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I am unhappy.
my depression is getting worse and I think some of it is COVID isolation getting to me, but also I don’t think that’s all of it.
I don’t know if grad school is the right choice for me and I’ve been doubting it for ages but I was already in it, and I get paid, so there didn’t seem to be a reason to drop out
but now there’s COVID, and I live with my Ma who’s at risk, and I think she’s more important than a degree that I don’t know if I want it and I definitely don’t know what I’ll do with it
I haven’t gone in since mid-March and I’ve been doing stuff from home but like I work in a lab so my project hasn’t progressed for like 5 months.
and now my boss is saying she can’t fund me and the school can’t fund me past August 31st. So I either have to go back to lab or take a leave of absence.
and half of me is like, I don’t want to take a leave of absence that’ll be terrible for me. and the other half is like, I could just drop out, it’s not like I want to go back anyways. And I don’t know if it’s the depression or the covid craziness or what. and part of me is like, I guess you could switch to a master’s??? instead of being stuck at something I don’t enjoy for like 3 more years.
but also I’ve been depressed for so long that I don’t know if there’s any job I would ever enjoy long term. if I try to think of things that I like doing that I could do for work, I come up blank. I’m not made for working. and so I’m already in this program and I could finish it and it would be good for the future probably. so why not just keep going with that?
I just don’t know what to do. And I thought I would have till the end of September to decide. but now I have 3 weeks.