Day 2 of recording my thoughts
I thought my patience was growing but maybe I was wrong? Or maybe the circumstances at the moment are making me seem more impatient when in actually fact, I'm calmer than I would have been before? I don't know. All I can say is I need my alone time which I feel like isn't gonna happen very soon.
People are incredible. You fall in love with them, you feel inspired by them, you adore them, you copy them, you teach them, you learn from them and so on but I'm being tested by them recently.
I've tried getting rid of all the mirrors in my head to replace them with windows to have a better outlook, a more open mind set instead of allowing my thoughts to be in some kind of mirror maze, getting confused by the reflection and then going in the wrong direction. I don't want to keep getting lost. I love people, but I could count on my finger how many people I would die for, I'd kill for, I'd do anything for. And they are the same people who drive me crazy in anger even when I can be at my calmest, in a peaceful state of mind.
You see patience, was something I really wanted to build on, and I thought I'd got there, but then one person shouted at me over practically nothing at all, and I said to myself "it's ok, just don't let them do that again" until the next person shouted at me over something that wasn't my fault. I thought I was patient but now I'm just hurting.
Pain. Something I only like feeling after a long gym session of heavy weight lifting. I don't want to hurt anymore, physically or mentally. I want to find my peace for good, I don't want to start a fire inside me because it will grow and engulf me and all the people I love. Yet they test me. I don't want to say anything I wouldn't usually say to them so I stay quiet, or I calmly try to explain my side. I'm not always wrong am I? Wait, am I enough, am I good enough?
Shut up Tamanna, you're more than enough. You're a beauty beyond what the eyes can see, your heart is pure and only the good will see it. The bad will try to pick out a flaw that doesn't even exist. People will piss you off, it's life, just listen and carry on with life, be at peace with yourself, you're much more than just a girl with dreams, you're a travell on a mission and you'll accomplish them all in good time. Don't give up x