SPOILER-FREE EUROVISION 2025 INTRODUCTION FROM SOMEONE WHO HAS BEEN PAYING WAY TOO MUCH ATTENTION TO THIS OVER THE LAST FEW MONTHS
SEMI FINAL 1 (5 of these won't be in the finals, I may be very angry in a few days)
Iceland - Techno-Jedward, song in Icelandic about rowing, have been spending the last few months doing a Minecraft Let'sPlay
Poland - Song in Polish, from a returning artist with a fanbase of Eurofans who said she was robbed last year, kinda Game Of Thrones, I don't really like it but the people who like it LOVE it. It's a lot. I'll say that.
Slovenia - Made by the man who sang "Putin, Putout", a heartfelt ballad he wrote about his wife's battle for cancer, the only Eurovision entry I've almost cried to. Also he does something weird during it. You'll know when it happens.
Estonia - the Emilia Perez of Eurovision songs: imitation of a liked genre (crazy/party), stereotyping by a person not in the group) (Italians), allegedly trigger-happy with copyright, villain of the season (that isn't corrupt or actively genociding people) however it is now lodged in my brain for better or for worse. (for worse, it's for worse)
Ukraine - I don't really know how to describe this, it feels Beatles/70s but also kinda doesn't? Anyways, it's in Ukranian and there's a moment in this that's genuinely amazing. You'll know when it happens.
Sweden - Decided to do something weird this year and actually send a song in Swedish and now they might actually win again. Sauna.
Portugal - A touching Portugese-language ballad about having an attatchment to your home (in NAPA's case, Madeira) which I really want to qualify.
Norway - After finishing last in 2024, they're going back to what worked last year and bringing a medieval-themed danceable pop song. If you like those kind of songs, you'll like this.
Belgium - Belgium dance/club song with a very red guy singing very high. Maybe best staging of the year.
Azerbaijan - yes they're still here, this time sending a 2010s pop song that makes me feel really bad about liking it
San Marino - Remember the guy who made "I'm Blue"? Yeah, that's him, who made a theme song for Italy before entering for San Marino and ending up with them instead.
Albania - Do you like SHUM? In Corpore Sano? Then you're gonna LOVE this.
Netherlands - A very ballady song about nostalgia and childhood memories. And a pop song. It's both. Trust me, it works.
Croatia - Gay fairytale villain poisons a cake and makes a song about it.
Cyprus - Disaster bop that sounds like Insomnia by Faithless. Maybe best staging of the year.
SEMI FINAL 2
Australia - A song about semen. No joke. Literally. That's what they went with. There's a call and response bit and a massive blender.
Montenegro - An actually good balkan ballad but it's in the death spot so don't get too attached.
Ireland - What if they made a pop song about that dog that the USSR sent into space and killed?
Latvia - Ethereal harmonising forest women, if this NQs I will be incredibly dissapointed by this continent and Australia.
Armenia - What if those "sigma-mindset" videos were a Eurovision song? (ok i do actually kinda like this, another guilty pleasure)
Austria - Opera ballad about a break-up- how can a person sing that high. Maybe best staging of the year.
Greece - An emotional greek ballad about the Pontic genocide.
Lithuania - what if Radiohead were lithuanian? honestly fire.
Malta - Another disaster bop except this time she literally got banned from saying the title of the song so they had to rename it (the title was Kant, which is singing in Maltese, but you know damn well what they tried to do)
Gerogia - oh hey a pro-russian peace ballad, we haven't seen one of those in a while. it's really boring. if you need the toilet at any point in SF2, go once Malta's song finishes.
Denmark - You've heard this song before 100 times in Eurovision, however it's performed by fan-favourite Sissal and if she NQs a ton of people will be really mad about it. Also it's kinda catchy.
Czechia - A bop-ballad about a breakup. There's a dancebreak. It works, I swear. Also I think he's dating Denmark's representative. I think. I'm not fully sure. this one is my fav of the year btw.
Luxembourg - A catchy feminist bop that kinda goes back to Eurovision's roots a little, also it's marionette/doll themed. I really like it.
Israel - yes they're still here, even after the harassment of delegations and paid televote campaign last year (which they're doing again this year) as well as all the obvious reasons why they shouldn't be here. yes, they're entering another peace ballad. yes, it's boring, another potential toilet break song. just get back in time for the next song.
Serbia - this isn't the next song I was talking about. another balkan ballad that was controversially selected in the middle of the protests in Serbia against corruption. honestly the story behind those are way more interesting than this song or this competition tbf.
Finland - oh we are SO back, closing out the semi-final with the most intense girlbop of the year with a title that means "I'M COMING" in German.
THE BIG 5 (+ HOST COUNTRY)
Spain (performing in SF1 after Estonia): A girlbop about being a diva. no matter your opinion, it'll get stuck in your head. remember helicopter hair.
Italy (performing in SF1 after Belgium): the ballad of the year that I like now but I'm definitely gonna have on loop few months, don't know how to describe this but it's really good, trust me. you'll love it, it'll get top 10.
Switzerland (performing in SF1 after Croatia): a touching ballad about... ok didn't actually know then I read the translation of the lyrics and WOW that's sad. phenomenal vocals though.
United Kingdom (performing in SF2 after Austria): HARMONISING HARMONISING SO MUCH HARMONISING LOOK AT ALL THE HARMONISING GOING ON WE HAVE GREAT VOCALS THIS TIME FORGET THE LAST TWO YEARS LISTEN TO OUR HARMONIES
France (performing in SF2 after Georgia): the one they debuted at the Six Nations. A ballad about becoming a mother. Maybe best staging of the year.
Germany (performing in SF2 after Israel): yeah, THIS is the song you wanna get back for. another break-up song that sounds a lot like a german version of Charli XCX.