#oreoverse

[mrsdorothydevereaux]

season 3 oreo!verse

3.08 Brotherly Love Stranger Bedfellows  

Dorothy finds a visit from her ex-brother-in-law to be a welcome distraction from the rift between her and Blanche. It’s very awkward having to skirt around the woman she’s been dating and raising a kid with for months as though they’re strangers. They haven’t said anything to each other in days, relaying necessary information through Rose and Sophia, and have developed a weird custody arrangement that has Dorothy taking care of Ellie during the day and Blanche taking care of her at night. Rose is having trouble sleeping for unrelated reasons (same as canon).

But while Ted is in town, he offers to take Dorothy out to dinner as the old friends that they are. So this happens.

Rose, entering the living room, where Dorothy is sullenly reading a newspaper on the couch: Dorothy, Blanche says that the milk is heating up in the crib and the baby is on the stove. Dorothy: ... Rose: ... Rose: Sorry. I meant to say that the milk is heating up the baby and the crib is on the stove. Or was it, the baby is eating the milk and the stove is in the crib? Dorothy: Honey, I’m begging you, take a sleeping pill. And while you’re at it, please tell Blanche that I’m going out for dinner with Ted tonight. Rose: I can’t take a sleeping pill. Those make me loopy. *raises voice* Blanche! Dorothy says that I should go out for dinner tonight and she’s sleeping with Ted!” Blanche, bursting out of her bedroom: She’s WHAT?! Dorothy: That’s not what I said! I said I’m going out to dinner with Ted. As friends! Blanche: ... Blanche: Hmmph!

Dorothy takes some comfort in the fact that Blanche still cares who she does and doesn’t spend time with. But she takes even more comfort in spending the entire night out with Ted. They don’t kiss and technically they don’t flirt, but they toe the line a little bit too close. Dorothy comes home confused and upset.

Blanche: Good morning, Rose. Good morning, Tramp. Dorothy: Wait...you can see me? For a moment there I thought I was a ghost. Blanche: I haven’t killed you yet, honey. Rose, delirious with exhaustion: Mom, Dad, stop fighting. Blanche: You’ve got some goddamn nerve. You accuse me of running around with that damn politician, then less than a week later you’re in bed with your ex-brother-in-law? Dorothy: I am not. We only talked, Blanche. That’s also an activity that people can do at night. Blanche: Well that’s rich, considering you’re the one who cheated on me. Dorothy: I didn’t cheat on you! How is you refusing to believe me any different than me refusing to believe you? Blanche: Because you’ve already betrayed my trust, that’s why! Rose: Calm down, before you both say something you regret. Blanche: *storms out* Dorothy: I don’t believe this! She’s such a hypocrite! Rose: relax, Dorothy. I’ll make you some tea.

[scene continues to show Rose overcaffinating herself same as canon]

Later that night, Dorothy goes out dancing with Ted. Friends can go dancing, right? Blanche finds out through Rose, and she’s not happy at all. She’s sitting on the couch nursing Ellie when there’s a knock at the door.

Stan: Hi, it’s me, Stan. Blanche: Go hug a landmine! Stan: *opens door* nice to see you too, Blanche Blanche: Damnit. Rose forgot to lock it again. Stan: I came by to see if Ted was here. Blanche: Nope. He’s out dancing with your ex-wife. Stan: *sighs* I knew it. Ted moves fast. I bet he’s planning on proposing to her right now. The worst part is, she’s only using him to get back at me. Blanche: Don’t flatter yourself, she’s using him to get back at-wait...what did you do this time? Stan: Nothing. That’s it. She’s still holding a past grudge over the mistakes I made while we were married. Blanche: Wait a minute. Stan, did you cheat on Dorothy? More than once? Stan: Well, yeah, but c’mon, my brother? Sure, I slipped up with my secretary, and with the flight attendant, and the waitress, but I only made a pass at her sister one time. Blanche: Oh, my god! *stands up quickly* Rose! Rose! I have something very important I have to do. Stan: Not what I was expecting, but okay. Got any condoms? Blanche. Not you.

