he should’ve seen this coming — a part of him did, in a way, but shock and astonishment still settle into his bones every time he begins to grasp the situation for what it is.
❝ how long did you think they were going to wait? ❞
it’s the same question he’s gotten from everyone, the same exact question he keeps asking himself as he scrolls over the pictures you’d posted and the things you’d said to him, and the same exact question that he just can’t seem to figure out an answer to. how long did he expect you to wait? he can’t be sure, couldn’t give you an explanation if he tried, but for some godforsaken reason he had expected you to wait. he’d expected you to always be there, waiting for him, eager to get his texts and calls and always smiling on the other end of every skype session.
you still replied, still answered, but texts had become less frequent and calls were few and far between and it’d been nearly a month since the last time he’d seen your face and the excuses were always the same ( ‘ sorry, i was out with him, again! ‘ ). you had well and truly moved on, but he hadn’t.
that is exactly the reason he found his thumb hovering over your contact name at four in the morning, gaze flickering between the brightly lit screen and the empty room around him — for once, despite knowing every other member was asleep, he wished he shared his room with someone ( maybe they’d stop him from being this stupid, maybe they’d convince him to do it, maybe they’d know what to say, but instead he’s left to his own devices ). his finger trembles as he starts to picture you giggling at someone else’s jokes, you falling asleep on facetime with someone else, you staying up into the early hours of the morning talking to someone else, you loving someone else and —
the dial tone keys in your numbers automatically, and it starts ringing before he even has time to think twice about what he’s doing.
❝ hello? ❞
as soon as he hears your voice he remembers that you’re in an entirely different timezone than him, but you sound awake enough that he doesn’t entirely feel bad — your sleeping schedule is always out of whack, anyway. he’d get texts from you at all hours of the day about every little thing, always updating him on things that you found that reminded you of him or something you really loved going on around you; it never mattered if it was in the middle of the night or middle of the day, your presence was a constant. a smile snakes itself onto his lips at just the thought of it and it isn’t until you repeat your greeting that he realizes he hasn’t said anything for over a minute.
❝ oh, uh — hey. hi. it’s me. ❞
❝ i know, ❞ you start, a bubbly giggle trailing the end of your response in kind. ❝ your name did come up on my screen, after all. ❞
a hushed ‘ right ’ breezes out of jungkook, and he finds himself mussing his hair up nervously, glad that you’re not in the room with him — he can’t hide the way his voice comes out stinted or how his breathing shakes, but you can’t possibly see the way his leg is bouncing in place or the way his lips have pulled down into an anxious frown. why did he do this, again? he had no idea what to say or why, exactly, he even wanted to say it, but he’d always been impulsive and reckless and far too numb to the consequences before he ever had to deal with them.
❝ jungkook, ❞ comes your hum, his name positively singing on your lips. ❝ you know this sort of thing is supposed to be a conversation, right? ❞
❝ right, yeah, i know — i’m sorry. i just, uh — we haven’t really... spoken the last few days, so i wanted to check in on you. ❞
❝ at four in the morning? ❞
four in the morning. two in the afternoon. anytime. all the time. yes. yes.
❝ yeah, ❞ jungkook replies, trying so hard to come off as breezy when his words tremble and trip on his tongue and he’s all choked up on a feeling he can’t even express. ❝ is now not a good time? ❞
❝ if by ‘ good time ’ you mean my boyfriend being over, then yes — now is just fine. he left a few hours ago. of course, it wouldn’t matter, because you know i always make time for you, kookie. ❞
there’s a playful lilt to your tone, and he can practically hear the smile that’s surely shown itself upon your mouth, brightening your face and brushing ever-so gently against your eyes. you sound so happy. involuntarily, he flinches.
❝ right, yeah, ❞ he doesn’t notice the way his voice positively drips with disappointment, or the way he practically sighs his reply out on a wave of self-pity and depression. ❝ that’s... that’s exactly what i meant. ❞
you, ever the intuitive one when it came to him, caught on to the way he spoke and how he mindlessly trailed off and just how distant he’s been the entire conversation and you need nothing more than that to question him: ❝ is everything alright, gguk? ❞
jimin’s voice is suddenly ringing in his head as he opens his mouth to answer with firm denial, ‘ just be honest with them ’ chiming in his head and echoing over and over, until he can’t think of anything else.
❝ no. ❞
❝ what’s wrong? ❞
❝ i think i’m... i think i’m in love with you. ❞
this wasn’t the proper timing, it wasn’t the proper way, but the words come tumbling out of his mouth clumsily and impulsively and he can’t swallow them back up once they’ve gone through the receiver and undoubtedly hit your ears. he doesn’t think, he knows; it’s something he’s known for a while and has only just know realized how much, but he still phrases it as if he’s unsure, as if he’s still questioning himself, because maybe that’ll make your swift denial easier to take ( ‘ hey, it’s okay! i’m probably just tired or something, you know? just forget i even said anything. ’ ).
❝ ...what? ❞
❝ i’m in love with you. ❞
jungkook is so much more sure this time as he says it, as if nothing else could ever be truer. he could cry — the burn at the back of his eyes becomes so intense that he’s gotta put his hand over his mouth to muffle the way he exhales shakily enough to rattle his whole body, all the way down to his bones. nothing could possibly kill him more than the silence on your end, so quiet that he can’t even make out your breathing, and for a moment he considers checking to see if you’d hung up, before your voice chimes through the phone once more.
