#ooc . queue.

[lonehearts-a]

' was i getting money ' — a peek at whatever the hell is going on with harper & seojun (@luvscloud) !!

[lonehearts-a]

starter call. / @svnandmccn ; jasper to ??

"today a barista called me VIPER instead of jasper. so how's your day going ??"

[lonehearts-a]

— rowan carlisle ; a look at emotion.

when it comes to feeling, rowan balances precariously between total apathy & the most overwhelming sense of emotion possible. he goes between two extremes almost rapidly at times; he either cares too intensely, or not at all. there's no such thing as slow or casual for him. since his youth, he's been such an all or nothing person that he has no idea what an in between might look like.

when he cares about something, it consumes him, swallows him whole. when he loves, it's so intense he feels like it might break him. he can't love gently or softly, or ease himself into it. he loves very rarely, his broken heart carefully guarded, but when it happens, it's all at once. he loves so deeply he feels it in his lungs, expanding and pressing against his ribs, pushing and expanding to the point he thinks he's going to die, he almost feels sick with how deeply and thoroughly his love runs. sometimes, it overwhelms him to the point he can't eat, sleep, or even breathe comfortably. it can be a touch obsessive and deeply passionate, something that he can never truly move on from.

to that end, once he loves someone, that love isn't going away even if he wants it to. someone could devastate him down to his very core, betray him and tear him down to a shell of who he used to be, and some part of him will always love them. always. no matter how hard he tries, he can't turn that love into hate (and he has tried). love stays with him, clinging to him and refusing to be forgotten. hate ... it doesn't come easily to him at all if it's someone he's loved at some point. when he tries to hate them, he's reminded of the things that made warmth bloom deep in his chest.

sadness goes much the same. he can't be a little sad and move on, that would be too easy. if he feels it instead of being launched into numbness, it's a terribly isolating, desolate feeling he struggles to get out of. it can stay with him, lingering for years if it's intense enough, making joy and even simple contentedness seem so very, very far away.

the lack of control he has over his emotions and how deeply he feels them is partly why he tried to be the life of the party for so long. if he was having fun, he wouldn't have to think about anything else. he could forget everything that exhausts him to his very bones. but, alas, he has to stay sober & keep himself in line. and, really, he'd prefer to feel nothing than this raging storm of emotions that make him feel sick and dizzy and so alone all the time.

this is why he writes so much poetry in an attempt to get it all out before he feels like he's losing his grip on reality and what's reasonable to feel ... with varying degrees of success. at least he's a very passionate, dedicated lover?

[lonehearts-a]

" — that house across the street? yeah, totally haunted. last time i went there, i almost got thrown across the room by a ghost. i swear !!" it might sound unbelievable, but keller's telling nothing but the truth. his truth is just, well, strange. / @notfrsale liked for a starter. keller to ??

[lonehearts-a]

" — that shirt is ugly. did you get dressed in the dark or something ??" or, hello, as people in some circles of the world might say. / @gam3bo1 for jiang.

[lonehearts-a]

❝ is that a blanket burrito i see? ❞ ( Miran to Jasper )

bed & sleepy prompts. / not accepting !!

"bad day in class," is all he says, pulling his comforter closer to him. he's sure he looks petulant right now, pouting over a professor scolding him of all things, but jasper can't bring himself to care right now. he gestures with his chin to the drama he's watching on his laptop. "are you gonna join me ?? i don't feel like going out."

[lonehearts-a]

❝ is that a blanket burrito i see? ❞ { byul to emory, probably }

bed & sleepy prompts. / not accepting !!

"kinda. i'm burritoed up as fuck but i'm doodling right now. wanna join me ??" there's always room in his blankets for byul.

[lonehearts-a]

❝  it feels like there’s a string around my heart and it’s connected to you.  everywhere you go you’re just tugging me behind,  pulling me towards you.  ❞ (keller)

it's all about the yearning. / accepting !!

he can feel his cheeks heating up, and he's almost not sure what to say. he's never been important, always an unpleasant reminder of wasted potential and everything he should be but isn't. no one has ever found him to be anything special ... it's easy to have assumed that, for sana, it would be largely the same. but somehow that's not the case, and it leaves keller feeling uncharacteristically shy. he picks at his sleeve, the one he never pushes higher than his watch, and peeks up at her through his bangs, certain he must be bright red. even his ears feel hot.

"you ... you really mean a lot to me, sana. i just ... are you sure ?? you can do ... a lot better than me." we both know it, he thinks, looking down at his hands.