{ onlymeantwelll }
⊰ℬ ⊱
The aftermath of her indiscretions had Blair physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted -- but she wasn't in the position to complain or break down, so she didn't. Instead, she wore a well practiced smile for everyone to see, held her head high despite the judgment and looks of shame in the eyes of her loved ones. Everyone blamed her, but they didn't have to. She already knew she was at fault, she knew the damage it would do if they ever got caught the moment she kissed him the first night.
His parents had specifically instructed the hospital to keep her from visiting him at all costs, but it wasn't a problem that a minor scheme couldn't fix. Nate's bedside was the last place she should be right now. Her marriage was falling apart, Chuck was spiralling because of her, and she should be focusing on that but how could she, when a man was laying in a hospital bed because of her? She tried to keep the tears that were threatening to fall as she gently ran her hands through soft, sandy brown hair.
"I can't stay for too long."
It was always that way with them these days -- stealing time that wasn't theirs. Blair spoke softly, even though it didn't matter. He was stable but still unconscious -- has been for about a week now. Serena kept her updated, grudgingly, she sensed, but it was something.
"I'm so sorry," she whispered as she took his hand in both of hers, holding on tightly. Love was supposed to inspire -- how come hers always seemed to end up destroying every man who ever walked into her life? Perhaps she never really understood what the word truly meant, maybe she never will.
"I don't know if you can hear me, but I'm sorry. I'm sorry for dragging you into this mess. You deserve so much better than this, than what I can give you -- so much better than just broken fragments of me. The last few months with you were the happiest I've been in years. You made me feel beautiful in every way possible, and I'll never forget that. I may regret a lot of the things I've done but I don't regret falling in love with you all over again and I do, I love you too, Nate Archibald. Always have, always will -- which is why it's time I do right by you."
And it was selfish and cowardly, for her to leave him now of all times, when he needed her the most but if she didn't do it now, she knew she'd falter again. It was yet another reason why she didn't deserve him. He should have someone who would stand by him, choose him above everything and everyone -- with Henry around, that was no longer an option for her. Blair reached over and leaned in to kiss him for the last time. Her lips quivered against his as a tear streamed down her cheek.
"Wake up soon, okay?" she smiled, eyes glassy. It was getting late, but she couldn't bring herself to leave so she remained where she was, hand still holding his, unwilling to let go just yet.