Blanche runs into Rose’s room to wake her up, which is difficult because Rose has finally fallen asleep. Blanche: Wake up, I need your help! I need someone to tend to Ellie for a little while so I can go find Dorothy! She’s so upset with me, and God, I don’t blame her. I’ve been awful. Just awful! Rose, listen! Am I a terrible person? Rose: I don’t know. Who are you? Blanche: It’s me, Blanche! Rose: No, you’re not a terrible person! You’re just horny all the time! *yawns* Fine, I’ll watch Ellie. But only for one hour, and then you have to let me rest.

Blanche rushes down to the club where Ted is dancing with Dorothy. She cuts in, a particularly bold move since they are very much still closeted for the most part. Blanche tells Dorothy that she’s sorry she’s been giving her the silent treatment and that she should have understood that the only reason why Dorothy’s so sensitive about cheating is because Stan did it to her so many times.

Dorothy: And I’m so, so sorry for not believing you about Gil Kessler. Blanche: I forgive you! And I’m so, so sorry for pretending not to believe you about Ted! Dorothy: You mean you never doubted me? Blanche: Of course not, I was just mad because I figured you were trying to make me jealous. Nobody cheats on me, I’m gorgeous! Dorothy: You are gorgeous! Blanche: So are you!

They almost kiss, but then remember they’re in public. So they walk back over to the table with Ted.

Dorothy: Listen, Ted. There’s something I should tell you. Ted: There’s something I should tell you, too. Blanche: As long as you’re not about to ask her to marry you? Ted: Of course not! I’m about to ask her to babysit! Dorothy: But Ted, you don’t have any children. Ted: No, but I met this gorgeous stewardess on the flight out here, and she can only come with me to Acapulco if she can find a sitter for her two kids. You don’t mind, do you? They’re great kids. One of them plays with matches and stuff, but you don’t smoke, right? Dorothy: I’m afraid that between Rose and Ellie, we can’t risk any more potential fire starters in the house. But I’m flattered you asked. And I promise you that I will never, ever tell anyone that deep dark secret you shared with me. Dorothy: *takes Blanche’s hand and walks to the mike to announce that Ted is impotent*

They go home, and Dorothy goes back to sleeping in Blanche’s bed where she belongs.

[pflugysfood]

Made an oreo drip cake today!

[mrsdorothydevereaux]

season 3 reimagined oreo!verse style

3.07 Strange Bedfellows

Dorothy, Blanche, and Rose host a campaign rally at their house for congressman Gil Kessler. During the party, Blanche makes a joke about how attractive Kessler is, which earns her a dirty look from Dorothy. Then, after everyone leaves, Blanche returns a file that the congressman left to his house.

Blanche: *opens door to her bedroom, gently shuts it behind her, tiptoes to wardrobe and begins removing her jewelry* Dorothy: *stirs* who is it? Blanche: Shhh! Be quiet, darlin’, you’ll wake up the baby. Dorothy: Blanche? You’re just getting in now? It’s almost midnight! Blanche: *removing her shoes, socks, and dress and slipping into a negligee* Yes, well, once I got there Kessler was losing his damn mind over that speech he’s supposed to give on Wednesday, so I decided to help him rehearse it, and then he wanted me to help him pick out his outfit for tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that. Don’t get me wrong, Dorothy, I’ll be proud to vote for him for city councilman, but your mother is right. He is a wimp.* Blanche: *crawls into bed with Dorothy, snuggles up next to her* Dorothy: Why do you smell like wood polisher? And aftershave? And allspice? Blanche: We may have gone through a few...dozen cologne samples. Blanche: *kisses Dorothy goodnight and goes to sleep*

The following morning, Rose wakes up Ellie by hammering a birdcage together. Dorothy greets Rose by coming out scowling with a crying baby. Rose apologizes, admonishes herself, smashes the birdhouse, and then rocks Ellie back to sleep while Dorothy gets the newspaper. The headlines are abuzz with accusations that Kessler has had an affair with the woman who came over to his house, and there is a photo of Blanche in the paper. When Dorothy sees it, she grabs the paper and runs back to her bedroom to confront Blanche, who swears up and down that she would never cheat on Dorothy, never sleep with a married man, and never have sex with a man who can’t pick out his own tie, sock, hankie combo, okay? Dorothy chooses to believe Blanche and apologizes to her for even asking. Rose and Sophia, knowing they discussed it, don’t say anything.

