#orca venting

[orcinusorka]

Tired, angry, and sick with the stomach flu. I have to get up extremely early tomorrow, even though it's already... 12 am.

Everything just feels so completely and utterly sickening, I have no energy for anything

I wish I could stop coming back here with negativity every single day, but damn... hard to be positive when living at a time like this

Either way, hopefully the next time I'm around I'll have more energy to live than I do now. And more positive news

Take care guys, and don't get sick

[orcinusorka]

I am very afraid

I wish I could have my pod with me

Why did they take me away from them?

My pod was waiting for me near the beach all the time

All they should've done was just drag me back into the ocean

Why have they done this to me?

Even worse than that, the humans cannot take care of me

This is too much for them, and in turn, too much for me

I wish that at least the humans could care for me

They're creatures I fear and avoid, but I wish they could show me love as well

I'm just so sick of this

[orcinusorka]

Have been having such terrible intrusive thoughts lately

They make me feel so disgusting, like a damn moral failure

I'm not in my whale body anymore. I cannot keep thinking on instinct. I'm so sick of it

I have to adapt to my human body. I can't. My brain is trying so hard to act like it's still in my original body.

Stupid, stupid brain

Thought crimes don't exist, yet I feel so disgusting

If I still had what I could truly call my original body, I wouldn't worry about this

Man, this sucks

[orcinusorka]

Vent, paranoid thoughts (?)

I feel even more stressed than I used to

All my human relationships are slowly beginning to weigh so heavily on me

I cannot connect to these people, I shouldn't be connecting with them

I'm a whale, I'm not a human. I know how my kind ends up when getting too close to the humans

I cannot trust them. I cannot trust them to keep secrets, I cannot trust them with anything. In the end, I'm only seen as an object they can hurt and push around all they like

They wish to destroy me. I can feel it

I know that any slip up and I'll fall victim to their schemes

I cannot believe I was so stupid

I shouldn't have ever trusted any human

Every friendship I make, any connection I form—it all shatters under the expectations of humans

I shouldn't have trusted any of them

I shouldn't have done any of this, how could I have been so damn stupid

I don't feel comfortable with any of them anymore, honestly I never did

I'm so scared, I'm so fucking scared that I'll do one thing wrong and they will all turn on me

I saw how they treated those who did do something wrong

Why can't they just learn to be kind, please

That's all I beg for

I've been a good whale. I really was. I'm trying my best everyday, I promise I am

Why do they still intend on hurting me

Only a few really understand how I feel, and none of them are human as well. They're one of the only things I still appreciate

I just wish that I could find a safe space in humans as well

[orcinusorka]

I haven't really been feeling well

I'm trying to post regularly on all of my platforms, but it's extremely hard

I feel as if I'm drifting away from my human friendships

I apologize if I seem too moody or don't reply sometimes

It's hard for me to gather any energy right now

Outside of species dysphoria, I'm too tired to feel anything

I wish I could just sleep everyday

[orcinusorka]

I miss my pod so bad

I want to swim with them again

I want to be free with them again

I just wish to go back to the ocean

To be free

Free to swim wherever I want with no walls holding me back

No concrete and no glass to stop me

Just the endless ocean and my family

I want to be free again

I miss my pod

[orcinusorka]

I really mourn the fact that I'll never truly have a biological pod. That I'll never be able to swim closely with my mother, nuzzling her for protection... that I'll never be able to play with my siblings in the water, that I'll never be able to watch my father from afar as we all swim in one line. That I'll never be able to have or sire my first calf, watch with awe as they swim up for air, and that I'll never be able to protect my grand-calves and teach them to hunt, along with their mother.

I was never one for the human relations of families. I never particularly liked human children, and mostly stayed away from my human family... But yet, I still yearn for that feeling of love and stability in the sea. Free from all shackles of humanity, and being surrounded by family and care.

[orcinusorka]

I feel relieved with the fact that there's a chance I'll be able to live at a marine park, and have my body back

I was stolen from the wild, and taken from my pod

But now, I have to let go of the past, and focus on the present

I do feel extremely sad when seeing my beloved fellows who too were stolen from the ocean.. live in concrete tanks

I am not extremely anti-captivity, but I still feel a sadness

I wonder if they also miss their pod like I do, if they yearn for the ocean like I do, knowing that they'll never return again?

I know that sea pens and sea sanctuaries are unattainable, and would not work in the long run (I made a post about it, if you're curious.)

But even then

It'd be... Nice if they could all retire to the ocean. But that's an unattainable dream

I know that, especially SeaWorld, has good care now. I know that their orcas often display positive welfare. I'm glad! I'm happy that they're doing well...

But even then. I know that we can't revert time... I just wish that captivity never became a thing. Like everyone.

We wouldn't have suffered... Maybe I wouldn't even be captured.

I wish.