#or foolishness

[ravennaramos]

Okay T. I'll tell you.

I'm absolutely terrified right now because I'm pretty certain that once you know, you're going to panic and never speak to me again.

I'm staring out of the window into the black night and maybe our eight months of texting has finally led us to this exact timeline split. Either you walk away, or you don't. It'll be your choice alone and I can't control the outcome any longer.

Either you love me, or you don't.

Okay here goes

[screenshot of my Tumblr post which reads "T there are some late nights when I feel like I will absolutely wither away and die because you're not inside of me"]

I posted this on the internet on April 16th. You can Google my Tumblr name and my blog will come up immediately. Everything with the #is this flirting? tag is about you, and it goes back to August when you very first texted me.

Aside from the blog, I started writing you letters when I thought that I was first developing feelings for you. The first letter that I wrote to you was on October 5th. The most recent letter was yesterday. I've written you 92 letters and one Italian sonnet (seriously).

Remember back in November when I told you that your name was beautiful, and you said you hated it? And that I wrote an "argument" to defend your name? It was actually the sonnet that I wrote. Since we'll probably never talk after this, you can have it now

[screenshot of sonnet]

T, I'm madly in love with you. I should think it obvious by now. I've never felt this way about anyone in my life, not ever. Not even close. And I can say that because, I believe that we meet in every timeline. I never believed in fate or destiny before I met you.

When I saw you in Dr. T's class, it was the most fucked up thing because I just knew. I just knew. I felt the presence of your body in Dr. L's class, sitting behind me. I felt your... vibrations. It sounds so dumb to say it like this, but I did. And I think you felt it too, strangely, and whether or not you understood it, I think maybe you loved me immediately. At least, you felt something enough to seek me out after not seeing me for an entire year. Why else were you still thinking about me after all that time?

Anyway, I knew by October 5th.

By the beginning of December, I was so in love with you that I started to become ill, like in those old Brontë novels. Leading up to the first day of my new job, I couldn't eat and I couldn't sleep. I started to lose weight. And then I made you the voice recording which you did not enjoy, and you stopped talking to me for a few weeks, and I honestly thought I would die from heartbreak. Just like in those old novels. But I fought really hard to get you back, and I did, a little bit anyway.

But then we didn't talk for all of February and half of March. I wrote you two goodbye letters in fact, I think they're on Tumblr. I couldn't send them though, because I love you so desperately.

I know there are infinity timelines in which we get married, and have kids, and we're really happy together. I know there are timelines in which you are not afraid to love me too, passionately, endlessly, openly. I don't think I'm lucky enough to be in either of those timelines. But it's not my decision, it's yours.

What else can I say? You're all I think about, all I desire. The days that we don't talk pass in sheer agony for me. I cry all the time over you. I come all the time thinking about you. All my close friends know about you.

If you asked me to marry you tomorrow, I would. If you asked me to wait ten years, I would, although I'm not certain I'd be alive. If you asked me to run away with you, to a ranch out west, to Washington D.C., if you asked me to live in LC with you, or Canada or Ghana, I would. If you asked me to have the kinkiest possible sex with you, I would.

I would do anything for you, because I love you. It's that simple. There is no shadow or hint of doubt in my heart. My love for you is real and pure and true.

I'm your dream woman, your trophy wife, your little slut, your brightside girl. I'm hopelessly devoted to you. I love you, T.

And even as you walk away from me, I'll love you. I'll love you until the day I die. And after.

Anyway, that's what I wanted to tell you in person. But maybe it's better this way. Because I have my doubts that you're ready to know all this. I guess my 93rd letter to you will be about telling you all of this finally.

And now you understand why it's agony for me, to never hear you tell me that I'm beautiful, or that you like me, or want to see me or date me, or that you want to be my man. That you love me. [Author's note: What do you suppose are the chances of him ever writing a love letter back to me?]

You say only the strong survive; you probably perceive my love for you as a weakness, or your own feelings for me as weakness, whatever they may be.

And I say to you, love is the only thing worth living for. It's the only thing worth dying for, worth risking it all for. We were put on this earth by God to love and be loved. That's it. And all that matters to me is my all-consuming love for you.

One last thing: Life is really, really short. You think you have time; you don't. You think there will always be chances and opportunity and next time; there won't be.

Personally I'm waiting for the day when the doctors tell me that I inherited it from my mother after all. And then I'll be counting my life in days, not years. And in that respect, I'm glad that you know. In this timeline, before I die, you know.

I think that's everything. You have my heart now, do with it what you wish. It's yours.

I love you, T

[zzdms]

Repost and fill out the form all about what your muse would/wouldn’t be brave enough to do. Then tag any friends you’d like to see do it as well!

Note that some of these aren’t smart things to do (don’t use Ouija boards or try getting into the Dark Web, bruh) but in this case, bravery and risk are both included.

REPOST BUT DO NOT REBLOG PLEASE!

TAGGED BY: @robotpirateleader

TAGGING: @thanaticriver , @wanderthefog and anyone wishing to do it, just take it.

MY MUSE WOULD …

[ x ] Spend the night in a haunted building [ x ] Go into a burning/collapsing building to save someone [ x ] Take a shortcut through a dark alleyway [ x ] Stay calm with a weapon pointed at them [  ] Be confident defending themselves from an attack [ x ] Touch a dangerous exotic animal [ x ] Take someone else’s punishment to protect them [ x ] Travel to an unknown place by themselves [ x ] Spend a night in the woods alone [ x ] Witness (or join) a seance [ x ] Play a scary video game in the dark alone [ x ] Explore a pitch black catacomb with only one light [ x ] Contact the spirit of someone they once knew [ x ] Spend the night in a cemetery [ x ] Sit in a room with one hundred creepy dolls [ x ] Hang their feet over the edge of a tall building [ x ] Swim in dark, murky waters without being able to touch the bottom [ x ] Use or accept a powerful magic spell [ x ] Be covered in spiders, snakes, or other insects [ x ] Go looking for the source of a mysterious sound late at night [  ] Spend an hour sealed up in a coffin [ x ] Go sailing miles from shore without any communication [ x ] Use a Ouija board [ ] Go diving in a dark, underwater cave [ x ] Climb through a long tunnel just big enough to fit through [ x ] Explore a spot where cult rituals were performed [ x  ] Go walking late at night, alone [ x ] Spend the night in a home where someone was murdered [  ] Go surfing on the Dark Web [ x ] Play an urban legend game (bloody mary, the midnight man, etc…) [ x ] Stay home alone with a suspected killer on the loose (She already does that !) [ x ] Climb a dangerous mountain where many others have died on their way to the top [ x ] Explore ancient ruins where strange things have happened [ x ] Touch a supposedly cursed object [ x ] Check out a creepy cellar or attic [ x ] Cross an unstable bridge over a huge drop [ x ] Pick up a hitchhiker in the middle of the night

[theboxfactory]

See that

is where all the plight and misery go. That’s where I and you meet on the corner of an avenue, defined divine until the end of time because we had the gall to be undone. I have always rejected the necessity of suffering in the world, yet defended the concept in my own life! So who is all the better or the worse for it? Who has alighted as a sparrow on the underside of a freeway overpass to keep from the rain, with the drumming of the minuscule footsteps of water on the sides and the steady bass rhythm of traffic above and below, the cacophony of solidarity, and come to be reassured? None. But save for you and I in the in-between are glorious. But save for faith we don’t believe in. But save for the future There is little difference between an echo and hallucination, and madness has only ever been defined by those who are not mad.