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Pairings: Bucky Barnes x Reader, (platonic) Steve x Reader Summary: When Steve first comes out of the ice, he learns of his fellow Howling Commando’s fates, yours being less than pretty. So, when he goes back to return the stones, he decides to be selfish. He brings you home.
Written for @buckygrantbarnes writing challenge with the prompt : Epiphany (n)- a moment of sudden revelation or insight. It’s in bold. I really tried
Warning: brief mentions of suicide, angst, minor swearing, involves flashbacks (through Steve’s eyes) to 40s!bucky and 40s!steve
Word Count: 3.2k - this was not meant to get this long oh dear god
masterlist
“Are you sure you want to do this Cap?” Tony asked, placing the Manila folders in front of him cautiously, “You might not like everything that you read”
Steve just nodded, his eyes immediately drawn to your file, “I have to know”
He waited until he was alone that evening to look through the folders, starting with Dum Dum’s folder. By 2 am in the morning he had finally reached yours, fingers hesitating at the crisp pages. With a deep breath, he finally opened it.
Your face beamed up at him, standing in between him and Bucky. That particular picture had been taken after their first successful hydra raid with the howling commandos, the three of you full of incomparable joy. Steve felt his eyes brimming with tears as he set the picture aside, moving onto the typed up briefing of your life.
He knew something was wrong before he had even started, the folder much thinner than that of the other members, only a mere few pages detailing your life after the war. His stomach clenched uncomfortably at the sight, yet he continued to read.
She continued to fight with the surviving commandos until the end of the war, where she was heavily decorated amongst her peers. Retiring from the forces, she moved back to Brooklyn, only 5 minutes away from Rebecca Barnes and her new husband. 3 months after retiring from the service she was found dead in her apartment from a gunshot to the head, self inflicted.
Steve felt sick. Utterly, utterly sick. He had left you alone, and without him or Bucky there to help you, you had crumbled. Shoving the folder away from him, he stumbled to his feet, dashing out of his room and towards the common room kitchen to get some water.
He ignored a few worried calls as he walked through the corridors, his mind reeling with the imaginative horrors of your death, conjuring up images of your limp body sprawled lifelessly on the floor -
The thought made him heave, tears gathering in his eyes as he clumsily took a cup from the cupboard and began to fill it up, his usually steadfast hands shaking life a leaf as memories of his youth filled his head.
“I didn't see you here yesterday, you’re always sat here sketching at 4. Were you okay?”
Steve looked up at you in shock, sketching pad lying on his legs as he tried to formulate a sentence.
“Wha - yeah. My asthma was bad is all, ma didn't want me leaving the house. Um - I’m Steve”
“Y/N” you greeted cheerfully, seating yourself next to him on the bench, “I think we’re going to be great friends”
“Steve! Wait up!” you called, running down the street, madly weaving through the throngs of people that lined the Brooklyn streets. Steve had known you for years now, Bucky instantly accepting you into the fold.
Steve watched you approach with a grin, leant against the wall with his hands tucked in his pockets to keep out of the way of the morning rush.
“I thought you had ditched me” he teased, elbowing you lightly in the side, “was waiting for 20 minutes doll”
You ducked your head slightly, your hair falling in your face as you laughed, “I would never Steve - you know that”
With a small nod, he offered you his arm, the two of you walking towards the theatre.
“Is Buck coming?”
“Shouldn’t you know that?” He teased, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.
You blanched, a blush creeping up your cheeks, “I don't have a clue what you’re talking about”
He snorted, falling next to you in line at the ticket booth with a relaxed smile.
“Yeah, because you didn't fall hopelessly in love with him when we were 7″
You punched his arm lightly, stumbling over words as you tried to defend yourself.
“He’ll ask you out any day doll, I’m sure of it”
“Steve! Help me!”
He turned around to see Bucky close in on you, tackling you to the ground before he began tickling your sides.
“Make him stop - ow! James! I’ll get you for this I swear!”
“Nah, you love me too much to hurt me babydoll” Bucky smirked, his eyes shining with admiration as he stared down at your scowling face.
