NOVEL EXCERPT.(Chapter 4)
Tasha was right. The walk to the infirmary was a lengthy one. Made only more arduous by, collapsed trees, collapsed buildings and the scorching heat. It was around this time, I started to regret my choice in fashion. A jacket in a Caribbean climate,,most definitely could be added, to my list of bad decisions.
Tasha walked about ten paces behind me. She held the sheathed sword out in front of her. A constant warning, should any urges take hold of me.
“How much further?” I asked.
“Still a ways.” She said. I couldn’t see it, but I was sure she had a scowl on her face. “You just…keep your head straight.”
I groaned.We’d never get anywhere productive with her still afraid of me.”Nicolai,” I said.
“My name…it’s Nicolai. Nicolai Warren. I realize I never gave it to you guys. That was very rude of me.”
“How do I know that’s not a lie?” she asked.
I stopped and took my wallet out of my pocket.” Here.” I said. I didn’t turn around to hand it to her. I just held my hand out and let her take it. I heard her riflingthrough it as she Hmm’d and Haw’d at all my cards.”Hey! I got two hundred dollars in there. Don’t play smart?”
“So you’ve got some cards in here that say you’re one person, but you might be another.”
I held my hands up and turned around slowly. “Ok mistrusting one another isn’t gonna get us anywhere.So how about we just…have a conversation.”
Tasha stuffed my wallet in her bossom and kept the still sheathed sword, pointed at me.” Fine, you go first.”
I sighed. “Ok umm, I’m twenty one. I love hoodies. I hate bad literature. My favourite food is bar-be-que chicken. I love robots and I hate cats.”
“Those are things that could be said about almost everyone.” She curled her mouth into a sarcastic expression and shrugged.”
Tasha wasn’t going to be satisfied with surface level information. I put my hands together and rubbed them. With a clap I pointed at her.
“Ok, you want personal.” I smiled.” That’s fine.” I nodded. “Ok so, ummm.I…I’m pansexual. I’ve had a heart condition since I was twelve.” I reached into my pocket and produced my near empty bottle of pills. “I have a personality disorder called B.P.D. It stands for borderline personality disorder.”
Tasha extended her hand toask for the pills and Ihumbly gaveit to her. Her eyes scanned the label, as if he was reading some hidden knowledge in an apocryphal text.
“These are…some pretty strong anti-psychotics,” she said.
I nodded. “They are. Most days I don’t need them but, every now and then a situation pops up.”
“So this—“She squinted at the label on the bottle. “Borderline. It makes you go psycho or something?”
I shook my head.” Not necessarily. The pills are more to protect me from me than they are to protect you from me.”
Her voice grew softer as she asked. “You’re suicidal?”
I sighed. “That’s not the general concensus for people with B.P.D. but…yeah. Sometimes I wanna sleep and never wake up.”
Tasha’s expression changed from frightened to worried. She slowly lowered the sword and handed the pills back to me.
“Why do you want to kill yourself?” She asked.
I winced.” Ooooh sorry but, you gotta hear at least five sob stories, before you unlock that level of friendship.”
She covered her mouth and tried not to laugh. This was what I hoped for. Tasha never struck me as a bad person. Ryan, for all my jealousy against him, trusted her.And I didn’t think someone like Ryan would make shit choices, in the people he surrounds himself with. He chose Nikki after all.
If the only hurdle I had to cross to gain her friendship, was my crass manner and unpredictable emotions, then all I’d do is kick it down with humor.
Tasha smiled and stretched her hand out for me to shake. “Tasha Danvers.” She nodded.
I shook her hand and said.” Pleased to meet you.” She seemed more relaxed as she retracted her hand. I’d neveractually see friendship bud in someones’ eyes before.”So! What’s your secret? Got two penises or something?” I laughed.
Her eyes opened wide before she glued her eyes to the ground. “Some…Something…Something like that?”
“Something like that? What do you mean? You have a dildo collection or something?” I laughed.
Tasha stayed silent. I should have known better. For how often I kept my eyes glued to my damn textbooks, I should’ve been able to tell the signs of embarrassment. The avoidance of eye contact. The nervous scratching of the skin. The pivoting back and forth. These were all the signs I knew that showed an uncomfortable person. Yet my bloody nonchalance caused me to miss them.
“I’m…”Tasha stuttered. She kept looking behind her, like she was getting ready to take off. “I’m not exactly, the prevalent version, of how you might see a woman.” Her voice had started to crack.
My eyes opened wide and it seemed like my heart stopped from the shear amount of shame.” Oh god are you…are you transgender?” She closed her eyes and nodded, but that didn’t stop the tears.”Hey, hey wait! Hang on. Don’t do that.”
“I’m sorry,” She said. She was still trying her best to hold in her tears but, that seemed fruitless once the sobbing started. “You know.You hear the jokes everyday.Over and over and you think…you think that you’re supposed to get tougher. You’re supposed to get accustomed to it. But you never do. The pain is always there and every time a new person—“She stopped and turned away from me. “I’m sorry just…give me a minute.”
“It’s ok you know,” I said. “I don’t have a problem with who you are.”
“Everyone says that!” She shouted. “Everyone wants to be the progressive friend, who accepts everything, and then they thnk about it. Or their other friends think about it for them!” She dried her eyes and pointed the sheathed sword at me again.” People will always find the easy way out and it’s easier to throw things away than sort them out.”
I spread my arms in advocation. “We just met. Is that what you think I’ll do? Run away because of your genetalia?”
“Why not!?” She shouted. She jabbed the sword into my stomach and said. “It’s what everyone else does.”