But later in the day, Gil Kessler gives a press conference and states that he did, in fact, sleep with Blanche Devereaux.

Blanche: I don’t believe this, he just lied! Dorothy: ... Blanche: Dorothy? Dorothy: Two hours you spent at the man’s house. You told me you were helping him with his speech. Blanche: And pick out outfits! Dorothy: And even though you came home smelling like him, I still believed you. That’s how badly I wanted you to be telling the truth. Blanche: No, no, Dorothy...no... Blanche: *follows Dorothy into kitchen* Sophia: *immediately dials people magazine wanting to talk to the person who sells stories about politicians sleeping with sleazy broads*

Blanche: Dorothy, wait! Stop! Come on now, surely you don’t believe Gil Kessler over me? You barely know the man! Dorothy: No, but I do know you. I’ve seen the posters. “Join The Navy, See The World, Sleep With Blanche Devereaux!” God, how could I have been so stupid? *slams counter* Blanche: But I’m not a cheater! I’m not! Dorothy: You cheated on George! Blanche: No I did not! Dorothy: What about that man you said you met while he was away at war? Blanche: All I did was flirt with him a little! And all right, we kissed once, but that was a heat-of-the moment thing. I didn’t plan it! Dorothy: Oh, so if you don’t plan it, it doesn’t count? Just like with Gil Kessler? Blanche: For the last time, nothing happened between me and GIl Kessler! Not one peck, not one squeeze, not even a longing glance. He and I have as much chemistry as a sweaty pig and a horsefly and that’s the last time I’m telling you that, Dorothy? You hear me? The last time! Dorothy: Good. Because if you’re lying, I’m done with you. Blanche: *answers telephone and chews Stan out*

Blanche and Dorothy both storm out crying. Blanche storms into Gil Kessler’s office and confronts him with Ellie strapped to her chest. She demands that he retract his statement publicly. At his next campaign event, he does. He also tells everyone that he’s trans, and even more surprisingly, Italian.

That night, Rose comes and finds Dorothy resting in her own bed in her own room, which she hasn’t done since long before Ellie was born.

Dorothy: I don’t really feel like talking, Rose. It’s been a horrible night and I’m very upset. Rose: You mean because your girlfriend hates you? Dorothy: No, Rose, because they haven’t rerun The Facts Of Life Goes To Australia yet. How’s she doing? Has she spoken to you yet? Rose: Not really. She’s been in her room with the baby ever since we got home. I’m sure she’ll talk to you again someday, though. Dorothy: She’d certainly have every reason not to. I did a terrible thing not believing her. Rose: To be fair, Dorothy, no one believed her. Not me, not Sophia, not all those reporters who called. Even Gil’s campaign manager was surprised. Dorothy: But I’m Blanche’s partner, Rose. Me. I was supposed to know better. I never thought she and I would have a fight this bad. And I certainly never thought it would be my fault.

To Be Continued.

[mrsdorothydevereaux]

Season 2 Reimagined oreo!Verse Style 2.26

2.26 Empty Nests

All of the baby’s stuff has been bought, sheets and other things have been added to the crib in Blanche’s room, parenting books have been read, and everyone is looking forward to the arrival of Baby Devereaux in one month. Blanche is feeling miserable, but no more miserable than she did during her first five pregnancies. Dorothy is starting to feel and act calmer. She even doesn’t protest when Rose must drive Blanche to a doctor’s appointment because Dorothy has to drive Sophia to a different appointment. Everything is just fine.

Until the doctor tells Blanche that for her health and the baby’s health, he must induce her immediately. At that point, Dorothy and Blanche both lose their minds and start yelling about everything they haven’t done yet. They need to buy diapers, they need to wash onesies in bleach free detergent, for god’s sake, they haven’t even finished monogramming the blankets yet!

Rose tries to convince Blanche that she is going to do just fine and just needs to breathe. That goes reasonably well until Blanche learns that because there have been many, many changes in the way that hospitals deliver babies in the twenty+ years since she had a kid, she is going to be awake for the procedure, which she finds horrifying. When they come in with the syringe and Blanche starts shrieking, Rose goes into Captain Girl Scout Mama Bear mode and tells her to lay down and shut up because she is going to have this baby right now whether she likes it or not and if that’s a problem, well, then she should have thought of that eight months ago!