Steve sniggered as he watched you turn beet red, immediately wiggling out from underneath the taller man and making a rushed excuse to leave.
“What was that?”
“You called her babydoll again” Steve smirked, crossing his arms triumphantly, “Just admit it, you like her”
“I don't know what you’re talking about punk”
“Jerk”
“It’s in Europe, they say we might have to join” you said in a low voice, squished between Bucky and Steve in a booth, a shared smoothie sat on the table.
“Someone’s got to stop the Nazis - I think we should help” Steve explained with a small shrug. “They’re bullies, they need to be stopped”
“What do you think Buck?”
“Huh - what? Sorry doll I wasn’t listening”
You sighed, narrowing your eyes at Dot who had been flirting with him from across the diner.
“Just go sit with her if she’s that bloody interesting”
“If that’s alright with you?”
You huffed moodily, Steve answering for the both of you, a scowl forming on your face as you watched him flirt.
“He’s nothing but a skirtchaser” you huffed, taking an angry sip of milkshake, “Just admit it Steve, he sees me as a sister. I’ve known him too long”
“Trust me, he doesn’t look at you like he looks at Becca. He’s just being an idiot right now” Steve said, consoling you, “Besides, they never last more than a week, you’ve got to realise there’s a reason for that”
“I’ll believe it when I see it Rogers”
“Buck you cant go” you cried into his chest, hands fisted into the material of his jacket.
“I’m sorry doll, but you know I have to. I’ll come home, I promise” he murmured, pressing a kiss to your hairline as he pulled away, moving to give Steve a hug.
“Look after her while I’m gone Steve, I mean it”
“You know I will”
“And don't do anything stupid”
“How can I? You’re taking all the stupid with you” Steve smiled sadly, moving to hold your hand as you waved Bucky off.
As soon as he was out of sight you buried your head in Steve’s shoulder, letting out broken sobs as he held you tightly.
“I didn’t tell him Steve”
“I know”
“What do you mean you’re leaving? You’re being deployed?”
“Yes, well I -” You cut him off with a hug, knowing how much he wanted to get in to the army, until the reality came crashing down.
“What am I supposed to do? What about your asthma? Your pains? I - I should join the nurses, see if I can go with you. You’ll - you’ll need someone who knows how to help you”
“Y/N no, I promised Buck -”
“You cant leave me here alone Steve, I cant be in Brooklyn alone”
“Who are - wait - Steven?”
“It's me”
“But you’re massive! What happened to you!”
“I joined the army” he chuckled, a sad tinge to his voice
“Why’re you sad?”
“They’re not deploying me. They have me on a dance troupe instead, something about selling bonds”
You pulled him into a hug, withholding a sigh of relief, “Well, I guess I’ve found my new job, eh?”
You snuck off stage with Steve, ignoring the cheers of the soldiers as you consoled him, smiling at Peggy as she approached.
“Tough crowd? That audience contains what was left of the 107th -”
“Wait, the 107th?”
Steve was up in a flash, you and Peggy following close behind.
“Sir I just need to know one name, Sargent James Buchanan Barnes of the 107th, please”
“I’ve written more of those letters than I’d care to admit today - I’m sorry but the name does sound familiar”
You choked down a sob as Steve asked what the plan was to save the POWs, your hand absentmindedly clutching his as you tried to ground yourself.
“I cant believe I let you come” Steve breathed exasperatedly, watching as you put your show helmet back on, a determined look in your eye.
“Hey, I’ve been training her, she’s pretty good” Peggy smiled, handing you a pistol and holster, as well as a stolen machine gun.
The plane leered to the side slightly, Howard shouting apologies from the front.
“I’ll have you know I beat your accuracy on the shooting range, Rogers” you teased, attaching the thigh holster as you steadied your breathing, getting ready to drop into enemy territory.
You fought brutally, following Steve’s every move as you made your way through the hydra base.
“What do you need me to do?”
“Get the prisoners out, I’ll carry on looking for Bucky”
“Are you sure -”
“If he sees you here you know he’s just going to act tough, we need to move quickly”
You snorted in agreement, taking the cell keys and splitting off from him, shooting down the last few guards before entering the room.
“Who are you?”