My hands dropped to my side.I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and clenched my fist. “I was raped!” I blurted out.
“W-What?” Tasha asked. Her voice was full of shock.
I opened my eyes. “When I was twelve…I was raped. A thrity two year old woman, drugged me and raped me, because her boyfriend stood her up and she needed a man to take it out on.”
Tasha squinted at me. She looked like she wanted to laugh, but at the same time, I guess she could see that,I wasn’t lying.”You…You were raped?” she asked.
“Yes,” I replied and stuck my hands in my pockets. “It’s not a nice memory to revisit. So please, don’t make me repeat it a third time.”
Tasha swallowed hard. She backed off and slowly lowered the sword. “You’re…You’re just a ball of issues aren’t you?”
I smiled. “Most definitely but, that’s part of being human isn’t it?”
She sighed. “Sometimes…I don’t feel too human.” She dropped the sword and sat on the ground. Tasha buried her face in her hands and started rocking back and forth. “Sometimes I don’t feel very human at all.
I shrugged and took a seat beside her. “Yeah well, you find that if you let it, the world will find all sorts of ways to take your humanity from you.”
She looked up from her hands and asked. “Why did you tell me all that? About your condition? About being raped?”
“I’m accustomed to being vulnerable. You looked like you weren’t. You strike me as someone who has alot of guards up,” I said. “For the right reasons of course.” I shrugged.
A warm smile came over her face. Tasha dried her eyes and laughed. “You’re…less of an asshole than I thought you were.”
“That’s good!”I smiled.”So where do I fall now? Jackass? Delinquent?” I snapped my fingers and pointed at her.”Oh! Oh! I always wanted to be a malcontent!”
She started laughing uncontrollably.”Where did you come from?”
I shrugged. “My moms’ vagina mostly but, she’s been known to lie. I’m sure there’s documentation somewhere, that validates me as a sentient turd.”
Tasha grew hysterical and had to take a minute to catch her breath.”I take it back. You are an asshole.”
I stood up and dusted myself off. “Ah well, Twas fun while it lasted.” I extended my arm to help Tasha up. She took it with a smile.
After she dusted herself off she said. “Thank you. Nicolai. It’s refreshing to be upfront with someone and not have them attack me.”
“Yeah well, people like to pretend to forget, that we’re all human.” I hadn’t noticed it before but, the shirasaya was still lying on the ground. I picked it up and offered it to Tasha.” But the beautiful thing about the truth is. Even if you don’t believe it, it’s still the truth.”
Tasha refused the sword and for a minute, I could have sworn she blushed. “You keep it.” She said. “I can’t use it anyway.”
“Alright then.”I said with a smile. I twirled the sword between my fingers and masterfuly slid it back into place, beneath my belt. “Well, that was catharthic. Let's never do that again huh?”
“Right!” Tasha nodded. Her gloomy and distrusting mood, changed to an upbeat one.
“Also can you lead the way? I think I’ve been leading us in circles for a good fifteen minutes,” I said.
“Sure!” she nodded happily. Then proceeded to walk ahead.
It was a surprise to see the infirmary relatively untouched. There was a massive collapsed tree that fell just short of the entrance. From the looks of it, it seemed like the tree had taken two cars with it. It was unclear whether or not there were people still inside them, but for the most part, there didn’t seem to be any dead bodies.
Tasha and I slowly crept up the ruined sidewalk. Misshapen steel and broken glass carpeted the walkway that lead to an open emergency exit. The door seemed to be jammed open. You could seethe scratch mark on the concrete, where it dug itself in. No doubt from the sheer force it was flung open with.
Inside the infirmary was nothing but a long dark hallway. There wasn’t any power and the hanging light, made it look more like a cave than the inside of a building.
“I’m not going in there.” Tasha stated while she shook her head. “That looks like exactly the type of environment, black people in horror movies die in . You go.”
“What!?” I asked.”We’re both black. How exactly would I be spared if I went in?”
“You’ve got a sword, you can do things,” She said.
I sighed. “You know…following horror movie logic, you’d die first if you stayed out here right?”
“Simple.” I shrugged. “You’re a woman. We’re not in a demon or a monster situation, which leaves us with a serial killer situation. And serial killers are anxious, repressed, devious motherfuckers. As far as horror movies go, he’d quicker get his rocks off gutting you, than he’d get killing me.”
“What about if the serial killer was a woman?”
“Oh that’s worse she’d kill us both—“
My words were interrupted, when I saw Tasha fall to the ground. She held her head and screamed, as blood trickled out from her newly acquired wound.
A young man with a bloodied branch stood over her. “Yuh fuckin bullerman!” He shouted. “Ah go kill yuh!”
He raised the branch over his head to bring it down again, but I grabbed his hand and headbutted him, hard enough to draw blood. I was never much of a violent person and for the most part, I never fought people.Yet…for some reason, I felt no pain from the headbutt.
Another branch wielding assailant appeared from the bushes and struck me on my back. He didn’t appear to choose a good branch and it broke as his hit landed.
“Wha de fuck!?” The bewildered man shouted. His jaw seemed perpetually dropped. His eyes darted between the broken branch and me.
I drew back with my right and uncocked a punch, square into his nose. I saw his eyes roll into his head before he collapsed to the ground. Again, I felt no pain from the assault.
“Ok, ok.” A familiar voice shouted. “Let’s not kill each other during first contact.”
I turned around to see a friend emerge from the bushes…No! Friend was much too good a word for what he was.
His eyes lit up and an elated grin plastered his face. “Hey Nogi. How the fuck are ya?”
