On fire.
sitting in the train, big headphones on ears, flowing beats.
Few hours before we sat together for having lunch. A calm being together, talking about Christmas time and habits. We talked about dialects and as you recognize I’m writing in English. Well - that’s not a dialect but it’s the same like I meant before. A language or a dialect can make you feel home. I don’t know why my most intense language is English. I even don’t speak or write it perfect. But my soul does. Multi layered personality I guess. At our lunch date I - again - recognized how important it is to see you. It’s because you’re that kind of guy who tells so much more with his eyes, touch or some words. You’re talking body language.
To me it’s not easy if I’m messaging quite horny and it ends up in the nirvana - no answer. Maybe it’s just the stupid game of hidden expectations or maybe also kopfkino which is already running. But as how different we are maybe I just have to accept that you don’t like distractions on a working day. What a pity. It’s so nice to have a short relief. As you might have recognized I’m really following my lust and desire - which I can canalize but sometimes it is really difficult to stay decent having you close to me. I guess therefore we need some rules. Jaaaa, Sex is an important part for me. I can live for months like a nun, no problem. But not, when I’m on fire by your side. I could give a shit on it and look for a nice fuck anywhere. I know where to get it. Friends with benefits is what any single should have. Or even not only singles. In my opinion any relationships should be more open minded. Like having a partner for life and a partner for the different you. It’s just the same thing as you have with friends. There’s one to go out for dinner, one for strolling around in the city, one for cooking together, going to cinema, one to talk about sex, one to talk about family, one about psychological difficulties, … it’s not only one person in life with who we can share all of this.
The last year has been a wild and hard roller coaster trip. Harder than the year before. It all lead to a better knowing myself, a better grounding, a better knowing who I am and what I want. Even if I had really hard lessons it sums up to being a good year. One big part of it had been accepting myself as a vulnerable and really feminine woman. If you have to be always the strong one it is not easy to accept those weak times. You just feel alone and to avoid it you flee into distraction.
The learning of final goodbyes. The abstract of really standing at the grave of the person who was a partner on your side over twenty years. With love, respect, dreams, understanding, naughtiness, strength and all on an easy trustful base. We shared our lives beside the common conditions. But with my cowboy’s death the next lesson is being realized: the body may be gone but the soul stays. All those mutual moments. You won’t communicate in the common way any more - of course. But there are other ways. Many changes in this year 2016. The goodbye to the depressing work, the more hello to crazy Art Creates Water World. Growing together as team, as friends. Increasing quality of life. Which is still on the list. The relief since October. Regaining the real me. My strength. Much reflection on anything. Situations, behavior, qualities, failures, relationships. friendships, family. Separation from situations, habits and people which and who are soaking energy in a negative way.
And then - again - you my darling. You, Mister Fox, are teaching me also new lessons. I’m thankful for letting me be a part of your life. Let’s see where the journey leads us. What we can learn from each other. Where we can melt and open up new dimensions. I know that we do have big potential for leading the world but that would be a bit too much. Just look out for what brightens our horizon, our potential of possibilities. With respect and love. Melting minds and….
well that’s about to discuss.
Yours. i*