“Here to save your asses”
“I asked you to keep her safe!”
“I did! She’s fine isn't she?”
“She is standing right here! And yes, I’m joining and there’s nothing you can do about it, okay?”
“Doll, I just don't think -” “Bucky if the dame wants to come along, let her come” Dum Dum interrupted, “She saved us back then and she seems capable enough”
You smiled smugly, raising your eyebrow at Bucky as Steve watched on in amusement.
“You’re not gonna back down from this are you? God my ma’s gonna kill me”
You cheered at his acceptance, pulling both Bucky and Steve into a hug.
“The three musketeers back together again”
“I wish it was under better circumstances”
“don't we all”
“Bucky I’m fine! It was the right move, if I hadn't have gone in there then the turret might have taken Gabe and Pinky out!”
“You almost got shot!”
“We’re always almost getting shot!”
“But normally I have eyes on you - I can look out for you” “I don't need you to babysit me James! I can do it!” “Well I cant! I lost eyesight on you and you weren’t answering me doll - I - you can’t do that -“
“You don’t seem that bothered when the others leave your sight! You’re being hypocritical Bucky -“
“I LOVE YOU GODDAMNIT”
Everything went quiet, a shocked gasp escaping your lips at the epiphany.
The men cleared their throats awkwardly, the two of your voices carrying back to the camp. Steve, however, sat back in his seat happily, glad that his friend had finally taken the leap.
Everyone was sat quietly as Jaques fiddled with the radio, trying to hack into the Russian network.
Steve was sat opposite the two of you, watching as you had a hushed conversation. You were sat in between Bucky’s legs, your back leant against his chest. You tilted your head upwards to talk to him, small giggles escaping your lips as he pressed light kisses all over your face.
The rare peaceful moment was cut short as the channel took hold, harsh Russian cutting through the cold air, bringing with it the beginnings of the next mission.
“What were you thinking?”
“I was thinking that we were cornered and I needed to get into the control room!”
“Jesus babydoll, are you trying to give me a heart attack”
“I can handle myself Buck! How many times do I need to prove myself before you realise that? I can fight my own fucking battles”
Bucky cut you off with a growl, picking you up and throwing you over his shoulder, muttering something about your dirty mouth.
“We’ll be back in a bit Steve”
“Try and keep it down this time” Steve teased, earning a shocked curse from you as you began to scold him.
“Steven Grant Rogers, how very dare you -”
“Stevie you’ll never guess what!”
“Did he do it?”
You turned around to Bucky, a massive grin on your face.
“He knew?”
“Of course he knew, who do ya think helped me pick the ring?”
Delighted, you hugged Steve, thanking him.
“He was getting cold feet, thought it was too soon” Steve teased, “all I had to do was remind him you’ve been in love since you were 14 - he’s been carrying that damn ring around since the last big town”
“I love you big idiots”
Bucky chuckled from behind you, his arms encircling your waist protectively, chin resting on the top of your head.
“Just a few more bases and we can go home” Bucky promised, Steve nodding firmly.
“Just a few more”
You stared blankly at Steve, his words falling on to deaf ears. Blindly, you started towards the edge of the cliff to look at the train track where he had fallen, Steve’s hands preventing you from getting too close.
“He’s not gone. He’s not”
“I’m sorry, I reached for him. He was right there and I-“ Steve’s voice broke off into sobs, your arms mechanically hugging him. You were numb.
“It’s not your fault” you murmured repeatedly, “not your fault”
Only two weeks later, the group had found the main hydra base. Steve had tried talking you out of coming but you needed the revenge, the alcohol not cutting into your grief.
You moved through the base with conviction, unbridled fury coursing through your veins as you cleared corridors of hostiles by yourself, movements brutal and unforgiving.
“He’s on the jet - missiles - I need backup”
You watched as Steve kissed Peggy, a small smirk pulling at your lips, before you continued clearing the way to the control room.
“I’ve got to put her in the water”
“Steve - no. You can’t do that to me, please”
Peggy tried to come up with an alternative route, but Steve was sure it was the only way.
“Y/N I’m so sorry”
As Steve stepped on the platform, one glance at Bucky confirmed what he had to do.
