#organist problems

[musicmajor]

Can you play for our ‘Messiah’? … ‘Prout or Watkins Shaw?’ No…. Handel

( As ever, this is a composite of actual events based on reality, slightly enhanced and the names are fictitious ). A Saturday in early December. 1.55pm . Somewhere bleak. I’ve arrived at my …

as the kid of an organist, this was incredibly entertaining

[youwillgetyours]

WHAT ARE THOOOOSE

those are my organ shoes

[practiceroompiano]

I want to get some kind of tablet to use for sheet music but they're all pretty expensive but it's getting too impractical to keep printing multiple new songs every week cause it's just so much paper and printer ink

[unintender]

There's some lady visitor coughing downstairs from the organ loft and I'm trying to determine if she wants quiet or more roof-blasting Vierne

[bach-is-god]

Classical musician teenagers at school when confronted with daily stupidity.

[diapasondame]

organist feelings

so back on the 4th, i was riding in the car with a friend of mine, on the way home from watching fireworks, and we were talking about the organist situation at my church (short version is there were two of us, but the other organist quit because he was butthurt, even tho the church decided a couple months before to start paying organists $25 per service). she was saying how, in her opinion, the only paid position in the church should be the pastor. she also said something along the lines of how she likes it better when i play than when he played, because we both make mistakes but she thinks i act more humble about it? i don't know.

i know she was trying to sort of compliment me about how i'm not arrogant and i acknowledge my mistakes, but i felt really hurt by her words. the fact that she doesn't think my position should be paid makes me feel like she doesn't see the value of what i do. she knows that i practice during the week, and she was there at college with me when i was majoring in sacred music. she's seen how much work i put in. she's never really liked the organ anyway, but she gave it a chance when she saw how important it is to me. her words make me feel like she doesn't think all that work i put in has any value. 

the fact that she mentioned that i make mistakes cut me. i mean, i'm very open about how i know i'm not the perfect organist, that perfection isn't a realistic goal, rather improvement is a good goal. but i guess because i talk about how i make mistakes, she felt comfortable talking about how i make mistakes, and it hurt. is that really friendship, to feel comfortable about bringing up another friend's mistakes? i mean, if i brought it up, that's one thing, but this was her bringing up how i make mistakes, but she doesn't mind because i acknowledge them? it sounds too close to not minding my mistakes because then i'm really down on myself and it makes her feel better about herself. but that's me putting words in her mouth. i don't know if she has those thoughts. i know i worry to much about what she thinks. her opinion doesn't define me. 

playing organ for church is one of the few things in my life right now that makes me feel really good about myself. it makes me feel like i can set my mind to something and accomplish it. but when she says stuff like that and then comes to church on sunday, i don't feel good about playing organ anymore. it makes me really self-conscious and i feel very judged. i don't want organ to be something that brings me down. i need it to be something that builds me up. i mean, i know i should practice more, but feeling bad about that isn't going to help me do better. i want to feel motivated about playing well, because that's what's going to make me go practice more often. 

basically i've been mulling over her words for over a week now, and i kinda want to say something about it to her, but her mood can be so... volatile. the thought of approaching her about this makes me very anxious. so basically i don't feel good about organ today and i need hugs.

[diapasondame]

mistythediscoalchemist replied to your post:mistythediscoalchemist replied to your post:more...

"Yes, people didn’t agree with my terrible opinions. I guess i have to leave the church i’ve been going to for 10+ years because i’m old and white." For some reason i have the feeling that he made this decision without talking to his wife……….

he's old, so he should automatically be respected and never contradicted by young people, who are always lazy and stupid and a waste of space and he hates them. mom said something a few weeks ago, last time he blew up at a young person, about how he's sort of projecting his frustration with the college kids he teaches who don't care. but we're not stupid kids who don't care. we just disagree with him on topics on which he's no expert, unlike with the music classes he teaches where he is an expert. 

yeah, his wife is much cooler, and i'm hoping he'll cool down in a week or so and change his mind. 

[diapasondame]

mistythediscoalchemist replied to your post:more organist problems

What i heard from Leah is not that “He can’t play” but that he quit church or something? Idk, Leah know’s more about it than i do…

yeah, i talked to mom about it, and she said he and mrs are quitting the church, because us young people are sooo disrespectful for not agreeing with him just cuz he's older than us, and he wanted dad to give us all a stern talking to, but dad was all, um they're adults so yeah not doing that. so i guess he got all huffy and decided he doesn't want to go to our church anymore? the email just said he won't be able to play for those services, tho. don't know if dad cut out other things when he forwarded me the email.

not cool of him to just quit and leave the organ job to me without even actually telling me himself. very uncool...