Discover Top Posts Tagged with #or be loved

Friend: please have something normal to say,,,, please

Me, wearing a sailboat shirt using a reject veggie straw for my carbonated lemonade: you know, when someone asks me 'whats crackalakin' I can with full confidence say my bones and I believe that should be an OSHA violation. I'm not a reindeer.

Friend: please.....

#osha #im chaotic #and not dead #so thats fun #anyways #if you couldnt tell #i wanna d*e #or be loved #whatever #is fucking real

#/////////"/////////////////#///////////////////////////////////#//////////////////////////////////////////////////////#im ot #not #im a fat ugly worthless piece of shit #who will probably never love again #or be loved #the only person ive ever fallen for pushes me away and ill never be with him #peoplw domt have cruahes on me #im not good enough for that #lije i said #unlovable fat ugly and worthless #like alsways.

anyways. i dont think im able to love

#or be loved

Spring's first love was God. He loved God unconditionally, and his loyalty was such that he was ready to lose his life if that was God's command.

God was Spring's daydreams and hopes. Spring shaped himself under the idea that God was watching over him. It had described the behaviors it wished to see in people, and Spring followed each devotedly; when the priest reassured him of his faith, Spring's heart would jump out of place.

Spring stopped believing in Love the same day he stopped believing in God.

The concepts are too similar for Spring to categorize them into different groups. If Spring loved a God that could be denied or invented, then the love's foundation is sustained in the same nothingness of faith. Love isn't real but something some people decide to believe in, and he detests that. He doesn't wish to put his feelings into something fake that he cannot reach because, just like God, Love won't reach back for him.

Spring understood that unconditionality and loyalty to abstract concepts are exploitative. The day Spring assumed that God did exist, but it had abandoned him—over his mistake—he learned that he doesn't wish to believe or love something/someone who seems to demand but isn't willing to give the same back.

Underneath all this rationality, Spring is too afraid to hurt again the way that he did that night. Some part of him was lost for good, and if he were to lose another part of him, he would cease to exist regardless if his lungs were still pumping oxygen.

Spring's trust was lost that day and left him with an impending sensation of betrayal that solidified the day he had his psychotic break. He can't see himself ever devoting himself to something/someone else because God taught him that he was worthy as long as he could be taken advantage of, which was unfair because Spring never requested something from God more than all it already was.

Unfortunately, God's abandonment and the priest's betrayal meant a complete denial of Spring's sweet efforts to be recognized. Spring was turned invisible and thrown into a dark room as an extra measure to remind him he wasn't acknowledged as deserving.

If one day he went crazy and decided to believe again—in Love this time—he'd make a mistake as he can't escape that from his human nature. Spring would return to be unseen, and he can't take such cruelty.

#Spring - Headcanon #Now that I think about it all my emotionally constipated babies follow a similar thinking pattern as to why they don't want to love #or be loved #It is time to do a thesis: Radical reaffirmation of oneself as a coping mechanism against abandonment.#ignore me #CHRISTMAS TOOK WAY TOO MUCH ENERGY FROM ME #i'm working in a quart of a neuron