When he had first remembered you, he had cried for hours in Steve’s arms until he eventually worked up the courage to read your folder. He had gone silent for a few minutes before letting out the most heart wrenching sob Steve had ever heard.
He was inconsolable for quite a while afterwards, quite similar to Steve when he had found out, unable to imagine you in a place that dark.
“3, 2, 1”
A hesistant knock sounded at your door, bringing you out of your daydream. You cursed the interruption, reality crashing back down around as you realised you were back in the States and they were gone.
The person knocked again, more firmly this time. You opened it with a fake smile (one you had mastered recently), to be met with a familiar set of broad shoulders.
”Steve?”
Your voice was shaky, your hand reaching out to cup his cheek.
“Oh god I’m going insane aren’t I - you - you died. You’re both dead. Who - why are you doing this? It’s not funny!” You wept, scrambling backwards.
“Y/n-“
You froze at his voice, hands beginning to tremble.
“No, no”
Your crying increased as you pressed your hands to your ears, sliding down the wall until you were hunched over, rocking back and forth slightly.
“You’re dead, you’re dead, you’re dead” you mumbled.
“Y/n I’m here, it’s me. I’m here doll”
Warm arms wrapped around you, pulling you into a comforting embrace, “shhh. Shhhh”
“Is it - is it really you?” You asked, hands clawing at his shirt, “Steve, Steve it’s you?”
“It’s me, I’m here” he said, voice cracking with emotion.
“But - but - the ice. You crashed Steve. You - you - you died! You both died!” You had to pause, choking on tears, “you both left me. I had to come back here alone, you know I didn't want to be in Brooklyn alone”
“I know, and I’m so sorry doll. I’m so sorry. But I came here to take you home, with Buck and I”
“Oh - I did it didn’t I?”
“What?”
“I’m dead”
“No. You’re not dead, but you did-“ his voice broke off, tears falling from his eyes as he tried to finish his sentence, “I know what you’re thinking of doing”
“Oh”
“I’m from the future, there’s no easy way to put it. The ice froze me, kept me alive. I read it in your notes”
“Bucky’s alive in the future too?”
“The fall didn’t kill him”
You gasped, filling in the gaps yourself.
“Oh god, we - we basically handed him to them!”
“But he’s alive, he’. Please let me save you doll - come back with me. I know it will be different but -“
“Yes, please don't leave me again Stevie I cant - not again - I cant”
The blond just nodded in understanding, helping you to your feet.
“Is there anything you need to get?”
You shook your head, your engagement ring still shining on your finger as you grasped the two sets of dog tags around your neck.
Steve tilted his head to the side questioningly.
“Rebecca wanted Bucky’s, I couldn’t say no to her. I got to keep yours though - you can have them back if you want?”
“No need” he smiled, wiping away his tears with the back of his hand, “Let’s go”
You fell to your knees on a metal platform, Steve’s hand still resting on your shoulder.
“Steve what did you do?”
You ignored the unfamiliar voice as you looked up, eyes frantically searching for Bucky.
“Steve -”
You whipped around at the sound of his voice, “Buck”
You launched yourself at him immediately, the two of you crumbling to the ground in a messy embrace. Tears ran steadily down his cheeks as his hands ran over your figure, as if solidifying that you were really in front of him.
“Your hair is so long now” you giggled tearfully, stroking your hands through the silky strands, “and you have a beard!”
He laughed ruefully, searching your face quickly before burying his face back into your neck.
“I missed you babydoll” he whispered into your skin, tightening his arms around your waist, “I’m so sorry for everything”
Frowning, you cut him off, gently moving his face in front of yours and pulling him into a sweet, tender kiss.
“You have nothing to be sorry for James, nothing at all”
He looked down at your intertwined fingers, eyes drawn to the ring.
“You kept it”
“There was never gonna be anyone else Buck -”
“I know”
Averting your eyes from Bucky for a few seconds, you gestured for Steve to join the hug, your family unit complete.
“The three musketeers back together again” Steve smiled, leaning forwards so all three of your foreheads were touching.
“Punk”
“Jerk”
“Idiots”
