#oni.exe

[on1tea]

I feel like I’m never allowed to be mad, why am I never allowed to be the mad one..

You’re allowed to be mad all you want but whenever I’m mad it’s never dealt with in the same way.. I’m hurt yet it’s me giving massages, giving relief and healing. My emotions are festering.. I never know what to do, I just do..

[on1tea]

“It’s all in your head.”

“You’re overreacting.”

“It’s not a big deal.”

“Just relax.”

“You’ll be fine.”

“You’ll be fine.”

“You’ll be fine.”

“You’ll be FINE. FINE. FINE.”

[on1tea]

“I’m so sorry I made you feel that way, I’ll bring it up in therapy and try to work on that, for now though let me write something sweet for you, and hold your hand until you feel more comfortable.”

“Thank you, I still feel upset about the times it’s happened that lead up to this, but I appreciate you taking accountability and trying to make up for it.”

Now if you’ll excuse me Im gonna be a walking target for a beginners archery class

[on1tea]

I hate setting such harsh boundaries

But you don’t know what you’re doing to me

How much you’re hurting me

When I let you walk all over me, let you hurt me when you’re hurt

But you don’t apologize when I try to let you know

When you make it about you all over again..dismissing what you’ve done to me

Blaming everything else…

[on1tea]

And then you get to be all cutesy with people and I can’t even..urrrRRRGGH

[on1tea]

It’s hard being in a place where so many things have happened.. an unclensed temple of rot, the negativity I felt the last time I stayed under this roof, hidden behind these walls.. knowing what it lead to, and not knowing if you’ll make it out the same way you entered. Shackled, or free…

[on1tea]

Stabbing myself over and over and over again until it makes you happy

[on1tea]

I could let the floor consume me like quicksand and be of more use..