spoilers to my side story ! (Teenage suicide)
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“I bumped into an old... memory.” Truth be told I think I’d be best I kept the time I spent with Dennis an old memory. I admire him, I admire him a lot, sadly I'm an emotionally stupid teen that gets admiration or an unhealthy obsession mistaken for love. I'm aware of that, but my emotions are the only thing I have that truly belong to me, and yet I can’t even control that. Being near Dennis will only make me worse and I can’t even tell him that because he’ll just try to help me—I’ll give him a chance, no, yes, maybe yeah, god I hate me not hate... that doesn't describe it, I have lots of dislikement of my mind. God, I wish someone stabbed my stomach and just ripped out my organs, Fuck, I don't even mess with organ play like that. I bet I'd feel better than whatever I'm feeling right now; my stomach is twisting. I'm so fucked I feel like a puppy that's been deprived of everything yet the thought of being someone’s abused puppy turns me on a little too much, I'm a sick fuck. This is why I need Dennis; I wish he’d hurt me, but I fear he's gone soft. I miss the way he punched me, such a strong force he had. I need to stop, but he’s so strong...I wonder if he still plays football or switched to something else. I bite my bottom lip hard just thinking of all the ways he could manhandle me.
Jane: “must’ve been one hell of a memory to get you looking like stripper in church.” She spoke with such little sass I couldn't tell if she was joking and smiled nervously. Yet she was right; I'm practically sweating my face off. “So, tell me ____. Is it a Girl? Or... a boy, no judging... unless it's some crazy weird crush”