing the car on and blasting the heat, but she couldn't waste so much gas every night, so she threw her keys into her purse on the floor before setting up her bed in the back seat. The girl had recently gone to her aunties apartment when no one was there and taken anything else she needed and could fit in her car. She fluffed her pillows she had just gotten before folding her comforter in half. Cocooning herself in the comforter, she grabbed another blanket and laid it on herself before resting her head on the soft pillows. Her body relaxed slightly, but the frigid cold had seeped deep into her bones and she couldn't seem to shake it. Her teeth chattered and her eyes watered, closing them in hopes that she could somehow just drift off to sleep. The backs of her eyelids played a movie for her, not allowing her the luxury of sleep. Each scene passed by blurry and unfocused, the sound muffled and hard to understand. As the movie played on, things began to clear and suddenly, she knew what her mind was forcing her to watch. It was her childhood, something she had forced herself to repress and forget about. She had never even spoken about it to anyone. Not until Jake had asked, and she'd barely told him anything, but a can of worms had been opened and she couldn't repress it all forever. As the images grew sharper and more real, she allowed herself to remember.
(begin flashback)
Bianca DeSousa was five years old, barely old enough to truly understand the things her parents said to each other, but she was learning and too quickly. The young girl had already tasted what her parents drank, had watched them snort things and stick things in their arms. She'd seen her mother having sex with other men. She'd even seen the way her father treated her mother when the two had sex. She was five years old and she had already seen and learned too much.
Her small body was curled up on a single mattress on the floor when she heard the beginnings of a fight. Bringing her hands to her ears, she covered them tightly and closed her eyes shut, trying to block it all out, but the screaming was so loud already. The young girls bottom lip began to quiver as she whimpered, as if someone would hear her and come and save her. Softly, she began to hum to herself, a song she had heard an older girl dancing ballet to the other day at the studio. Bianca had thought it was a pretty song and had peeped her head in to watch as the older girl moved with grace around the studio floor. But the older girl had caught her and Bianca thought she'd get in trouble, but instead the other girl had been kind to her and even tried to teach her the dance. In her mind, she imagined herself doing the dance, hung the music as she did so. The loudness outside her tiny bedroom seemed to fade away and a smile appeared on her lips. She giggled as her imagination soared, she could see herself now, on stage with that older girl, doing the dance right alongside her. She was a beautiful ballerina in a deep shade of red, rather than the normal pink. She liked red better. The dream was so beautiful and vivid in her mind that she got lost within in it for a long time.
When her eyes finally fluttered open and she pulled her hands away from her ears, all she could hear was silence. The petite child sat up in bed and reached towards the glass on the floor beside her, but as she picked it up, she realized there was no more water in it. Glancing at her closed bedroom door, she contemplated going to get herself more water. She didn't hear anything, so maybe everything was okay. Hesitantly, she got up out of bed and crept towards the door, glass in hand. She stood by the door for a moment before reaching towards the doorknob and turning. Bianca was barely even halfway towards the kitchen when she heard voices. Her head snapped towards the couch facing towards the TV and away from her only to find her parents slouched on it. She couldn't tell if they were drunk or high.. or both, but it didn't matter, they were scary either way. Her body turned back towards her room and she bolted towards it, but not before her father heard her tiny footsteps. Suddenly, he caught her by her hair, gripping the curls tightly and yanking her back. Bianca cried out in pain, clutching the glass to her chest as her father whipped her back. She slammed into a wall, slumping against it as she whimpered in fear, looking up at him, "What are you doing out of bed?!" He spat at her angrily. Both her tiny hands were gripping the glass and she held it out to him, her arms shaking violently, "W-w-w-water." She finally managed to squeak out. Her father grabbed the glass from her shaking hands before whipping it angrily at her. The child curled into a ball and screamed in fear, hearing as the glass shattered against the wall behind her. Looking through her fingers, she saw her father coming for her. Her head shook and she whimpered, tears streaming down her face, "Please, daddy, I'm sorry. I only wanted some water." Her words were mumbled and full of fear, but her own flesh and blood didn't listen to a word she said. He gripped her by her hair once more and began dragging her towards her room. She screamed out in pain, trying to find her footing, but her small feet kept tripping and sliding. The young girl scratched at her fathers hand, sobbing now as her head throbbed with pain. Once inside her room, she threw her on to the mattress before hovering over her. She cowered beneath him, crying hysterically. His large hand circled around her neck and cut off her air supply for a moment as he spoke through gritted teeth in a low and menacing tone, "Stay in bed, you hear me?" She tried nodding her head, but she could barely move. He let go of her neck and she gasped for air as he walked out, slamming the door behind him. Bianca covered herself with her blanket and sobbed into her pillow, gasping for air as she did.
(end flashback)
Suddenly Bianca blinked her eyes and found them blurry with tears. She had been crying along with her child-self. It hurt to remember what her parents had put her through. She tried not to remember, but she couldn't stop the flood of memories that were hitting her. Like her younger self, she curled under her covers and silently cried into her pillow, feeling all the pain she had refused to feel for so long.
