last word on orals/comps/quals
The final count was 216 books in ~75 working days. It was a lot. *s*
And the exam yesterday was intense. I’d been told by other ABDs that when they went in well-prepared, it wasn’t at all difficult for them - that after a few questions they stopped being nervous and got on a roll and the conversation opened up naturally with their committee. That did NOT HAPPEN. I was waiting and hoping for it, but that moment never came. I was shaky and sick as a dog beforehand and though I did settle after a little while, the style of questioning was nothing other than solemn, serious, and penetrating. Afterwards, I was so keyed up from being that switched on that it took me a few hours to even start feeling happy about passing. And I still don’t really know how I did - at the end when I was invited back in they were very smiley and all hugged me (!) but then everyone just sort of... left. I’m looking forward to debriefing with my advisor soon to hear what was what.
On another serious note - it took several months and a lot of mental effort over the past year to get even remotely close to thinking I was capable of this. You all here on Tumblr were a huge, huge part of that process for me, whether you were aware of it or not, and I can’t thank you enough. You keep me sane and happy and hopeful and all of your messages, asks and replies never ever fail to make me smile. I am so grateful. And I love you all.