❝ ...that’s not funny, gguk. ❞
picking up on the soft way you speak, he notes the way your words shiver and it’s something he’s heard enough to know that you, too, could cry at any moment. if he thinks hard enough he could almost envision the way your smile dropped, the way your brows furrowed together, how you got all tense as if to shield yourself from his words. you’re hurting — he did that.
❝ i wouldn’t joke about this. ❞
he doesn’t know it, but on the other side of the line you’re biting so hard into your lip that you’re sure you’ll pierce the skin at any moment, and your nails are biting into your palm as you squeeze your fingers together — it’s all in an effort to ground yourself, but none of it seems to be working as your heart beats erratically in your chest and tears brim in your eyes and you’re reminded of just how weak you are for this stupid man. it’s incredible how quickly your cheerful facade came crashing down around you at the sound of those five words, as if gravity finally caught up with you and sent you crashing to the ground; it hurts, it’s nearly unbearable, and you’re struggling to speak without it all turning into an incoherent sob.
❝ why are you telling me this? ❞
suddenly, he’s dumbstruck — why is he telling you this? your question doesn’t seem to make any sense, spoken as if he hadn’t just laid it all out plainly, as if he should’ve kept it to himself.
❝ why am i telling you this? why wouldn’t i? ❞
❝ because, you had all that time to tell me, you had so many opportunities, but you wait until now to do it? ❞ once again, you leave him dumbfounded and smothered in his own silence, leaving him to wallow in it as you mull over the whole situation as it’s been handed to you.
despite wanting to hear those words for as long as you’d known him, something about it doesn’t feel right — the words came out of him like water bubbling over the top of a pot, rushed and hurried and frantic, in a way. why, now? why, after all this time, after you’d finally started to move on... then, it hits you —
❝ did you... did you know? ❞
❝ know what? ❞
❝ that i had feelings for you, too. ❞
had. that word hurts more than it should.
❝ ...yes. ❞
he hears the way you suck in a breath between your teeth, and he shuts his eyes tight out of sheer anxiety, balling his free hand up into the fabric of his hoodie, clinging to it for dear life — it’s all in an effort to brace himself for whatever you had to say next.
❝ you knew, ❞ your voice is impossibly softer, filled with the cold impact of reality and something so incredibly bittersweet that he can taste it through the phone. ❝ that makes this so much worse. ❞
❝ i didn’t — ❞
❝ — don’t. i love you, jungkook, ❞ you say, pulling a shaky exhale from the very center of his chest with your words alone. ❝ but, i’ve done my waiting. i can’t — i won’t drop everything for you. if it took you until someone else confessed to me for you to do the same, then how am i supposed to know that it isn’t just my attention that you want? ❞
❝ it isn’t — ❞
❝ then, prove it to me. ❞
recounting everything down to your glum ‘ goodbye, jungkook ’, he watches how each and every other face in the room reacts to the entirety of what he’d caused the night before. jungkook can tell that they were all on your side from the very beginning before they even open their mouths, but he can’t blame them — he was on your side, too.
❝ you thought that was a good idea? ❞ yoongi is the first to speak, leaning forward onto his elbows as he regards the youngest member with a quirked brow and downturned lips.
❝ no — yes? — i don’t know. i wasn’t thinking, i just did it. ❞
❝ clearly. ❞
❝ alright, give him a break, ❞ jin starts, cutting off any other smartass comment yoongi might’ve had to add. ❝ have you decided what you’re going to do? ❞
❝ well, that’s my problem — i don’t know what to do. ❞
❝ do what they said, ❞ jimin pipes up, just as he begins to push himself towards the table, eyes deadset on jungkook. ❝ prove it to them. ❞
❝ how? ❞
looks are thrown throughout the room, every member meeting each other’s gaze at least once, until namjoon finally interjects: ❝ i think you should go to them. ❞
❝ what? ❞ jungkook’s own inquiry is mirrored in most everyone’s expression as they turn to their leader, each pair of eyes trying to read into his expression before he ever even opens his mouth.
❝ we’ve got some time to ourselves this week, ❞ namjoon begins, settling against the table and regarding the brunette with a small, albeit encouraging, smile. ❝ go to them. ❞
❝ you mean like just... get on a plane, and go? ❞
❝ i think that’s a good idea! ❞ hoseok claps him on the shoulder, a bright, beaming grin working its way onto his features. ❝ we can all chip in and help you out. ❞
❝ it’ll be a little rushed, but you could still make it, ❞ their leader continues, nodding to the other as if to agree with himself. ❝ it would be better than just sitting here, anyway. and, you want them, don’t you? ❞
❝ yes. more than anything. ❞
❝ alright, then — it’s settled. ❞
when he casts a look over the table, he doesn’t even need to ask — every single one of them is already nodding along, each giving their own version of encouragement in their own little ways from a squeeze to his shoulder to a toothy smile, and once again he feels as if he could cry at any given moment. what would he do without them?
❝ come on, kid, let’s look up those plane tickets. ❞