Meanwhile, Dorothy and Sophia get trapped behind a terrible car accident and are stuck on the highway. Dorothy starts screaming at the other cars to go until Sophia tells her that if she doesn’t stop that right now she’s going to drive.

Blanche starts having contractions. Dorothy starts having a nervous breakdown.

Blanche: Rose, what if I was wrong? What if I can’t do this? Rose: Well, then they’ll just give you a C section, Blanche, but I really think that... Blanche: I don’t mean this! I mean motherhood. Rose, do you realize that I’ve never really raised a child before? Sure I made ‘em, and I nursed ‘em, but I didn’t change their diapers, I didn’t walk them to school, I didn’t soothe their fevers. I had people for that, Rose, and now I don’t. What if I don’t have it in me to take care of this child? Rose: Of course you do! And so does Dorothy. And you know that no matter what, you will always be able to count on her to be calm, stable, level-headed...

[cut to car scene]

Dorothy: AND IF YOU DON’T GET US OUT OF HERE RIGHT NOW, I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL COME FIND YOU AND SHOVE A GAS PIPE UP YOUR... Sophia: DOROTHY, for the love of god, stop screaming at everyone. In Sicily you would have been shot by now. Dorothy: No, in Sicily I would have shot all these people.

But Sophia manages to comfort Dorothy and Rose manages to comfort Blanche. And then when they get to the hospital Dorothy takes Rose’s place at Blanche’s side and is there to kiss her and hold her hand. A few minutes later, Blanche’s baby girl is born.

At the end of the episode, Blanche is holding her sleeping daughter in her arms and everyone else is standing around her. Dorothy gently takes the baby and holds her. Sophia leans in and looks at her.

Sophia: A grandmother again at 82. Who ever would have thought? Rose: Welcome to the world, Elizabeth Devereaux Blanche and Dorothy: *exchange a glance* Dorothy: It’s Elizabeth Sophia Devereaux. Sophia: *entire face lights up in disbelief* What? Dorothy: We wanted her to be named after both her grandmothers. Sophia: Well, what can I say? This kid’s gonna have a lot to live up to.

[mrsdorothydevereaux]

Season 2 Reimagined Oreo!Verse Style 2.12

2.12 The Sisters

At the beginning of the episode, Rose bursts in on Dorothy and Blanche who are in bed together, but Dorothy hides under the blanket and Blanche pretends to have a man in her bed, similar to Close Call but earlier in their relationship/Blanche’s pregnancy. Blanche then swears Rose to secrecy about her “male” lover. The next morning, Dorothy plans a huge birthday surprise for Sophia that goes horribly wrong (same as canon), although Rose manages to keep the surprise a secret the whole time. Because Rose doesn’t spoil the surprise, Blanche decides that maybe she and Dorothy should tell Rose they’re dating after all. But then at the end, after Sophia and Angela’s relationship has been repaired, Rose blurts out to Dorothy that Blanche is seeing someone (not knowing that it’s Dorothy herself). They they decide not to tell Rose about them after all.

