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march 7 2018
today was better, but i still haven’t done a damn thing about my homework. im thinking crunch time tonight, lmao. im p sure im going tomorrow even tho i don’t usually go on Thursdays. kinda sucks but ohh welllll lol. i mean im leaving early any way bc of therapy but yknow still
let’s see what happens next, im kinda ready 4 tomorrow
p.s: i posted this on the wrong blog oops let's hope no one saw that
march 6 2018
god today was so shitty. i haven't had a day like this in a while, but i need to start planning for when i have them so i don't just lay in bed all day and act (and feel) like a non-sentient pile of instagram-scrolling goop. i feel numb and in between everything, like im in some kind of reality based purgatory.
it occurs to me i have no reason to be sharing all this on the internet, except for the fact it's kinda comforting. it's like screaming everything out in a crowd where no one really cares that im doing it. so i will continue to scream for the mass of four entire followers on this blog.
there's no way school is happening tomorrow. i need time to recover from today. therapy on Thursday, maybe that'll help somewhat.
i don't want people to interact w me rn, but at the same time, i want someone to pay attention. see what i mean? im in between everything.
i still feel like goop. probably moreso. i always have passing suicidal thoughts on days like these, nothing serious, but just thoughts that appear and go as quickly as they come, like mental pop up ads. thankfully nothing specific so no bad intrusive thoughts. these are easier to ignore.
this might be a useful tool for remembering what to talk abt in therapy. interesting.
march 6 2018
today is a super low energy day. i can't wait for my medication to kick in tbh (if it does anyway). i have a ton of homework to do bc im going back to school tomorrow, but i already wasted some energy on making nuggets (mostly because i didn't realize how limited my supply of energy was gonna be). trying to tell myself i can do this, but even the littlest things seem overwhelming rn. still gonna try my best. making this post is just about the extent of what i can do today lmao.
