It’s Not Your Fault.
She hated this place. She always had to be quiet, she hated how sad and scared everyone looked all the time, too. Daddy had told her the name of this place in the hospital was the ICU. She didn’t know what it stood for, but she didn’t like it one bit.
She hated it even more because her mommy had to be in it. Her mommy hadn’t woken up in an entire week, and she missed her. She missed her mommy’s smile, her mommy’s hugs. She missed her mommy kissing her and reading her bedtime stories.
Her mommy was broken. Daddy had told her she was hurt really bad, but Sophia knew her mommy was broken, or else she’d wake up and tell her everything would be okay.
Or maybe she’d be mad at her, because she caused everything to happen. Eli wouldn’t have hit mommy if her mommy hadn’t tried to protect her. Eli got mad and hurt her. And it was all Sophia’s fault.
She sat quietly in the waiting room, watching other kids play with the toys Aunt Jaymie had told her not to touch, because sick kids played with those toys all the time. They didn’t look like fun toys, anyway.
She looked around, eyes resting on the door. Her daddy said he’d only be five minutes, but that was a long time ago. She was bored, and this place reminded her of how bad she was. She wanted to go home and go to sleep. She was usually too upset to do much of anything else these days, especially since nightmares woke her up multiple times a night.
She sighed, resting her chin on her hand.
“What’s up kiddo?” Aunt Oona asked, looking at her with concern.
“Nothing.” She said sadly.
“You know I don’t buy that.” Oona put her hand on Sophia’s back, rubbing it gently, just like her mommy used to do whenever she was scared or didn’t feel good. “What’s the matter?”
“I’m sad.”
“I know, me too baby.”
“Will mommy wake up?” Sophia looked up at Oona, and saw her visibly collect herself, like grown-ups did before they told kids a lie.
“Your mommy is hurt, Sophie.”
“I know.”
“The doctors said she’s doing good now, but, honey, we don’t know exactly...what happened up here.” She pointed at her head. “They think she will wake up. But they don’t know when. And they don’t know what she’ll be like when she does.”
“What do you mean?” Sophia cocked her head to the side. Oona sighed, picking Sophia up and putting her on her lap.
“When people’s brains get hurt, a lot of different things can happen, and no one knows what until the person who got hurt wakes up. They might not remember what happened, who they are, who the people they love are…” She looked down at Sopha, whose lip trembled, but she nodded. “They also might not remember how to walk or talk, or do other things like that. Do you understand?” Sophia nodded, and Oona held her tighter. “I don’t know what’s going to happen when your mommy wakes up, Sophie, but I’m absolutely positive, after a little while, everything will be just fine.” Sophia sniffled, imagining her mom not remembering who she was.
“It’s all my fault.” She whimpered quietly.
“What baby?” Oona leaned closer.
“It’s all my fault!” Sophia started sobbing, covering her face in her hands. A few of the other people in the room looked over, the children with curiosity, the adults with concern and heartbreak.
“Sophia Grace! What makes you say that?” Oona turned Sophia around so she was facing her, pulling her hands away from her face.
“Cause...cause...if I wasn’t there, Eli wouldn’t have hurt mommy.” She wailed. “She tried to protect me!”
“Sophia…” Oona hugged her tightly again and rocked her back and forth. “Sophia, listen to me. None of this is your fault.” Sophia looked up at her. “Of course your mom was trying to protect you. She loves you very, very much. She would be very upset with herself if anything happened to you. And Eli hurting her had nothing to do with you. That was his fault.” She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “Actually, Sophia, you saved your mommy.”
“Daddy did.”
“Daddy came because you called him. You did exactly what your mommy told you to do, Sophie, and that was so brave.” Oona choked up, blinking rapidly to keep herself from crying as she kissed Sophia’s forehead. “If you wouldn’t have called your daddy, help might have come too late. You saved your mommy’s life, baby.” Sophia sniffled again.
“Really?”
“Really really. You’re so brave, just like mommy.” This time, Sophia’s eyes lit up.
“I am?!”
“You are!” Sophia flung herself at Oona, wrapping her tiny arms around her neck. Oona bit her lip to keep herself from crying, but was saved by the door opening and Freeman walking in, looking tired, but optimistic. He smiled when he saw his daughter hugging Oona.
“Daddy!” Sophia squealed, jumping off of Oona’s lap and into Freeman’s outstretched arms. “Aunt Oona told me I was brave, just like mommy!”
“She did?” Freeman smiled at her, then turned to Oona with a questioning look.
“I did. She was afraid…” Oona looked at Sophia.
“I told her it was all my fault that mommy got hurt, but Auntie Oona told me I saved her, and that I was very brave.” She grinned. Freeman visibly relaxed.
“All of that is very true, Bug.” He hugged her tightly to him. “You’re very brave.” He set her down, rubbing his face afterwards.
“She’s stable. The doctors are saying the swelling in her brain has gone down significantly. Her bruising is going down, she almost looks like a person again.” He sighed, placing his hands on his hips. “They’re pretty sure she’s going to wake up now, they just don’t know when, since the swelling was pretty severe there for a while. And they don’t know what her mental state will be, either.”
“Well...it’s good news, at least. She’s healing.” Oona stood, wiping her palms on her jeans. She looked up at Freeman, whose lips were pressed in a thin line and his brow was furrowed together in worry. The stress of the situation was etched onto every part of his face and in the rigidness of his body.
“She’ll be fine. It’s Faye.” Oona smiled at him.
“Yeah, you’re right.” He half smiled, but his body didn’t relax. “Let’s go get Amora from school. Wanna go get sissy, Bug?” Freeman asked, holding his arms out.
“Yeah!” Sophia, who hadn’t been going to school for the past week because of the emotional trauma she had gone through, was beginning to get antsy and was asking how many days until she could go back. Because her therapist had seen an improvement, he had cleared her to go back that next Monday, as long as her teacher was aware of the situation and the fact that Sophia could have moments where she was upset and frightened easily. Freeman thought she was going to be just fine, and the doctors were overreacting. Sophia was just like her mother- a fighter. She climbed into Freeman’s arms again, and the three of them left the family room and stepped outside into the bright sunlight.
@nonsimsical