Bonus Rose: Blanche, I’m no fool! Body pillows don’t breathe! You...you have a man in your bed! Blanche: Yeah...that’s it...a man. Rose: Blanche, how can you be so careless? The doctor told you, no strenuous physical activity until the baby is born. Blanche: Rose, I’m not doing anything that could be a danger to the baby. I swear. Rose: You’d better not! *plants hands on hips and turns to lump under Blanche’s mattress* You ought to be ashamed of yourself, Mister! Blanche: Rose, can you please leave he-him alone? Rose: Why? I already know he’s here, he might as well come out. Blanche: He can’t! He’s shy...he’s really shy. That’s why you cannot tell anyone, and I mean anyone, that I had a man in my bed tonight. Okay? Rose: Well...okay. Blanche: Promise? Rose: Cross my heart and hope to die, stick a kanelstang in my eye. Blanche: A wh-never mind. Rose: So, tell me more about this shy man you’re dating. Does he like birds? Blanche: Rose, I am kind of in the middle of something here! Rose: Oh, sorry! Have a good night! Rose: *closes door and leaves* Dorothy: *uncovers self* Blanche: *leans over on Dorothy* well, that was close! Dorothy: Blanche, don’t you think we ought to tell her? As in, actually sit down and have a conversation about her so she doesn’t find out by walking in on us having a threesome with Patrick Vaughn? Blanche: *eyes light up* Dorothy: That was a joke. Blanche: *playfully smacks Dorothy with the back of her hand* Dorothy: But really, don’t you think it would be nice to share it with someone? Especially since Rose is the one person in the world who we know will actually be happy for us? Blanche: That’s just it. Rose knowing about us would be one thing, but my god, that girl can not keep a secret. Besides, there is one other person in the world who we know will be happy for us. Dorothy: Who, Blanche? Blanche: *smiles* baby. Dorothy: *smiles back, reaches to caress Blanche’s baby bump* Dorothy: Hi baby. Did you know that your Aunt Dorothy thinks that your Mommy is the most gorgeous woman in all of Miami? Blanche: *looks at Dorothy* Dorothy: Sorry, Blanche. Florida. Blanche: That’s not it. Although you’re certainly correct. I’ve decided I don’t want the baby calling you Aunt Dorothy. Dorothy: Oh? Blanche: She’s going to have her Auntie Charmaine and her Auntie Virginia and her Auntie Rose, which is fine, because Rose is like a sister to me. You...are not. Dorothy: Well, what’s she going to call me then? Blanche: *smiling* I’m sure we’ll think of something.

[mrsdorothydevereaux]

Season 3 Reimagined oreo!Verse Style

3.01 Old Friends

Dorothy and Blanche are exhausted from taking care of their new baby. Ellie is awake from exactly midnight to four o’clock every morning no matter what they do, but manages to sleep for four-hour stretches throughout the day...only when Dorothy and Blanche are at work.

Dorothy: This is ridiculous. We’re tried singing to her, rocking her, driving around in the car with her, everything that worked with Kate or Michael, and no matter what happens, she won’t go to sleep at night. Blanche: And then we get home and Sophia tells us that she fell asleep right after breakfast and didn’t wake up again until lunch! It’s the most frustrating thing ever! Rose: Well, have you asked Sophia what she does to get the baby to fall asleep? Dorothy: No Rose, we are so incredibly stupid that the thought never occurred to us. *sigh* I’m sorry, Rose. I’m just so tired. I deal with children all day at work and then I come home to a daughter who won’t sleep. It’s exhausting. Blanche: And to answer your question Rose, Sophia does all the same things we do. This baby just...sleeps when she wants. Maybe we should try asking her to keep the baby awake during the day so she sleeps more at night. Dorothy: Blanche, she’s two months old. She can’t stay awake the whole day. Blanche: Well, my other kids always did. And at night they would sleep. Every so often, the nanny would just pop into my room long enough for the babies to nurse and then take them back to their nursery and put them to bed. Dorothy: Oh, sweetheart. Welcome to reality.

Meanwhile, while taking Ellie out for afternoon walks, Sophia meets and befriends Alvin, a nice old African American man with Altzheimer’s disease who adores Ellie. Sophia begins taking Ellie for walks every day to hang out with Alvin, which helps Dorothy and Blanche catch up on some rest, but the baby still sleeps more during the day than at night. One day, Sophia gives Alvin Ellie to hold and he starts calling her Sandra, which is his daughter’s name, which is the first time Sophia realizes that her friend might have some memory problems.

At the end of the episode, after Alvin has moved to a nursing home in New York, Dorothy and Blanche are up at midnight with Ellie again. Rose decides to bring them some mugs of warm milk to drink.

