#onlygodcanhelpme

[tsunamiwett]

I Need A Bandage For The Damage I’ve Been Through🥺😏 I’ve Been Knocked Down But I Manage To Improve #OnlyGodCanHelpMe https://www.instagram.com/p/CFiaWQihByd-d3MA3exx69bqXeAYPAay1aD0380/?igshid=11vkdqang05ec

[estherchris214]

2.10.15

It's been a while! Sorry -_-; I started this thing and look at me already slacking off. Reading your previous entries really helped me feel better, I guess in a sense taught me some things too. I have been so tired lately, because I wake up so early to work out, get stuck in traffic, and get stuck in traffic lol. I guess to be honest, I have been extremely exhausted, but I tried to keep a straight and somewhat happy face. Lately, I feel as if my life is at a plateau - ing stage.. I just feel like my life is very routine and nothing different. Still struggling financially, still bitter towards my dad, stressful traffic, list goes on and on.. I am trying to be grateful in all that I do, but I think its all talk. I haven't been devoting time to God, trying to read the bible as I remember, and just living the daily so called "christian life". I know I can do better, but I am just so tired these days I am not even trying. These days I feel nothing.. I feel like a robot doing the same thing everyday. I feel like I have no emotions to anything... I don't feel happy, I don't feel sad, I don't feel mad, I just don't feel anything. I know this is bad and during times like this, I should be looking to God, praying to God, devoting my time to God... but I'm not doing that. With my mouth I say I am or I should try, but in reality, I am neither trying nor doing it. 

Even as I am writing this...  I feel so scatterbrained, I feel so empty, I feel nothing... I think I am thinking about so many things that I don't know what I am thinking about. Like a compulsive liar, who lied so much that they are at a state where they are getting confused with their own lies. I guess like last weeks sermon, I am like Joseph when he was in prison, waiting and waiting for something better to happen. Joseph got that something better because he paitenly waited and looked up to God and God gave him more than he ever expected. That can be my story too... I can get that something better too if I just try. 

I read the daily devo yesterday and I loved this verse, but couldn't find the right translation. HCSB version translated it the best:

"The Lord does not delay His promise, as some understand delay, but is patient with you, not wanting any to perish but all to come to repentance." (2 Peter 3:9 HCSB)

this verse sums up what God is expecting from me from my emptiness. I need to repent...

I need God. I need prayer. I need the daily word.