#orlovbats posts

[orlovbats]

The first time Dennis and Robby hook up, Dennis doesn't have the vocabulary to express his preference for bottoming. Instead he says, "Can I, uh—I wanna be the wife, please."

Robby almost comes right there and then.

[orlovbats]

I bought Dr. Robby's green fleece (it's a Patagonia Better Sweater in the colour Torrey Pine Green), which arrived today. The fleece is great, but this post isn't about that. This post is about how a flyer fell out from the folds of the fleece which, upon closer inspection, I discovered to be an advertisement for an anti-suicide charity. Hilarious stuff.

[orlovbats]

One day, while clucking to Dennis that he really ought to gain a little weight (he's too skinny, he needs to eat more, he has hardly any meat around the belly), Robby freezes.

"Jesus Christ," he wheezes. He scrubs at his face and sighs, "I am becoming my grandmother."

[orlovbats]

There are certain aspects of Dennis' canon character that are so frequently overlooked. Some parts I know why, others I do not. His affinity for funk music (emphasised on multiple occasions) is the characteristic that seems most frequently absent in my view, but I also see little consideration for the fact that he believes in karma. Additionally, he snaps the neck of a small animal with his bare hands without a second thought. This is so interesting to me. I think about it daily.

[orlovbats]

Robby and Dennis have the filthiest, wettest, sweatiest sex. They call each other names, they mock and praise and worship one another, and they fulfil fucked up fantasies. And, because Dennis—sweet, innocent Dennis—knows no other name for it, he calls it "making love".

[orlovbats]

After Dennis and Robby begin dating, Trinity just assumes that Robby knows about Dennis' age regression. When Robby one day expresses confusion about Dennis' foul mood, she says, "Well, babies get cranky when they don't sleep well; How'd he sleep last night? Full eight hours? Bottle of milk and a story before bed?"

Robby stares at her like she's a madwoman. She manages to play it off as a joke (one Robby doesn't seem to find very funny), and she quickly skitters off to whisper-shout at Dennis about the perils of keeping secrets.

[orlovbats]

Jack generally does not enjoy the occasions where he must use his wheelchair. That is until he realises that it means that he can constantly have little Dennis in his lap and that his baby will giggly madly when they whirl around at high speeds.

[orlovbats]

"My cousin Sherry had a cabbage patch kid," Dennis says one night. He's a little bit tipsy on the whisky Robby has brought back from Alberta. His tongue is a little loose. That's why he's telling Robby this—this secret he's never told anyone—and why it feels so easy. "I was jealous of her. I wanted that little thing. And come Christmastime, I asked my dad for one. He hit me over the head, told me I wasn't allowed to be a sissy." He takes another sip from his glass. "Didn't stop me from wanting one. I just kept it quiet."

Sitting on the opposite armchair, Robby sets his glass down on the coffee table, then grumbles something that sounds a little like, "Hold on a minute." He stumbles slightly as he disappears up the stairs. Just as Dennis is beginning to worry that he'd fallen asleep up there, he returns, holding a cabbage patch kid.

"What!" Dennis cries.

"My grandma won it in a synagogue raffle," Robby says. "They were worth a lot back then—this was when the craze was just starting—so she insisted it was a good prize. She gave it to me, and I became really quite fond of it." He laughs and shakes his head. "Shit, I must have been about twelve, and I had this weird doll I kept hidden in my room. And I loved it." He holds it out to Dennis and says, "You still want one?"

"Yes," Dennis blurts. He reaches out, takes the toy into his arms, and feels a strange golden feeling in his chest. Maybe it's the buzz of the whisky or maybe this is how it feels to have a childhood aspiration achieved. Maybe he's just delighted to finally have likeminded company in his life. Either way, he grins, and he happily accepts more Alberta whisky into his glass while he blabbers to Robby about cabbage patch kids.