Dorothy: Oh, bless you, Rose. Rose: It’s no problem. *takes Ellie from Dorothy’s arms so she can drink* Back in St. Olaf, this is what all new mothers drink when they have to stay up all night. Of course, there, we have to warm up the milk in a tea kettle, because no one there has a microwave, and of course we wouldn’t dare try using a regular pot to heat milk after what happened to Agnes Ludemann. Dorothy and Blanche: Rose! Rose: Oh, that was a real disaster. She was standing at the stove with her newborn baby in her arms, just about to ladle herself a nice warm cup of hot milk, when suddenly, her rooster Bernard hopped up on the counter and... Dorothy and Blanche: Rose! Rose: What? Dorothy and Blanche: *point to Ellie, who has fallen asleep in Rose’s arms* Rose: Wow! Would you look at that? *waits until Ellie has taken a few more unconscious breaths before very carefully lowering her into the crib and setting her down* Blanche: Well, I’ll be! St. Olaf stories put Ellie to sleep! Rose: *sits down on edge of bed, smiling at her sleeping niece* I’m not surprised at all. St. Olaf has had the highest rate of sleeping babies in the county ever since Anna Shermann held that competition. It was similar to the cutest baby competition, only all the babies had to do to win was fall asleep fastest and stay asleep the longest. And the prize was a brand new dairy cow, so of course, all the parents in St. Olaf were there trying to keep their babies asleep for as long as possible. There was this one woman who did something with cow bells that was sort of counter intuitive, but it really worked. All she... Blanche: *snores* Rose: *turns around and sees that both Dorothy and Blanche are fast asleep* Rose: Wow, I’m really good at this!

[mrsdorothydevereaux]

Season 2 Reimagined oreo!Verse Style 2.22

2.22 Diamond in the Rough

Dorothy, Blanche, Rose, and Sophia work to organize a banquet. Blanche breaks her bedrest in order to go and promises Dorothy that when men ask her to dance, she will politely decline.

Blanche: I’ll simply tell them that I’m very flattered, but that I have a sprained ankle. Dorothy: Or, you could tell them that you’re seven months into a high risk pregnancy and four months into a committed relationship. Blanche: You want me to tell a man the truth? God, Dorothy, it’s like I’ve taught you nothing.

But in the end, no man asks Blanche to dance. Instead, they politely nod at her and then look away or awkwardly congratulate her on her pregnancy and then ask one of the other girls to dance. Sophia and Rose dance the entire night and Dorothy sits next to Blanche practically beating men off with a stick. Dorothy didn’t even have an excuse ready so she tells them she has a twisted ankle.

The whole thing makes Blanche sad. But later that night, after Sophia and Rose are asleep, Dorothy puts on a slow song and asks Blanche to dance.

Blanche: Thank you for this. This may seem hard to believe, but I haven’t been feeling very attractive lately. Dorothy: Blanche Devereaux, you are the prettiest, most vibrant, most exciting woman I’ve ever met. Blanche: Really? Dorothy: Your dance card is going to be full for the rest of your life. That’s a promise. *kiss*

[mrsdorothydevereaux]

season 3 reimagined oreo!verse style 3.06

3.06 Letter to Gorbachev

Sophia enters a talent show at the senior center. Meanwhile, Rose becomes concerned about how much the girls in her cadet troupe hear about nuclear war, so she decides to write letters to Gorbachev and Regan. Gorbachev invites Rose to Moscow because he thinks she is a child.

Bonus Sophia: *smashes Dorothy’s watch for a magic trick, then dumps the pieces out of the bag and onto a plate* Blanche: *walks in* Shh! Sophia, I just put Ellie down for her nap. What was that noise? Sophia: This watch is broken! Dorothy: Ma, Stanley gave me this watch when we got married! Blanche: Aww, really? Dorothy: Yes! Blanche: *grabs hammer from Sophia and smashes watch* Blanche: There, now the watch works about as well as the man did.

Rose: And think about it. Ellie’s not that far away from being eight years old. What if we’re still worrying about this sort of thing when she’s old enough to actually understand it? Dorothy: God, I hope not. Although, I suppose that every generation has to grow up hearing about one humanitarian crisis or another. For me it was the great depression. Sophia: For me it was the great pasta sauce explosion of 1898. Blanche: For me it was the cold war. Rose: Blanche, that’s impossible. If the cold war took place during your childhood, you’d still be in your late thirties, and I know you’re much older than that. Blanche: You know what, Rose? Why don’t you just fly over to Moscow and talk to Gorbachev yourself.