Being both 100% human and 100% nonhuman and therefore/also alterhuman is such a weird experience.
And part of why I still identify as human is because that's sort of the only explaination for why I am this way. I see hands? Huh, I'm a human. But I feel paws? Whelp, I'm a cat!
I look human, I feel human but in a weird way, a way that most people wouldn't know, cause at the same time I feel nonhuman, I feel my wings and my claws and my scales and the metal in my joints, but I don't see them? I'm too much of a nonhuman to be only human and too much of a human to be only nonhuman.
So, therefore I must be both, right?
I live with humans, I speak human language, other people see me as human, I see myself as human. I live with nonhumans, I speak nonhuman language, other people don't see me as nonhuman most times, but I see myself as nonhuman.
Being only human or nonhuman is too restricting for me, I'm a human that identifies with and as nonhuman and a nonhuman that identifies with and as human.
(Non)Humanity and Species Dysphoria: the Forced Transformation Trope
Written by Gavin Reed-Machina on August 25, 2024.
As a nonhuman, do you ever think about why there's so many stories and myths and legends about humans being turned into animals? You ever wonder why it's usually a punishment or a curse, or why the characters try to do whatever it takes to become human again? You ever think, "I don't understand, I would love to be an animal and get rid of my human body, what's the problem?"
As a human myself, one whose system has been in the alterhuman community for years, I hope I can help bridge the gap of understanding here.
The way many humans see being turned into an animal as a curse, the way they'd be incredibly distressed about becoming nonhuman?
That is species dysphoria.
That is a human experiencing species dysphoria, because being perceived as nonhuman or other-than-human causes the exact same feelings of pain and wrongness and disconnection from their body that a nonhuman can experience when perceived as human.
(Particularly, this might be an orthohuman, someone who has a normative relationship with their human cultural and species identity, as opposed to an alterhuman, who experiences alternative/nonnormative humanity or a species identity separate from humanity. Human alterhumans can also experience this sort of species dysphoria - hi, I'm one of them.)
Imagine being your species your entire life, the way you know you're intended to be, living in a body you're comfortable in - and then having that body ripped away from you. Being forced to live in a form that doesn't match who you are, what you know you are, and desperately wanting to find a way to change back because you know you're not meant to be like this.
If this sounds familiar because it's what you experience as a nonhuman - that is how a lot of human beings feel about being transformed into something nonhuman. It's the feeling of being the wrong species! It's the desire to return to the form that you know as yourself!
The fact that orthohumans are born into the species they identify as does not mean that they could never comprehend your nonhuman experience. You can explain your nonhuman species dysphoria to an orthohuman. Given all the examples of unwanted transformation stories throughout human history, I think you're likely to find that they'll understand when you put it in that frame of reference.
"How would you feel about being turned into another species against your will, leaving behind everything that feels good and right and comfortable about your human body? That sounds horrible, right? That's how I feel, being nonhuman in a human body, and it's distressing in the same way you would hate being human and stuck in a nonhuman body."
I know that the gap between humanity and nonhumanity looks enormous. The horror of, say, werewolf mythology looks like a completely alien experience when you are a wolf, so you see being transformed into a wolf as nothing short of a wonderful experience, and you don't understand why anyone would see it as horrifying.
But if you understand that it's not about the species, but the experience of species dysphoria, of being trapped in a body that has never been yours and desperately trying to return to one that feels like you, well - that's a lot more understandable, isn't it?
Humanity and nonhumanity are not two opposite ends of a binary, destined to never understand each other. I know many alterhumans who are both human and nonhuman, and their humanity is an identity in much the same way as their nonhumanity. Humans are just another species on this planet, as bipedal tool-using social primates, and we have our species identities just like many nonhumans. You are not as alone in this world as you might think you are.
There is room for understanding and connection. Your experiences as nonhuman are not purely individual, not wholly unique, not utterly incomprehensible to human beings, and this is a good thing. The gap isn't actually as wide as it seems. You can reach out and cross it if you just remember - you have far more in common than you might think.
I know that by being alterhuman I can't also be orthohuman but I do feel more connected and less misanthropic to identify aspects of myself which are shared by orthohumans both the visual and the behavioural.
It helps me personally to think deeply on whether something, a feeling, an instinct etc is nonhuman in some sense or a completely usual orthohuman experience which I just so happen to share.
Because humans are animals, and acknowledgment and understanding of them as animals whose aspects I have picked up etc keeps me grounded in understanding them as animals.
>Let's remember that although the term <<orthohuman>> is useful to distinguish between human-alterhumans and human-not alterhumans_
>We don't need to turn it into a binary of <<you are either alterhuman or orthohuman>> there are many other labels which describe feelings of or relationships to humanity or nonhumanity and many will blur the lines completely_
>And we don't have any rights to say that X or Y experience always falls under alter- or ortho- okay?_
